As some of you may know, I recently embarked on a re-write of Ch 8 and 9,
since my pal and I agreed that it would be for the best if we removed him
from the story.

Since I was redoing those, I decided I should at least clean up Ch 1-7 to
keep everything a little more in line with the characterizations I saw in
the OAVs and I've seen in the manga.  Also, I wanted to fix some uses of
honorifics which were just wrong.

So, the new version of Ch 8 of OMB should be out tonight sometime.  'Til
then, I thought I'd let you see the revision of Ch1-7.

Enjoy!

_____________________
Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 1


All Oh! My Goddess (Ah! My Goddess, Aa! Megami-sama, whatever) characters
owned by Kosuke Fujishima.  I'm poor, don't sue me.

***

Did I mention I really hate Mondays?  I don't mean like some people hate
lima beans, I'm talking a full fledged, berserker rage, MUST KILL kind of
hate.

With my job, you'd think I'd get over it.  I mean, they don't care when I
work, just as long as they get their 40 hours a week out of me and I'm there
for every meeting.  Nice, hey?

Unfortunately, my PRICK of a manager sets our weekly meetings at 8:30 Monday
morning.  That means I'm up at 6:30.  I used to get a kick out of seeing the
sun rise, now it just pisses me off.

Anyway, enough with the ranting.  So there I am, sitting at my computer,
wishing death upon my manager and the corporation in general while I read my
email.  At my side is my ever-present bottle of Diet Coke.  Most people
snicker at it, but when they realize that I drink about two liters a day,
they shut up.  Some people have coffee, I have my cola.

So I'm looking at my mail, and I find this message:

   Date: Mon, 25 Aug 1996 08:18:36
   From: Goddess Relief Office <helpme@relief.heaven.gov>
   Subject: Your Request
   To: Christopher J Angel <cangel@comtel.ca>

   Your request for aid has been granted.  A representative
   will contact you at the earliest possible convenience.

   Goddess Relief Office

I read it a few times, and then did the same action I reserve for all goofy
email messages.  I filed it with the delete key and promptly forgot all
about it.

Not the wisest action, now that I think about it...

***

The true meaning of that little message didn't hit me until later that day,
when I was trying to make my dinner at home.  Emphasis on trying.  I'm a
pretty lousy cook at the best of times, and I tend to eat out a lot to
compensate.  The one thing I can make, however, is pasta.  And what do you
need for pasta?  Boiling water.

Needless to say, I was pretty damn surprised when a barely teenaged girl
climbed out of the pot and fell into my arms.  I was even more surprised
when she screamed and hammered me on the head with her overgrown croquet
mallet, knocking me out.

I woke up a few minutes later, laid out on the couch.  The shrimp was
screaming into the phone.  The first thing I wondered was how the hell a
five-foot-nothing kid who probably weighed 100 pounds at worst got a
six-foot-four, 250 pound giant like me from the kitchen to the living room.
The second thing I wondered was if that call she was making was local.  The
third thing I wondered was why my head felt like someone had been using it
as an anvil.

The kid was cute, I'll give her that.  She was wearing some weird red and
white clothes that looked like a cross between formal clothes and a lab
coat.  She had these weird markings on her face, a blue-yellow rounded
triangle on her forehead and two similiar marks on her cheekbones.  Her hair
was long and black and ran down to the small of her back.  The cowlick she
had going was a riot, though.

Me, being the rational and eloquent guy I am, groaned and said, "What the
hell is going on?"  The kid saw I was awake and said something into the
phone, and hung it up.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said.  "I was surprised!"  She looked
disgusted and muttered something that sounded like "I've got to stop doing
that."

I put my hand to my forhead and winced at the round bruise I felt.
"Umm...before I call the cops, who the hell are you and what the HELL is
going on?!"

"I'm the Goddess Skuld, and I'm here to grant you one wish," she said
formally.

A bit of my mythology classes came back to me.  "Skuld?  As in Urd, Verdandi
and Skuld?  The Norns?"  I was shocked.  I was amazed.  I still hadn't clued
into that wish portion.  What can I say, sometimes I'm dense.  "You've got
to be joking."

"That's BELLdandy," she corrected pointedly.  "One cough and everyone takes
it as gospel.  So what do you want to wish for?"

Like I said, sometimes I'm dense.  "Wish?  Oh...yeah."  I thought for a few
seconds.  "What can I get?"  Hey, I'm no idiot most of the time.  I was
going to avoid the 'w' word like the plague until I decided.

Skuld sighed.  "Anything you want.  You could wish to be rich, or to be
popular with women, you could even wish to end the world."  She paused.
"But if you're that kind of person you wouldn't get a wish."

The concept stunned me for a moment.  "Well, I wouldn't want to end the
world, that would kind of include ending ME, wouldn't it?"  The idea of
criteria for wish-getting was kind of intriguing, but something else
bothered me.  "Hey, if you're the goddess of the future," I still hadn't
quite got the handle on that, "shouldn't you have better things to do?  Like
worrying about creation or something?"

Skuld smiled brightly at me.  "Nope, we've got Yggdrasil to do that, it's
got more than enough processing power."

If I was a dog, my ears would have perked.  "Processing power?  The universe
runs on a computer?"  I liked that idea.  It seemed somehow comforting to
me, until I remembered computers crash.  "What happens if it crashes?"

"Bad things," Skuld said simply, in a tone that suggested she didn't want to
talk about it.  "Now what do you want?"  She asked impatiently.

I was silent for a long time.  What do I wish for?  I mean, I had to assume
it was real, it's not every day a kid jumps out of a pot of water.  I kind
of felt that I should be careful, since what I wish for could change my
life.  The idea of being irresistable to women appealed to me.  I wasn't
exactly a date magnet after all.  But the romantic in me made me stop.
Something to improve myself?  I dismissed that just as quickly.  If I became
better in some way, I'd want to do it myself.  Every time I came upon a wish
I liked, something held me back.

I finally shook my head.  "I don't know.  I can't really decide."  A
solution occured to me.  "Maybe you can tell me about some of the wishes
you've seen, that might help."  Hey, if you can't come up with an idea,
steal someone else's.

Skuld smiled.  "Who could it hurt?" she said.  She started to tell me of
various wishes she had seen people make.  Some of them were ridiculous, some
of them made far too much sense (although the concept of Bill Gates as a
wish recipient still gives me shivers).  Skuld finished by telling me about
Keiichi Morisato, and the wish he made with her sister, Belldandy.

Let me tell you a little something about myself.  I like kids, kids like me.
Especially the ones between the ages of around 8 and 14.  (No, not that way
you sicko.)  They're fun people at that age.  I mean, older than that and
you have to start treating them like adults (usually), younger and they're
too little to understand you.  But that age is fun.  As Skuld talked, I
found myself forgetting her godhood (or goddesshood?) and just treating her
as a young girl.

NOT one of the wisest things I've done.

When Skuld finished, I couldn't help but ask her some questions.  I guess
'big brother' mode had kicked in.  "You really care for your sister, don't
you?"  Skuld nodded wordlessly.  "You're afraid that this Keiichi guy is
going to make her unhappy?"  She nodded again.  "Skuld, you respect your
sister a lot, let her make her own choices.  From what you tell me, she and
Keiichi love each other a great deal.  Think of it as gaining a brother, not
losing a sister."  Skuld smiled at me, and not thinking, I said the words
that changed my life.  "You know, I wish I had a sister like you."

Skuld almost screamed as she suddenly began to glow with a brilliant white
light.  She floated of the ground, energy flowing around her and through me,
filling the room.  The energy shot from her straight up into the ceiling and
into the sky.  Must have been quite a shock to the people in the apartments
above mine.

Skuld floated back to the ground.  "Wish approved," she said, disbelief on
her face and in her voice.

I did the most logical thing for me to do at that time.  I fainted.

***

Now, one of my favorite things to do is sleep.  Well, that's not quite true.
I like GOING to sleep.  Sleep itself is no great hell, it's just an 8-hour
blank spot with commercials.  Waking up is kind of fun too, except when
you're woken up by loud noise.  Like oh, say, an alarm.  Or in this case,
two women and a girl arguing.

I cracked open my eyes.  There was Skuld, involved in a shouting match with
two of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen.  After all I've gone through
I'm still struck by that every once in a while.

The first one my eyes focussed on I figured had to be Belldandy.  She was
shorter than me at about five and a half feet.  She had light brown hair,
and wore what was, well, housewife clothing.  The whole nine yards, from the
apron to the pretty frilly dress.  She had beautiful blue eyes and similar
marks to Skuld on her face, but the one on her forhead was a long diamond.
The hair spikes that looked funny on Skuld worked on her.  The first word
that came to my mind was 'angel.'  She was purity personified.

The first word that came to my mind when I saw Urd was 'hot.'  Other words
quickly followed that one, but I don't think they're for public consumption.
If Belldandy was purity personified, Urd was sexuality personified.  She was
wearing jeans and a sweatshirt and somehow looked nude at the same time.
She was built like a model, correction, like a model WISHES she was built.
She had dark skin, silver hair, and her forehead marking was of an inverted
triangle.  That cowlick thing the girls had looked, well, erotic on Urd.
Suffice it to say Urd could make the Pope think impure thoughts.

While I was watching the shouting match, this shrimp of a guy showed up.
I'm secure enough in my manhood to say the guy was pretty handsome.  Hell,
if being as short as him was a price to pay for looking that good, I'd have
paid it in a minute.  To be truthful, he looked like he was in his mid
teens.  He had black hair.  I figured he was that Keiichi guy.

Now, don't get me wrong here, I'm not obsessed with height.  It's just that
when you're as tall as me you get kind of used to having a crink in your
neck from having to look down at people.  As a result, your first
observation on meeting anyone is their height, especially in relation to
your own.  (But then, almost everyone's shorter than me.  I'm the only
person to get away with calling Thor 'Shorty'.)

Back to the arguing trio, who had stopped and were looking me over.  Time
for some witty reparte from yours truly.  "Uh...hi?"  Urd gave me a kind of
sulty grin.

"At least he's cute," she said to Skuld, who shot her venomous look.

That one rocked me.  Let's be honest here, Fabio I wasn't.  I was white like
a sheet and freckled all over.  My nose was too big, my ears stuck out, and
I wore some THICK glasses (which is why I wore contacts all the time).  I've
had girls tell me I'm kind of handsome, but cute never came into the
conversation.  Not to mention the fact that I was pretty overweight.  I
didn't have some big beer belly, but I'd say roughly 20% of my body mass was
fat.  So what did I do?  I laughed.

I guess it was hysteria.  Well, give me a break.  I just discovered gods
exist, quite a shock for someone in the 'not sure' camp like me.  Not to
mention I just met Norse gods, of all things, hot ones, and that I just saw
a pretty impressive light show.  Add on to that the fact I just woke up
somewhere I had never been before.  Add to that the fact that the hottest
woman I had ever seen in my life just called me cute, and you'll have a
general idea of what I was going through.

The goddesses watched me, shocked, as I continued to laugh, eventually
running out of breath and silently shaking.  Eventually Urd sighed and
slapped me, bringing me out of it.  "Thanks," I said as I caught my breath.
"Someone mind telling me where the hell I am?  And what's going on?" I
asked, barely containing the hysteria.

Urd answered me.  I could tell from her tone she wasn't impressed with the
concept.  "Congratulations, Chris.  You're a god."

I fought down the laughter that was rising up in me, and my ribs thanked me
for it.   Keiichi, I noticed, gaped.  I opted for confusion.  Hey, when all
else fails, be an engineer.  "Wouldn't that fall under the same heading as
'ending the world'?  A wish that would be not approved?"

Skuld scowled at me.  "Yeah, but with your stupid slip of the tongue, it got
through the approval process."  I was in her bad books again.  I didn't
notice, the engineer in me was still focussed the problem in front of me.

"It scares me that a wish like that got through the process."  I shook my
head in dismay.  "That means either someone programmed Ydggrasil shoddily,
something is very wrong, or it wasn't a mistake."  Let's just say, at the
time, I knew quite a bit about programming very complex systems.  More on
that later.

"It's not the programming," Belldandy said sharply.  Urd looked at her with
a bit of surprise.  I didn't find out till later that the current version of
the code was Belldandy's last project.  I guess someone was a little
defensive, hey?

Engineer Chris was still on a roll.  I'm a bit single minded at times.
Nobody's perfect.  "And since people aren't supposed to be able to wish for
godhood, so..."

"Something is wrong," Skuld concluded.  Like her words were a cue, there was
a bright flash of light from outside, and thunder rolled.  The goddesses and
Keiichi ran out to the back yard.  Curious, I followed.

They were standing around what looked like a plaque on the ground.  As I got
closer I realized the words were burned into the ground.  "What's it say?"
Keiichi asked.

"Notice to Urd, Belldandy, and Skuld:  Return to Heaven immediately and
report to Me upon arrival.  Bring Christopher Angel with you.  Signed,
Kami-sama," Urd read.  She suddenly grinned.   "PS.  Yes, Belldandy, you can
bring Keiichi."  Belldandy blushed.

Skuld grabbed my hand and began dragging me into the house.  She was pretty
strong for a kid.  She took me into the bathroom, where a bath was drawn.
"Come on, let's go."  She jumped into the bath, and disappeared THROUGH the
water.  Surprised, I toppled forward.

I've travelled with a lot of gods and goddesses, but no one's medium bothers
me as much as Skuld's.  It's the most terrifying and uncomfortable
experience I've ever had to go through.  If you ever want to know what it's
like, go find a swimming pool, find the 5 meter diving board, and jump off
feet first.  There's a moment of almost complete weightlessness right after
you hit the water and right before you come back to the surface.  To me,
anyway, it's disorienting.  Travelling with Skuld is like feeling that for
five minutes straight.  My surroundings were not big on my list of concerns
when we got to Heaven.  Keeping my lunch down, however, was.

Belldandy, Keiichi and Urd appeared beside me.  Urd gave me a look of
sympathy.  "Next time grab a lift with Belldandy.  It's easier on the
stomach."

"Thanks for the advice," I said, and regained control of my stomach.  I
finally decided to look around, and was stunned by what I saw.

Belldandy tells me He must have been trying to impress me, since I've never
seen Heaven look like that again.  It makes sense, I suppose, since it's not
every day a new god shows up.  For my part, I think He was trying to impress
Keiichi.  Dads always want to impress (and terrify) their daughter's
boyfriends, right?  He won't confirm or deny either theory.  The popular
opinion is it's both.

Words just can't describe what I saw that day properly.  Imagine a great
city, each building made of the purest platinum, glowing with a light just
shy of blinding.  Gods and mortal spirits mingled with abandon.  Everywhere
I looked, there was happiness and beauty.  We stood on a wide road, and
Valkyries lines the street.  At the end of the road, there stood a great
golden palace which gave off a warm, cleansing light.

Well, words can't describe Heaven, but they can describe Valkyries.  Take
your perfect woman.  Put her in shining silver armor that's anything but
protective and just shy of indecent.  Give her a big, nasty looking halberd.
That's a Valkyrie.  What can I say, Heaven was a NICE place.

We walked down the street, and reached the palace almost instantly.  We were
greeted by Valkyries at the gate, and led through halls lined with great
works of art.  (Leonardo da Vinci's 'The Norns' is still one of my
favorites.)  After a few minutes of walking, we were finally brought to Him.

Whatever Heaven may look like, the Head Office always looks the same.  Take
a 20 meter by 20 meter room.  Paint the walls white.  Put a picture of the
earth from space on the wall away from the door.  Put a plain ash desk in
the room, with a computer terminal at one side, and a gumball machine on the
other.  (Don't ask, I don't know, and He won't tell.)  Put a big,
comfortable looking velvet swivel chair behind the desk.  That's the Head
Office.

In the chair sat Him.  Kami-sama.  God.  Jupiter.  Buddah.  You name a
supreme being, that's Him.  At that time He was in His Odin form.  He
reminded me of an offensive lineman.  He had a long, bushy, grey beard, that
flowed into His long hair.  He wore stained battle-leathers, and an
eyepatch.  His craggy face was neutral.  I expected someone taller.

OK, maybe I AM obsessed with height.

"Greetings, my Norns.  Greetings, Keiichi Morisato, beloved of Belldandy."
I noted Belldandy blushed again, and there was a twinkle in Kami-sama's eye.
Keiichi was speechless, awed by the being before him.  Hell, I was
speechless.  "Greetings, Christopher Angel, God of Moments, brother to the
Norns."

"God of Moments?  What does that mean, oh Lord?"  Kami-sama's eye sparkled
at my words, and I grimaced in embarrasement.  There I was, making a fool of
myself in front of the most powerful being in creation.  Not the type of
first impression you want to make.  "Forgive me, do you have a prefered form
of address?"

Kami-sama smiled.  "Please, whatever you are most comfortable with,
Christopher."

I don't know what made me say the next thing I did, but apparently, it was
something right.  I just suddenly grinned and said, "Sure thing, Boss."

Yep.  You heard me.  I just called Him 'Boss'.  Belldandy and Skuld gasped,
and Keiichi looked an inch from fainting.  Even Urd paled.  Kami-sama
laughed, long and hard.

"Boss!" he roared.  "Excellent.  'Boss' it is," he said, and slipped back
into his calm demeanor.  "You, Christopher Angel, are the God of Moments.
That period between Past and Present, Present and Future, Future and
Forever."

Sounds neat, don't it?  It probably would have had more of an impact on me
if I wasn't an engineer.  Not thinking, I blurted out, "Isn't that kind of
impossible, Boss?"  He smiled a bit wider at 'Boss.'  I think He gets a kick
out of the way it scandalizes the other gods.  I humor Him.  Obsequeousness
probably grates on a guy after a few millennia.  "I mean, the Present is
precicely that, the crossover from what will be to what was."

Kami-sama's smile shrank a little, and He sighed.  "You're thinking like a
mortal."  *Shut up and play along for now.*  I shut up and played along.
Did I mention He's telepathic?   He turned to the others.  "You will be
responsible for training him with his powers.  For this reason, I have
lifted your suspension, Urd."  He gave her a stern look.  "Do NOT disappoint
me."  He turned to His terminal.  "You are dismissed."  The goddesses bowed,
and I emulated them.  Keiichi was still frozen.  Just before we left, He
called out.  "Belldandy, please stay for a moment."  She helped Keiichi out
of the room and re-entered.

We waited for a few moments until Belldandy exited the office.  She was
blushing furiously, and was trying not to look at Keiichi.  I figured it was
one of 'those' talks.  The Valkyries started to lead us out of the castle.
As we passed a mirror, I caught my reflection.  What I saw was the straw
that broke the camel's back, and I screamed in horror.

The person looking back from the mirror wasn't me.



Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 2


All Oh! My Goddess (Ah! My Goddess, Aa! Megami-sama, whatever) characters
owned Kosuke Fujishima.  I'm poor, don't sue me.

***

For every person in a strange situation, there comes a time when suspension
of disbelief, denial, blind faith, or hysteria just don't hack it anymore,
and you have to accept the fact that everything you thought before is wrong,
and nothing will ever be the same.  For me, that time was when I looked into
that mirror and saw a stranger looking back.

Until this day I don't know why I didn't notice it sooner.  Maybe my mind
was just blanking it out.  Maybe it was because the clothing I was wearing
didn't show much skin - I never was one to wear muscle shirts or shorts.
It's not that the man in the mirror didn't look like me in general, it was
all the details that changed.  I was still heavily freckled, but underneath
it there was a light tan that lessened the effect.  My nose had somehow
become more angular, so that it appeared more noble than the shnoz I had
before.  My ears had laid back some, so my face looked longer. My hair was
the same black-brown, if a little thinner and straighter.  On my forehead
there was a tall rectangular mark, like the goddesses' but of a deeper blue.
On my cheekbones there were similar marks, almost like permanent square
tears.  Peeling up a sleeve I noticed I had gained some muscle in exchange
for fat.  It was me, but better.

Most people I expect would have been pleased to go from 'kind of handsome'
to 'almost a hunk.'  To me, it was a horrifying experience.  It was like a
piece of me had been chipped away.  I wanted to look away so badly, yet my
muscles just wouldn't move.  The goddesses had to drag me away.  Skuld told
me later I was repeating "It's not me" over and over.

I was in a daze as they took me to our next destination, the main room for
Yggdrasil.  I'm not even going to try to give you a decent explanation for
the world-tree, simply because I've never seen it.  Apparently it's hidden
somewhere, so the main room is little more than a set of terminals.
(Exactly how you hide a computer that's supposed to run the universe is a
mystery to me.)  Urd cracked her knuckles and sat down at a terminal, and
began typing so fast her hands were a blur.  Eventually she called up an
entry, and showed it to her sisters.  Having come out of my daze, I peered
over their heads (literally) and looked at the screen.

  Christopher Angel
  God of Moments
  Trainee (Class: Unknown)
  Status: Assigned to Earth (Japan)
  Duties:
   Protector of the Norns
   Wish Fuffilment
   Software Designer for Yggdrasil

Those last words were of great comfort to me, and I couldn't help but smile.
"It's nice to see some things haven't changed," I said, then frowned.
"Uhh...one second, I can't live in Japan."

Urd gave me an amused look.  "And why not?"

"For beginners, I don't know Japanese."

Skuld took over, snickering slightly.  "Just what do you think you've been
speaking?"

It took me a moment to absorb that.  We WERE speaking Japanese, and I didn't
even notice it.  Nice trick, that.  As the implications hit me, my eyes
began to glaze.  "I can watch all of Ranma.  I can read all the manga!
Maison Ikkoku, Neon Genesis Evangelion, I can read, see, and play it ALL!"
Maybe this godhood stuff wasn't so bad after all.

Belldandy smiled indulgently and Urd sighed, giving Skuld a disgusted look.
"You just had to pick an anime freak, didn't you?"  Skuld stuck out her
tongue at Urd.

"At least he has taste, unlike SOMEONE I know," Skuld returned.  The two
quickly degenerated into heated bickering.  Obviously, the two didn't have
much use for each other.

Wanting to break it up, I asked "What does the rest of this stuff mean?"
The two looked back at the screen.

Urd frowned.  "Well, that third line is supposed to be your rating, but I've
never seen a rating like that."  She typed a bit more on the computer, and
scanned the words that came up.  On a whim, I concentrated and realized that
the words there weren't even Japanese, they were some odd runic language I
had never seen before.  Urd whistled softly.  "Belldandy, look at this."

Belldandy read the screen closely, and her eyes widened.  "Oh my."  Skuld
read it over and eeped.  They turned and looked at me appraisingly.  Let me
tell you, those three stares are enough to make any guy very nervous.

I was beyond nervous, I was downright freaked.  "WHAT?"  I tried to look at
the screen, but the goddesses' stares drove me back.

"Chris-san, this says we're supposed to treat you like a Limited Class 3,
but your true power level hasn't been set yet," Belldandy explained.  I had
no idea what that meant, but I had an idea I wouldn't like it.  I sighed.
Of course things couldn't be simple, that would be too easy.  Belldandy
waited for me to finish wallowing in self-pity before she continued.  "You
might end up to be extremely powerful..."

"And I might end up to be not so powerful," I finished.  The latter
possibility seemed much more attractive to me.  Don't get me wrong, being
powerful is nice and all, but I was still trying to accept the reality of
'Chris the God.'  Trying to accept 'Chris the Powerful God' would have been
a little too much for me.  Hell, it would have been a LOT too much for me.

"So what does 'Limited Class 3' mean?" I asked.  Out of the corner of my eye
I noted Keiichi watching some blonde guy play a game on one of the
terminals.  Looked like Quake, but I couldn't be sure.  THAT was probably
the most comforting thing I'd seen all day.  It was nice to see gods goof
off too, and use company resources to do it.

What followed was an incredibly in-depth explanation by Belldandy, Urd, and
Skuld on the exact meanings of Classes and Limitations.  I got maybe a tenth
of what they said.  After I got them to slow down, and with translations
from the blonde guy, I managed to get a handle on it. (He was Frey, by the
way.  Neat guy, great fun at an arcade.)

The gist of it goes something like this.  A Class 3 god has roughly enough
power to demolish a city block, or heal a broken arm.  A Class 2 can destroy
a city, or heal major wounds.  A Class 1 can destroy a mountain chain, or
heal any wound just short of death.  Only Boss Himself can bring the dead
back to life.  I thought it was an interesting comment that it's far easier
to destroy than to heal.  But then, that's always true, isn't it?  The
Limitations have to do with how much Boss trusts you.  Belldandy had
Unlimited status.  She can do almost anything she wants, but she's
trustworthy enough not to abuse her power.  Urd and Skuld are both Limited,
Skuld because she's just a kid (according to Urd) and Urd because she can't
be trusted (according to Skuld).  Essentially, their powers are limited to
self-defense and personal convenience.

Somewhere during their lecture, I had noticed we had gotten off topic.
"Look, I just can't live in Japan.  I have a job in Ottawa.  I have a life
there."  An idea occured to me.  "Can't I just commute?"  Hey, if they can
teleport, why not abuse it?

Urd shook her head and gave me a knowing smile.  "You'll see."

***

Those words should have put dread in my heart.  I insisted they take me home
and let me think about what had happened.  Belldandy did the honors, since
she was the only one who had a guarranteed pathway into my apartment
(mirrors are a handy travel medium, I must say).  Well THAT was embarrasing.
Now, I'm not a pig, but I'm not the tidiest of guys.  Having a girl as
pretty as Belldandy step out into your not-quite-tidy bathroom is not very
fun.  You feel like total slime.

Anyway, she dropped me off, and disappeared, making sure I had their phone
number.  She insisted I'd need it.  Obviously, they knew something I didn't.

I found out exactly what that was when I dialed up to work to check my
email.  In a series of ten messages, I was informed I was transfered to
Japan, my salary had practically doubled, my job in Ottawa had disappeared,
and that my location of work was an office just off campus from Nekomi
Institute of Technology.  If I accepted, I started in two weeks.

Now, maybe it's just me, but that seemed AWFULLY convenient.  Actually, I
know it's not just me.  I stared at those messages in disbelief for a few
minutes, and then proceeded to use every curse I knew.  I was sure those
goddesses had done this.  It was impressive, true, but it was just another
piece of my life gone.  I complained against the unfairness of it all for a
few minutes, and then called my parents to tell them the 'good' news.

They were pleased.  Hell, they were ecstatic.  I hadn't even been working
for a year and suddenly I had been transfered overseas and given a huge
raise.  Mom got on the 'find a nice girl' kick again.  I had to practically
threaten her with my joining a priesthood (that would have been a laugh) to
prevent her from trying to fix me up with one of her friend's relative's
daughter.  Dad was proud of me as usual, and made me promise to do good
work, and reminded me of the money I owed him.  Nice to see Dad never
changes.

The high point in all this was my big brother.  Steve's a resident at the
hospital in my hometown, working in the Pathology department.  His reaction
was almost worth the entire experience.  He was downright pissed off.
Sibling rivally is alive and well in my family.  I was tempted to tell him
about my 'promotion,' but decided that would be twisting the knife a little
too much, as much as I'd enjoy it.  Besides, he wouldn't believe it unless I
showed up there and performed some miracle.  As you may have figured out, my
brother and I get along just a bit worse than Urd and Skuld did.

It took some major verbal gymnastics to get around my parent's insistence
that I come for a visit before I left.  I didn't feel up to explaining how I
got plastic surgery, a set of goofy tatoos, and bulked up like that just
now.  Maybe in a couple years they might believe it.  Yeah,  right.

After I got off the phone, I phoned up the goddesses.

"Moshi Moshi?"  It was Belldandy on the other end.

"I don't know how you did it," I told her, a bit of acid in my voice, "but
you got your way.  Frankly, I'm not sure I want to know.  I don't suppose
you'd be willing to take on a border?"

I heard a heartfelt sigh on the other end.  "I'm sorry, Chris-san.  The
Ultimate Force is going to make sure you fuffil your duties.  I'll talk to
Keiichi-san, I'm sure you can move in."

"Ultimate Force?"  Belldandy gave me a quick explanation.  As long as I
lived, Yggdrasil was going to 'fix' things to make sure it's interpretation
of my wish was fuffiled.  That meant I had to be near the goddesses, so I
could be their 'Protector.'

Frankly, I was irritated.  We agreed she and her sisters would help me move
over the next few days and help me get settled in, and I hung up.

I went to my room and stared out the window, watching the sun set.  My life
was changed, irrevocably and completely.  I just wasn't sure if it was for
the better or worse.

Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 3


All Oh! My Goddess (Ah! My Goddess, Aa! Megami-sama, whatever) characters
owned by Kosuke Fujishima.  I'm poor, don't sue me.

***

Moving my stuff to Japan was an interesting experience, to say the least.
We had three 'portals' set up at both my home and in Japan, one for each
goddess to travel with.  You have not lived until you've seen a double bed
sticking out of a TV set.  I wish Skuld had warned me that my computer's
hard drive wouldn't survive the transit unwiped however, but I suppose it
may have been for the best considering some of the er...material I had on
it.

After the move was done, I was left on my own to settle in.  The goddesses
seemed to be avoiding me.  I found out later that they were trying to figure
out HOW to teach me what I needed to know.  (Or rather, how to convince
someone ELSE to teach me what I needed to know.) Whatever the reason, I
spent a lot of that first week with Keiichi.

Keiichi's a pretty cool guy, I must say.  Sure, he's a little (OK, he's A
LOT) awed by the fact that his girlfriend is a goddess, but I'd say he holds
up rather well, considering that he actually took religion seriously, unlike
a certain fledgling divinity we all know and love.

He was really good about helping me settle in, too.  When I insisted I
needed multiple plug-ins, he was more than happy to help me put in the
wiring.  (Actually, he mentioned something about not trusting Skuld to do
it.)

What truly amazed me about Keiichi was his understanding of cars.  If it had
wheels and ran on gas, he could take it apart and put it together with his
eyes closed.  In my opinion, the guy is simply wasted at NIT.  In fact, it
was while I was trying to help him install a radio into a teacher's car that
he gave me the (biased) rundown on my new housemates.

"So what do you think of them?" he asked after he finished, his head stuck
under the steering wheel.

I shrugged, and then felt like a twit when I realized he couldn't see me.
"I don't know.  Skuld's a good kid, if a little hot-tempered, Belldandy's as
sweet as they come, but Urd, well..."  I trailed off.  Keiichi lifted his
head up and smiled at me.

"She scares you?"

"NO!" I felt my face heat up, as Keiichi smiled a bit wider.  "Well, yes, a
little."  I grimaced.  "I'd like to think I've got enough control of my
libido that she's not going to put one over on me, but to be truthful, I was
never that good with girls."

Keiichi gave me a look full of sympathy, if a little confused. "I know what
you mean.  But I find it hard to believe.  I always had trouble with girls
because I'm so short.  What's your excuse?"

I pulled out my wallet and showed him some of my old photo ID.  He winced.
"These are some BAD pictures, Chris-san."  I smiled ruefully.

"Those are the good ones," I told him.  He got even more confused.  "Three
days ago I looked like that.  Be honest, Keiichi, you think a girl would go
for a guy who looked like that right off the start?"  He slowly shook his
head as understanding came to him.

"Good thing you're officially Urd's brother.  It might just slow her down."
He paused for a minute.  "Then again, it might not."  He shook his head.
"And I thought I had it rough."

Something occurred to me just then.  "Urd and Skuld give you two a pretty
hard time, don't they?"  Keiichi nodded.  "Would you rather they weren't
here?"

He pondered that for a moment.  "No," he said, stretching the word out.
"They're a part of what Belldandy is, and I do care for them," he paused,
"even if they do drive me up the wall.  Urd's constantly trying to get me
and Belldandy to...well...you know," he blushed, and I nodded, suppressing
the grin that wanted to come to my face.  Man, talk about poster children
for repressed sexuality.  "And Skuld's always trying to keep Belldandy and I
apart."

"I might be able to run interference," I mused as he returned to work on the
radio.  After a few moments, he pulled his head out and started the car.  He
fiddled with the radio, but nothing happened.

"I don't understand," he said, as he went back to look at the wiring.  "It
worked fine when I tested it before, and the wiring's all right."  I picked
up the manual, and winced as I realized what was wrong.

"Uh, Kei-ichi?"  He looked up at me.  "This is an anti-theft stereo.  You
didn't by any chance remember to set the codes when you tested it earlier?"
He shook his head, and I sighed.  "Oh, hell.  It's not going to work now, it
thinks its been stolen."  I went to the toolbox and pulled out some
precision screwdrivers.  "Take it out, I'll see if I can fix it."  Nice to
feel needed, hey?

***

One of the first things I discovered when training began was that the title
of 'Protector' wasn't just a name, it was my primary job description.  The
girls decided that since I was supposed to be a primarily martial god, I
should be trained by some of the heavy hitters.  The one I trained the most
with was Tyr.

The best analogy for Tyr I've ever seen is 'eye of a hurricane.'  Incredible
power and violence surrounding a core of absolute peace.  The guy is the
epitome of unfazeable, and the moment he gets into any combat he is death
incarnate.  This isn't to say he's a bad guy, he's just awfully scary at
times.  Tyr can be an incredibly gentle man, and is easily the most
honorable one I've ever met.  He's got no sense of humor, though.

Tyr stood in front of me, resplendent in his battle gear.  Tyr is roughly my
height, with short blonde hair and a deeply tanned face.  Now, with my new
body, I look pretty good.  As Urd puts it, I'm 'worth a third look.' Tyr has
'hunk' written all over him.  Chiseled physique, aristocratic face, strong
chin, blue eyes, the whole complement.  In fact, his only defect is the left
hand he's missing thanks to Fenris.  He's got a full complement of
artificial replacements, but he makes sure they don't look real just to
remind people that his honor means so much to him he was willing to lose a
hand.

His battle gear was impressive in and of itself.  A long silver mail shirt
ran down his torso, stopping at his thighs.  Single plates covered his
shoulders, upper arms, forearms, as well as his knees and shins.  His helmet
as a simple cap that with silver three-inch horns coming out of it.  In his
right hand, he held a large battle axe, with a three foot long haft and a
single large blade.  I prayed that I looked that good in my gear.

Our first lessons revolved around just that, my battle gear.  Apparently
somewhere in my file in Yggdrasil, there's a complete description of my
equipment.  The trick is making the contact with the system to summon it.
"As a Protector, you will have to be able to summon your gear with a
thought," Tyr told me.  "Close your eyes, and clear your mind.  Try to feel
for Yggdrasil.  I cannot tell you what it will be like.  Be careful that you
do not lose yourself in the power."

I closed my eyes, and tried to feel what he described.  At first, it took me
quite a while to clear my mind.  I stood there, my eyes closed, and tried to
search with my mind for the phenomenon he described.  It was frustrating at
first, since I could not feel anything, but eventually I discovered
something that felt like a small fountain.  I mentally reached for it, and
felt a slight euphoric feeling as it seemed to flow into me.  The feeling of
euphoria grew, and I realized that this was what Tyr was warning me off.
With great regret, I let the fountain go, and pulled away from it.  I opened
my eyes and nodded at Tyr.  "Found it," I said, both thrilled and terrified.
It was very hard to not lose myself in that fountain.

"Good," Tyr said flatly.  "Now, reach for the power, and wrap yourself in
it.  When you feel it surround you completely, release the source, and
harden the power around you."  As he spoke, I tried to do as he asked.  I
reached for the fountain, and felt the joy rise in me.  I fought to keep
control, and wrap the power around me.  It was a lot like I imagined
wrestling a snake was like.  After what seemed like an eternity of
struggling, I did as Tyr said.

I openned my eyes, and saw Tyr smiling at me.  "Well done."  I heard some
cheers from behind me, and saw Urd and Skuld watching.  Tyr conjured up a
mirror so I could see myself.

Describing my armor is no small task.  It was a full plate suit, but unlike
the bulky monstrosities in the history books, mine hugged my form.  It
seemed to be impossibly thin and flimsy, and didn't restrain my movements at
all.  Acrobatics wouldn't be hindered at all, assuming I could do
acrobatics.  I looked down at my metal encased body, watching the light play
off the bluish-green metal.  To tell the truth, I looked like something out
of a fairy tale.

Well, that is, except for my arms.  On each of my forarms, instead of the
standard plates, there were two large shield-like weapons.  On my left arm,
the shield was a foot-radius half circle and a triangle joined together, the
triangle tapering down to a sharp point just a few inches past the tips of
my fingers.  The one on my right arm was much longer, and thinner, an oval
that barely covered the arm and extended out to a tip at least three feet
past the end of my hand.

I held up my arms to Tyr.  "What the hell are these?"

Tyr took my right arm and helped me remove the weapon.  He turned it about,
and showed me some writing on the inside.  "They are proof that you are a
warrior god.  Each of us has a special weapon, that is truly ours and ours
alone."  He held the weapon closer to my face, and on it I could see the
word etched in that strange runic language.  "Yours are the twin arm-blades
Shielder."

He returned the weapon to me, and I re-attached it to my forearm.  "Now
what?"

