"Rhialto" <rhialto@neko.cablenet.co.uk> wrote:

 Kodachi was dubious.

How true.

The amulet that Gosunkugi sold her didn't look
like much, but he DID say it held great power. Now it was only left to
complete the ritual.

Gosunkugi is not a mage. He's a voodooist-wannabe with absolutely no
skill at sorcery whatsoever. Zero. If he made the amulet, it should have
no effect. And if by some miracle, Gos did manage to find an actual
working magical item, he'd try to use it to make Akane love him.

 "Oyasumi nasai Kodachi-chan."

 "Oyasumi oniisan," She called back.

Uncapitalize she; and is there any reason we can't have this dialog
dubbed into English?

"Fool." She added under her

"Fool," she

 "Don't eat it all at once now, precious one." She held the insect just
above the flytrap, the plant's jaws snapping hungrily at the insect.
After playing with the plant for a moment she dropped it into the plants

plant's

 ~dochira ni... ?~ She thought to herself. She was floating in a cloudy
purple sky. She looked around, but there was no ground, just cloud in
every direction. ~Eerie,~ she thought to herself. In the distance a tiny
speck appeared. ~Gosunkugi! This is your doing!~ Hot, angry chi blazed
around her, raising a small storm. In the distance a tiny speck
appeared. ~What's this?~ She watched intently as the tiny speck grew
into a human shape. A female shape. ~Ohohohohohoho! Gosunkugi, you shall
be rewarded if this is what I think it is. Ranma-sama, the pleasure of

Kodachi doesn't understand Ranma's curse. If she can tell the shape is
female, she'll think it's not him.

 *Splash*

 "Wakey wakey Ranchan!"

Ukyo is the only one who calls Ranma that.

 "Oh my." Ranma-chan said lamely.

Try not to repeat the same line too often.

 ~Shimatta. Mustn't let him see me like this.~ Ranma quickly jumped
around the corner and ran down the corridor. Kunou paused momentarily to
throw his bucket to the ground and draw out his bokutou. Predictably,
Kunou failed to notice the flash of red hair as Ranma changed and ran
for cover.

* * *

 "So that's how it happened, Ukyou" Ranma finished. He barely noticed
as he stuck his chopsticks into the freshly made okonomiyaki, ruining
the kanji characters written on it. Idly, he wondered where Akane was.
He had seen her only briefly when he arrived at the morning class, and
had decided to skip the rest of the day.

HUH?! How did we get here all of the sudden?

---

 Comments? This might (hah!) become a full-length feature film with a
cast of thousands and an impressive special effects budget IF I get some
comments.

OK, I'd say that your idea has potential. My question would be, where do
you want to go with it? If you want to go for comedy, then you need to
put in some jokes and other funny stuff. If you want to do serious
drama, then you need to delve into the characters' emotions. And so on.
All sorts of things are possible, but I don't see any of them here yet.

In summary, you've got your concept, and I think it is a good one. Now
do something with it.

And who dares mock Spam?

That would be Tybalt. :-)


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics