Redhair MST...
(As we last left our heroes and heroines, Mokona had hopped aboard the
Tardis after it had left the timestream and appeared at the World of the
Magic Knights Rayearth. Ryo-ok-hi's shocking revelation that she can speak
fluently in over 2 billion forms of communication, especially Mokonese
caused the entire group to faint. As we open, the group wakes up in one of
the many bedrooms.)
Washu: Ooohh...where are we?
Lina: This looks a bit familiar, especially the soft bed! Lina grins.
Andrew: Anyone got any bright ideas where are we?
Washu: I think this is Presea's Castle?
Ranma: At least she has a great soft downy bed! (Mokona hops in.)
Mokona: PU! (Everyone jumps up and lands on the hard, hard, concrete floor.)
La Blue Girl (croaking in pain): Ouch.
A-ko: Double-ouch.
Andrew: Well, at least I know why Presea wants to torchure Mokona so bad...
Mokona: Pu, pu, pupupupupu. PU pupupupupupupu. Pupu pupu. (Mokona leaves.
Everyone else is still on the floor.)
Lina: Did ANYONE catch what he said?
A-ko: No. Anyway, I think the fic is up...
At 08:12 AM 6/2/98 -0400, MetroAnime@aol.com wrote:

Happi Days 4a: A Side Order Of Tofu

Ranma (sounding like a English Graduate): Do you want fries with that?

by GreggSharp/ aka Metroanime@aol.com

all characters (excepting Master Po & Tetsuo Tsukiku)
are (c) Takahashi Rumiko. don't sue me as there isn't
even enough money here to pay a junior grade lawyer,
and you could make more money hiring me anyway.

Andrew: He's a lawyer?

trying to think of ways to work within the mail limits
i've got with AOL. (hey, you can say all sorts of nasty
things about AOL, most of em true, but i get it for free
using my roomie's acct and three of the screen-names he
didn't have any need for.;) as an medical biller, that's
what i can afford!) Anyway, came up with the idea of
breaking this down into substories, each dealing with
a character coming to terms with Life In Nerima. First
up is Doctor Tofu Ono. I figured if Kasumi or Nabs did 
transcription for Tofu, that would account for all the
free services. (or is Japanese healthcare socialized?)

Washu: It's pretty much socialized, Metroanime.

****
Dr Tofu Ono sat back and collected her thoughts, tapping
the pocket recorder that usually was used to make the
patient's chart notes (after Kasumi typed them up) as
she did so.

(Everyone looks confused.)
Ranma: After all this time, I thought Dr. Tofu was a guy...
A-ko: Hey, maybe he knew more about the Spring of Drown Girl curse better
than you'd thought, Ranma.

	That was ONE benefit of this latest development.
Tofu no longer went completely hysterical around Kasumi,
but the price was a bit high.

Washu (imitating Nabiki): Whee! That means more money for me!

	"Today is the fourth day since Happosai went on
a rampage with something that resembles Jusenkyo cursed
spring water. The patient load is not as overwhelming as
it was for the first three days, so I'm finally making
a few records and observations about the whole thing.
	"Uhm, yeah. Happosai's curse water mimics the
effects of a Jusenkyo transformation curse except that
hot water does NOT reverse the change. At least for now.
Today, for the first time, I noticed a slight tingling
sensation when I reached into some near-boiling water
when my glasses fell off into the pot.

Lina (imitating Tofu): Then Kasumi and I did some intimate experiments, if
you know what I mean. (Washu glares at Lina.)
Washu: Let's not go there, okay?

	"I digress. The curse most approaches the 
effects of 'Spring Of Drowned Bishojo Bride' - listed
on page 343 under the heading of Central Section, in
Lawson's Guide To Juusenkyo and Other Cursed Springs
Of The Orient. (English text, $49.95 from Amazon 
Books).

Ranma (imitating Shampoo): Bestseller on Amazon Times List for Three moons
now!

		   This 'Spring Of Beautiful Young Girl Bride'
was supposedly created 1,500 years ago when a young
newlywed was chased by bandits into the Jusenkyo area

after her husband was killed.

Washu: Then the bandits were highered to star in the Pirates of the
Caribean theatre at Walt Disney World.

								    Note that this is a case
where there actually WAS a tragic story associated with
one of the springs.

Andrew: Unlike, say, the Spring of the Drowned Guppy.

	"Those who fall into the Spring normally gain
the Cursed Form of a young girl of around 17 years,
extremely attractive, who may only bear a faint 
resemblence to the uncursed form. Also normally, the
personality changes when in the cursed form to fit the
template of a somewhat demure and feminine though 
old-fashioned young lady of the victim's culture. With
nonpermanent individuals this becomes a form of 
schizophrenia with physical transformation thrown in.

(Everyone looks at Ranma. Ranma big-sweats. Andrew splashes water onto
Ranma. Instant Girl. Ranma-chan glares at Andrew.)
Ranma-chan (with a heavy British Accent): We are NOT amused! (Everyone else
falls-over.)

	"Happosai's permanent version has accelerated
the personality changes. The following is a set of
observations from some of the patients who've been 
coming by.
	"Those who were mentally unbalanced to begin
with have been affected the fastest. Principal Kuno is
a sterling example of this, who has taken to wearing
floral print skirts now and is pushing for a tanning
booth for the Phys Ed department.

Lina: Now THAT I've got to see.
A-ko: What, Principal Kuno wearing a dress?
Lina: No, a tanning booth. I really need to get a tan for the summer.

	"The next group to be affected are the various

women who were born that way. It seems the closer you
started to the template, the faster one reaches it. In
the case of a vast majority of the girls, they are well
into the mental transformation aspect. A few, such as
Nabiki Tendo, seem to have more resistance to this
change. In the case of Nabiki, she's taken an extreme
interest in baking cookies and wants to start a business
selling lines of gourmet cookies.

Ranma-chan (still in that Upper-crust British accent): Why, I remember the
time I was trying to teach the art of souffling to my dearest friend, the
Duchess of the Mallet. What a naughty woman the Duchess is!
Andrew: Um, can I get a translation?
Washu: Akane didn't like it when Ranma tried to teach her how to bake cookies.

	"There are former boys who are nearly at the
same stage of mental transformation. Those cases that
I've personally observed indicate strength of will or
ability to adapt to change are a factor. Those unable
to adapt went home the first day, locked themselves in
the bathroom, and came out over the next day with a
nearly full attitudinal change. Daisuke Honda is the
example of this that I've appended. Now calling herself
'Suki' or 'Daisuki' she's acting almost like a 
cariacture of a female persona. Girlish to the point
of ludicrous.

Andrew (imitating Tsubasa): Hey! You're taking over MY turf! (End
imitation.) You know, I have the urge to clean this place. It seems so
dirty. (The A-ko, Lina, and La Blue Girllook at Andrew and Ranma-chan. Then
they look at Washu, as she's twirling her pink hair.)
Washu: Oh oh. Well, what can I do? You know how much trouble I have in
science! (Washu quickly covers up her mouth. The other three girls big-sweat.)
A-ko: Houston, we have a problem. (Lina quickly pulls out a spell book and
frantically turns the pages, trying to find something.)

	"There ARE those who are fighting the changes,
at least the mental ones. Hiroshi Hyojun is one such.
Despite his best friend changing to such an extent, and
considerable pressure by his mother, he continues to
remain largely himself. One of the few not attending
the now crammed courses on Cooking, Family Planning, 
Flower Arranging, and Sewing over at Furinkan.

La Blue Girl: Next week, we'll have Julia Child as our special guest!
A-ko: Two people that should not be invited for "Ready, Set, Cook": C-ko
and Akane.

	"The next group would be the ones fighting the
transformation tooth and nail. They refuse to wear
female clothing, are acting more 'macho' than they did
when they were male, and frankly look haunted. You
can see them flinch whenever they pass a reflective
surface. I expect some of these to completely switch
over as with the group like Daisuke.
	"There are some who have taken the 'be like
Ranma' attitude. They seem to be resisting any mental
change, are wearing altered versions of their boys'
school uniform and fairly androgynous clothing at all
other times. They tend to congregate in small groups
of their own, reinforcing their male identities by
such male-bonding.

La Blue Girl: I suppose they'll be out in the woods beating their drums of
their own masculinity.
A-ko: Or join the NRA.

	"Finally there are those boys NOT present at
the time of the transformation who find themselves in
what is almost an all girl school. Ryouga Hibiki and
Tetsuo Tsukiku being primary examples. Tetsuo is nearly
climbing the walls, due to some bad experiences in 
Juuban with seifuku-clad vigilantes, manifesting itself
in a distrust for the entire female gender especially
those wearing anything resembling a fuku.

Lina (not looking up as she is still reading her spell-book: Must have been
friends with Sailor Moon.
(Washu and Andrew are cleaning the room.)
Washu: Do you want to dust, or should I?
Andrew: Oh, go right ahead. I'm just doing a little interior decorating.
(A-ko & La Blue Girl look at them, and then at Ranma-chan, who's baking a 8
layered Angel Food Cake.)
La Blue Girl: We've got to do something!

	"Ryouga was absent as is frequently the case,
and only got back to Nerima yesterday. He still seems
to be waiting for someone to show up and tell him that
this is all some elaborate practical joke devised by
Ranma to humiliate him.

A-ko: I'm wondering about that as well...

	"The teachers, well, they seem to fit the same
general categories as the students. There are SOME
problems caused by a number of the formerly male
teachers having been married, and these marriages seem
to be in the process of disintegration. Two exceptions.
One, the Shop Teacher Ms Hageshii is fighting the 
psychological changes very well and is not trying to
outdo Mrs Hageshii in homekeeping. Two, the Art Teacher
who used to be Mister Moju, but frankly Mrs Moju has

always been a bit strange even for Nerima.

Ranma-chan (with a bloody English accent): Oh, her. I remember when she
pierced several of my class-mates to make a huge mobile. What splendor!
Lina: Well, I think I've found a solution. At least here, that is.

	"The most interesting case is Hinako Ninnomiya,
whose child form was splashed. Apparently her strange
metabolism and the curse reacted to each other. The
result is that her adult form has the general mindset
of the 'Bishojo Bride' while her child form is now
about fourteen years old with the emotional maturity of
someone half her age.

A-ko: So she goes from Usagi to Princess Serenia in one curse?

	"The tourists affected by the Curse have mostly
stuck around. It seems that the shared calamity has 
seen some of the locals open their doors to these people
to some extent. The original crowd hit by Happosai 
outside the Nerima Animate store was of twenty young
men and one young woman. Now twenty one young women,
though eight have gone home to face whatever personal
paradigm shift they must on their own.

Lina: Paradigm shift? Who's writing this stuff, Stephen Covey?
A-ko: Nevermind that, we've got to get Andrew, Washu, and Ranma-chan back
to normal.
La Blue Girl: You know they weren't ever normal.
A-ko: At least not like this! (Andrew is working on a portable garden.
Washu is knitting a sweater that looks like it was knitted by a blind man.
Ranma-chan has finished the eight-layered Angel Food Cake and is decorating
it.)

	"Of the remaining thirteen, six proudly call
themselves otaku and have taken to some truly strange
behavior." Tofu rubbed her eyes as she remembered the
one wearing a Morrigan costume, or the other one wearing
the Eternal Sailor Moon costume and actually doing all
those strange gestures and "in the name of the Moon"
speeches. Even when ordering a hamburger. Tofu shuddered
in rememberance. She made a mental note to not vacation
in America. Ever. Nerima was quite strange enough.

