Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko  belldandy@angelic.com
http://www.fortunecity.com/tatooine/pratchett/199/

Wonder of wonders, I actually spell-checked this time.  I found a few
consistently misspelled (two s�s in misspelled) words that were �definitely
embarrassing� (no a in definitely, two r�s in embarrassing).  See?  Just
like a
trained monkey, fanfic writers can learn new tricks!  ^_^

This story will be 4-6 parts total. I have everything plotted and
the first 2 and 1/2 parts written.  This will be a rather traditional story,
not dark
or serious or waffy or lemon or revisionist or alternate universe or
anything.
It's set near the end of the series, because Mrs. Tendo knows about Ranma
and Genma... other than that, I haven't thought about continuity too much.

Sorry for the goofy title.

Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement intended.  This
is a fan work only, not for profit.

Monkey Head Butting!
Part Two

 Dinner passed quietly.  Ranma's head pounded, as did Kasumi's.
Afterwards, Kasumi and Ranma began gathering the dishes simultaneously.
 "Don't worry about the dishes, you two," Nodoka said.  "You two go lay
down.  I'll take care of them."  She shot a glance at her husband, still
patting
his stomach.  "Genma?"
 "Hmmm?"
 "You can help me by drying," she said.  It wasn't a request.

 Ranma headed up the stairs to her room.  She slid the door aside,
then paused.
 If she was in Kasumi's body, then perhaps she was supposed to lie
down in Kasumi's room?  She frowned, wondering exactly how arrangements
were supposed to work under the current circumstances.
 She glanced down at herself, at the yellow blouse, the long brown
skirt, and the white apron.  Ranma sighed.  Well, there was one thing she
certainly wanted to do, and she couldn't do it here in the room she shared
with her father.  She began undoing the apron as she headed for Kasumi's
room.
 Ranma dug through Kasumi's closet, muttering to herself.  "No.  Nope.
No way.  No.  No.  No."  Finally she sat down on Kasumi's bed, frustrated.
"Doesn't she have anything besides dresses and skirts?"
 "I'm afraid not," said a voice from the doorway.
 "Nabiki?" Ranma said, looking up.
 "Pants have never been my sister's style," the middle sister said.  She
looked Ranma over with a critical eye.  "My, my, Ranma, that really is you,
isn't it?  You've never looked so... domestic."
 "Nabiki, can I borrow some of your..."
 "Not on your life, Ranma-baby.  My clothes don't really fit my sister
well, and besides, she would never be caught dead wearing them.  You're
supposed to be Kasumi, remember?  You have to dress the way she'd dress.
Something practical, and pretty, but not trendy or stylish."
 "Maybe something of Akane's..."
 "Ranma, if my clothes don't fit Kasumi, then obviously Akane's aren't
going to fit.  Right?"
 "But how can I practice my kata in a full-length skirt?"
 "Kasumi doesn't practice," Nabiki said.  "That's her body, so you don't
need to practice, either.  It's not like you're going to get out of
practice."
 "Yes, but..."
 "Oh for heaven's sake, Ranma, grow up!  Girls wear dresses all the
time."
 "I'm not a girl!"
 "Oh?  I think you'll find that my sister doesn't change with the
temperature of the water."
 Ranma looked dejected and forlorn.  Nabiki smiled to herself, then let
out an audible sigh.  "Look, Ranma, I'll do you a favor.  Tomorrow I'll take
you
shopping, okay?  You can buy something more to your liking.  It still has to
be
something that Kasumi would wear, but it doesn't have to be a dress."
 "Thanks, Nabiki, I..." Ranma paused, suddenly wondering why Nabiki
was being nice.  She sensed a trap, but couldn't quite figure out what it
was.
"I... I'd like that," she finished.  What was the worst that could happen?
Nabiki couldn't force her to buy anything she didn't want to buy, and after
all,
it had to be something Kasumi would wear.  That ruled out a lot of the more
embarrassing options.

***

 Kasumi followed Akane up the stairs and down the hall.
 "Akane, would you mind if I borrowed one of your dresses?  I know
Ranma doesn't wear them, but I've never been that comfortable wearing
pants, and my own clothes aren't going to fit Ranchan's body..."
 "Uh, sure," Akane said.  She lead the way into her room, and then
came to a complete stop, staring at her bed.
 "Oh, my!" Kasumi said, putting her hand to her mouth.
 "Well," Akane said, clenching and unclenching her fists.  "If I didn't
believe you before, then I guess I'd have to believe you now.  What an
idiot!
Doesn't he even know how to make up a bed correctly?"
 Kasumi automatically stepped forward and pulled the covers on
Akane's bed down.  "Don't worry, Akane," she said.  "You can't really blame
him.  He grew up wandering everywhere with his father; he's probably never
slept in an actual bed in his life.  You just find something in your closet
that
you don't mind letting me wear, and I'll have this fixed up in no time at
all."
 "Um... okay," Akane said.  She watched the young, red-haired girl
expertly fold, tuck, and turn down the sheets, just as she'd watched Kasumi
do it so many times before.   Seeing Ranma doing the same thing, moving
the same way, with the same movements, exactly as Kasumi did it, spooked
her.  It was confusing, and disturbing, in ways that she couldn't even name.
 She turned to the closet and began looking through her clothes for
something that would suit Kasumi.  It wasn't really difficult.  Before Ranma
had shown up, Akane had spent a lot of her time trying to look and act as
much like her older sister as possible, in the mistaken assumption that Dr.
Tofu might eventually notice her.  There were several outfits that she had
just
about never worn since then.  She located one, pulled it out, and handed it
to
the patiently waiting pig-tailed girl.
 "Oh, Akane, I'd almost forgotten you had this dress!" Kasumi said,
taking it in her hands.  "It's so lovely!  Why haven't you worn it lately?"
 "It's hard to say," Akane said, laughing nervously.  "I... I guess I just
got tired of it!"
 "Thank you so much!" Kasumi held the dress up against her body --
against Ranchan's body -- and sighed contentedly.  Akane grimaced.  If her
sister and her gender-swapping, rude, so-called fianc�e didn't switch back
soon, she didn't know how she was going to keep her sanity.
 Kasumi looked up.  "I guess I'll need underwear too," she said, "and
socks, and shoes... a whole outfit."
 "Ah... sure, sis, no problem," Akane said.  She gathered the rest of the
items together and handed them over.  Kasumi started towards the door,
then stopped.  "Would you mind if I changed here, Akane?"
 A large sweatdrop appeared on Akane's head.  "Uh... actually..."
 "It's just that, I think Ranma's in my room at the moment, and I'm not
sure I should change in Ranma's room.  What if Mr. Saotome walked in while
I was changing?"
 Akane sighed.  "Okay sis, no problem.  I'll just step outside..."
 "You don't have to do that!"
 "Actually, sis, I do.  You see, whether you're my sister or not, that's
Ranma's body that you've got.  I just wouldn't feel comfortable."
 Kasumi nodded, then sighed.  "Okay, Akane.  I guess I understand.  I
just hope father can think of a way to get me and Ranma back in our own
bodies soon!"

***

 Ranma set the basket down in the grass and began pulling wet
clothing from it.  She hummed to herself, not because she felt like doing
it,
but because Soun had stressed the need to do everything as Kasumi would
do it, and she was well aware how often Kasumi sang or hummed to herself
while doing domestic chores.  She didn't really know any of the actual songs
that Kasumi normally sang, so she just picked a song at random from those
her father had taught her in her youth.  It was true that most of them
involved
battles, and honor, and people dying, but so long as she didn't sing the
words
she assumed she'd be okay.
 *Imagine,* she thought.  *Here I am, Ranma Saotome, martial artist
and all-around handsome guy, hanging laundry.*  It was all here:  shirts,
dresses, pants, skirts, underwear.  Especially underwear.  She held up a
bra,
a sudden doubt forming in her mind.  *Whose is this?  Akane's?  Nabiki's?
Nabiki's bras would be more sexy, wouldn't they?  Is it... mine... then?
That
is, one that Kasumi normally wears?*
 *Where's the freak when you really need him?* Ranma thought to
herself.  He would know.  *Not that I want him around... but it's going to
be
pretty embarrassing if I have to ask whose underwear is whose.  Akane will
punch me.  Nabiki will charge me some sort of stupid fee...*
 As for Kasumi... well, Ranma was already pretty embarrassed about
the position she'd placed Kasumi in.  No need to become more embarrassed,
she thought, clipping the bra to the line.
 And this would be my dad's underwear, she thought, hanging another
item.  Lovely.  No problem identifying that.  Jeez, how many holes did there
have to be before the old man finally bought something new?
 *I can't believe I'm actually doing this,* she thought.  I hope no one
sees me.  Oh man, what if Ryoga or Ukyou or one of the guys from school
were to show up now?  What if they find out?*
 Sweatdrops appeared on her head as she considered the possibilities,
and she had to school her mind.  *There's nothing strange about Kasumi
hanging underwear out to dry.  It's something she does every day.  I look
just
like Kasumi, don't I?   I'm dressed like her, I have her hair, her face, her
whole body, how can I not look like Kasumi?  There's no way that anyone
could know that it's really me, Ranma Saotome, who is, at this moment,
standing in the yard, holding up a pair of Akane's panties...*
 "Hey Kasumi!  How's it going?"
 "Hi Kasumi!  Is Ranma around?"
 Ranma froze.  She glanced over her shoulder and saw Hiroshi and
Daisuke, two friends from school.  Instinctively her hands snapped down to
her side, hiding the panties from their view.
 Trying to empty her head of thought, she gave a big smile.  "Oh, hello!
You're Ranma's friends, right?"
 "Yes, ma'am.  Is he in?"
 "I..." she paused, considering the dangers if these two were around
her or Kasumi for any length of time.  "Oh, he's not available right now,
sorry.
I'll tell him you were here, though."
 "Sis, what ever are you talking about?"  Nabiki stepped out from the
shadows.  "Boys, Ranma's out by the koi pond.  He's just doing some yard
work; I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."
 "Thanks, Nabiki," the two said, as they headed around the side of the
house.  Ranma took two steps after them, intending to head them off
somehow, but Nabiki stepped in front of her.
 "Sister dear," Nabiki said with emphasis, "remember to please to hang
my white blouse as soon as possible.   I don't want it to become too
wrinkled;
it's so much harder to iron out then."
 "Just a moment," Ranma said, trying to sidestep her.  Again Nabiki
blocked her path.
 "Right now, sis.  I insist."
 Ranma growled.  "What are you up to, Nabiki?"
 "Why nothing, Kasumi dear.  By the way, isn't it time for your bath?
Remember, sister dear, you always take yours early, so that the bath will be
free when all the martial artists are done sparring."
 Ranma growled again, and turned back to the clothesline.  This had
already become one of the worst days of her life, and if Nabiki got involved
then it would invariably grow worse.  She had to find a way to get back into
her own body quick!