Tyr smiled at me again, and I couldn't help but think it was a bit sinister.
"Now you do it again and again, until it becomes a reflex."  As the sick
feeling of dread set itself into my bones, I sighed.  I just KNEW he'd say
that.

***

My second week was spent practicing the armor summoning.  As Tyr put it, I
had to be able to do it anywhere, anytime, with no preparation.  The
goddesses had great fun 'helping,' as they put it.  Urd took great delight
surprising me in the shower, on the john, and in the wee hours of the
morning.  Skuld wasn't much better.  She got me while I was eating,
drinking, working...  I drew the line after Skuld made me put my sword
through my computer monitor when she got me in the middle of reading email.

The scariest one was Belldandy.  She had this uncanny knack for knowing just
when I least expected her to get me, and that's when she struck.  We could
be in the middle of a conversation, and she'd say "Now" without breaking
stride, and I'd have to completely change mental gears.

By the end of the week I could summon my armor on the drop of a pin.  I was
also so used to dealing with the fountain of power I barely noticed the
euphoric feeling it gave me.

I was also a complete and total nervous wreck.

Lucky me, it didn't end there.  For the next few months, I spent my days at
the office (8 to 6, Monday to Friday, my ass, someone call the Human Rights
people) and I spent my nights and weekends being run around the temple yard
by Tyr and some of his cronies.

Now, as one of the 'boys,' I think I can safely say the warrior gods are a
rowdy bunch, to put it mildly.  I'm still convinced the only reason they all
agreed to Urd's request to train me was that they were getting bored of
beating the crap out of each other, and wanted some fresh meat.   Namely,
yours truly.

What did this mean?  Every day, I got to have my butt kicked by a different
god.  First Thor, then Heimdall (man, them gold teeth are a sight), then
Ull, Magni, and Thrudr.  Thrudr was fun to train with, partially because she
was drop-dead gorgeous, partially because she was the sweetest person you'd
ever met (besides, she gave GREAT after-practice rubdowns).  Nasty temper
though, almost as bad as her jerk of a brother, Modi.

It's probably obvious that I don't think much of Modi.  Modi's official
title is the God of Courage.  I think he's a menace.  And I have a good
reason, too...

***

It was a Saturday afternoon.  I was being pummeled by Modi with that
monstrosity he calls a sword.  If you can call something five feet long that
looks like a steel two-by-four a sword.  I was finally getting better, and
had managed to block everything he was throwing at me.  As he fought, I
realized that I might be able to strike back.  Seeing an opening, I did, and
cut him across the cheek.

That was when I found out the Modi's unofficial title is 'The Berserker.'
His face turned red, and his god marks seemed to blaze with fire.  He began
to swing at me harder and faster, so that I could barely defend myself.
Tyr, who was watching, yelled at me to get away from him, and I did so.
Modi turned around and picked up chunks of dirt and rocks and began to throw
them at me.

Now, thanks to the fact I had spent the past few months being beat up by
several gods, I was pretty good at taking a hit.  I was also a reasonably
good dodger.  I was nowhere near their level - after all, they've been
practicing for thousands of years.  So, on Tyr's advice, I tried to put as
much distance between me and him as possible, in the hopes I could dodge the
crap he was throwing at me.

It was a good idea on Tyr's part to put up the shield around the practice
area.  I mean, with Thor tossing lightning, Heimdall throwing fireballs, and
assorted other destructive forces raging around, if we didn't put one up,
we'd have destroyed the city.  Boss would not be pleased.  Needless to say,
neither would our neighbors.

Skuld had taken a liking to watching the practice, and sat outside the
shield, working on her mecha whilst I fought.  We thought she was safe.  I
mean, nothing could get through the shield, right?

Wrong.  As I watched, Modi picked up a boulder and hurled it at me.  I
dodged, and it impacted the shield, passing through it unstopped in a burst
of light.  I could only watch as it flew towards Skuld, who stood frozen.

"SKULD!!!" I yelled, and tried to run to her.  Time seemed to slow down and
stop, as I saw the boulder fly closer and closer to her, and realized it was
impossible for me to get there in time.  Something in me snapped.

Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 4


All Oh! My Goddess (Ah! My Goddess, Aa! Megami-sama, whatever) characters
owned by Kosuke Fujishima.  I'm poor, don't sue me.

***

As I saw that boulder fly towards Skuld, my mind went into overdrive.  Even
to this day I shudder every time I think of that moment, and I can remember
every word that went through my head.

*OH my god Skuld's gonna get hit by that boulder oh why did I ever let her
watch us fight I should have practiced somewhere else and now Skuld's gonna
get hurt I'm gonna kill Modi if she's even bruised I'm supposed to protect
her from stuff like this how could I be so stupid damn it Modi I'm gonna
murder you I wonder what Belldandy's making for dinner GOOD GOD how could I
be thinking about food at a time like this I'm such scum OH GOD please make
it stop MAKE IT STOP!*

And it did.

I don't know how else to say it, the world just froze.  The boulder was
hanging in midair.  Tyr's eyes were locked on it, Skuld was in the middle of
a scream, Modi was frothing at the mouth.  Everything was absolutely still.

I stared at the boulder for maybe a fraction of a second, then dove to knock
Skuld out of the way, and did.

>From maybe twenty meters away.

But it didn't end there.  The moment I touched Skuld, the world started
moving again, and I barely got her out of the way in time to avoid both of
us being smashed by that rock, which ended up demolishing Skuld's latest
mecha.

I got myself off of Skuld, and stood up, making sure she was OK.
Thankfully, she was fine.  That settled, I had more important things to deal
with, like that bastard Modi.

Now, you're probably wondering about two things.  One, how the hell did I
freeze the world that way, and two, how the hell did I make a twenty meter
dive?  Good question.  I didn't think about it at the time.  Apparently, I
was the only one.

You see, to the others, this is what they saw:  I suddenly disappeared, and
then re-appeared in the midst of shoving Skuld out of the way.  Pretty neat
trick, considering none of the gods can actually teleport for real - they
all need some sort of medium.  Anyway, it was impressive enough that it
shocked Modi right out of his rage.  Lucky for me, else I wouldn't have
gotten away with what I did next if he hadn't.

I walked up and decked him.  (Good thing I remembered to dispell my armor,
it might have been messy otherwise.)  He fell on his ass and just stared at
me.  "Get lost," I hissed at him through clenched teeth.  "I don't ever want
to see your face again."  Modi continued staring at me, so I grabbed the
front of his shirt, lifted him to his feet, and shoved him towards the
house.  "GET LOST."  He shook himself out of his reverie, found an
electrical socket, and disappeared.

It was right about then the adrenalin rush I was on died, and I, for lack of
a better term, crashed.  I felt like I'd just run the Boston Marathon,
twice, carrying a twenty-kilo backpack.  Translation: I was completely,
utterly, wiped out, and fell to the ground and promptly fell asleep.

***

I woke up a little later on the couch.  I like that couch.  After a few
months of getting the crap kicked out of me by the war crew it had a nice
me-shaped set of curves in it from all the times I regained consciousness on
it.  It was awfully comfortable.

As I woke, I saw Skuld looking down into my face.  She smiled happily and
hugged me tightly, burying her face in my chest.  "Thank you, Oniichan, I
was so scared!"  Reflexes kicked in, and  I sat up and held the girl
tightly.  Looking around, I saw Urd and Belldandy berating a rather
apologetic Tyr.  Well, Urd was berating, Belldandy merely had a frown on her
face, but for her, that's about as bad as it gets.  Hearing Skuld, they
turned to me and came over.

I smiled wearily up at them, "Umm, I assume that aside from me getting
floored, everything's OK?"  I got to my feet, and swayed a little, Urd and
Skuld catching me.  I felt a sudden migraine, and groaned, holding my head.
"Owww, stop with the pounding and the hurting of the head."

"Chris," Tyr began, "about what happened today..."  I scowled at him.

"I mean it, Tyr, I don't ever want to see that creep again.  How you can
actually want a guy like that on your side I'll never know."

Tyr shook his head.  "Not about that.  I was talking about what YOU did."  I
was confused.  What did I do?  "How exactly did you teleport?"

"Teleport?  I didn't teleport, I just dove and pushed Skuld out of the
way..."  The meaning of my words hit me.  *I dove and pushed Skuld out of
the way, from 50 feet away?*  Neat trick, that.  I shook my head.  "I don't
know what I did, but I didn't teleport."

I won't bore you with the rest of the details of that conversation, mostly
because it's full of Tyr and Skuld trying to convince me I DID teleport, me
trying to convince them I didn't, and Belldandy finally figuring everything
out, thanks to some excellent deductive reasoning (I was SO proud of her), a
few tests, and Urd's back door into Yggdrasil.

The gist of it is this: when I want to, I can 'leap out' of time.  However,
if I come too close to someone, roughly touching distance of the girls or
five feet of anyone else, I automatically 'leap in'.  As I put it, I can set
cosmic breakpoints in Yggdrasil's code.  As for the dive, that was pretty
easy.  During one of the tests, I tripped while walking around, and didn't
hit the ground.

Yep, you guessed it, when I've leaped out, I can fly.  As far as I can tell,
I top out at just under Mach 2.  Fun for days when you're late.  Just freeze
time, fly where I need to go, and let it go again.

Unfortunately, that's also my 'special' travel medium.  It doesn't sound
bad, until you realize while it seems instantaneous to everyone else, it's a
real drag for me.  I mean, it takes me what feels like an hour and a half to
reach Heaven that way.  When you consider that I can't listen to music, read
books (I found that one out the hard way, stupid 747) or entertain myself
any other way while I've frozen time, you see why I hitch rides as often as
I can.  There's other reasons I try to avoid using that power now, but we'll
go into that another time.

Anyway, after we figured it out, it was early evening.  Tyr made me promise
to keep practicing, and show up every once in a while for workouts, but in
his opinion, all I needed now was experience.

***

I'd like to make it quite clear that I wasn't spending all my time at work
and in practice.  To misquote a popular phrase, 'All work and no play makes
Chris a dull boy.'  I'm already pretty dense at times, last thing I needed
was to be dull.

The first thing I think needs discussing is the evolution of my relationship
with the girls.  I got along reasonably well with all of them, especially
Skuld.  Maybe it was because she and I had similar interests (somehow, the
fact that I share most of my hobbies with a goddess who acts like a twelve
year old should bother me, but it doesn't}.  Oh, we had our differences, for
example, the girl sympathizes FAR too much with Akane Tendo for my liking.
But then, she doesn't get why Ryoga and Mousse are my heroes either, so
fair's fair.  Although we did agree the similarities between Belldandy and
Kasumi were just scary. (Belldandy never did get why we spent a week calling
her Kasumi and Keiichi Tofu.)

You'll notice back there Skuld called me 'Oniichan.'  I'll quite happily
blame that one on Urd, she started it.  She's never said it out loud, and I
don't think she ever will, but of all of them, Urd was the gladdest to have
me.  She latched onto the idea of 'big brother Chris' much faster and much
more firmly than the other girls.  In retrospect, I think I know why.  Can
you imagine spending eternity dealing with men who only interacted with you
like a sex object?  I can't, but that's more or less Urd's life.  She's
drop-dead beautiful, she's rather open about her emotions, and has a dark
side that essentially makes her more mischievous than sinister.

All that adds up to make Urd a favorite one-night-stand for a lot of the
gods.  The only non-sexual relationship she's had with any of the gods she
knows is, well, Boss Himself.  I think Urd wanted, no, NEEDED to have a male
figure in her life that she could trust and that she could care about
without bringing sex into it.  That didn't stop her from teasing me with
sexual innuendo so thick I could cut it with a two-by-four, but we both knew
it was just that - teasing, not serious.

As much as I didn't get as close to Belldandy as I did to Skuld and Urd,
there was something about her that brought out the need in me to take care
of her far more so than with the others.  Don't get me wrong, I'd go take on
Loki himself for Skuld or Urd, but well, for Belldandy I'd stand up to the
Boss.  She has this quality, this innocence about her that I can't help but
want  to protect.  I suppose that's why Keiichi and her make such a great
match.  He has much the same quality about him.

So what did we do when I wasn't busy with work?  Well...

***

"Why did I let you drag me into this?" I complained as Skuld and Urd dragged
me along.  I actually knew the answer, Skuld pulled her ultra-kawaii routine
and Urd pulled an ultra-sexy routine on me and I had absolutely zero chance.
The fact that those two have me completely wrapped around their fingers
bothers me to no end, but hey, it's fun.  At times.

This was not one of those times.  I HATE sporting events.  Almost as much as
I hate Mondays.  I mean, the only game I ever liked was football, and that's
because I was a half-decent offensive/defensive linesman.  They're just
so...so BORING.  Well, that's not true, they're not bad if you have a book,
or a magazine, or a game, or anything to do while you're sitting there being
bored.

Unfortunately, they didn't let me bring any of those to the races.  Oh no,
Chris had to suffer through watching bikes race over and over and over and
over...  There were some high points, though.  I got to meet Tamiya and
Ootaki.  Now there's a twisted pair.  One's on an emotional roller-coaster
you just have to see to believe - how does a guy go from towering rage to
tears of joy in a fraction of a second?  The other's a leftover from the
punker generation.  Somehow, they work together perfectly.  It's just shy of
terrifying.

Anyway, Keiichi was stuck being the designated victim for their Motor Club's
latest monstrosity, a bike that looked like it was something out of a Mad
Max film.  Nasty, but effective.  Skuld promised me it'd run like the wind,
but I would never ride on it.  Not in a million years.  Well, maybe if I had
Balder's invulnerability, but that's only maybe.

It was while he was going through some pre-race checks (I thought he should
have been writing his will, but I kept to myself) that I got to meet that
wonderful paragon of humanity called Aoshima.  The sleaze walks over, and
these are the reactions I see: Belldandy stiffens, Keiichi gets this dark
look, Urd growls, and Skuld scowls.

What a recommendation, eh?  I took a risk and decided not to like this guy
off the bat.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Belldandy-sama," he greeted her.  Man,
you could feel the sleaze ooze of off this guy.  He turned to Tamiya.  "Same
bet, sempai?"

Warning signals went off in my head as the giant of a man got a guilty look,
glanced apologetically to Keiichi and Belldandy, and said "Uh, yeah."

I leaned over to Urd and asked her to fill me in, my mood deteriorating as
she talked.  "HOLD IT!"  Tamiya and Aoshima turned to look at me.  "Bell,
did you agree to this bet?"  She shook her head.  "Good.  Bet's off.  No one
uses my sister as a trophy."

"But Oniichan, we must abide by our promises," she protested.  I sometimes
wonder about her sense of honor.

"Bell, YOU didn't agree to anything.  Tamiya," I favored him with a glare,
"does not own you.  This disgusting bet is off, understood?"  I turned my
gaze on Aoshima, and he smiled.  It didn't reach his eyes.

"Of course.  I apologize for any insult," he bowed to me slightly.  "My
apologies, Belldandy-sama."  He bowed to her, and walked back to his team.

"Thank you, Oniichan," Belldandy said softly, giving me a light hug.

"No problem," I said, hugging her back slightly.  "It's what big brothers
are for, right?"   Keiichi and I locked eyes, and I could see the thanks
there as well.  I winked at him.  "Hey, don't you have a race to win?"
Belldandy let me go and went to help Keiichi wheel the bike to the track.

No sooner were they out of sight than did Skuld glomp on me.  Even Urd gave
me a small squeeze.  I was a little flustered.  I mean, all I did was what
any guy would do, right?  I promised myself I'd talk with Tamiya later, I
don't appreciate people using my friends and loved ones (I did love the
girls - don't be surprised) as bargaining chips.  Speaking of which... "Be
right back, I have something to do."  I extracted myself from their grasp
and went to find that scum Aoshima.

I REALLY didn't like that guy.

I found the creep sitting in the shade at his team's tent.  "Ah hello,
Christopher-san," he greeted me.  I wondered how he found out my name.
"Care to join me for a drink?  I would like to speak to you about Belldandy
and Keiichi.  As anyone can see, I am a much better man for your sister than
that person."  I stared at him in shock.  He just tried to win her in a bet,
and now he was trying to convince me he was a better match for her than
Keiichi?

Now, people tell me I have a temper.  I disagree.  People who lose their
temper do things they regret.  I've never regretted anything I've done when
I've lost it.  I didn't regret decking Modi, and I didn't regret what I was
about to do just then, either.

I grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him out of his chair, bringing
his face to mine.  "Listen to me, you ass.  I don't tell Belldandy who to
date.  If I did, I'd sure as hell not tell her to date a piece of shit like
you.  She doesn't like you.  Skuld doesn't like you.  Urd doesn't like you.
_I_ don't like you.  You keep the hell away from Belldandy and Keiichi, or
you'll regret it."  He nodded wordlessly, his eyes wide with shock and (I
expect) a little fear.  "Good.  Remember that."  I dropped him back in his
chair, noting with satisfaction that it broke, and stormed off to where the
girls were cheering Keiichi on.

As I walked up, Urd noticed my lousy humor.  "What's wrong?"

"I don't believe that guy!" I exploded.  "He actually tried to get to
Belldandy through me!  What a..." I struggled for a word to describe
Aoshima, but at that point, my opinion of him was so low words couldn't hack
it.  I told Urd as much, and her temper went downhill as well.

"I'll kill him!" she raged.  It suddenly occured to me what I just did to
Aoshima, and I laughed.

"Don't bother, sis," I soothed her.  "I just put the fear of God..or rather
a god, into him."  I grinned at her, and told her what I said to Aoshima,
and that seemed to mollify her somewhat.  I wasn't surprised that he had
really bad luck for the next month or so, however.

Skuld ran up and asked where I had been, but I decided not to tell her about
what had just occured.  Skuld's version of revenge tends to involve large
hammers and severe cranial trauma, and I didn't think Aoshima deserved that.
OK, I'm lying, I did think he deserved it, but I wasn't up to dealing with
the police right then.

After that the rest of the afternoon went a lot better.  Incidentally,
Keiichi's team came in first.

Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 5


All Oh! My Goddess (Ah! My Goddess, Aa! Megami-sama, whatever) characters
owned by Kosuke Fujishima.  I'm poor, don't sue me.

***

It was a beautiful day.

My internship at Comtel had finally ended, and I could get back to doing the
one thing I loved/hated more than anything else - going back to school. It
took a lot of work on my part to negotiate with my home university and NIT
to figure out how to complete my degrees.  I had a sneaking suspicion even
the Ultimate Force can't push bureaucracies too much.

Yes, I said degrees.  My home U had this wonderful arrangement where you
could take a computer science and engineering degree at once, and I decided
to take advantage of it. The NIT folks weren't too pleased, but after a lot
of talk, we finally agreed on a course plan.  Too bad they made me take an
extra year.  Oh well, at least I'll be able to say I'm class of 2000.

But that was not why it was a beautiful day.

The birds were singing as I walked down the street to the temple after my
first day of classes.  Going for walks had become one of my favorite things
to do, since I suddenly had the endurance to enjoy it.  I watched the cherry
blossoms fall from the trees in the setting sun, and smiled.  The scene was
truly romantic, and my heart was warmed merely to witness it.

Run for your lives, Tokyo.  Christopher James Angel, God of Moments, Brother
to the Norns, was in love.

(Or was that lust?)

***

My first day of class at a new university.  I felt like I was a freshman
again. Never mind the fact that I was a fourth year student, only two years
from graduating with two degrees, I was at a NEW school.  It didn't help
matters at all that Skuld had decided she wanted to go to university too.

So there we were, standing in front of the NIT Engineering Building.  It was
a large, sprawling building, obviously a victim of add-on-itis, that common
disease that hits buildings in universities all over the world.  I detected
at least four different building styles.

"Skuld?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"Why are you taking classes?"

"I was getting bored at home," she said defensively.

I grinned.  Translation:  Boss ordered her to get out more.  That kid spent
FAR too much time in that room of hers.  I digested that for a moment.
"Skuld?"

"Yes?"

"How did you convince them to let a twelve year old into university?"

She gave me a 'don't be an idiot' look.  "I hacked together some high school
records.  They think I'm a genius."  She paused then added, "They're right,
but I needed proof."

"Uhh...why didn't you just fake some class records so you wouldn't have to
take all the artsy crap?"  Skuld and I shared the official engineering
disdain for anything non-science related. It wasn't that we really thought
it was crap (well, not ALL of it), but we just had to pretend we did.
Engineers have a reputation to maintain, you know.

She paused for a long moment.  "That wouldn't be fair." Translation:  I
didn't think of it and I'm too proud to admit it.  As you can tell, I was
enjoying this conversation immensely.

"Skuld?"

She growled in exasperation. "WHAT?"

"When did we start speaking Swedish?"

Her answer was cut off as we walked through the doors and came upon IT.
That monstrous, ten-foot tall statue of a samurai.  It was awe-inspiring.
It was grotesque.  It was stupendous.  It was ridiculous.  It was the most
touching thing I had ever seen.

It was Lego.

I looked down at Skuld, and tapped her on the shoulder, bringing her out of
her own reveire.  She tilted her head back and, and her mouth moved as she
tried to say something and failed.  I grinned.  "This, I like."

***

*This may be fun,* I thought as I walked out of my second class and headed
out of the building. Whomever decided what I should take had been pretty
competent at figuring out equivalences.  For most of my courses, it was
unfamiliar, but not completely new material.

My schedule did suck though.  Two classes in the Engineering Building, a run
across campus to take my obligatory arts class (Sociology) and then a run
back to take my last class.  *Oh well, could be worse, I could be Skuld.*
The poor kid had to run all over the university.  It's quite a sight seeing
a this five-foot-nothing girl run around with a backpack full of books
that's almost as big as she is.  Surprisingly, no one made much of a fuss
over it.  Of course, that might have been because of the six-four giant who
she hung around with...

Anyway, it was at my Sociology class that I met HER.  The moment I saw her,
we locked eyes, and I had a sudden understanding of how Belldandy felt when
she saw Keiichi for the first time.  I thought time had stopped as we gazed
at each other, (it hadn't) and I smiled tentatively at her.  She blushed and
looked away.

She was the most beautiful creature on the face of the earth.

At least she was to me.  I'll be honest, I've seen more beautiful women
(Urd, for one, Belldandy, for two...I think I'll stop now).  But there was
something about her that screamed at the very fiber of my being.  She was
tallish for Japan, by my guess roughly five-foot-ten or so.  She had long,
dark brown hair that was the slightest bit wild, as if she had been walking
in a strong breeze.  She was obviously an athlete, but her figure was
extremely good.  (I expect she didn't appreciate it as much as I did.)

But oh, gods in heaven, her face.  Her skin tone was a sort of dark beige,
and it was obvious it was her natural skin tone.  Her eyes were a rich
brown, the color of deeply stained wood, and their slight almond shape made
her look more exotic than the regular Japanese.  She had a cute nose, that
sort of curved up at the end.  No doubt she looked unbearably cute when she
wrinkled it.  Her lips were full and rich, and they just begged to be
kissed.

Somewhere back in my mind, a little voice was screaming "Danger!  Danger!
You do NOT fall in love like this, Chris.  Snap out of it!"  I locked that
little voice away and forgot about it.  That voice kept me from getting a
date all through high school, I was through listening to it.

I sat in the row of seats ahead of her.  I knew if I had to see her back day
after day, I'd never pay any attention.  After twenty minutes of listening
to the prof, I resolved to sit behind her (or hell, beside her) at the next
class. This man gave whole new meaning to the phrase 'bad prof'.  If he
wasn't boring the class to death for ten minutes, he was quoting some
obscure fact that was out of date/inaccurate/just plain WRONG.

After he finished speaking, 'Bob' asked us if there were any questions or
comments.  I dutifully put my hand up, and started the first of my
soon-to-be-infamous arguments.  "Professor, you claim the internet is not a
culture..."

"Call me Bob.  I insist."

I grinned.  This would be fun. "Bob.  Let's start with the first element of
your definition of a culture..."

***

I stared at the shelf in the bookstore in disbelief, and then scowled down
at the book list the prof had given me.  "A hundred with the name
'Sociology'," I grumbled to myself, "and he couldn't give us any more
specifics than the publisher?  Man, I HATE arts profs."  That last bit was
said at full volume to the ceiling.

I heard a laugh behind me, and there she stood, holding out a book.  "This
is the one you're looking for."  Man, she was right on SO many levels.  I
dumbly took the books from her hand and smiled.

"Thanks.  I'm Chris Angel."

She arched an eyebrow.  "Just a few religious references there."  I winced
inwardly.  She had no idea how many.  "Rachel Iwasaki."  Well, that
confirmed my hypothesis that she wasn't a pure Japanese.

"Oniichan!!  Hurry up!"  Skuld came running around one of the shelves.
"Haven't you found that book yet?"  She grabbed my free hand and scowled at
Rachel.  "Who's she?"

"This is Rachel, she's in my Sociology class.  Rachel, this is my little
sister Skuld."  Rachel smiled a greeting at Skuld who glared back. I gave
her an apologetic look as Skuld dragged me off.  "See you in class!"

I stopped Skuld after we walked out of the bookstore.  "Skuld, what the hell
was that?  An extension of your Keiichi complex?"  She blushed guiltily.
"I'm a grown man, I can choose my friends myself."

Skuld looked ashamed.  "But...but...you're a god now!"

"I'm well aware of that.  I went through the twenty-four-hour fitness
program, remember?" I responded snidely.  "But that doesn't mean anything.
You expected me to fall for someone like Thrudr?"

She shook her head. "I was thinking of Freya."  I groaned inwardly.

"Skuld, you, your sisters, and a few others excluded, the gods I've met are
the most shallow, self-absorbed, BORING group I know!  I'm not surprised
Belldandy fell for a mortal and Urd has no use for the rest of them."  I
felt bad about saying that, but it was true.  Thrudr was maybe the best of
the other goddesses, and even with her, everything came back to her love of
fighting.  It was like talking to a broken record.  Freya was a flighty twit
that irritated the hell out of me.  I liked her brother though.  Don't even
START me on the Valkyries.  Of course, I later had cause to retract that
little opinion on the deities in general.  They kind of grow on you after a
while, you know?

"He's not good enough for her, and she's not good enough for you," she
grumbled.  I dropped my books and knelt in front of her, now looking her eye
to eye.  I placed my hands on her shoulders.

"I appreciate it, but trust me.  Don't try to force Belldandy to choose
between you and Keiichi.  It's not fair to you or her."  *And you'll lose.*
I grinned suddenly.  "As for me, I just met the girl, before I decide I want
to spend the rest of my life with her, I'd like to get to know her first."
I cocked my head to the right, dropped the grin into a half-smile.  "Hey,
Miss short, brunette and unbearably cute, I'm still your big brother, I
always will be. OK?"

Skuld nodded miserably, on the verge of tears, and threw her arms around me,
hugging me.  "Yes, Oniichan."  Hugging her back I glared at the audience we
had gained, and sent across a silent message - if one person applauded,
there'd be hell to pay.  Good thing we weren't speaking loud enough for
anyone to overhear.

"Isn't this cute," a familiar voice said behind me.  Skuld stiffened and
gave a growl I knew well.  It's the 'oh, look, it's Urd, where did I put my
hammer' growl.

"Hi, Urd," I sighed, and let go of Skuld.  "Just having a little
brother-sister talk."  I picked up the books I dropped.  "So what's up?  I
thought you were off irritating the lovebirds."

"They're in class," she grumbled.  "So I thought I'd check out some college
boys, and saw you two.  What's wrong?"  Urd does care about her sisters, you
know.  She may do it in a rather...unrestrained manner, but she tries.

"Aww, nothing," I said.  "Skuld didn't like the fact I was interested in a
girl, that's all."

Over time, I learned there are a few things you should never mention around
my sisters.  Around Skuld, you should never mention a new ice cream store.
Around Belldandy, you should never mention a new recipe.  Around Urd, you
should never, EVER mention your love life.  Too bad I didn't know that
then - it would have saved me a lot of pain.

Skuld groaned and smacked herself on the forehead while Urd got this feral
gleam in her eye.  "You're interested in a girl?  Let your sister help!"

One of these days I'm going to learn to shut up.

***

I stared at the envelope in front of me in disbelief.  "You did WHAT?"

"That's every single piece of information you could possibly want on Rachel
Iwasaki," Urd stated proudly, and then smiled.  "Down to how to please her
best in bed."

I must have blushed beet red.  "That's what I thought you said."  I shook my
head and handed the envelope back to her.  Tempted as I was, I really didn't
need to know all that.  Hell, I wasn't sure I wanted to.  "Thanks, but I'd
rather do it the old fashioned way."

Urd looked at me like I'd grown a second head.  "Why the hell would you want
to do that?  Belldandy knew everything about Keiichi."

Belldandy, who was listening, blushed guiltily.  I turned and looked at her.
"You didn't," I asked disapprovingly.

"She sure did," Urd confirmed.  "Their wedding night is going to be the best
night..."

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" I yelled, overriding the rest of her speech.
"Look, I don't want to know.  I'll find it out when she tells me."  I stood
and went to my room, trying to ignore the presence of that envelope.

"Urd," I heard Belldandy say softly as I entered the hallway, "can I see
that please?"  Just as I was closing my door, I heard two words which scared
the living daylights out of me.  "Oh my!"

Did I mention it got worse?




Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 6


All Oh! My Goddess (Ah! My Goddess, Aa! Megami-sama, whatever) characters
owned by Kosuke Fujishima.  I'm poor, don't sue me.

***

There are days Urd REALLY irritates me, you know?

I woke up late the next morning, and found this note tacked to my door:

     Chris

     She'll be in the caf. at noon.
     Be there, or be Keiichi.

                   Hugs and Kisses,

                               Urd.

I stared at the note for a few minutes.  *Way to make a good impression,
Urd, pass notes like we're in elementary school.*  I checked the clock.
11:30.  Great, I had just enough time for me to clean up and get over there.
I spent the next half an hour getting cleaned up and cursing under my
breath, and flew over to the school.  I ran into the cafeteria, and saw
Rachel sitting there.

"Hi," I said, running up, "sorry about this."  Rachel looked at me blankly
for a moment, and then her eyes brightened in recognition.

"Chris, right?" she asked me, smiling.  "Looking for another book?"

I frowned in confusion.  "Didn't you get a note asking you to be here?"

She laughed.  I idly noted that it was a very nice laugh.  "Why would I get
a note, I always eat here!"  I heard a whistle and looked over in the
direction it came from.  There was Urd, holding that damn envelope,
Belldandy standing beside her.  I got the message easily enough.  *I would
have known that if I looked at that portfolio.*  I muttered several curses
involving meddlesome goddesses.

"Uhh...Rachel?" If it was a choice between getting shot down and Urd's
helping me, I'd take my chances with the girl.  "Would you like to go out
sometime?"

Obviously I startled her, because she became very flustered.  "OK, that was
out of the blue," she stalled.  "Hmm..." she looked me up and down.  I hate
it when girls do that, it makes me feel like I'm some hunk of meat on sale.
"Maybe."

*Oh great, just keep me hanging,* one part of me said.  *Would you rather
she said no?* another part countered.  *Not particularly,* the first
responded.  I have to stop having these conversations with myself.  "Maybe?"

"Well...I don't know much about you, other than the fact you have a little
sister who goes to college with you and you can't stand arts profs."  She
looked me up and down again, and I felt myself blush.  "How about we talk?"
I sat down and we were soon talking.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Belldandy resignedly handing something
to a grinning Urd.  *Great, they're making bets on my love life.*

***

As I was on my way to my afternoon class, I felt a familiar arm snake itself
around my waist.  "So how'd it go, 'Niichan?"

I tried to give Urd a glare, and failed miserably.  "Urd, I don't know when,
and I don't know how, but someday I'll get you for that."

"I take it things went well?" she asked innocently.

"You mean you WEREN'T eavesdropping?" I asked, honestly surprised.

She pouted.  "What kind of girl do you take me for?"

"A nosy one?" I deadpanned.  "The day you don't eavesdrop is the day Skuld
stops eating ice cream."

"Hey, it worked didn't it?" she demanded. "You have a date for Friday night,
after all."  She slapped her hand over her mouth as she realized the blunder
she made.

I smiled smugly. "I thought you weren't eavesdropping."

"I wasn't eavesdropping," she insisted with a pained tone.  "I was
lip-reading."

"Same difference."

***

My life was going great, wasn't it?  You're probably bored out of your
skull.  I am, and I'm writing this.  Unfortunately, some bright-eyed maniac
(named Skuld) decided right about now would be the perfect time for me to
start learning about one of my other duties.  Namely, wish bringing.

One of these days I'm really going to have to take a look at the code for
the selection of worthy candidates for wishes.  There has GOT to be some
problems with that code.  It's like it was made to cause trouble, especially
if it's your first wish.

Cases in point: Belldandy's first wish ended up with her LIVING with the
recipient (not that she minds).  Skuld's first wish ended up with the trio
gaining a big brother (not that any of them mind, as far as I know).  Just
thinking about what kind of trouble Urd's first wish might have been keeps
me up nights.

Lucky me, mine wasn't going to be any better.

So I'm flying along, irritated with the fact that I have to land every few
miles to get my bearings (give me a break, navigating Tokyo's a pain), and
promising myself to figure out a way to get a CD player to work in no-time
if it's the last thing I do, when I finally find the lucky girl sitting in a
park.

Crying.

*Of course she's crying," I mentally complained.  *A nice, cheerful girl
with an easy wish would be too much to ask, wouldn't it?*  I landed a few
dozen meters away and watched her for a moment.

To be honest, she looked a little too fragile right now to deal with a truly
impressive entrance.  But then, most people are too fragile to deal with my
entrances.  Not that I know why, I'd think a guy just appearing out of thin
air would be easier to take then some girl stepping out of a mirror,
television or even a puddle....but no, I get the screams, not them.
Belldandy says it has something to do with the fact I'm tall and reasonably
well built, but I think she's just trying to be nice.

Back to the girl, I noticed a couple quick things.  One, she seemed to be a
little dressed up.  Not like she was going somewhere, she just looked like
she was trying to make a good impression.   Nice, but not dressy.  A
cellular phone lay on the ground in front of her.

Two, she kept on looking at the various couples in the park wistfully, and
each time she went back into a new round of tears.  Obviously, she just
broke up with a guy or something.  Not good, she might be a little
vindictive on the wish.  I wasn't really up to hurting someone right then.

Three, she was CUTE.  I don't mean like Rachel, who while not being
classically beautiful, had this quality about her that took my breath away.
I mean like...like...well, I don't know who she was like.  She was short,
roughly Belldandy's height, and had a rather well-rounded figure, to put it
politely (to put it rudely, um...WOW).  Her large hazel eyes were liquid
with the tears that glistened in them, and tears ran down her high
cheekbones.  Her red-brown hair curled about her shoulders loosely, and she
chewed on a lock of it.

As I endeavored to think clean thoughts (I'm male, I'm single, I'm 21 - take
it from there), I checked myself over.  I was a god, after all, I've got to
make a good impression.  Black jeans, green dress shirt over a white
T-shirt, dark green trenchcoat, and shades.  Oh yeah, I'm the image of a
god, all right.  If you believe that, I've got some nice bridges to sell
you.

I walked over to the girl, and my trenchcoat billowed in the breeze around
me, in what I thought was a rather impressive effect. But then, I'm biased.
I let my shadow fall over the girl.  As she looked up, I held out my
handkerchief.  "You look like you need this, miss."

She looked at my offering blankly for a long moment, then sniffled and
silently took it out of my hands.  She dabbed at her eyes, and regained
control over herself, giving me a weak smile.  "Thank you," she said.

"Like I said, you looked like you needed it," I responded easily, careful to
not make light of her tears with my tone, and gave her a sincere smile.
"You also look like you need someone to talk to."  She gave me a suspicious
look, and I quickly elaborated.  "Hey, I'm from the Goddess Relief Office."
I hate that name.

"What kind of weirdo are you?" she demanded angrily, standing up and taking
a couple steps back.

*This is going fantastic,* I thought to myself.  I held my hands up in
surrender.  "You just made a phone call, and got a weird wrong number,
right?"  She looked at me with surprise and fear, and I knew I was right.
"Well, it wasn't a wrong number.  You have been chosen, Ami Tokomi, to
recieve a wish."  What, you're surprised I knew her name?  Give me SOME
credit, we always get dossiers on wish recipients.  I stood, and bowed
slightly.  "And I'm the god who's going to grant it."

"H-how did you know my name?" she stammered fearfully, and took a few more
steps away.  "What's going on?"

I sighed.  She wasn't taking this well.  "Let's start over," I said, and
tried my most disarming smile, holding out my hand.  "Chris Angel, pleased
to meet you."  She looked at my hand like it was a live snake, and ever so
slowly reached out and shook it.  I kept my grip as gentle as I possibly
could.  "Ami, I'm a god.  I'm here to grant you a wish.  Do you understand
that?"

"You're God," she answered in a whisper.  I couldn't help it, I laughed.
She started, and then relaxed as she realized I was laughing like she had
made a joke.

"Not quite.  I'm A god, not THE God."  She blithely continued on, accepting
my response at face value.

"And I get a wish."

By George, I think she's got it!  "Yes, you get a wish."

"Anything I want?  Like anything?" she asked eagerly.  There was a feral
gleam in her eyes now.

Whoa, hold your horses, this was starting to get scary.  I recalled this
girl was on the rebound from SOMETHING, and I was rather sure she would
regret making a wish on the spot like that.  "Please think carefully about
your wish.  You have a chance to do something wonderful for yourself or
others, don't waste it on something petty."  She deflated a bit.  Right then
there was a very lucky man out there.  "I've got time.  Make your choice
carefully."  She screwed up her face in concentration.  After a few moments,
my curiosity got the better of me.  "Ami, if I may ask, why were you
crying?"

Man, I should have read that dossier they gave me instead of flipping
through it.  It took some time for me to coax the full story out of her, but
the gist of it is pretty easy to explain.  To put it simply, Ami had the
absolute worst luck with guys.  They always seemed to be nice at first, but
once they got what they wanted out of her (be it sex, money, or other
things), the relationship deteriorated until they broke up.  I happened to
show up mere moments after she had been dumped by her last boyfriend.  If I
was a violent man, I would have hit something.  It's guys like that who give
the rest of us a bad name (and you wondered what I had against Aoshima).

"On behalf of the decent half of my gender, I'd like to apologize for that
creep," I said as she finished.

She smiled weakly, and sighed.  "You're a nice guy, Chris."  You know, it
bothers me when people say that.  It's like it's unusual for a guy to be a
decent human being or something.  Go figure.

"Thanks," I said wryly, "I try."  We walked through the park in silence
until we came upon the small lake at the center.  Sitting down along the
rocky slope, Ami stared out into space while I demonstrated my prowess at
skipping stones.  Or rather, my lack of prowess.  After a few minutes, I had
decimated the ammunition within reach.  "So, you feeling better now?"

Ami started out of her trance, and blushed sheepishly.  "Yes, I am," she
admitted.

"Good," I said, and stood, helping her stand.  "Come on, I'll walk you
home."  I put myself half a step behind Ami as we walked, allowing her to
take the lead.

"Chris?" Ami asked softly, stopping.  She turned and looked at me hopefully.
"Can you do something..." she trailed off.

I arched an eyebrow at her.  "Godly?"  She blushed and nodded quickly.  I
sighed and summoned my armor, careful to leave off my weaponry, and careful
to leave on the trenchcoat.  "How about this?"  I froze time and walked
around to a few feet in front of her.  "Or this?"

She stepped back a step in surprise, and then began to giggle.  "Nice
armor," she snickered.

I looked down at myself.  "Hey, I happen to think it looks good," I said
defensively.  "Better than that chainmail and furs stuff some of the guys
have."  I decided not to mention Thrudr's chainmail bikini.  I adopted a
false French accept.  "Eet is ze biggest t'ing in Paris, no?"

Ami rewarded my joke with some bright laughter.  "Chris, I wish I had a
chance at a guy like you," she giggled, and then gasped.  "Oops."

Suddenly I felt the that little fountain of magic within me explode with
power, like a fire-hose at full force.  I felt my entire being filling with
the awesome energy, and I could see a column of light start to form around
me.  I was becoming a vessel for that power, and it flowed through my body
from the ground into the sky.  I began to cry out in a mixture of pain and
rapture, as I rose several feet off the ground, held by the incredible power
I was channeling.

As suddenly as it arrived, the power left me, leaving me feeling drained and
exhausted as I fell to the ground.  I felt like some part of me had been
taken with that power, and something even more inhuman was used to replace
it.  With a bit of bitterness, I realized I was now truly a god.  There was
no turning back now.

Ami was looking at me with fear and trepidation.  I weakly smiled at her.
"Wish granted."

***

I landed in the yard of the temple, and walked inside the main room.  I
found Skuld and Urd lounging on the sofa, watching some inane soap opera.
Without turning, Urd greeted me.  "Hiya, 'Niichan, how'd it go?"

Skuld turned and leaned over the back of the couch.  "Yeah, what did she
wish for?" she asked eagerly.

I sighed.  "Skuld, am I a martial artist?"  Urd turned off the TV, and the
two exchanged a look.

"Of course not," Skuld answered.  "Why?"

"Do I have a father who gets me involved with women at the drop of a hat?"

"Last I checked, no," Urd responded.

"Do I have women dropping out of the sky to live here?"

"If you'd like, I could arrange that," Urd grinned evilly, and then gave me
a quizzical look.  "What's this about, 'Niichan?"

"Then why," I growled in exasperation, "is my life turning into like Ranma
1/2 or Tenchi Muyo?"  At their confused looks, I explained the wish Ami had
made and the story behind it.  By the time I finished, Skuld was shaking her
head in disgust, and Urd was helpless with laughter.

"Oh, Oniichan," Skuld said in dismay.

***

"...so that's what happened."  I explained to Belldandy and Keiichi at lunch
the next day.  We were sitting in the cafeteria at NIT.  Lucky us, the place
was mostly empty at that time, so we were able to discuss sensitive matters
in reasonable privacy.

Belldandy had on a pained expression as I finished, and Keiichi was
unsuccessfully trying to stifle laughter.  "What are you going to do,
Oniichan?" she asked.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked helplessly.  "I HAVE to give her a
chance, it's part of the contract.  Besides, it's not like I'm heading to
Heaven anytime soon.  As long as you're here, so am I."

"But what about Rachel?  I thought you liked her."

"I do," I admitted, "but lets be honest, we haven't even gone out yet, and
besides, Ami is a very nice girl."  I shook my head.  "To make it worse, Urd
did some checking.  Rachel's been touched by the wish too, because of the
way Ami worded it."  I sighed and explained further.  "She asked for a
CHANCE.  That means she has to be able to lose."  I groaned at put my head
in my hands.  "And to top it all off, she's HAPPY about it!"

Keiichi controlled his snickering and gasped for breath.  "And you used to
say you had trouble meeting girls..." he trailed off and looked over my
shoulder.

I felt a pair of soft arms drape over me and a head nestle into the space
between my neck and my shoulder.  "Hello, Chris, you miss me?" an
affectionate voice asked.  My mind decided to go on the fritz for a moment,
and I stammered a bit before answering.  Attractive girls do not do that to
me every day - I'm allowed to lose it.

"H-hi, Ami," I finally managed.  "You take classes here too?"

"Just visiting," she purred. "I wanted to see you."

As I sweated under her attentions, the words of Samuel Becket came to mind.
"Oh boy."



Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 7


All Oh! My Goddess (Ah! My Goddess, Aa! Megami-sama, whatever) characters
owned by Kosuke Fujishima.  I'm poor, don't sue me.

***

I love my schedule.  Tuesdays and Thursdays especially.  Sure, I have to get
up bright and early, but at least I get the afternoon off.  Unfortunately, I
have these three sisters who are suffering under the delusion that this
means I'm all theirs.

And my classmates wonder why I laugh when they say I'm lucky to be related
to those three.

Somehow, I got roped into going to watch another of those races the idiots
at Keiichi's Motor Club participate in.  Before you ask, no, I don't think
much of that club.  Call me silly, but I believe before you go designing
vehicles you should have at least ONE mechanical engineer on the staff.  Or
one Skuld, but they don't let her at the blueprints for some reason.

So while Keiichi parked his bike, I landed, Skuld hopped out of a puddle I
made with a water bottle and Urd stepped out of the portable TV I brought.
The girls love this little arrangement.  I have to admit, it does bring a
whole new meaning to the phrase 'at the last second.'  I just want to know
exactly when I volunteered to be their chauffeur, as it were.

We met up with the lovebirds (I don't know WHY they blush when I call them
that) and walked through the crowds, heading towards the Motor Club tent.
This was my first introduction to some of the stuff the girls have to go
through every time they go out in public.

"All right!  Belldandy's here!"  She smiled kindly and nodded to the men who
greeted her.  I growled at them.

"Urd's here too! Yow!"  Urd, well, acted like Urd.  Somehow the word flirt
doesn't come close to the way she acts around men.  I would have growled at
them, but it hurts Urd's feelings when I do that.

"Angel and Morisato too.  Hmm...too bad."  Keiichi grumbled while Skuld and
I laughed.  He was dating one of the most beautiful women on campus, and he
expected to be popular with the guys?  Not bloody likely.

"CHRIS!"

I stopped, stunned, and looked down at Skuld.  "When did I get a fan club?"
I asked her.  She shrugged, and pointed off to the side.  Looking in the
direction she indicated, I had just enough time to notice a policeman's
uniform before I was...well...glomped on.

Look, you find a single word to describe what happens when an attractive
woman jumps at you, knocks you off your feet, and initiates lip-lock.  Get
back to me, I want to know.  Until then, I'm going to call it glomping.

To say my thought processes were in disarray would be an understatement.  To
say I was frigging confused, however, would be more or less on the mark.  It
took what felt like forever for some observations to filter into my brain.
Feminine curves.  Very nice ones.  Soft arms that were stronger than they
looked.  Red-brown hair.  A tongue like a battering ram.

Brain to body:  *Hey, it's Ami.  And man, can she kiss!*

Body to brain: *Congratulations, dimwit, I knew that.  Now, shut up, I'm
enjoying this.*

I had that little internal argument going on for a while, until they finally
agreed that as fun as this was, I kind of needed to breathe.  Taking Ami by
the shoulders, I pushed her away from me.  "Hi Ami," I gasped.  "Greet all
your friends that way?"

"Just the ones I really like," she cheerfully replied, and then a spark lit
in her eyes.  "Besides, you're not just my friend, you're my boyfriend."
She rolled off me and got to her feet.  I looked at the sky, or rather, what
I could see of it though the gawkers.

Where exactly did Urd get that camcorder from?

"All right, show's over," Ami commanded, her affectionate nature submerged
under a mask of authority.  "Come on, move!  Can't a girl say hi to her
boyfriend?"  I got to my feet and sighed.

"Aaammmiii," I whined softly, so what no one else could hear.  I'm good at
whining.  I spend long hours practicing my whine.  It's an art form, you
see.  "I am NOT your boyfriend!  Remember the third piece of your little
wish?"  She looked at me, and I saw a rather disconcerting change.  Ami the
cop becomes Ami the girlfriend.  Creeped me out.  "How can you call me your
boyfriend when Rachel's involved in this too?"

Poor Rachel.  We hadn't even gone on our first date, and the poor girl was
already involved with me by decree of Yggdrasil.  Sometimes life sucks.  I
expect that's somewhere in the source code of the universe too.

"I'm hedging my bets," she said seriously.  I decided not to argue with her
at that point.  Something about her demeanor told me it would be a bad plan.

Time to change the subject. "So you're a cop?"  I REALLY have to read that
dossier.  "What are you doing here?"

"Crowd control," she responded.  She yelled over to one of the other cops
that she was going on break, and we walked after the goddesses, while I
tried to reconcile the image of the overly affectionate girl I knew with the
image of a cop dealing with a rowdy crowd of race-goers.  A girl her height,
no less.

Look, we've established I'm obsessed with height, haven't we?

We reached the booth, and I was struck by a rather amusing sight.  Tamiya
and Ootaki were staring slack-jawed at the booth bunnies that were wandering
around, and Keiichi was trying very hard not to.  He was succeeding, too.
Of course, Belldandy's painful grip on his ear might have had something to
do with that.

I'd also like to point out I had enough control of myself to NOT stare
(much).  I was rather proud of that.  Especially since I had the feeling
that if I had stared (much), I would have been dealing with a rather angry
policewoman.

Maybe I should explain to you all my definition of girlfriend:  The female
you report to.  I've found it makes dealing with women so much easier when I
keep that in mind.  It also helps me avoid doing things that might get me in
trouble.

After the guys regained control of their libidos (in other words, several
minutes later), we went out to the pit area, where they had the go-kart
ready for Belldandy to race.  Something bothered me about that kart, and it
took me a few minutes to figure it out.  It looked...right.  Well built.
Not a bit of the usual Motor Club jerry-rigging.

"Hey, Tamiya," I called the giant over.  "Did you guys build that thing from
scratch?"

"Uhh, nope," he admitted.  "Bought a kit.  Real good one too."  Well, that
explains that.

I went and sat down out of the way with Skuld and Ami.  Keiichi helped
Belldandy into the kart, and gave her a quick pep-talk.  I saw a couple
Americans show up and razz the two.  "Who's that?" I wondered out loud.

"Diana Lockheed and David Proter.  He's one of the top stock car racers in
the US, she's the champion of the US go-kart circuit," Ami answered.  I
raised an eyebrow at her, and she blushed a little.  "Well, I kind of know a
bit about the racing scene."

"Right," I said condescendingly.  "And you just HAPPENED to be on duty for
this little event."  She blushed a little more and I sighed.  *Oh well, so
she's got one little fault,* I mused to myself.  Skuld caught my glance and
made a show of rolling her eyes.  *Man, I'm going to have such fun when she
starts dating.*  "So how'd two pros get in with an amateur event?"

Ami shrugged and made hushing noises at me as the race began.  We watched as
Belldandy pulled ahead to an early lead, then spun out on the first turn.
Awfully amateurish error to make, in my opinion.  "Skuld," I asked the teen
beside me, "does Belldandy know how to drive?"  Skuld shook her head
vigorously, and I groaned.  "This is going to be fun."

Belldandy got back on the track, and was about two car-lengths behind that
Yankee girl (look, I'm Canadian, all Americans are Yankees in my books).
She seemed to be doing a little better, but she wasn't gaining much on the
other driver.  As the two rounded a curve, I realized why.  Belldandy was
copying the other driver!

Quickly, I murmured a spell under my breath.  "Glow with rays for only my
sight, let all magic be revealed with light!"  Neat spell that.  A sort of
grey film dropped over my view, and I looked around.  There was Ami, beside
me, a soft white glow around her - the effects of her wish.  Skuld was
glowing a brilliant blue. Looking down at my hands, I saw I was doing the
same, but there were flickers of white running through the glow.  The spell
was working, so I took a look at Belldandy.

The girl was glowing blue as I expected, and there were a few streaks of
white, but around her there was a faint aura of purple.  "That cheat," I
breathed.  "I never knew she had it in her."  The purple glow told me
Belldandy was using one of her inherent abilities - clairvoyance.  By
watching what Lockheed was doing, she was able to do the exact same thing!

As they came upon the final lap, Belldandy pulled ahead to win the race.  I
went over to congratulate her (after being put through Ami's version of a
goodbye - she had to go back to work), and caught the end of a conversation
between Tamiya and Keiichi.  Something about the rather extravagant
expenditures Tamiya had made for the race.  Belldandy caught the end of that
speech too, and her cheerful disposition was dashed away.

"Nice work, Bell," I said, and she gave me a wan little smile, and went to
wish Keiichi good luck in his heat.  He took it with little grace, and
climbed into the kart for his heat.  *What's his problem?* I wondered.
Belldandy went to change, her face etched with worry.  She returned a few
moments later dressed in tights, a short skirt, and a leather jacket.  It
looked like something Urd would wear.

Speak of the devil, and she appears.  Urd came up and congratulated her
sister with a knowing smile on her face.  My turn. "You," I sternly said to
Belldandy, "cheat.  Don't you feel even a little guilty?"  She blushed a
little.

"Oh, come on, 'Niichan," Urd defended, "she was just keeping the playing
field level."

"Yeah, Oniichan, Belldandy didn't do anything wrong," Skuld said from behind
me.

Three against one, I was in trouble.  Too bad I didn't see it.  "You have
GOT to be kidding me!  And how exactly was that Lockheed woman supposed to
have a chance?  She wasn't competing against Belldandy the woman, she was
competing against Belldandy the goddess!"

Belldandy looked down at the ground, and spoke softly.  "Keiichi-san needed
me to win."

Leave it to a female to ruin a perfectly good argument.

I threw up my hands in disgust, and went to watch Keiichi's race, trailed by
the goddesses.  Keiichi was doing great, coming up fast from the back of the
ranks.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a flash.  Looking over, I saw
Aoshima signaling someone with a mirror.  Almost immediately, Urd started
yelling about some jerk in kart 666.

I whipped by gaze back to the race, and saw Keiichi being harassed by some
jerk.  The guy was more interested in screwing up Keiichi than he was in
driving a good race.  Conclusion: Aoshima paid somebody off.  *One of these
days I'm going to be able to prove his little games and then I'm going
to...well, I'm not sure what I'll do, but it'll be nasty,* I promised
myself.

Sometimes, Urd is brilliant.  This was not one of those times.  She flipped
Belldandy's skirt up 'for inspiration.'  It inspired Keiichi all right.  It
inspired him to drive straight off the side of the track.   On the upside,
the guy in kart 666 also went off the track.  The rest of the Motor Club
went into gales of laughter, and even I snickered, more at the cause of the
accident than the accident itself.

Don't get me wrong, I'd be the first (OK, maybe the second, after Keiichi)
to say that Belldandy is beautiful.  But grown men being mesmerized by the
sight of Belldandy in tights is a little ridiculous, if you ask me.  Am I
the only male in Japan who can control himself?

Keiichi climbed back into his car, and went to continue the race, but he was
wandering all over the track.  He seemed to be fighting the kart every inch
of the way.  "Oh man," Ootaki groaned, "his alignment's all screwed up!  And
we don't have time for a pit in!"

"Only one thing to do, sis," Urd said with a gleam in her eye.  She and
Belldandy began to chant.  "Wild rampaging steed...Let thy wounded forelegs
be healed!"  I felt a tug on my jacket, and I looked down into Skuld's
panicked face.

"Quick," she said, "Take cover!"  She began to drag me off to hid behind a
nearby stack of hay bales (What do you think they use at go-kart tracks?).
"Urd's improvising, and that's trouble."

I gave Skuld an amused glance.  "You are hardly one to talk, Skuld."  She
returned an irritated glare.

The two goddesses were still chanting.  "Calm thy raging heart and
race...Forward, forward, o'er the road beyond."  Belldandy stopped, and
staggered a bit, looking drained.

"And let thyself run...Wild and free!"  Urd finished, pointing at the kart.

"Urd no!  What did you say?" Belldandy demanded.  Urd said nothing, and
merely looked in satisfaction at the kart and Keiichi.

I followed her gaze, and saw the kart zooming around the track at impossible
speeds.  Go-karts just don't go that fast!  Keiichi was screaming bloody
murder, and the other drivers could only look on in shock as Keiichi's kart
passed them like they were standing still.

"Chris, we have to do something!"  Skuld insisted.

"What can I do?" I asked her, and winced as Keiichi rocketed around a
corner.  The way he was being tossed about, I was hurting just from watching
it.  "If I try to pull him out, either I'll get clobbered or he'll be
killed.   Basic physics, remember?"  It was a moot point anyway, as Keiichi
whipped over the finish line and went on to crash into some more hay bales.
"Yeesh," I hissed.  "That's gotta hurt."

I was about to go see if Keiichi needed help, when I felt a strong grip on
my arm, and I was whirled around.  I registered Rachel's presence mere
moments before she would up and slapped me.  "Playboy!" she growled, and ran
off.

I held my cheek and and watched her disappear.  "Oh hell," I cursed, and
looked down at my sister.  "See ya later, Skuld," I told her as I went to
follow Rachel.

I had SO much explaining to do...and I didn't even know where to start.  How
do you tell a girl the guy who asked her out is a god?

***

"Rachel, just listen!"

"Get away from me, you casanova!"

"Aww, come on, just let me explain!"

"I saw everything, playboy," she growled, and began to walk away.  Again.
For the fifth time.

I was getting really tired of this game.  I froze time, walked around to in
front of her, and set it going again.  "Damnit, LISTEN to me!"  Well THAT
worked.  She slapped me, and tried to storm off once more.

Freeze. Walk. Un-freeze.  "Will you calm down already?" Slap.  Turn, walk
away.  Freeze. Walk. Un-freeze.  "It's not what it seems!" Pause. Slap.
Turn, walk away.  *Cool, I'm getting to her.*  Freeze. Walk. Summon armor.
Un-freeze.  "There's a good explanation?"  LONG pause.  Hand lifted up to
slap.  Dropped.  Turn, walk away.  Freeze. Walk. Un-freeze. Smirk at her
shocked expression.  "Are you ready to listen to me now?"

Rachel put her hands to her mouth, and stared at me in horror.  "What ARE
you?"

"A god," I told her simply.  Why not start with the truth?

I don't know what I expected from her.  Disbelief, I could expect.  Anger
(and another slapping), highly likely.  Laughter, unlikely, but sure.
Prostrating herself in front of me and begging forgiveness, not in a million
years.  "I'm so sorry, my lord, I didn't mean to hit you!  Please forgive
me!"

I looked around frantically, and saw a couple people gawking.  *This seems
to be my day for entertaining people.*  I banished my armor, knelt down to
Rachel and lifted her up by her shoulders.  "PLEASE don't do that, it's
humiliating."  I helped her stand, and scowled as she cast her eyes to the
ground.  "Stop that," I said peevishly.  *Hmm...let's try laughter.*  "I'm
still Chris, you know.  The devilishly handsome guy who asked you out?  The
brilliant engineer who takes delight in arguing with that dimwit of a
sociology prof?  The..."

"...Guy with an ego the size of a soccer field?" she snidely finished for
me, then gasped, covering her mouth with her hands again.  "I'm so sorry!"

I sighed and grumbled something about stupid patriarchal societies.  I was
willing to bet the girls never had to go through this.  An attractive girl
tells you she's a goddess, and if she proves it, everything's hunky-dory.
Not me, oh no.  I had a sudden understanding why it was called the GODDESS
Relief Office.  It's too much trouble for the guys.

Another heartfelt sigh from me.  "Rachel, you have nothing to apologize
for - I deserved that.  I'm still the 22 year old college student who was
nervous about asking you out.  I'm still the guy who wants to go out with
you."

That put her back on familiar territory.  "You're also the jerk who was
rolling around with that tramp earlier."

"Ami is NOT a tramp!  She's a nice girl, just...enthusiastic."  I blushed as
Rachel gave me a hard glare.  "OK, VERY enthusiastic."

"If she's such a nice girl, why the hell did you ask me out?" she demanded.

Today seems to be my days for sighs.  "Because I hadn't met her yet." As the
words left my mouth, I mentally kicked myself.  *Idiot.* "Wait, let me
rephrase that."

"So you like her better?  Then go date her, you jerk, and leave me alone!"
Rachel turned to leave, and I panicked.

"I don't WANT to date her!  I want to date YOU!"  She whirled, and looked at
me in disbelief.

"You weren't exactly fighting her off!"

Whoa, time to get a third party in here.  I looked around, and spotted a guy
reading on a nearby bench.  "One second." I walked over to the guy, and
Rachel followed.  "Hey, settle something for us.  Hypothetical: an
attractive woman comes out of nowhere, tackles you, and kisses you like
you've never been kissed before.  Do you resist?"

The guy looked at me in confusion. "Uhh...no?"  I grinned at him.

I thanked him and moved off a ways with Rachel.  "It's not like that happens
to me every day - I was kind of shocked."

Rachel scowled at me, but I saw she had let that one go.  "Then why is that
trollop chasing you?"

I started to sweat a little.  "Umm...well, I'm a god, right?"  I saw her
eyes widen a little as she recalled that fact, and I hastily continued.
"Not THE God, a god.  I'm not much of one, either, I've only been doing this
for a few months."

"What do you mean, a few months?"

"OK, one of the jobs I have is this thing called Wish Fuffillment..."

***

After I finished, Rachel said nothing for a long while.  "Why don't you just
tell her no?  That she had her chance, and she lost?"

"Uh..Rachel, we haven't even gone out yet," I pointed out uncomfortably.
"Besides, that's not how it works."

"Oh? How does it work?"

"I don't know," I said honestly.  "As far as my sisters can tell, the
definition of a 'chance' is pretty vague."  I looked miserably at the
ground.  "All I wanted was to ask a pretty girl out, and stop another one
from crying.  Now the second is throwing herself at me and the first wants
nothing to do with me."

Next thing I knew, Rachel had grabbed me by the front of my shirt and was
kissing me fiercely.  After what seemed like forever, she let me go, and
looked me in the eyes sternly.  "Tomorrow.  Eight o'clock.  You WILL be
there."  She turned and walked away, leaving me stunned in her wake.

I was bewildered.  Again.  I tried to work my mouth to say something.

"Gah?"

I will NEVER understand women.


*****************

Keep watching of Ch 8!

--
Christopher 'God-Boy' Angel
c_j_angel@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/~ca_godboy

CURRENT PROJECT: OMB REWRITE!