These take a bit longer than adfics do, so maybe Tybalt-sempai won't ban
them... I hope.

"Sun On The Moon"

A Ranma 1/2 songfic by Glazius Falconar

Disclaimers: This song was originally written and performed by James
Taylor... the version I'm using here is from "James Taylor Live" and has
slightly different lyrics, etc, than the original. I know full well that
well over half the events contained herein are hardly mainstream canon...
characters in this fic may appear more exaggeratedly humourous than they
actually are. And, of course, Ranma 1/2 and all characters depicted therein
are the property of the Great Lady Rumiko Takahashi and all distributors of
her work, of which I am sadly not one.

****

[Open on a shot of Nabiki's room in the Tendo Dojo. Her pencil eraser is
flying, sending abacus beads clacking back and forth.]

In line, in line, it's all in line

[She nods after a momentary pause, and looks to a legal pad on which is kept
a ledger of incoming and outgoing expenses.]

My ducks are all in a row

[She looks back and forth between the pad and the abacus, double-checking,
and nods again, reaching into her desk drawer to pull out a fairly fat wad
of yen.]

They do not change, they do not move,

[She flips through the yen, nods, tucks it into one of her shorts pockets,
and heads for the door.]

They have nowhere to go...

[Wipe to a shot of Nabiki and Ryoga, conversing in the lot next to the
Tendos, in which Ryoga has set up camp.]

I been talking to a friend of mine,
Talking, now we were talking

[Nabiki shrugs and shakes her head after Ryoga pulls the lining out of his
pockets to show they're empty.]

He isn't making money, just wasting his time

[Nabiki turns and walks away, and a chorus of her underlings pops up from
nowhere and resumes the song.]

He's a lazy gent, he don't pay no rent,
He's all bent out of shape from living in a tent

[Ryoga looks increasingly ticked at the happily smiling chorus and blasts
them away with a Shi Shi Hokodan after their final line.]

[Pan to a shot of Nabiki, walking to the front door of the house with the
Tendos' mail. She makes a show of cleaning out her ear when the light of the
Shi Shi Hokodan hits her.]

It's hard to hear what he has to say

[One of Nabiki's underlings goes flying overhead and pauses in mid-air.]

Really?

[Nabiki waves her off, and she continues on her trajectory.]

Well, yeah now...
'Cause everyone around me is just the same way

[Nabiki enters the house and begins sorting through the mail. Her dejected
expression confirms that they're all bills.]

More, more, daddy gimme some, gimme some,
More, more, daddy gimme some more

[She tosses the bills on the table and SD bill collectors spring out and
begin singing to back up the next two lines. Nabiki regretfully takes the
yen from her pocket and tosses it to the business-suited little imps, who
vanish with their appointed due. The last one tips his hat as he poofs
away.]

More, more, daddy gimme some, gimme some,

{Imps: Daddy daddy daddy daddy gimme gimme gimme gimme}

More, more, daddy gimme some more

{Imps: Daddy daddy daddy daddy gimme some more}

[Cut to a shot of a camera lens. The light shifts across it and the camera
pulls back to reveal a very impressive camera with extended zoom lens and a
carry strap, which is looped over Nabiki's shoulder.]

Some kind of funny-lookin' money machine I got myself...

[Nabiki takes a notepad from the carrying case for the camera and looks it
over, shaking her head slowly.]

The saddest-lookin' people that I ever have seen

[Cut to Nabiki, poised in a tree, snapping a few photos.]

Livin' in a hole

[Cut to Nabiki taking a few shots from her bedroom window as Onna-Ranma
wrings her shirt dry in the yard.]

Body and soul

[Cut to Nabiki wandering the rooftops of a seeder part of Nerima, snapping
photos all the way.]

Strung out on the company dole

[Cut to Nabiki, hawking photos in the halls of Furinkan.]

One for a nickel, come two for a dime

[During the brief instrumental riff, Nabiki is momentarily buried under a
rush of students, and they depart leaving her empty of photos but jammed
full of yen. The steady state of Nabiki Tendo.]

[Fade to Nabiki, barging into the men's locker room... while they're
changing, of course. She heads over to the locker of one of the baseball
superstars of Furinkan and whips out a few photos.]

Time may be money but your money won't buy more time

[The jock facefaults and begins taking copious amounts of yen from his
wallet.]

[Cut back to the dojo, slowly panning Akane in her gi, standing in the ready
position and projecting the mother of all battle auras.]

In line, in line, it's all in line...

[The camera abruptly cuts to a rear view, panning across again at three
portraits, indistinct from the distance. Akane whips out her trusty Giant
Wooden Mallet O' Chi.]

My ducks are all in a row...

[The camera cuts to a close-up of a picture of Shampoo, before the mallet
destroys it.]

They do not change

[The camera cuts to a picture of Kodachi before it, too, is smashed into
splinters.]

They do not move

[The camera cuts to a picture of Ukyo, before the mallet annihilates it.]

They have nowhere to go...

[Pan to a shot of Ranma, walking along the fence, near the canal, with a
bento box hopping along behind him.]

Me and little flea were walking on by the waterline...

[Ryoga flies at Ranma, and Ranma sidesteps, spiking Ryoga down into the
canal and giving him a free trans-species morph. However, this overbalances
Ranma, sending him down into a construction pit. He lands hard, looks up,
and sees A-Ko standing in front of him.]

Fell in a hole with Superman's daughter

[Ranma shakes his head and looks up again to see it's really Ukyo, looking
at him with more than a little concern.]

Livin' alone, chewin' on a bone

[When she sees Ranma's alright, she gives him one of her best smiles and
starts cleaning off a few of the scrapes...]

Pretty as homemade sin

[A paper-sheathed package descends from nowhere and explodes in Ukyo's face,
knocking her silly. Ranma opens the package to see black roses inside.]

Well she hadda be high from the look in her eye

[Pan up to Kodachi, laughing her demented little lungs out. Ranma makes a
few triangle jumps up the side of the construction site. He grabs Akane's
bento and stuffs it in Kodachi's mouth. Kodachi stiffens and collapses.]

Her hands were wet but her mouth was dry...

[Fade to a shot of Ranma and Akane, standing in the Tendo yard under a full
moon. Ranma slowly reaches over to put a hand around Akane's shoulders...]

Sun on the moon
Sun on the moon
Sun on the moon made a mighty nice light

[Zoom in on Ranma's arm as it locks into place and he is eagerly hugged
back. A bit of a confused expression comes over his face, and he looks at
who he's hugging...]

Sun on the moon made a mighty nice light

[Pan back to reveal Shampoo, on her bicycle, melting into Ranma's embrace.
Akane's form is obscured by a massive wreath of blue flames.]

Sun on the moon... my, my...

[Akane hauls off and decks Ranma into the stratosphere. The camera follows
him in a low parabolic arc.]

Bow wow wow, honk your horn, honk your horn

[Ranma lands in the Tendo pond with a huge splash, sending a wave over
Genma, who happens to be nearby.]

I said bow wow wow, honk your horn now...

[Genma pulls a little black box from the pocket of his now-ruined pants and
opens it to reveal a ring as he casts a sidelong glance at Akane.]

Uh huh.

[Onna-Ranma decks Genma, sending him flying. She then proceeds to berate her
father, no doubt about being engaged to an uncute tomboy.]

Bow wow wow, honk your horn, honk your horn,

[Onna-Ranma turns around, self-satisfied, to see Akane, tears streaming down
her face. They're quickly replaced by a venomous stare when Akane catches
sight of Ranma.]

Bow wow wow...

[Onna-Ranma pulls a mallet out of nowhere, sighs, and hands it to Akane, who
snatches it from his grasp.]

Honk your horn

[Akane winds up and sends Ranma flying into the house.]

[Cut to Kasumi in the kitchen, with dinner cooking away on the stove and in
the rice cooker. Kasumi begins dishing out servings and taking them outside
to the porch... because it's such a nice night out, you know.]

In line, in line, it's all in line...

[Kasumi walks from kitchen to porch carrying a stack of plates and the rice
cooker. On her way, she is barely missed by onna-Ranma being chased by
Neko-Shampoo, and ducks her head slightly as Mousse throws a volley of
shuriken over it.]

My ducks are all in a row...

[Kasumi walks back to the kitchen, sidestepping Kuno and Kodachi as they
pursue onna-Ranma out of vastly different inner motives.]

They do not change, they do not move...

[Kasumi walks back out to the porch, carrying a few steaming bowls of meat
and vegetables. She steps on Ryoga's bandanas as they stick in the outer
wall of the house and hits the ground in time to avoid a stray giant
naginata/spatula.]

They have nowhere to go...

[Kasumi calls in from the porch that dinner is ready, and the dust cloud of
a melee that has arisen in the house proper dissipates... to reveal Shampoo
wearing a bandolier of spatulas, Kuno sniffing at a bouquet of black roses,
which promptly release a cloud of paralysis pollen in his face, Kodachi
trying her utmost to hold Ryoga's one ton umbrella upright, Mousse wielding
a pair of bonbori, Ukyo with her hair somehow tied back in a pigtail, Genma
holding a bokken in his paws, Ryoga trying to stand with sickle-like blades
on his feet, and Ranma holding up a wooden sign which reads, simply, {What
the...?}]

[As the final chords sound, the weapons get tossed aside in a heap and Ranma
and Genma go out on the porch to eat. Ukyo shrugs, pulls out a pack of
cards, and starts dealing everybody else in on a hand of poker as they take
a seat on the tatami.]

[Fade to black.]

****

--G. Falconar, who hopes this songfic is as nutty as its inspiration.