Happi Days 4c: Ucchan's Diary
by GreggSharp/ aka Metroanime@aol.com
all characters (excepting Master Po & Tetsuo Tsukiku)
are (c) Takahashi Rumiko, Fred Perry, etc. don't sue
me as there isn't even enough money here to pay a
junior grade lawyer, and you could make more money
hiring me anyway.
The commercial is a concept i came up with for a
"Ranma wishes his problems were resolved" fic, and
Toltiir (kami of practical jokes) deciding that rather
than eliminate the problems to transfer them, making
multiple copies at the same time.
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Ukyou smiled at the Konatsu, who got up and
walked slightly away. Neither Konatsu nor the
missing Tsubasa were happy. Ukyou was much
happier.
Konatsu was now a kunoichi in more than merely name.
Tsubasa still had casts on his right leg and left arm
from his fall from Furinkan's clock tower. This was
not the cause of either former-man's happiness, nor
Ukyou's new smile.
When Happosai had hit Furinkan with the water from
the "Spring Of Drowned Bishojo Bride" it had affected
Ukyou. When the same water had struck at Ucchan's,
two crossdressers and three patrons had been struck.
Tsubasa's strong male self-image had her fighting the
psychological changes with everything she had, but by
the end of the first week she had one major sweeping
change in her life. She still tried to act as she had
before, but was often sulking off by herself. It was
that she simply no longer was attracted to women the
way she had been when she had been a he.
Konatsu was the same way, except that she had been
raised to think of herself as female, had been changed
by the cursed water to become a woman down to the
genetic level, and now found herself switched from
lesbianism. She was eyeing the male patrons, then
feeling guilty and sick about doing so.
Ukyou, on the other hand, was happy not to be
pursued by the two women. She was feeling happy
because her figure had developed further, the
classes dealing with cosmetics, fashion, and
family planning would ALL benefit her relationship
with Ran-chan.
"Just wait till you get back, Ranma-honey," Ukyou
promised the grill, as Ranma was still off in China
somewhere. When Ranma got back, she would sweep him
off his feet and they'd marry quickly to keep the
women of Furinkan from annoying him too much.
---------commercial break----------
A pretty young woman (think of someone like Moe
Nagasaki or Tomo Sakurai, dressed in a cheongsam with
armored shoulder pads) charges through a crowd of ninja
in an urban setting. The scene changes and the same
girl is swinging on a vine across a raging river
wherein Something With A Lotta Teeth can be seen. The
scene changes again to show the same woman, this time
pulling a battlestaff out of nowhere and vaulting past
some Urotsukidoji type monster, flipping into a tight
ball as she gets through a gap in the flailing
tentacles. Again the scene changes, and same woman is
racing up the walkway to an American house. She rings
the bell and the door opens, revealing a man, though
he's in shadow and not shown distinctly.
Woman: (smiling) "Sign here for package, please!"
Voiceover: "Amazon Express, when it absolutely
positively HAS to be there!"
Man: "This is an overnight. Why did it take two days to
get here?"
Woman: (shocked) "Aiyaaaa! Knew shouldn't have stopped
to fight Bison..."
Voiceover: "Aw comeon, you know what happens if the
package is late."
Woman: (nodding, then does running glomp on customer)
"Wo da airen! Wo ai ni!"
Voiceover: "Limited time offer on overnight guarantee.
Special rules, limitations, and exclusions apply. Call
now."
--------end commercial break----------
"Ukyou," Nabiki entered the shop, looking around.
"Can we talk?"
"How much is THIS going to cost me?"
"Oh, I'm just trying to find out if you'll help out
with the bake sale."
"Kasumi already told me about it," Ukyou nodded. "I'm
in as long as the money's going to a good cause and
NOT fund another wedding of my Ran-chan to Akane."
"Oh come on, we don't even know where Ranma IS. Well,
except that he's in China and used to be in a small
coastal village. I give you my word, we're just sprucing
up the house and paying some bills."
"Well in that case, sure." Ukyou sighed. "So any word
if they've caught Happosai?"
"Not yet, the little hentai's gotten pretty good at
running and hiding after all he's done over the years.
It's not as alarming as what I've just gotten from one
of the elders."
"Hmmm."
"I won't charge you for this, providing that you tell
me if you get any info on the subject from any of your
customers, deal?"
Ukyou nodded. "Deal."
"According to my records, Happi came into Japan on
a small cargo plane from Blackbird Reclamations-"
"Smugglers."
Nabiki raised an eyebrow, curious that an okinomiyaki
chef would know of them. "Anyway, he came in with twelve
five gallon jugs of water. Now, here's the tricky part.
According to the elders, Herb of that Musk Dynasty
admitted that he gave forty gallons of 10:1 concentrate
of 'Spring Of Drowned Bishojo Bride.' You with me so
far."
"I think I see what you mean. Happosai didn't do the
math or he'd know something was up. That's only eight
five gallon containers." Ukyou thought about it. "So
there's an extra twenty gallons."
"Each gallon of concentrate makes ten gallons of
cursed springwater. One liter is enough for the curse
to take affect, anything less only gives a partial
effect like the tentacles on Pantyhose Tarou."
"Come on girl, spill it. What're you hinting."
Nabiki smirked, it was smirk #7 (the "I'm so clever
that even I can barely stand myself" smirk.) "This
means that even with what is confirmed as the 'Bishojo'
curse water, that's 1500 people who could be affected.
The news agencies only report 809, but we know at least
600 were at Furinkan."
"So where are they?"
"That's one of the questions, I'll hope to get
answered soon. Maybe you'll find the answer. Another
really good question, you've got that gaijin coming
in later, right?"
"Yeah, she's resisting the mental change though."
"If she was affected by Bishojo water at all..."
Nabiki waited for Ukyou to put it together.
"Nyannichuan?"
"Not quite, but close. Seems there's also a 'Spring
Of Drowned Amazon Warrior' there too. We know from Herb's
reactions to the Amazon's requests for information that
he's not happy with Happi. I think Happi mixed water
and we're seeing the results right there." Nabiki spread
a few photos out on the counter. "Dig these. Kasumi got
tagged yesterday and now she's suddenly back to doing
her katas and SWORD practice for crying out loud. Those
other photos are of some of the gaijin acting like they
were just out of the village. Now what will happen when
Happi meets up with women who act like Chinese Amazons?"
Ukyou slapped her hands together three times and
said a quick prayer. "This is fate."
"And I want to be there and get photos." Nabiki got
up and shrugged. "Well, entertaining as this has been,
I've got to go. I've got brownies to make."
Ukyou blinked as Nabiki left. "I thought her idea of
cooking was to open a bag of chips."
Shrugging, Ukyou took an order for a seafood
okinomiyaki and lost herself in her work. Mixed
Juusenkyo curses, there was something about the idea
that disturbed her.
"Oh Ranchan, why can't you see that your curse doesn't
matter to me?" Ukyou finished the okinomiyaki and sent
it down the counter with a practiced flip of a spatula.
"After all, isn't that something a CUTE fiancee would
say? I just hope that Happi runs out of water before
Ranchan gets back."
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In the attic above the Tendo dojo, and somewhere in
China, two individuals sneeze.
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ends side story 3, next up Tetsuo Tsukiku and how
exactly the UNCURSED guys at Furinkan are handling all
this mess.