***

 Hitoshi and Daisuke found Kasumi raking the leaves from the yard
which bordered the pond.  They were surprised to find that, not only was she
still a girl, as she'd been for the entire day at school, but she was now
wearing a pretty yellow dress with a white blouse and apron.  What's more,
her hair, always done up in a pig-tail, was now brushed out and pulled back
in a simple pony-tail.
 The two exchanged glances.  Was Ranma feeling okay?
 "Oh, hello!" Kasumi said, looking up.  She greeted them with a
dazzling, beautiful smile.  "How are you two doing this evening?"
 "Uh... fine," Hitoshi said.
 "We were going to see a movie," Daisuke added, "and we were
wondering if you or Akane wanted to come with us."
 The red-haired girl smiled sweetly.  "Oh, how nice of you!  Akane's not
here right now, and as for me... why ask me?  Don't you think that Ranma..."
 "Don't they think," Nabiki interrupted quickly, stepping into view, "that
you, Ranma, have too much to do?  Everyone knows how much work you put
into your kata, Ranma.  Luckily for your friends here, you've already
finished
your workouts, haven't you, Ranma?"
 Hiroshi and Daisuke exchanged glances again.
 Kasumi's eyes widened.  "Oh my!  That's right!"  She put a hand to her
mouth then looked back at the two boys and smiled again.  "Well, I don't
know.  It sounds like fun, but there's so much work I need to do..."
 "Don't be stupid, Ranma," Nabiki said.  "You go along with your friends
and have a good time.  I'm sure that Kasumi can handle the household
chores without you."
 "Of... of course," Kasumi said doubtfully.  She undid her apron and
glanced down at the dress she was wearing.  "Do you think that what I'm
wearing is...?"
 "It's just fine, Ranma.  She looks nice, doesn't she, boys?"
 "Oh, yes," Hiroshi said.
 "Most definitely," Daisuke added.  "You look really nice, Ranma.  You
should dress that way more often."
 "I don't think..." Kasumi said, but suddenly Nabiki was pushing her
towards the front gate.
 "It's okay, Ranma,"  she said.  She produced an object from nowhere
and shoved it into Kasumi's hands.  "Here, you wouldn't want to forget your
purse, would you?  Now run along with your friends and have fun, okay?  And
don't stay up too late!"
 Moments later Kasumi stood outside the gates with Ranma's two
schoolmates.  "My," she said.  "Well."  She slipped her purse over her
shoulder.  "A movie, you said?  What sort of movie is it?"
 "Martial arts, of course," Hiroshi said.  "Jet Li's latest.  We wouldn't
think of inviting you otherwise."
 "We hear it's really violent," Daisuke added.  "It should be a blast!"
 "Oh," Kasumi said.  "Well, then... that's... okay... I guess..."

***

 Akane slid the door aside and stepped in, a white towel held against
her naked body.  Steam filled the room, and with the lights turned off,
there
was only the hazy moonlight from the window to see by.  She heard water
sloshing about in the tub, and she froze, peering at the shadowy form in the
mist, just a few feet away.
 "Akane!  I'm sorry, I forgot the sign!  Don't come in!"
 The voice was that of her sister, Kasumi, but of course she knew that
it was really Ranma.  Her face flushed with embarrassment and anger, and
she stepped back out and shut the door quickly.
 "I'm sorry, Akane!" Ranma called out.  "I'll let you know when I'm done,
okay?"
 Akane stared at the door, her mind in a swirl.  This was so very like
the first time she'd met Ranma, the first time she'd encountered him when he
was a man.  She'd walked in on him, and they'd both seen each other, naked.
She'd been furious.  But over time she'd come to see it differently.  She
loved
Ranma, and she strongly suspected that he loved her, although neither was
willing to come out and say it.  Yet now it seemed to her somehow
appropriate that they'd first met like that, that the boy she would
apparently
marry -- if their parents had anything to say about it, at least -- was also
the
only one who'd ever seen her so.
 Ranma had been a girl so often, he invariably treated girls differently.
Despite his machismo, his rude behavior, and his feigned ignorance, Ranma
was one of the few boys her age she'd ever met who looked into her eyes
when he talked to her, rather than down at her breasts.  She'd thought about
that, too, and it had not bothered her so much that Ranma had been the one.
Not that she was ready to strip in front of him just yet, but she knew that
if
and when they were married, it would be different, and she was almost
comfortable with that thought.
 Memories came swirling up from her past, of when she was younger
and had routinely taken her baths with her older sister.  They were warm and
relaxing memories, comforting memories.  And, just as she was
uncomfortable with Kasumi undressing in front of her earlier, because she
looked like Ranma, Akane now realized that she wasn't really embarrassed to
appear naked in front of Ranma, as long as he looked like her sister Kasumi.
 Was she that bold?
 "Hmmm..." Akane looked again at the door, momentarily indecisive,
and then shrugged her shoulders.  After all, the room was so full of steam,
it
wasn't like you could see very much.  Sliding the door open again, she
stepped inside.  She could feel her heart beating against her chest.
 "Akane?" Ranma called out.  It sounded so much like her sister...
 "Do you mind, Ranma?" Akane asked.  "I don't want to wait, and I've
bathed with my sister hundreds of times, and really, you're her, at least,
physically... so if you don't mind..."
 "Um... no, I guess not..." Ranma replied, staring at the wall.  Akane
smiled to herself.  Ranma, chivalrous?  Imagine!
 "Besides," she said, quickly soaping up her body, "this way, I can
assure father that you're not playing around in here with his precious
daughter's body."
 "Akane!" Ranma exclaimed.
 "I'm joking, I'm joking!" She said.  She washed off, her hands shaking
just a little.  She was excited, and scared, and forced herself to breathe
slowly and calm down.  After all, this was her sister, right?  Essentially,
anyway.  It wasn't like anything could really happen between them... but
knowing that it was also Ranma sent a little thrill through her.
 She slipped into the far side of the bath and slid down until the water
reached her chin.  "Sort of, anyway.  This whole thing has really got dad on
edge."
 "Well, it's no picnic for me either," Ranma groused.
 "Oh, please!"  Akane splashed water Ranma's way.  "It's not like
you've never been female before!  And I think you passed that economics
test with flying colors!"
 Ranma's face twisted up.  It sent a shiver down Akane's spine, seeing
such odd expressions on her sister's face.  "This is different," Ranma said.
"it's demeaning.  People treat me like the house maid, and I don't even get
any of the respect that Kasumi gets for doing the same things..."
 "She's just a little better than you, you know," Akane said,
remembering her bed.
 "Well of course.  But that's not it... it's just... everything's so
different.
I'm not strong anymore.  I can hardly perform half the kata I normally do
every morning.  And look at you, sitting here with me... you'd never do at
any
other time."
 Akane was beginning to wonder if this had been such a good idea.
"Well," she said, "if we were to get... you know..."
 "I know, I know," Ranma said.  "But we've never done this before, and
we wouldn't be doing it now, except... except... I'm not just in my girl
form
anymore.  I'm Kasumi.  I mean, what am I going to do if I... if we never
find
out how to..." tears were streaming down her face.
 "Don't worry, Ranma," Akane said with a confidence she didn't really
feel.  "I'm sure they'll figure it out.  Tofu-Sensei's doing some research.
In
any case, you know Daddy won't give up until he solves this, if only for
Kasumi's sake."
 "This is worse..." Ranma said, "than anything else that's happened to
me."
 "Don't talk like that, Ranma," Akane said, growing a little angry.  "It's
not like being my sister is the end of the world.  I mean, she's managed it
just
fine up 'til now.  Besides, you're not the sort of person who ever gives up
hope.  Things will work out, and even if they don't... well, they just will,
that's
all.
 "Anyway, before you drown in your own self-pity, think of what Kasumi
must be going through."
 "It's just about all I can think about," Ranma replied.  "I mean, when it
comes down to it, my being Kasumi mostly means I'm stuck as a girl and I
have to deal with the endless drudgery of housework, but if I were a girl,
and
I didn't mind housework, it wouldn't be so bad at all.  Kasumi, on the other
hand, has to deal with my mess of a life.  She's neither male nor female,
she
has a pathetic excuse for a father, she has more enemies and more... um,
'relationship problems'... than any one person could possibly deserve,
especially her.  And she doesn't even have all of my martial arts training
to
protect herself with."
 Akane thought back to the scene before the school that morning with
Kuno.  "I'm not too sure about that," she said.  "Kasumi's had martial arts
training.  So has Nabiki.  I'm just the only one who continued on with it.
But
her training, combined with your own body's reflexes, might be enough... as
long as she doesn't actually get into a fight with Ryoga, or Mousse, or
Kodachi..."
 "I really don't see how she could avoid it," Ranma said morosely.
 Akane said nothing.  She sat, watching the steam rise, letting the heat
soak into her body.  *Ranma's right,* she realized.  *The longer this goes
on,
the more certain it is that Kasumi's going to wind up in a fight where she's
way outclassed.*
 "I'll have to watch over her," Akane said.  "Until this is over, I'll have
to
protect her."
 "Akane, if it's Ryoga or Mouse that she faces..."
 "I know, I know, I'm not as good as them.  But since you've been
training me, I've gotten a lot better.  I'll just have to do my best, that's
all, and
avoid any serious confrontations if we can possibly manage it."
 "If only you could master the Chestnut Fist..." Ranma said.
 "I know," Akane said, frowning.  She'd been practicing that one for
months, but it was just out of her reach.  She was strong... really strong,
when she focused all of her energy... but she simply didn't have the kind of
speed Ranma had.  The Chestnut Fist might be something she'd never be
able to master.
 "Well," Ranma said, "anyway, I guess this means that we're no longer
engaged... for the moment, at least..."
 Akane stared through the steam at her sister's face... at Ranma.  Did
she look sad,  or just relieved?  It was impossible to tell.

***

 "Well, that movie was... interesting..." Kasumi managed to say.
 The two boys seated across from her in the booth exchanged glances.
They'd been doing that all evening, and she wasn't quite sure what to make
of it.  Did they normally act that way?  Kasumi didn't know.  She didn't see
these two particular boys around the dojo as often as Ranma's other friends,
but they seemed nice enough.  She'd been with them all evening, and they
hadn't shown the slightest inclination to rip up any telephone poles or
smash
any walls, which was refreshing.  *I never knew Ranma had such friends.*
 They were seated in a local ice cream parlor.  The two had insisted on
treating her, despite her protests.  Kasumi knew how much Ranma liked ice
cream, so she guessed this was something that he normally did, although it
did seem a little odd, her eating while they watched.
 "You really ought to consider it," Hitoshi was saying.  "I mean, unless
wearing a dress makes you uncomfortable..."
 "What?" Kasumi said.  "Of course it doesn't, don't be silly!  Why would
it... I mean..."
 "Then," Daisuke said, "there's nothing to prevent you from wearing
them more often, is there?"
 "You could wear a girl's dress uniform at school," Hitoshi said.  "That
wouldn't be so bad, would it?"
 "I'm not sure that would be a good idea..." Kasumi said.
 "Don't worry!" Hitoshi said.  "We wouldn't mind, Ranma.  Really."
 "Not at all," Daisuke chimed in.  "We're right behind you, Ranma!"
 "That's right," Hitoshi said.  "We support you in this decision all the
way.  What are friends for?"
 Kasumi felt the conversation spinning out of her control, and decided
to retreat and regroup.  "I... um... I have to use the restroom," Kasumi
said.
"If you'll excuse me..."
 "Go right ahead," Daisuke replied.  "We're not going anywhere."