(La Blue Girl screams.)
La Blue Girl (screaming): In the name of the Moon, please stop this fic!!!
Lina: I've got it! The only solution is that we've got to kiss them!
A-ko & La Blue Girl: WHAT?!

	"Ah. The remainder fit the general profile of
the transformed boys well enough. More appear to be
resistant to the change, possibly the well-known 
American individualism coming to their advantage." Tofu
didn't want to use the phrase he'd heard others use
in referring to that streak. It wasn't ladylike.

A-ko: Hello, kettle, this is pot. You're Green!
Lina: Geeze, it even got to Tofu.
La Blue Girl: I wonder how it affected Akane and Kasumi?
A-ko: Heck, they were like this from the begining of the series! Akane
wasn't as good as Kasumi, that's all!
La Blue Girl: Kasumi, yes. Akane, no.
Lina: Would you two stop that! We've got two boys and a feminist to save!

	"The ones sticking around have found local
jobs while they try to see this thing through and come
to terms with the change. One is working as a waitress
at the Nettohanten, another at Ucchan's, and three
more are working at the very same Animate store that
they were ambushed at."

A-ko: Who ambushed them?
Lina: Those damned Teletubbies!

	Tofu thought a moment before she clicked the
recorder back on. "Meanwhile, there have been sightings

but no capture of the perpetrator of this mess: the
man called Happosai."

(The girls quickly whistle the theme song from the movie, "The Good, the
Bad, and the Ugly.")

--------------------
	In the roof of the Tendo dojo, someone sneezed.

Andrew (in a frilly girlly voice): Bless you!

end side story one: Tofu's chart notes
next: Nabiki's ledger.

well, i've got a little more time to finish this up,
the trial is now in a couple more weeks, and i'm still
fighting the tickets, and the pricetag also increases.
Ja ne.

Lina: Okay, in order for this to work, we've got to surprise them. The best
way that can be done is by kissing them. A-ko, you deal with Ranma. I'll
handle Washu. La Blue Girl, you deal with Andrew.
(Washu is finishing knitting the sweater. Lina looks at her.)
Lina: Uh, Washu, who are you making the sweater for?
Washu (in an airy, Kasumi-like voice): Oh, my! I'm not sure. Perhaps Tenchi
will like it. I don't want him to catch a cold. Would you like a sweater?
Lina: Better than that. (She glomps onto Washu.)
Washu: Rape! Rape! I'm being Raped!
Lina: I'm not raping ya! I'm saving your sanity! (She gives her a deep
kiss. Washu falls over and collaspes.)
(La Blue Girl walks over to Andrew, who's washing the Martha Stewart Towels
Collection. She undresses completely and faces Andrew in all her glory.
Andrew gasps.)
Andrew (he pulls a finger out and scolds at La Blue Girl): Young Lady,
where is your modesty? Get some clothes on!
La Blue Girl: I will, if you would do one thing, Andrew.
Andrew: What? (La Blue Girl walks up and kisses Andrew. He gets a bloody
nose and faints.)
(Ranma-chan has started to darn her socks.)
Ranma-chan (sounding like Queen Victoria): Darn, darn, darn those socks! I
can never get any two of them to match!
(Like I said, she's darning her socks. A-ko comes up and blindfolds her
with a sock.)
A-ko: Say, Ranma. Guess who this is?
Ranma-chan: I say, is this some sort of game?
A-ko: Nay, but this is. (A-ko smooches Ranma-chan. Ranma-chan gets buggy
eyed.)
Ranma-chan: Hey! A-ko, what's the meaning of this! I don't wanna be a pervert!
A-ko: Good. It worked.
Washu: Oh...what happened?
Andrew: I feel...well actually, I do feel rather warm. And La Blue Girl,
where's you're clothes?
(Mokona appears.)
Mokona (shouting): Pu! (Everyone leaps high in the air and lands on the
concrete ground again. Mokona giggles.)
Ranma-chan: Not again...