UkyouKwnji@aol.com wrote:

At any rate, this section feels a little lighter than the original 
Laughing Target story.  Maybe that's to be expected, given that Ranma's 
a comedy, maybe that's inappropriate, given that my situation is 
essentially, tragically, unchanged.

I'd cure you of this delusion that you're the real Ukyo... except that I
need the okonomiyaki. ^_^

Anyway, this story looks fine to me so far. Just a couple of minor
comments. First of all, it might be just me, but Ranma and Ukyo as kids
seem a little too mature and adult-like. Secondly, I spotted one typo:

He would have been the first to admit that it partly from selfish 
reasons -- Ukyou's skill and showmanship had built up a considerable 
clientele, and he dreaded the possibility of losing customers to 
wherever it was that Ukyou was moving on to. 

First line is missing a "was"

It's starting to take shape, I think.  I still don't like being Asuza, 

But Azusa is so CUTE!! :-P


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics