On Sun, 21 Jun 1998, Trom wrote:

Well heres part 5 of The Game, I know its a long time coming but what 
can I say.  This is only a first draft so C+C welcome, flames can go on 
the back burner.  Thanks to Donny and a bunch of other people for 
inspiring me. 
						Trom

Glad to see you continuing this.

Chapter 5 Creative Distractions  

	"Not bad if I do say so myself." she murmured as her eye looked 
for anything that could be wrong with her creations.  Finding them to 

	I do say so myself<,>" she murmured *punctuation*

	"All's fair in love and war," She smiled a wicked mad scientist 
smile, and using her teleporter sent for of her constructs to intercept 

	and war," <she> smiled a *if you're using the comma, no need for
capitalization*

	her teleporter sent <four> of her *spelling*

one of the Empresses of Jurai.  Next the undercover position of 
towel-girl, in one of the most renown and brutal tournaments in the 

	the most <reknown> and brutal *spelling*

Tenchi Masaki's voice thundered through out the thrown-room. "I appoint 
you the tittle of Duchess, and the holdings of sectors 

	out the <throne-room>. *spelling*

	The Empress Ayeka then proclaims, "For you nightly pleasures and 
the strengthening of your line."  She clapped her hands, and the most 
handsomest, most masculine male, she had ever imagine appeared and 
gathered her up in his arms...........]

	The many 'she' pronouns in the above paragraph.
	"For <your> nightly pleasures *spelling*

	BEEP! BEEP!
	Yutaka jumped awake from her slumber as a incoming message was 
received.  Again she cursed her luck.

	slumber as <an> incoming *spelling*

	The air crackled with power, both ancient and evil.  A huge 
demon, at least 12 meters tall, and just as wide, bellowed in furry, 

	bellowed in <fury>, *spelling*

opening his maw, he unleash a stream of fire so intense that the rock 

	he <unleashed> a stream *past tense*

their use would be maddening to any lesser being.  A sphere of ultimate 
blacked formed between his hands and was sent toward it's target.  The 

	of ultimate <black> formed *no need for past tense*
	toward <its> target *no apostrophe needed in possessive case of
pronouns like it, his, her*

	"Well that was disappointing,"  The figure commented as the 
smoke cleared, which caused the demon to gasp in disbelief, his most 

	disappointing," <the> figure *again no need for capitalization*

	"Who do I call upon today?"  She murmured to herself.  The 
problem with being centuries old, is that you quickly grow bored with 

	upon today?" <she> murmured *Don't need capital*

the usual play toys.  Calling forth a scroll from it's position on the 
wall, Morrigan scanned her �little black book' for a likely subject of 

	scroll from <its> position *possessive pronoun again*

It was amusing to watch the antics of the other women, when she tried to

get an image of Ranma with the exception of a view brief images, as she 

expected could not.

The sentence doesn't make sense.  Try breaking it up.

What was it's name?  She couldn't rightly remember it of hand, but it 
didn't matter. 

	was <its> name *possessive pronoun*

  An Old woman working in her garden, decided that she had been out in 
the sun long enough.

	An <old> woman working *is that a random capitalization?*

it.  That would teach it's creator to make it's image in the Guise of a 
very famous martial artist.  Who would likely be receiving most 
unpleasant welcomes should he come up these people. 

	teach <its> creator to make <its> image in *possessive pronoun*
	should he come up <on> these people. *missing a word*

manage to complete it's scan before Nuku-Nuku pounced on it.  Getting a 
good look at what she had caught, caused her to draw back in surprise. 

	complete <its> scan 

	"Ranma?" The little machined looked like an exact duplicate of 
Ranma Saotome, albeit a one meter high Ranma anyway.   She knew it 
wasn't Saotome due to it's scent.  Although it did have a scent that she 
did recognize.  
	"Skuld-chan made little Ranma robots?"  She inquired to her 
companion.  Mercury, who was scanning the creature, quickly agreed with 

	robots?" <she> inquired no need for captitals*

	"It does look like one of Skuld's designs." Mercury mussed, When 
was Skuld get over this little game of hers.   You thing being centuries 

	Skuld's designs<,>" Mercury <mused><.>  When was was Skuld <going>
to get over this *puctuation, spelling and missing a word*

	<You'd> <think> being centuries *spelling*

old, would get her over such childish behavior.  Of course Goddess, 
matured a lot less slower than most. Mercury giggled at that thought.  

	Of course, <Goddesses> matured *plural form*

before coming up with an idea.  "Nuku-Nuku?  Would you hold it still 
while I accessed it's memory banks?"

	I accessed <its> memory *pronoun*

	"This is a pretty good design." Mercury muttered as she 
connected with the bot.  Calling forth her visor, she got the 

	good design<,>" Mercury muttered

information strait to it, using virtual reality to enter the machine's 
memory cells.  While in there she noticed that it had link to it's 

	
	information <straight> to it *spelling*
	that it had <a> link to <its> *missing a word and pronoun*

	"Hmp!" Mercury grumped, then she sighed. "Skuld always was the 
possessive type. And melodramatic as well.  "Come on Nuku-Nuku, I think 
I know how to find Ranma now." 

	as well. <snip the extrat quotation*

Some common mistakes I noticed:

	it's means it is.
	its is the same as hers and his for pronoun usage.

	"Hello!" she exclaimed.
	"Hello," she said.
	Those are some examples of dialogue that are correct.

Waiting for more from you! ^_^