At 11:27 AM 26/06/98 +0900, Mark Page wrote:

BLEED SAILORMOON BLEED
by DDFA (Mark A Page)

How depressing. No, I'm not talking about the storyline, deaths don't have 
that affect on me, due to certain life events. I'm talking about just how
clumsy you were in your psychological execution here(ooo, pun). Evoking
true emotion (ie, not just outrage) from such events usually requires some 
subtlety, but all you've done is gone the spamfic option; slamming home your 
point without any finesse.

I'm not sending this out of outrage, or anger, or righteous fury. I'm 
sending this because I found the story _boring_, and that's a far more
compelling reason to point out that the plot has severe problems(even a
Serenity such as the one hinted at in my SM story wouldn't allow the
universe to be destroyed as some sort of hissy 'I hate losing' fit. No Usagi
which wasn't believability-inhibitingly OOC would do it). 

Either give more setup, try to evoke some true emotion somewhere - which 
could be anything as simple as staring into one of the Senshi's unclosed
eyes or something, or else don't bother trying to pretend that this isn't
just what we all take it as - a relatively sad shout for attention, a
shockfic.

And as far as shockfics go, I'm afraid, I thought it was a bit of a fizzer.
Sorry, but that's the way it is. Comments _and_ criticism, that's what the
list is for.


************  
Mark Doherty  -  mdoherty@uq.net.au
My spam/fanfics are at - 
http://www.tass.org/~mdoherty/index.html

Everything I learned, I learned from fanfics No. 7:
Every anime female is bisexual. Unless, of course, they're a lesbian.