<In the theater....huh? Where are they? Someone find them...jeez...oh?
Okay, thank you...Camera 3, could you take that shot.....>
<In a large pool outside the main studio complex of Knight Productions,
float our four reviewers, the three female reviewers wearing swimsuits that
are showing off their considerable....talent.>
<Put it to you this way, our poor male reviewer is desperately trying to
stave off a nosebleed.>
Brian: And succeeding so far, thank you.
Erica: Yeah, "so far" he says. So tell me, why are we reviewing this?
Brian: Two reasons: 1: I just watched Tape 13 (dub) of Eva, and I needed
something to get all the angst out of my system, and 2: A little diversion
from a certain flame war happening now.
Julia: <rolls eyes> Why is it whenever *those* two butt heads, we get the
equalivant of a supernova?
Atsuko: Hai, I know. Now, on to the fic!
<A screen rises out of the water (a la "The Abyss") and on it appears the
following:
----------
From: Andrew Huang <alhuang@hcs.harvard.edu>
To: ffml@fanfic.com
Cc: eva ml <evangelion@evangelion.ml.org>
Subject: [FFML] [EVA][fic] Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut 3.5, complete
Date: Monday, June 22, 1998 6:14 PM
Would have been here last night, but there were problems with
getting the file to my school email account.
Enjoy.
Brian: Heh, school mail accounts. I can sympathize with you there.
The Sound and the Furry Productions, copyright Century of the Fruitbat
Andrew Huang, nutcase, headcase, briefcase, member
begun September 1, 1997
restarted Sometime In March, 1998
All: <blink>
Brian: And I thought *I* was bad....
Reminder: There _are_ spoilers in here. Big time. There is an
especially blatant revelation of one of the secrets behind the nature
of the Evangelions.
Erica: You mean where the soul......<BAM!!>
Julia: <holding mallet> Now, dear, don't spoil them.
Erica: Yes, dear.
Brian, Atsuko: 0_o;;;;;;;
Evangelion is the property of Gainax (great bunch of people, they
are). ADV Films has the rights to the English translation.
Brian; And I don't care what anyone else says, I like the dub!
Still more of the thing called Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut. Do please
read the previous three parts first, before reading this part. Note that
this is an interlude piece, much shorter, and released to make you all a
bit happier. Nothing much happens, I just need to establish a few things
before the next full part.
Atsuko: And to make sure we don't kill you for not hurrying with the
next part?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A frazzled writer sat down at his computer.
"I know. This is late. Very late. Several months in the writing. Shut
up already. I'm going, I'm going!"
Type, type, type, type....
<The Queen of Hearts (from Miyuki-chan In Wonderland) pops out of the
water, whip in hand>
Queen: HA HA HA HA!!!!! PUNISHMENT!!!
Reviewers: BOOT TO THE HEAD!!!!
Queen: <THUD!!> <Flies off into the stratosphere>
************************************************
Ikari Gendou's mind rose through the layers of blessed unconsciousness
and emerged into wakefulness. He lay there quiescently, contemplating
the ceiling above him. It was slightly blurry, as he did not have his
glasses on.
Brian: Sleep....blessed sleep....
Presently, a face loomed over him.
An accompanying voice spoke. Ibuki Maia's voice.
"You really must teach me how you do that, sir."
Gendou blinked. "Ah...do what?"
"Take a fall like that. I mean, when Rei grabbed you by the arm and
just tossed you--I'm sure a human body usually doesn't make _that_ much
noise from falling such a short distance. You had to have done something
to amplify the crash sound."
Erica: It's a Law of Anime.
Julia: Loud sounds only get louder in the air, and even louder in a
vacuum.
Gendou sighed. This was going to be one of _those_ days, was it?
Brian: Yes, it truely is. <Claps hands>
<An anvil fall on him>
***
Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut Hole 3.5:
Family Can Get on One's NERVs
by Andrew Huang
written for The Sound and the Furry Productions
***
All: <groan>
Brian: And I thought Part 2's title was bad.
"Good morning, Asuka-chan!" Hikari's bright smile truly beamed.
Erica: It beamed?
Julia: Truly, it beamed.
Atsuko: Did it beam brightly?
Brian: I have this strange sense of Joke Deja-vu.
"'Morning, Asuka." Shinji came in with a vase and a pink carnation.
"Misato wanted me to bring you this for her."
Erica: Just ONE carnation?? Cheapskate!
"Guten mor...good morning." Asuka yawned and rubbed her eyes. "I want
to get out of here. I'm all right, really I am...." She looked around.
Cocking an eyebrow, she asked, "Just you two?"
Hikari coughed. "Er...Touji-kun thought probably...and Rei...."
Asuka sighed. "How considerate of them."
Atsuko: And they're busy plotting a Evil Plan.
Erica: At least Rei is.
Shinji set the flowers down by her bed. "Well, yeah. And...here!"
Shinji waved a pair of video tapes around.
"Hey! Don't go flashing those around this place! I have a reputation
to keep, you know!" Asuka hastily snatched them out of his hand. "Um.
Danke schoen."
Julia: Bet ya they're both Sailor Moon.
Erica: You're on.
Shinji nodded, and grinned. Asuka scowled a little.
"And here's the stuff that you've been missing in class." Hikari
produced a bag and dumped it on the bed. The bed shook.
All: <blink>
Brian: Jeez, not even *I* get that much homework!?!?
"_What_ has Sensei been doing!?"
"Stopped mumbling about the Second Impact and actually assigning
work." Shinji's lip quirked. "I never thought I'd actually miss those
lectures of his."
"So, Asuka-chan, how's the food here?"
"I'm beginning to think Misato is on the hospital kitchen's payroll."
All: <groan in sympathy>
Everyone winced.
Erica: Could have been worse. Akane could have cooked the food.
<A mallet comes out of nowhere and clonks Erica>
"Ah. Well, 's there anything else you need?" Shinji seemed awfully
solicitous today.
"If you're trying to buy my favor, it won't work. But no, I'm fine.
Thanks anyway." Asuka stifled a second yawn.
Shinji nodded. "All right. Gotta go--I'm meeting up with Kensuke about
something. Get well soon." He walked out the door.
"Close the door, okay?"
Hikari did so as she exited, giving a cheerful wave. "See you later!"
Asuka sighed again, then pulled the cart with the TV and VCR towards
herself. Turning on the machines and lowering the volume, she stuck one
of the two tapes in.
<*I am the beautiful sailor-suited warrior, Sailor Moon! And in the
name of the Moon, I will punish you!*>
"Ahh...bliss."
Julia: Heh heh...
Erica: <sweatdrop>
------------------------------------------------
It was a wonder, her cute smile. It still made Shinji a little
lightheaded. But that wasn't the important thing--for the moment. "Well,
where's Kensuke?"
"Are you kidding? He's not going to find out about the plan until it's
too late. I mean, until he's participating." Her smile shifted, just
slightly. Her eyes glinted a certain way. Her _teeth_ glinted, in that
same way.
Atsuko: Must use a heck of a toothpaste brand.
"Are you sure about this? I mean, I know Aida, and I know how he--and
I--feel about Asuka." Touji looked up from his cuddle session with
Hikari.
"And I know that Asuka-chan isn't too fond of him either. Touji-kun's
right...." Hikari tried to pull him back down to the interrupted cuddle
session. She would have succeeded, except--
"Two words," said Rei. "Training room."
Brian: One word: Huh????
The three EVA pilots were silent. Hikari, who had only heard about the
events of that day, still wasn't quite convinced. "Was it _really_ that
bad?"
"No, it was worse. I say we go with this." Shinji looked over to Rei.
"You have a plan?"
"Working out the later details, but yes, I have a plan. I've already
started, too." Rei smiled, again.
Erica: So sayth the voice of doom....
Brian: For Kensuke, at least.
Shinji felt lightheaded, again.
Kensuke, somewhere else, suddenly sneezed and felt very, very scared
at the same time. That resulted in a rather large usage of tissues.
------------------------------------------------
"Maya," Ritsuko began, "today...."
She stopped.
"Sempai?" asked Maya.
"There it is again," said the doctor.
"What?"
Julia: Like she said, what??
------------------------------------------------
"Father."
"Shinji."
Ikari and son sat looking at each other, over the menus. It was a
special day, today. Ikari Yui's birthday. She would have been 38. In
honor of her memory, they were having lunch together.
Erica: Gendou-baka.....
Julia: ...and Shinji....
Atsuko: ...in the same room....
Brian: ....without an Angel present....
All: <start singing> IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD (AS WE KNOW IT!!!)
If it hadn't been for the graveside meeting a few months ago, this
would have been even more uncomfortable. Of course, it is difficult to
contemplate that level of discomfort, considering that _now_, Shinji's
prime instinct was still to get up and quietly shuffle away. Then again,
one must suppose that this was an improvement over wanting to run away
aimlessly. Shuffling out of a restaurant is a bit more dignified than
running out, and he certainly would have had a particular destination,
ah-ha, in mind, had he given in to his instinct this time around.
Erica: Hmmmm....and just where would that be, exactly? <smirk>
They kept on staring at each other, perhaps in the hopes that one of
them would break down and actually start _talking_ about something,
sooner or later. It must be remembered, though, that the phrases "normal
family relationship" and "NERV affiliate" just don't quite fit in the
same sentence without considerable suspension of disbelief. Or, perhaps,
a negative modifier.
Atsuko: Or several.
Still, something had to give.
"So...how are you and Rei doing?"
It was a little forced, but a noble attempt, nonetheless.
Julia: Gendou, noble? Ha! That'll be the day!
Shinji sighed slightly in relief. "We're getting along great, Father."
No thanks to you. "She's got something planned for us tonight."
Erica: <waves flag> Go, Shinji!!
Gendou nodded, and was silent for a while. "It is...good to hear
that."
------------------------------------------------
<*--as it turned out, a small black piglet had gotten tangled up with
the unmanned glider's landing mechanisms. I guess you could say that
pigs have flown.*>
All: facefault for the N'th time upon hearing that joke>
Erica: I guess you could say that Andrew is wanted for a 205.
Brian: A 205?
Julia: <deadpan> Joke Murder, First Degree.
Brian: <facefault>
Rei blinked, and frowned momentarily, while the newscaster laughed a
bit at his bad joke, and moved on to another story. She then returned
her attention to the computer terminal.
------------------------------------------------
The silence had come back, after the initial effort. Shinji felt that
it was his turn.
"Um...why did you decide to come here, anyway? I thought you liked
sashimi more than Indian food."
The fact that his son knew what sort of food he liked surprised Gendou
a bit--almost as much as it surprised Shinji himself. "Um, well...it's a
little hard to use chopsticks, when...." Gendou drummed his taped
fingers on the table. He almost winced in pain.
Shinji declined to comment on Rei's, er, handiwork, but did shake his
head slightly.
All: <wave flags> Go Rei!!!
Gendou shrugged. "Well, I don't know about you, but I could murder a
curry."
Erica: <blinks> Prachett reference?
Julia: Yep. Another one.
They placed their orders, and briefly contemplated each other.
"Tell me about Mother."
This took Gendou off guard for a moment. "She was...full of life. So
vibrant. She had greatness written all over her. I was so proud of her."
As he spoke, his expression became positively wistful. "But more than
that, I remember...when you came along, she put even more energy into
raising you up...." And, of course, there was _before_ you were born....
"Father? You're drooling." Shinji felt slightly sick.
<As do the reviewers>
Gendou blinked. "Ah. My...apologies." He sobered quickly. "She was a
wonderful woman, scientist, and mother. Simply put."
All: Amen! <Claps hands>
<A piano falls on them>
------------------------------------------------
"Mari...." Touji pushed the door open, two floors above from where, on
a TV screen, some rather overdeveloped adolescent females wearing rather
underdeveloped sailor fukus were prodding some youma buttock.
<The Sailor Senshi, all radiating battle auras, appear behind the
reviewers>
Moon: What.
Mars: Did.
Venus: He.
Jupiter: Wri.
Mercury: Te.
Saturn: ?
<Snip really neat Eternal attack sequences. Suffice to say, Andrew was
cooked (and elecrocuted...and ribboned...and lasered...and everything
else)>
"Oniichan! And Oniichan's girlfriend!"
Hikari blinked. Word, apparently, got around fast.
A cute, 10 year old girl wearing a bright pink ribbon in her hair was
sitting up in the hospital room's bed. There was a book on her lap. It
was big.
All: <begin suffering from acute cuteness sickness syndrome>
Touji laughed slightly nervously, just in the right way that irked
Hikari a bit. "Ah, yes, Mari...this is Hikari-chan."
"Hello, Mari-chan. The doctors say you're getting much better!" She
didn't notice a sudden shift in the way that Mari's eyes shone.
"I am doing very well, thank you. I am gratified by your concern,"
intoned Mari.
