"David A. Tatum" <desaix@sysnet.net> wrote:

an attempt by David A. Tatum to get an actual response to a Spamfic of his
(he's written 3 so far, and gotten 0 responses...)

The best way to get 'em is to give 'em. (Have I malleted that point home
hard enough for everyone? ^_^ Well, it's true.)

Anyway... the concept makes quite a lot of sense, and it fits perfectly
into what we know about the characters. As for the writing, one
suggestion:

'Damn,' he thought, rubbing a bruise on his side gingerly.  'Akane's
starting to get a LOT rougher in bed.  If I had the endurance I had in
human form with P-Chan, I might be able to shrug off those blows, but I'm
not so sure anymore.'  Then he smiled.  'Though I think I'm the ONLY person
who could survive sleeping with her on a regular basis... Ranma, you don't
stand a chance with her...'  Then he frowned.  'But you said you loved her
at Jusendou...  You keep getting in my way, Ranma- it is time for me to
finish you once and for all!'

Try not to overuse quoting of thoughts. This sort of thing usually
sounds more natural if you work it into the text. This paragraph could
be rewritten as:

'Damn,' he thought, rubbing a bruise on his side gingerly.  Akane was
starting to get a LOT rougher in bed.  If he had the endurance of his
human form as P-Chan, he might be able to shrug off the blows, but he
wasn't even sure of that any more.  Then he smiled.  He was the ONLY
person who could survive sleeping with her on a regular basis. Ranma
didn't stand a chance with her! [and so on]


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics