<FFML><SI>
	Puck & Circumstance
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It all started with the phone ringing. As usual i let
the machine answer. If you spend most of eight hours a
day talking to ignorant insurance clerks, argumentitive
patients, and petty government bureaucrats on that
Infernal Device, you'd not be anxious to answer the
phone on your off time either.

"Hey, Ace, if you're there, pick up," came the voice
over the answering machine's speaker.

"Yo Morgan," i answered it with a really heartfelt sigh.
He probably just wanted to shoot the crap, talk about
gaming, or something like that, and i just get so tired
of talking about gaming when we're not actually gaming.
Course, if you'd met some of the people we've gamed with
you'd understand why i'm NOT gaming now. Damn potato
heads...

"'Ey, Ace, Happy Birthday. What you doin?"

"Feh. Working on the fanfics. i'm still trying to do
one of each of the major categories, y'know. I got 
the darkfic, the continuity, and three alterniverse
types going, that '3 1/2's company' for the fusion,
and 'Saint Ranma' for the crossover.

"Anyway, what's up, Morgan? You KNOW i'll celebrate my
birthday right after i get Divine Intervention."

"Well, actually, that's precisely what I wanted to talk
to you about, heheee." Morgan's voice suddenly sounded
like he'd been gulping helium. Then the phone went dead.

"Morgan's been hitting the hard stuff again." i just
shook my head, turned and freaked out. i'm allergic
to cat hairs (among what seems to be a damn near 
infinite list of other things) so seeing a cat in the
apartment wasn't very likely. A cat grinning at me from
atop the TV with glowing green eyes, and smiling like
it knew a very funny joke, even more unlikely.

Said cat talking broke down the layer of unreality. 
While any number of people i know could arrange for a
black cat and a remote speaker, getting said cat to
lip synch was not among any of my acquaintance's talents.

"Well, well, turning a year older are we?"

"Well, this IS an odd dream sequence, isn't it?"

The cat snickered. "No it isn't, do you know what Sjul
is doing right now?"

"Sjul is a fictional character I came up with years ago.
IF she were real, she's still probably trying to use a
Dimensional Lure spell to bring an incarnation of the
wizard she's had a crush on to her dimension. She hasn't
gotten the spell right in fifty years, when she was a
young kid or now when she'd be an accomplished elven 
mage. The spell has uncertainty elements all through it,
necessary when you're going through alternate timelines
and the like."

"Correct, yes. And have you never wondered why you dream
of the Nine Worlds, in such detail that you experience
the smells and tastes and sights of a world that you've
never seen."

"Active imagination, and most of my dreams have extreme
detail. This is a dream now, so why don't we just cut
through it all to the chase scene."

"Not a dream," Toltiir chuckled again. Very chilling 
sound, to hear a cat snickering at you. "In fact, I'm
here to grant you a wish."

"Oh, now THERE'S something wonderful. A wish granted by
Toltiir, Aramarian god of mischief and practical jokes,
known while time-travelling as Puck or Robin Goodfellow
among other names. Excuse me while I clap hands, skip
with glee."

"With knees like that, you can't skip." Toltiir's grin
vanished. THAT was ominous.

"So why do it?"

"Why not?" Oddly enough, for Toltiir that would be a 
good enough reason. "Better choose quick, or I'll 
choose for you."

"Why the rush, PUCK, you've got eternity." i took a 
seat, if you're doomed you might as well be comfortable.

"Because Sjul's spell is being cast in the very plane
you've dreamt of all these years, and very shortly she's
gonna grab one of the individuals she's been looking for
all this time."

"Me. Okay. Accepting that, as ludicrous as this dream
is getting, and my life has been nearly as strange as
Ranma's at times, what's going to go wrong? She's never
gotten the results she wants out of that spell."

"Thank you. I try." The cat nodded. "No, this time
a courier is going to interrupt her ward circle at the
344th setting during the third hour of the spellcasting."

"Castus Interruptus, huh?"

"Yes," the cat was actually purring. "Now what will it
be? One of those cosplay or seiyuu girls you admire?"

"Hey, i'm not no hentai!"

"Maybe wealth so you're not scraping by all the time?"

"You know i've always valued money below personal honor,
otherwise i'd still be working for 'Dr Skippy' and 
making $13/hour." 

"Maybe you'd prefer to live a life of action and 
adventure?"

"Adventure is somebody else going through hard times.
IF i were going to wish, it would have been to be 
healthy, YOU should know that."

"Huh? Hey, i'm the god of mischief, omniscience is 
someone else's department!"

"Yeah, healthy. No asthma, no migraines, no arthritis,
no sinus problems, no allergies, no problems from the
concussions or broken joints, just completely healthy.
No root canals needed, no patches of skin falling off,
no male pattern baldness, no tinnitis or digestive
problems. A completely HEALTHY human being," i sighed.
"Not that i'd be making a wish, anyway."

"Hmmm. Granted." The cat smiled and his eyes flashed.

"Granted? i didn't make a wish." Mists rising up 
around me, the sensation of falling. The summoning spell.

"Close enough, close enough, I never was a big stickler
on rules, now was I? Heh heh."

"Oh damn." The sensation of falling abruptly turned
into the reality of same.

"Ouch." The fall wasn't the hard thing, it
was the impact at the end. Fortunately i had landed on
something soft.

	Then of course came the realization that it
was NOT i who had said "Ouch."

	Naturally i looked to see who i'd landed on,
and started apologizing profusely when i noticed it
was two quite attractive Chinese girls. The sort you
absolutely could NOT meet in Phoenix. Then came two
observations.