All: <blink>
Hikari would have facefaulted, if not for Touji's hand on her
All: <the reviewers do the facefaulting for her>
shoulder. Mari continued talking. "It becomes...tiresome to lie in here
alone for so long." Mari suddenly shook her head a bit. "Oniichan's been
telling me so much about you!" she burbled, gleefully. "And you cook
great, too!"
Erica: Two words: See Saw.
Hikari started edging towards the door, but again, Touji's hand
restrained her from moving. Touji said, "Ah, yeah...isn't she great?" He
gently elbowed his girlfriend to keep her from saying something off.
Atsuko: Smart man.
------------------------------------------------
"...and she really liked the color purple," said Gendou.
"Purple?" asked Shinji.
Erica: <blink>
"Purple," said Gendou. "And green, too."
"Green?"
Julia: <blink>
"Green." And Unit 01 was supposed to be white, and it _was_ white,
until the day after the...accident. Stupid paint jobs never stayed on,
either. I hate purple.
Atsuko: <blink> Ooookay.
------------------------------------------------
"G'bye, Oniichan! G'bye, Hikari-neesan!"
"I'll be back in a few days, Mari...."
The two teenagers stepped out of the room.
"Wh...what was with that...uh...."
Touji shook his head. "Ever since I got her transferred over here,
she's done that once in a while. It's strange.... And whenever EVA-03
comes up in conversation, it's like...." Touji frowned slightly. "Very
weird."
------------------------------------------------
"My question is, how the HELL did anyone manage to tie a twenty-five
meter pink ribbon around this thing?"
"Shut up and help me get it off Unit 03."
"Yeah, yeah. Heh, I think it would look better with a blue ribbon."
"The last one _was_ blue."
"There was another one?"
All: BWAHHHAHHHHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<All fall in the pool>
------------------------------------------------
Kensuke was sweating. It wasn't the "sweating because I'm a bit too
warm" kind of sweating, or the "sweating because I'm sort of nervous"
Brian: Oh, I know that kind of sweating real well.
Erica: You do?
Brian: Yep, thank god for air conditoning.
kind of sweating, but rather, the "sweating because I don't believe this
you have got to be kidding me WHAT THE F--ah, hahahah no that can't be
serious" kind of sweating. He took a good, long stare at the computer
screen.
[What did you just type?] he tapped out, slowly. Had he been speaking
out loud, he would have drawled like a Texan in slow motion.
Erica: Ah yes, the Western flair.
[It's right there on the screen, above--] came the reply.
[Date Asuka.]
[Yes.]
[The hell I will!] he now pounded out, starting to become incensed,
while growling, "Who the hell is this nutcase, anyway?" He poised his
fingers to resume typing, but was beaten to the punch.
<Down Below, a snowball started growing>
[It is not important who I am. Not to you.]
Atsuko: Ah, the James Bond type.
[What's that supposed to mean?] returned Kensuke. Something at the
back of his mind started to itch.
[Exactly what I said.]
[Dammit, you, I don't have the time for this.]
[You will. Yes, you will.]
The itch now started gnawing actively at his consciousness. [This is
just something I don't need. Go away, whoever you are. Leave me fricking
ALONE!] The keyboard shuddered under Kensuke's assault.
[Very well. I will go away, for now. Be warned...be warned. Mweh.
Heh. Heh.]
[Yeah, whatever. Don't bother me agaiDisconnected. Hit ctrl-c to
leave.]
Grumbling, Kensuke exited UNIX talk. "I don't believe this. It's
damn weird, that's what it...."
Brian: <blink> UNIX??? How old is that again???
That little thing bothering Kensuke finally seized his attention in a
metaphorical headlock.
"Wait. I never actually _typed_ to ask who that was, did I?"
He gulped. And he gulped again.
Julia: Oops, forgot the important thing, did you. Very bad, very bad,
good sir. <smirk>
------------------------------------------------
Rei took off her headphones, and smiled. Getting that bug into
Kensuke's room had involved some trickiness with a harness, the portable
motorized pulley she found in one of the NERV storerooms, quite a lot of
wire, a lockpick, and this tight-fitting black bodysuit which she had,
ah, borrowed, so as to make herself less visible in the night....
Erica: "borrowed" my arse.
Ah, but it was worth it. Now, the fun could begin. She was going to
make sure that Kensuke would do as he was told.
Brian: Uh, Kensuke? Run. As fast as you can.
Need to model the bodysuit for Shinji, too. Mweh. Heh. Heh.
