Jonathan C Tsoi wrote:
"What a haul! What a haul!"
"Give us back out underwear, you old letch!"
us back <our> underwear, *wrong word*
After a couple of grueling hours of battling 'bugs', a cute goddess
wielding a mallet, Skuld, approached a terminal to find out what the
heck could have cause all the 'bugs'. Flipping on the terminal screen,
could have <caused> all the *past tense... you used 'approached' above*
Skuld's eyes get wide with horror at what she saw. Screaming angrily,
eyes <went> wide *past tense*
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Who was the BAKA that replaced my perfect OS with
Windows 95?! When I found out who did this, I'll KILL the baka!"
When I <find> out *present tense*
right, venting all her anger and frustration out on them. Suddenly the
Yggdrasil crashes, due to software problems, but not before a 'bug' was
able to activate and dump a file to the dimensional transport.
Yggdrasi <crashed>, due *past tense*
When impacting the ground, Ranma opened his eyes and noticed that he was
not in a sewer, but in a forest where light could barely penetrate the
dense overhead foliage. "Huh?" Ranma muttered while pondered where the
muttered while <he> pondered *or*
muttered while <pondering>
Other than a few common mistakes with tenses... It looks nice. Now
hurry up with the rest! ^_^