It's been a LONG time, I know -- finals, combined with the fact that I
didn't have my computer/internet access for about 3 weeks made it so
writing has been slow. Still, I have lots of projects on the backburner,
and I'm still processing wonderful suggestions people have given me. 

I hope you all like this, but I have to ask -- what do you think of the
format, and the voice? It really wrote itself, so I have no real way of
judging if it "works". If you hate it, tell me... ^_^;; A coupla my
prereaders told me that it was pretty good, so I feel better about posting
here. 

Still sorta-rough drafty -- if anyone is on any Sailor Moon mls, please fwd
(if they allow fics) so that people who know more about Sailor Moon than I
can send comments to me at monica@pipeline.com 

---

This fic is centered around the last act of the Sailor Moon manga; it isn't
so much a spoiler as a extrapolation of a "mystery" character depicted
fully in that act. I hope that you all enjoy it, and comment upon it ^_^

A Simple Hope: by Monica Shin

	Devastation; the end of a shining dream. I stand at the grave of the city
of peace, of hope, of everlasting love. I now know that is no forever in
this world of birth and death -- the crystal lies shattered at my feet. I
will not let it reach me now, the anguish I felt at its destruction. All I
can feel now, without losing control, is regret at its loss and for what
its passing foretold.

	Once Crystal Tokyo fell, the darkness won.

	Now I kneel at the ruins of a place I once called home. If I think back
hard enough, I can even remember how it looked, the first time I set eyes
upon it. Pure, clear and alight with the gentle radiance of the moon; it
did not attack the eyes, but comforted them by filtering out the harshness
of the sun. There, I had lived with my joys; my love, my guards, my
daughter and her beloved, all had gathered around me. 

	I had been mother, queen, and goddess for countless years. Thinking it
would never end, I was ultimately the cause of its downfall. In my belief
that peace had won, I allowed our vigilance against the darkness to lessen;
through the cracks of our shields, Chaos and her minions crept in, shadows
to our light. 

	They nearly overwhelmed us when they chose to attack. Caught unawares, too
many died not even knowing what they faced. Hordes of nightmares, of all
the things conjured up in the depths of our most hideous dreams -- ravening
for our blood, for just a taste of our power, they came at us in numbers as
vast as the stars. 

	After regrouping, we had fought back ferociously, forcing them to die in
the thousands for every inch they stole. We were at our height -- never had
any of my guards fought so well, and never had my daughter shown me so
clearly why she was destined to rule. I used all the power I had, as did my
King. We fought against them for a long, long war, both sides losing so
many that death became more familiar than life. Yet, it was never enough.
For all the courage we showed and the powers we displayed, they broke
through in the end. 

	During those final, desperate hours, our true enemy showed her face. We
had expected a monster; instead, we received a mocking salute from being
with a face that could have been on one of my own guards. Chaos had been
reborn in the Galaxy Cauldron after I had destroyed it as Eternal Sailor
Moon. The possibility of its rebirth had been one of the prices to pay for
the continued life of our universe; I had accepted that, but had never
guessed that it would take such a form after its renewal. 

	As I glared up to her and summoned all the power at my disposal, Sailor
Chaos had merely laughed. Opening her arms, she called to her kin and set
them loose upon me and mine. They were my kin as well, and I knew them from
so long ago -- Metallia, Death Phantom, Pharaoh 90, Nephrenia. To gain
revenge for their earlier defeats, they attacked fiercely with everything
they could throw at us. We defended ourselves as best we could, but they
managed to get through. 

	Helios was the first to die. Seeing my daughter in danger, he threw
himself into the path of the attack with a peaceful smile on his face; that
is how I will always remember him. Screaming in agony, Chibi-Usa summoned
power that rivaled, then eclipsed my own and attacked Metallia with every
ounce of her being. Metallia descended into death for the last time, but
her final strike dragged my daughter down with her. Chibi-Usa's broken body
fell atop of her love's; she managed to kiss his lips one last time as she
let out her last breath. She was too young to die; she had barely begun to
live. It was then that I knew that this was the end for my dreams. 

	The Princess' Quartet -- Ceres, Pallas, Vesta and Juno -- were killed
quickly after that. I think it was seeing my daughter, their Small Lady,
die so quickly which made them lose heart. They let loose their ultimate
attacks, sorely damaging Pharaoh 90, before seeming to just fold up on
themselves. Their bodies fell around their Princess', as if trying to
protect it even after death.

	After that, the rest of the deaths blur before me -- perhaps, even now, it
is too painful for me to try to examine closely. Mars and Jupiter finished
off Pharaoh 90, but was blindsided by Death Phantom. Neptune, Pluto, Saturn
and Uranus took on Nephrenia as Mercury, Venus and my King attacked Death
Phantom. I attacked Chaos directly, but she just shrugged off my power as
if it were just an annoyance. 

	Realizing my mistake, I turned back just in time to see Mercury fall.
Saturn stood alone amongst the bodies of the Outer Senshi, a look of utter
despair and pain in her eyes as she took in all the dead. She started to
swing her Glaive in preparation for her final attack; she must have seen my
futile attack and realized that there was nothing left for us to do. 

	I nodded to her once, and an almost-smile lit her face, only to be wiped
away by a look of shocked pain. A beam had lanced through her body, making
her fall back on the ground. I don't know if she realized that she hadn't
managed to destroy the evil -- I like to think that she didn't. As she
fell, a sob escaped from Venus' lips -- we all realized that there wasn't
going to be a miracle to save us anymore. 

	Slowly, I turned back to Saturn's murderer. Sailor Chaos was standing
there, watching me with an amused expression on her face. As I gathered my
energy for another attack, she examined her nails and then pointed behind
me. At the scream, I looked back to see Venus struggling against Death
Phantom, finally managing one last attack which consumed both of them. As
she fell to her knees, the leader of my guard smiled at me one last time.
My husband caught her, and gently lay her down on the ground. 

	Without saying a word, he came up next to me and linked his hand with
mine. We called up the energy from our crystals, causing both Silver and
Golden to open and flower in our hands. Together, we threw all we had
against Chaos, knowing that this was all we could do. When the crystalline
dust cleared, she was still standing before us. Still and cold, she gazed
down at us and all I could see was death. 

	Finally, as if it offended her, she let loose a blast of power which
forced us apart. Mamoru and I reached for each other, and our hands met
just as Chaos ended the life of Endymion, King of Crystal Tokyo, Prince of
Earth, father of Princess Usagi and the husband of Queen Serenity. He
coughed, once, expelling air and blood from punctured lungs, before a last
breath gently sighed his soul's release. His crystal shattered then, the
golden shards landing on the ground to be lost amid the wreckage. My
Mamo-chan was dead; there was to be no resurrection from that last blow.

	Unable to speak, to think, I stared into his dark, unseeing eyes for an
eternity before closing them. I knew that Chaos could kill me at any time
while I did this, but I didn't care, couldn't care. After I had covered the
bloody hole in chest with his cloak, I stood to face my enemy.

	I had nothing left -- no reserves, no miraculous secret power. Instead, I
stood before her as Serenity, queen of a dead city. Even the Silver Crystal
was lifeless in my hands; its power was nothing, next to the overwhelming,
ravenous darkness that Chaos was emitting. 

	Closing my eyes, I searched for the small measure of power that would
allow me transform, to fight any way I could. I found it in the knowledge
that all my friends, all loves would want me to fight on. I remembered all
their encouragement, time and time again, and knew that I had to; there was
no other way I could face their memories. I surrendered myself to my anger,
to my grief, to all the pain that I had stopped myself from feeling that
day and from Serenity, Sailor Moon emerged, blossoming through all the
levels until Sailor Cosmos stood before Chaos. 

	I had won once against Chaos, when she had been imprisoned and I had had
all my friends' power at my side. But solitary and alone, without even the
hope of my friends' return, I was afraid. Not of death, or of the pain that
Chaos could cause me. No, I had been afraid for my whole universe. Perhaps
someone, somewhere could stop Chaos. But I couldn't, and I didn't know of
anyone else who could. I feared for the kind of life that would emerge with
the unchallenged darkness loose in the galaxy. 

	I raised my scepter with a challenge in my eyes. Chaos smiled at me,
terrible darkness in her eyes. "The great Sailor Cosmos... you are a
weakling, not even worthy of my attention. For besting me at the Cauldron,
I give you a chance for life. Run, little one. Run and hide. If I find you
around here ever again, no mercy will stay my hand."

	Chaos walked away then, gathering her minions and taking them within her.
Swallowing up the darkness, she left me alone amidst the shattered ruins of
my life with the sun beating mercilessly down on my back. I gazed down at
the lifeless husks which had once housed my loved ones' souls, and I knew
that there would be no happy endings for this tale. 

	There would never be another chance for us -- Chaos had destroyed their
essence, their very core. Their crystals had shattered under the force of
Chaos' elemental darkness, and they were lost to me forever. All that had
made them so special had left this world, to rejoin the Galaxy Cauldron; to
become the stuff that the stars were made of. 

	And I was alone. So, knowing I could not win, knowing that even if I was
able to beat Chaos, there would be nothing left to win for, I did the only
thing I could do. 

	I ran. 

	I ran, remembering the first time I had met Chaos. Then, I had been young
and hopeful; without even a conception of what true loss and true life was,
I had hoped for a world where life was ever-continuing. I had rejected the
plan to destroy the Cauldron, allowing for the darkness -- even then, I had
known that without darkness, the light could not continue. 

	Now, after coming back from that past, I stand before the shattered
remains of my once-glorious city to face my future. I had run and hid,
hoping to change what had become of my dreams; only after seeing my
younger-self's courage had my own returned. I remember now, what I had
fought for back then. Even if there was nothing left for me, I could not
condemn the galaxy to an eventual death. 

	I reject entropy. I reject the darkness. If only to bring the balance
back, I will now make sure that Chaos is stopped. I must; if I do not, what
is left for me but a life full of half-forgotten memories and the knowledge
that I had not even tried?

	I transform once more into the form of Sailor Cosmos, having replenished
my strength in the twentieth century by immersing myself in the life-forces
of the Cauldron. As I watched all my friends, so young and hopeful, go
forth to the rest of their lives, I had found myself ready; this time I
will win, so that the hopes they held would not have been in vain. 

	Chaos has left the ruins alone, perhaps to show the rest of the universe
what resistance will garner them. Bending down, I pick up a piece of
crystal from the ground. Is there a faint glimmer of gold within its
clarity, or is it merely the sun, shining through? Either way, this is all
I will be able to keep with me of my lost utopia.

	I feel the chill of the shadows touch upon me as the sun's light
disappears. Allowing myself one, final look, I shed the only tear I can for
my city, my home. It drops onto the crystal shard, making it shimmer and
shine even without the kiss of the sun upon it. 

	Usagi is dead. Serenity is dead. Even the idealistic Sailor Moon is dead.
Once, I had thought that it would last forever; that somewhere within my
soul, all of those identities would live on. Now, I know better. All that
is left within me is Sailor Cosmos -- the only defender left of all their
dreams of peace. 

	I am Sailor Cosmos, and Chaos will have no more tears from me.

	Sailor Cosmos has no protector, no friends. She has no one who will
whisper her name and hold her close in the deep of night, as Usagi did. She
has no warriors to defend her back and give her strength, as Serenity did.
She has no one to fight by her side, as Sailor Moon did. All I have is
myself -- my strength, and my pain. I now know what it is, to lose it all;
I will not allow Chaos to do to another what she has done to me.

	The shadows are becoming deeper and darker, full of the mindless hatred
that is so antithetical to what I stand for. I know that it is Chaos'
doing, to try to weaken my resolve, but I will not be moved. She will not
force me to abandon my self again; she cannot. I have remembered myself and
I refuse to fail.

	Chaos' sense of theatrics is truly impressive; after letting the tension
build to an almost unbearable level, she steps out from behind a fallen
pillar as if in the middle of a stroll. She gives me a pitying smile,
before her expression becomes ice and iron. At the end, she reveals herself
as the efficient killer she is; no more games, no more banter. Just
strength against strength, desire against desire. 

	There is no need for her to call for her slaves; their presence would be
minimal at best on this playing field. Without saying a word, she calls for
the elemental powers of dark, of hate, of mindless, inexorable change.
Throwing them against me, she seems to expect my defenses to crumble as
they did before, and surprise is evident in her eyes when all I do is smile
back at her.

	I now know how to beat her, how to win. I had forgotten, in all the years
that I ruled Crystal Tokyo, that stasis, order, stillness all come with a
price. Our defenses could not adapt to Chaos' flood of seemingly-illogical
patterns of attack, and we paid the price for our complacency. Seeing
Sailor Moon fight, seeing her accept the changes that came in any
situation, made me realize what I had lost. 

	Flexibility. Being able to adapt to what the enemy threw. Being not
crystal, sharp and fragile, but rather, the elements; air, water, fire and
earth. With the soul to forge them into a weapon, and the heart to shape
them into a shield, that is the only thing I truly need to win against Chaos. 

	I have the power of the Cosmos at my disposal; light to her dark, order to
her chaos, love to her hate. I can match her in any field she chooses, as
long as I know not to become brittle and breakable. That, and something
more; something that only the innocent I had been could have taught me;
acceptance. 

	Sailor Moon always tried to help her enemy, to try to convert the dark
into light. She always willed herself to be the sacrifice, to take in the
evil and make it into something better. I had not allowed myself to see the
need for Chaos, for what she represented, until now. She is indeed, dark to
my light, matching me in every aspect, but she is also creativity and
growth. There is as much need for the shade as there is for the sun. 

	Crystal Tokyo was the embodiment of all that I held dear, but it was not
true to the balance needed in the universe. Neither is Chaos' hordes what
the galaxy desires; there must be limits to everything, be it light or
dark. It does not make the death of my beloved any easier, and it does not
bring any of them back. I will not allow myself the easy falsehood that
this was the will of fate. Instead, I accept it as past, and done. I will
grieve and rage, but I will also go on. I will not let this beat me, for I
am needed.

	Chaos sees my calm, my detachment to her attack, and seems to become
almost frightened. Her voice is calm, but I can hear the faint puzzlement
underneath the steel. "So, queen of the dead; you have returned to join
your family. It is not my fault that you chose death -- I gave you a chance
to live."

	"It is not I who will perish here, Chaos. You don't see it, do you?" My
voice is calm, gentle. It almost feels as if I'm speaking to my child, as
she had been so long ago -- young, and full of wonderment. I can see that
Chaos is now off balance -- my whole attitude is throwing off her attack
plan; I should be the one disturbed, not she. 

	"See what, Serenity? I only see a ghost before me, nothing more." Chaos
regains her confidence with those words, as if saying it made it real to
her. In becoming corporeal, she had lost some of the oversight that Chaos
had had in the Cauldron...

	"Not Serenity, Chaos. I am Sailor Cosmos and I see your death. You cannot
win against me, not now; I can see into your heart and I know your mind. Be
at peace, Sailor Chaos, and know that even the damage you have done to the
balance can be healed, in the place where you were born." I feel it now,
rising in me, the power that I have been looking for.

	"Who are you, to say such things to me? I destroyed everything you ever
loved -- how dare you-" 

	I smile -- not sadly, for I will not pretend that this death will not give
me joy, but just at the petulance in Chaos' tone. In the end, even this
does not matter to the vastness of the universe. We cannot truly affect it,
beyond the immediacy of our selves, and perhaps our world. We are all
children, infants, even the greatest of us. 

	No matter how powerful we think ourselves, at the end, the only important
thing is the capacity every person has to be meaningful to another. It is
those who cannot touch, who cannot connect, who truly have no place. I can
feel pity for Chaos, now. She has had no one's support or love. Like
Galaxia, she is alone in the vast coldness of her heart. That does not
absolve her for her sins, but it will help me remember her. 

	She sees the pity in my eyes, and snarls in response. Losing her
composure, she attacks with her full strength, not seeing until the last
moment the mirror-spell I have been constructing. Is it appropriate that my
crystal keepsake is the focus of my power? It is fitting, I think, a worthy
memorial to my vanquished city; let it not be said that Crystal Tokyo did
not revenge its murder.

	Chaos lets out a shriek of pain that is lost, so quickly, in the emptiness
of my moon. She collapses, dying without saying a word; the mighty fallen
so quickly. It almost seems too quickly; what atonement has she done for
the death of my people? That is not something for me to ask, or answer. It
is enough, perhaps, that she is gone. 

	Looking around once more, I know that there is nothing left to me here.
Serenity can never come back, not without her warriors and her King. It
would be a mockery of the memories that I hold of that shining city. Usagi
had almost disappeared by the time of the attack, subsumed by the
responsibilities and duties that Serenity held; even if I could call her
back, how could I go back to being a normal girl, after all I've seen and
done? Even Sailor Moon had disappeared into the realm of myth and legend;
perhaps she would one day be thought of as the last sleeping warrior,
destined to come when true darkness roams the land. 

	I consign all my identities to the winds. None of that truly matters now;
I have one duty left. I go over to Chaos' body to take out the sailor
crystal that even she has. How ironic that the her reflected attack did not
destroy hers as it destroyed so many others -- I will never know if she
meant to keep my crystal, perhaps as a token of her victory, or if, even at
the end, Crystal Tokyo soothed instead of harming as befitting the City of
Light. 

	Placing that crystal firmly in my hand, I will myself to the Galaxy
Cauldron. It is not difficult to find; merely look to the center of the
universe, and it is there. As I feel the warm energies swirl around me, I
bow to the small lady who is watching me with something less than a smile. 

	"I return this seed to you, Guardian Cosmos. Please, place it within the
Cauldron again, so that it may one day become a true star, not a shadow in
the dark."

	She takes it from me, the last remnant of my enemy, and it disappears into
the sea of origin, birthplace of stars. She considers me, and after a long
moment, finally smiles. Gently, she takes my hand, growing until she is as
tall as I. "Are you ready?" That is all she says to me, and all that I need
to hear before I realize.

	I think, long and hard; this is not a decision to be made lightly. Yet, in
my heart, I know that I have made it already. "Yes, my sister, I am; I will
take up your burden, and make sure that Chaos does not rise again."

	She clasps my hand to her breast, letting me feel her heartbeat. It grows
louder, steadier, until I can hear my own heart follow the steady rhythm.
It is the pulse of the sea, of life, of the universe itself, and I close my
eyes to it. I feel her lips on my eyelids, on my forehead, on my mouth, as
she bids me farewell, and when I open my eyes, she is gone. 

	I look down, knowing what to expect. Sailor Cosmos is gone now, as well. I
am only the Guardian now, and will remain to guard the Cauldron and the
Galaxy until another comes to me -- out of pain, of fear, of regret,
perhaps, but most of all, out of duty and love. 

	We all have our obligations, our crosses to bear -- this is mine. I watch,
and wait, for that rare spirit, that star-spirit made flesh, made human and
mortal; it is beings such as she who will relieve me from my watch. I wait,
and a part of me sometimes watches for the birth of an ordinary girl,
klutzy but sincere, who will live an utterly ordinary life with friends,
and family, and loves. 

	Is it sad, or strange that a being with almost unlimited power would wish
to go back to simpler, easier times? Wishes are but unfocused prayers; I do
not truly wish to be Usagi again -- I cannot be her, so ignorant of life
and pain. But I can wish for a small measure of her ordinary happiness,
once my task it done. 

	And sometimes, I look to the shard I still carry, the last reminder of my
love. One day, when I have the courage, I will let go of it; let it sink
into the sea of creation, that the golden spark trapped within the cold
crystal may be freed. I will lose Crystal Tokyo then, to become only
memories and legends; another Avalon, Camelot, Shangri-La, Atlantis. I will
truly be alone.

	But the Cauldron is the place where stars are born, and possibilities
become reality. A tiny piece of hope, with the loss of a shard of crystal,
may be the way for my other half to come back to me. Then, could I allow
myself to become that silly, silly girl, knowing heart-love and not
realizing how valuable it truly is?

	A dream: She smiles, and he smiles back. An innocent, fated meeting; they
both know that something has been found, discovered. Their hands touch,
their eyes meet, and two souls may rest. 

	It is but a whimsy. A dream, a chance and nothing more than fantasy. Yet
fantasies are where creation begins; an idea, a simple desire. Perhaps I
will be immortal, lasting as long as the galaxy does. But there will be an
end; even this universe cannot last for eternity. Change is the only thing
which is everlasting; only love is forever. 

	I believe in love. I believe in life and all the things that come with it.
In the end, all who I hold dear will be with me, somehow; and a voice will
whisper my name, and arms will hold me close in the deep of night.

---Finis---
6/13/98

-----
Monica/Akira-chan/Heero/Hayama/Naga/Kircheis no Miko- Proud TABBE! Member
monica@pipeline.com - http://www.pipeline.com/~monica/
CLAMP, LoGH, MB, RKen, Gundam, EVA, DearBoys, RoV, Subby, K-sama
"Tell Annerose-sama that Sieg kept his promise..." - Kircheis-sama
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