All the females: <nosebleed>
Shinji, a few blocks away, started nosebleeding into his lamb stew on
saffroned rice.
Brian: I really feel sorry fou you, boy. <beat> Good luck.
------------------------------------------------
After doing her best to finish what had been questionably labeled
"dinner" by the nurse, Asuka decided to pop in the second tape, having
now finished the first one.
"Hey--Shinji! You idiot! You gave me one of your Giant Robo tapes!"
Erica: <blink> How....ironic.
Julia: Hai.
Erica: <blinks again> Heeeyyy...wait a second, you lost the bet!
Julia: D'oh! What do I have to do.
Erica: Weeelllll....wait until the pool closes and then....<shifty
look>
Julia: <blushes>
Atsuko and Brian: <sweatdrop>
She fumed for a bit longer, then gave up, and started to watch
anyway.
That, in conjunction with what she ate, was probably a bad call.
Brian: Feeling of doom?
Erica: Check.
------------------------------------------------
It had been a long day for all concerned. Two were left in the
computer lab, putting in a bit of overtime.
"Well, that's all," reported Maya. She turned to face her
superior. "Sempai, what's been bothering you all day?"
"I'm...not sure. Don't worry about it." Ritsuko shook her head. "Call
it a day. Let's go, Maya...." She trailed off.
"Hmm?" said Maya.
"HA! That's it!" shouted Ritsuko, jumping out of her seat and
snapping her fingers.
"Is...what?" asked Maya, weakly, from ground level.
"Your name. It's being spelled with a 'ya' now, instead of 'ia'."
NERV's chief scientist nodded with satisfaction.
"..."
"Author finally wised up, I guess. Okay, we're out of here."
Brian: Yeah, I was wondering when he would finally wise up.
------------------------------------------------
A bit later that night....
Mari yawned, put aside her copy of _War and Peace_, turned out the
lights, and curled up under her blankets. Early the next day, in the
EVA control room--
"DAMMIT! Why'd EVA-03's interface get set to Russian AGAIN!? Every
freaking morning!"
All: <blink>
Erica: I suppose this is the revelation about the Evas?
Atsuko: Wierd way to go about it.
------------------------------------------------
"Good morning, and how is our patient today...Souryuu-san? You don't
look very well. Didn't you sleep last night?"
"Nightmares...horrible nightmares...Bishoujo Senshi G...Giant R--
Robo...couldn't sleep...."
All: <shudder>
Brian: The horror......
Erica: The absolute horror.....
Julia: The....irony.
Atsuko: Huh?
Julia: Think about it.
All: <beat, facefault>
"Oh, my."
All: Hi Kasumi.
------------------------------------------------
In the heavens, far, far above our beloved and behated characters,
doom approached, and it was ugly....
Erica: Was it Barney??
Oh well. Wait for it.
************************************************
"Happy, now?"
<The reviewers hold up rather large cannons>
The writer ran from a storm of requests for part 4.
"ARGH!"
***
To be continued....
***
Part 4 should be, indeed, sooner out. I have my ideas running already.
Here's to hoping, yes?
Erica: For your sake....
>From Andrew Huang, brought to you by his computer, Oddzilla
Oddzilla says, "Mmmmm...Evanjellydonut...."
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang/
Harvard Anime Society, President
Julia: Good, we're done. Now, about some privacy....?
Erica: Easy.....
J&E: BOOT TO THE HEAD!!!!!
<Atsuko and Brian are sent heading into the stratosphere....>
Brian: Guess that's it. Good job, Andrew. Now, where did I put that
chute..???
<WHAM>
Ja ne!!
Brian Yaple
Knight Productions
BYapes@erie.net
webpage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/8768
MoonieCode (0.8.1)
SM:5+(m-) F:SInSa O:d S=?o P:a22 S|+:eBrDg:hBrD:y--+|+
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Mekton Zeta-Babylon 5-Macross-Grapejam-The Spot-BGCrisis-
Evangelion-Iczer-Iczelion-Buffy-Ranma 1/2-Sailor Moon-Tenchi Muyo!
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----------------------------------
"No box is big enough to contain our imaginations."
Tara Hartwick (RIP)- The Spot (www.thespot.com)- June 6th, 1995
"Tuski ni kawatte, oshioki yo!" - Sailor Moon
"Call me Iczelion!" - Nagisa Kai - Iczelion