 The two friends watched as their schoolmate crossed the floor.  They
both nodded as the door closed behind her.
 "Straight into the women's restroom," Daisuke said.
 "No hesitation," Hitoshi agreed.  "She didn't bat an eye."
 "I'm telling you, Ranma's never acted more feminine in his life."
 "Tonight's a special night, Daisuke.  Very special."
 "Definitely.  It's almost like being on a date, only..."
 "Only, really we're just hanging out with the guys," Hitoshi said.
 "Exactly.  Noriko has nothing to get jealous about."
 "Shigeko can't complain either.  It's only Ranma, after all."
 "It's not like you're cheating on her or anything."
 "Not at all."
 "It's the best of both worlds, isn't it?"
 "Definitely.  You don't even have to worry about jealous boyfriends.
Ranma doesn't have any."
 "Unless you count Kuno."
 Hitoshi's face fell.  "That's right.  I forgot about Kuno."
 "Well, what he doesn't know..." Daisuke suggested.
 Hitoshi nodded his head vigorously.  "Exactly!  What he doesn't
know..."
 A shadow fell across the table.  The two looked up into the intense
eyes of a man who was just this side of not quite sane.  He wore a samurai's
outfit, blue with black, and casually balanced a bokken over his shoulder.
 "Pray thee, did I perchance to hear my name on your lips?" Kuno
asked suspiciously, staring at the two.
 "What?" Hitoshi said.  "No, not at all!"
 "Definitely not," Daisuke chimed in.
 "Foolish knaves!"  Kuno's bokken swung around to point directly at
them.  "Tell me why you have chosen to slander the good name of Tatewate
Kuno!"

 Kasumi straightened her dress and checked herself in the mirror.
 She'd have to go out there and straighten things out with those two
boys somehow.  Really, if it came to it, Kasumi would just as soon attend
school in her old dress uniform... she still had the one from three years
ago,
and was pretty sure it would fit Ranmachan's body... but what would that do
to poor Ranma?  Here she was, spending the evening with two of his best
friends, and she was wearing a dress.  Poor Ranma!  She was going to
cause him all sorts of problems if she didn't get a hold of herself.
 She smiled at the reflection in the mirror, liking what she saw.  *Well,*
she thought, *it's not as if Ranma hasn't worn a dress before.  She looks so
lovely in one... when it comes right down to it, if he's going to be a she
part of
the time, then why shouldn't she dress like a girl?  It stands to reason.
She's
really so very pretty...*
 Kasumi smiled at her reflection and walked out of the restroom.

 "Pig-tailed girl!"  A voice cried out.  Kasumi looked up to see someone
dressed in a samurai outfit running at her from across the parlor.  He fell
to
one knee at her feet and grasped her hand.  From seemingly nowhere he
produced a bouquet of deep red roses and offered them to her.  "Lo, how
your hair, unfettered at last, outshines the noonday sun!  How fortuitous
that
we should meet thus!  But then, "Journeys end in loved ones meeting."  So it
shall be!  You must date with me!  Say yes!  I will not accept no as an
answer!"
 "Oh!" Kasumi said, looking down at the tall and rather handsome
young boy kneeling before her.  "Oh, my!  Aren't you the boy I hit..." she
paused, her hand to her mouth, looking guilty.

 Across the parlor, Daisuke and Hitoshi looked on.
 "Thank the gods," Hitoshi said.  "One moment more and we would
have been mincemeat."
 "Perfect timing on Ranma's part, as usual," Daisuke agreed.
 "Look at that!  A bouquet of roses!  I'll never understand how he does
that!"
 "Gotta be some special martial arts trick," Daisuke said.
 Hitoshi nodded.  "Martial arts are a wondrous thing, my friend."

***

 Nabiki Tendo played with the telephoto lens, then snapped several
pictures.
 "Oh my," she said.  "This is too rich!  What is she going to do?"
 Her eyes tracked a couple as they stepped out of an ice cream parlor
and made their way down the sidewalk.  Dropping her camera and pulling the
wide brim of her hat lower, she shadowed them down the opposite side of the
street.  They were holding hands!  She paused to take several more pictures,
then watched as they disappeared into a restaurant.
 "Can it be?" she asked.  "An actual date?  Oh, my poor sister!  She
probably couldn't find a way out of it.  That's what you get for being nice.
But
this is better than anything I could ever arrange on my own!  How much will
Ranma pay to keep these photos under wraps?  Everything!  No, he doesn't
have enough money to keep them hidden!"
 She balanced the camera on the back of a postbox.  "Okay, Kuno
baby," she said, "now don't disappoint me.  It's your first big date with
the
love of your life, and you're as vain as a Hollywood starlet.  Tell me you
want
a window seat.  Tell me you want everyone who walks by to see you with
your dream date."
 For several moments she scanned the large glass windows, then she
froze.  Quickly she took aim with the camera and adjusted the scope.
 "YES!  YES!  Oh, Kuno baby, you are sooooo predictable!  Oh, my,
yes!  Commemorative photos of your first date with the pig-tailed goddess!
What will you pay?  What WILL you pay?  I'm afraid to even contemplate it.
Ten times the usual?  Twenty?  More?"
 Nabiki reeled off an entire roll of film, then paused to rewind and put in
a new roll.  "I almost feel guilty," she said to herself.  "I mean, my poor
sister... and poor Ranma!  It's almost going too far.  I should probably cut
them in for a share.  Maybe... one percent each?  No.  One percent, split
between the two.  Yeah, I can probably afford that much."
 Nabiki leveled the camera and began clicking away.

***

 Kasumi wasn't at all sure how she had gone from an evening spent
with two of Ranma's friends to a date with another of them, but here she
was,
in a fine French restaurant, with the strange boy who always dressed like a
samurai.  She was vaguely aware that Ranma himself would probably have
never allowed this to happen, but Kuno had trapped her so cleverly with his
words and actions that she didn't quite know how to escape, short of
punching him again, which she was definitely not going to do.  She was also
aware that what she was doing might have some ramifications down the road
for Ranma -- she could be getting him into yet more trouble, but she saw no
way to avoid it.
 *In any case,* she thought to herself after some reflection, *Ranma
can certainly handle himself, so I suppose I can't do too much damage.  And
really, it is kind of fun, being on a date!  I've never actually done this
before.
I was too young before mother died, and since then my opportunities for any
romance have been slim.  And he is kind of handsome, in an egotistical way,
and he is rather charming, and chivalrous, if a little odd...*
 Kasumi allowed herself to relax, and have a good time.  The meal was
delicious, and the company... well, Kuno spoke at great length about his own
exploits, and especially about his great (and victorious) battles with "that
evil
sorcerer Ranma Saotome", whatever that meant... but Kasumi was used to
boastful stories, and was a good listener.  The evening was surprisingly
pleasant, certainly moreso than the movie had been, and Kuno seemed to be
having such a nice time...
 As they stepped out of the restaurant, Kuno's face took on a more
serious frown.  "Now then, my beautiful pig-tailed goddess," he said, "where
do you suppose the night shall lead us to next?"
 Enough was enough, Kasumi realized.  She'd had some fun, probably
at Ranma's expense, she thought guiltily.  Best if it went no farther than
that.
"Thank you so much for the dinner, Kuno, I enjoyed myself, but I really
think I
should be heading home."
 "Of course," Kuno said after a moment's reflection.  "For 'The day is
done, and the darkness Falls from the wings of Night, As a feather is wafted
downward From an Eagle in flight.'  But I insist that I be allowed to escort
you
to the door of your domicile!"
 Kasumi giggled.  What an odd way of speaking this boy had!  "Thank
you very much, Kuno," she said.  "I think I'd like that."
 They walked through the streets as the daylight faded away and was
replaced by the moonlight.  Kuno seemed peaceful and reflective.  Kasumi
could not remember ever having seen the boy act this way before... always in
the past, he was loud, and boastful, and ready to fight his friends at a
moment's notice.  Now he seemed calm, almost serene.
 He placed his arm around her.  Again, she thought that probably
Ranma would not have allowed it, but she didn't want to start a
confrontation
with this boy.  Besides, it really felt good.
 At the gate of the dojo he took Kasumi in his arms and looked deeply
into her eyes.  She knew what he wanted, and she found that she wanted it
as well.  It had been such a pleasant evening, her first real date ever, and
dates always ended with a kiss, wasn't that so?
 *What can it hurt?* She thought.  And then, *Oh, but he will tell others!
Ranma might never live it down!*  And then, *but if no one sees us, it will
be
Ranma's word against Kuno's...*  And then, *It would be so nice, a perfect
ending to such an enjoyable evening.*  And then, *Do you suppose Ranma
has ever been in this position?  What did she do?*  And then, *Oh, I can't
do
this to poor Ranma!*  And then...
 And then Kuno kissed her.  Her eyes went wide with shock, but it
wasn't unpleasant at all, and for just a moment she allowed herself to kiss
him back.  Just a moment, just... and then she pulled away, reluctantly.
 She frowned.  Kuno had such a goofy look on his face, and he was
staring up at the sky, ignoring her completely.  Was he all right?  And
there
had been the distinct sounds of clicking and whirring coming from the alley
across the way.  They were soft, faint sounds, but it was night and the
streets
were quiet.  Kasumi had heard them clearly, and she knew what those
sounds were.
 With another glance at Kuno, who was lost in a world of his own, she
opened the gate and slipped inside.  She stepped to the side of the gate and
waited.
 Several minutes later the gate slid open again.  Nabiki slipped silently
into the compound.  She was dressed all in dark clothing, with a wide-
brimmed hat that was pulled down low.  In her hand she carried a camera,
carefully, as if it were a priceless relic from the Han Dynasty.
 Kasumi cleared her throat.  Nabiki nearly jumped back over the wall.
 "Sister," Kasumi said, "what are you doing with that camera?"

***

 The rising young star of the kendo club, he whom they called 'the Blue
Thunder of Furinkan High', Tatewate Kunou, walked home.
 His mind was in a pleasant fog.  What a marvelous night it had been!
His first date with the pig-tailed girl!  His first kiss!  This day, he
reasoned,
ranked as high on his list of momentous days as his other greatest days...
his
chance first meetings with Akane and with the pig-tailed girl.  No, this
ranked
higher!  Higher than any other day!  This was the most consequential
moment of his young life!  This day signaled a turning point in his
relationship
with the pig-tailed goddess!  No more would that dark sorcerer Saotome hold
sway over her innocent heart, clouding her mind to the truth.  Now, now, his
path to her heart was clear and unobstructed.  Now, finally, could Tatewate
Kuno see where his path would lead him!
 He stopped in the middle of the street, suddenly in anguish.
 What of Akane?  How could he break the news to her?  How could he
leave her, broken and devastated by her loss?
 No!  It could not be!  Never could he raise one above the other, or
abandon one in favor of the other!  He would choose the most difficult path,
but the most honorable one!  The path of a true samurai!  He would court
them both, and win both their hearts at last!
 Kuno paused, again, brought up short by the thought.  If he were to
treat them equally... if he were to avoid favoring one, and thus shattering
the
heart of the other... then surely he must arrange a date with Akane Tendo
forthwith!  How it would crush her to know of this evening he had spent in
the
pig-tailed girl's company, if he did not immediately arrange a similar
evening
with her!  And truly, it was not only the honorable thing to do, but very
much a
thing that he felt a yearning for within his own breast!
 "Oh!" Kuno said aloud, "that ever a man trod a path so precarious and
fraught with danger, and all for the sake of love!  But as it is said, 'For
ever it
was, and ever it shall befall, That Love is he that all things may bind.'
Yes!
My next step is as clear as the morning sun!  Tomorrow evening shall Akane
Tendo dine together with me, and I shall escort her home just as I have
tonight with the pig-tailed girl.  And then..!"
 Maniacal laughter rang out in the night.

***

 Father was waiting for both of them when Kasumi and Nabiki slipped
into the house.  They greeted him, then Nabiki yawned and headed up to her
room.  Kasumi stayed behind.
 "Kasumi," Soun said, "did you have a good time?"
 "I had a wonderful time, Father!" she said.
 Soun nodded, pleased.  "I wanted you to know that Ranma's asleep
on a futon in your room.  He said you could use the bed."
 Kasumi nodded.  "Father?  Can I get you some tea, or something to
eat?"
 Soun shook his head.  "No, thank you, Kasumi.  I was just going to
bed."
 "Let me rub your shoulders then," she said, settling behind him.  Soun
relaxed and let his daughter work out the kinks in his back, and for a
moment
it seemed as if it had all been a dream.  He could imagine that these were
his
precious Kasumi's own hands on his shoulders, and not Ranmachan's.
 "I... I'm afraid I may have caused Ranma some trouble tonight,"
Kasumi said, shattering his reverie.  "I hope it's not too bad."
 "Don't worry," Soun said softly.  "There's very little that Ranma can't
handle.  We'll speak to Tofu-Sensei in the morning, and with any luck we'll
find a solution for this mess."
 "I hope so, father, I really do," Kasumi said.

 After her father had disappeared into his room, Kasumi headed for the
bath.  It was late, but she wanted to be clean and she needed some time to
relax and think things over.
 She closed the door behind her.  After a minute there was the sound
of running water.  A few minutes of relative quiet passed, and then the
sounds of more water running, and of water splashing.  Then came the
sound of feet padding on a hard tile floor, and the deeper splosh of someone
settling into the tub, and of the water sloshing about and splashing onto
the
floor.
 A girl's voice cried out suddenly.  "Oh!  Oh, my!"  The voice quickly
dropped to a lower register.  "Oh my, oh my, oh my!"

 It was a short bath.  Kasumi emerged again a few minutes later, clean,
but hardly relaxed.  She was female again, and her face was very, very red.

***
End Part Two


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