	One, I was bigger now, around the size of my
brother (who'd never gotten hospital-ridden sick when
growing up, unlike self) maybe 6'6" or so. I knew the
typical length of a katana so I knew the girls weren't
just small.

	Then the nagging little voice that was saying
"Panic Now" cut in and i noticed the surroundings. A
ring drawn in the sand, in a village that looked sort 
of medieval Chinese, with a really large crowd of 
Chinese girls around. X+Z=Y are you still here?

	Having spent way too damn many years as 
single and voted "most likely to require divine 
intervention to get a date," i was not ready to be 
kissed. Having suddenly knocked out TWO of the Chinese 
amazons in front of witnesses, and not speaking any 
Chinese, i stammered out apologies in Japanese and 
English and did what came natural.

	All right, all right, i ran like a rabbit.

	Damn Puck, i could hear the cat laughing 
from somewhere out of sight.

	Yeah, i was running down a trail from the
Amazon Village, in near total panic and forgetting
what else was around the village. Naturally the
moment i felt my feet leave the ground, i didn't have
to wonder who put axle grease on a trail leading to
the cliffs over Jusenkyo.

	Damn cat was still laughing. Hope he gave 
himself a hernia.

	Hit a spring at the FAR end from the Guide's
little hut. Not a complete dummy, i tried to grab the
pole on my way past. More grease, go figure. Hope 
somebody got the stuff off after i took the plunge.

	Interesting how time seems to slow down when
it's all going to hit the fan and there isn't jack
that you can do. Flailing wildly around in midair, 
making an albatross look positively graceful in 
comparison, and swearing like a sailor, i seemed to
have enough time to think about all the various
possibilities. At one end (the Guide's end) were the
common day-to-day things like cats and piglets, ducks
and (for China at least) pandas.

	Turns out the other end was of things older and
less common. i knew that Whatever i was, i was pretty
damn massive. 

	"Ho ho," that damn cat's voice called out.
Wherever he was, he still wasn't showing himself. "You
know a little bit about fighting, but it isn't nearly
enough for THIS universe. Now you fit in quite a bit
more. After all, it wouldn't do for you to be killed
the first time you get in a fight."

	i growled at the damn little feline. Noting
that i was a quadraped of some kind, with clawed feet,
i started making my way across the pools. The various
insults about my sedate pace i ignored. 

	"Oh sir, you fall in cursed spring!"

	Whatever i was didn't have vocal cords that
could handle human speech. Therefore i just gave him
my best "gee, whatever gave you THAT idea" glare.

	"Not to worry, hot water change you back."

	i nodded, waiting for the hot water. i felt
my new/old human shape return. "Where is the Spring
Of Drowned Man?"

	"Oh it is this one right here," the Guide 
walked up and pointed it out.

	Yeah, i know, i should have figured it out too.
It had been a really bad day, okay? i was already in
mid-leap when it occurred to me, how did the Guide know
to speak English to me?

	The Guide's eyes flashed green and he was 
grinning as i fell. Once again, splash-o. NOW i was
thoroughly pissed.

	i realized that my new cursed form was a 
combination of human and whatever i was when i was 
first cursed. That cinched it, i was in the Ranmaverse
of "Different Viewpoint" or something instead of the
purely Takahashi Ranmaverse where she'd said that this
spring WOULD cure Ranma.

	"By the way," Toltiir/Puck/Robin Goodfellow
was saying. "In this universe Ranma is about to marry
Akane and he just wished that Someone Else had his
problems. So I copied his problems, more or less, and
have now tagged both his buddy Ryouga and you with
similar problems." He flipped back to his little 
black cat guise and was rolling around laughing.

	Extending claws, i rushed forward. Maybe he'd
made a mistake and i could reach him. Just one little
act of defiance and get the little bastard. My claws
passed through him.

	And i found myself on a street, back in human
form, one hell of a way away from where i had been
considering the angle of the sun. The location of this
place was actually where i'd been planning on heading
anyway once i figured out where i was. A shrine tended
by three goddesses. Hey, fight fire with fire, right?

	When the wards exploded and i found myself
thrown across the street, looking up and watching the
little tweety birds, i knew that somewhere that damn
cat was rolling on the floor laughing.

	"Look, it WAS a demon and it's not Marller!
Sic 'em Banpei!"

	Demon? i glanced over at the three women and a
really putzy looking robot now coming out of the gate of
the shrine. Demon, though, that was below the belt. 

	This did not bode well. This was probably 
going to hurt. i was really hoping that i would wake
up REALLY DAMN SOON.

	Well, two out of three wasn't bad.
--------------------------
	Toltiir sneaks a glance out through the Internet
at the FFML. Looking around, he purrs. "Well two of six
recipients of near-copies of all of poor Ranma's problems
have been found, who else shall I hit?
	"Hey, you, yeah you. The chubby one sitting at
your keyboard. I didn't see you even chuckle. Very bad
for you." <BLINK>

	"Wait for it. That was the time released version.

	"Very bad you fall in spring." 

	Somewhere in the multiverse, a black cat was 
laughing hysterically.
================================

	it occurred to me that most SIs feature the
character in command of the situation, and benefitting
enormously from their new perspective. 
	this was just my attempt to do another of
the genres in use on the FFML, hope someone found it
amusing.
next: (in that unlikely event):

"i'm a WHAT?"

"An incubus, I think."

"Belldandy?"

"Yes?"

"i don't DO lemons."

"Oh my."
-----------
ja ne.

gregg