Ranma 1/2 rough draft
Happi Days #5: Fourth Week, Sunday
  all char are (c) Takahashi Rumiko, with the exception
of Tetsuo, the crew of the smuggler ship 'ChaCha Maru'
and extraneous other characters thrown in for one scene
or less.
------------------------
what's happened so far: go back and read the other
stories, gee, it's only chapter five of six! yeesh.
-------------------------
  "Raaaaaannnmmmaaaaa!"

  Ranma turned to see Ryouga running towards him. Ranma
briefly wondered how Ryouga had found him when he'd
just gotten off the bus into Nerima a few minutes ago.

  Ranma shrugged and cracked his knuckles. Why ask why?
It looked like he'd be getting in a fight almost as soon
as his feet hit the ground. Well, if Ryouga were gonna
take THAT approach, he wouldn't share the little item
he'd found in China.

  Ryouga ran past Ranma, then ducked right, disappearing
into an alley. Ranma blinked twice, as his expression
went blank. "Huh?"

  "Over here!" Ryouga called from around the corner.

  Ranma thought briefly this might be a trap, but why
did Ryouga sound panicked? 

  "Hurry, they'll be here any moment!" 

  That was definitely panic in Ryouga's voice. Did 
Akane finally figure out who P-chan was?

  "You gotta hide me, Ranma!"

  Ranma got his first good look at Ryouga as he 
entered the alley. Torn clothing, tousled hair, 
lipstick stains, it must have been one heck of a fight.

  Ranma stopped and rewound the last observation. 
"Lipstick stains?!" Ranma counted four such marks on
Ryouga. "Ryouga, has Akari been..."

  "Shut up!" Ryouga looked around nervously. "You don't
have any clue at all, do you?"

  "Uhm, well, if that isn't it, what's going on?"

  Ryouga clenched a fist and made a face. "You don't
know the horrors I've been through the past week. I
can't even get lost without some girl coming around to
help me out. I've got women chasing me around trying to
get me to eat the 'extra lunch they just happened to
bring along.' It's been HELL, I tell you!"

  That last was howled. As the echoes died away, Ryouga
opened his eyes and realized exactly what he had just
done. "Oh my."

  Ranma jumped up and swung himself onto a fire escape
as a mob of fuku-clad women came running around the
corner.

  "RYOUGA-SAMA!" The lead girl was waving a bokken over
her head. "I would date with you!"

  "Ryouga-darling! Ryouga-honey! Ri-chan! Charlotte!
Ryouga my sweet! Ryouga, make me yours!" The crowd was
charging along only slightly behind the bokken wielder.

  "Eeep!" Ryouga turned and ran, trying his level best
to attain Warp Factor Six without benefit of a starship.
Ranma had to admit he was doing a fair job of it too.
Maybe this was some kind of speed training that Ryouga
had thought up. Nah, that was real panic that the lost
boy was displaying.

  Thoroughly puzzled, Ranma swung down off the fire
escape and turned the corner. Another one of the fuku
wearing girls was standing there, looking at him as if
he were a lunch buffet.

  "Urk." Ranma felt a brief moment of panic. What had
those girls done to Ryouga that had caused him such
distress? Then something about the face clicked. "Akane?"

  "Ranma," Akane said with a cute smile, so happy to see
him that she giggled and did a quick twirl. "Do you like
the new school uniform? Isn't it pretty?"

  "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were Akane Tendo. My
mistake." Her hair was much longer, it couldn't be
Akane, could it?

  "Silly," Akane giggled again, holding her hand in
front of her mouth. She looked at Ranma and put her
hands behind her back, swinging one leg back and forth.
"I AM Akane Tendo."

  "Huh?!" Ranma's mind froze up. Was it a possession?
Another vengeful spirit doll or something?

  Akane briefly looked sad and demure. "Ranma, when you
left, I was so sad, so forlorn, so lonely without you."

  "Huh?" Ranma automatically started forward when he
saw tears (TEARS?!) making tracks down Akane's cheeks.
"Akane do you feel OK?"

  As soon as Ranma moved within range, Akane glomped
him. Again Ranma's mind locked up, maybe it was on
Windows 95, but Akane acting like this seemed to freeze
up his operating system. 

  "Ranma, don't ever do that again." Akane seemed to
press even tighter against Ranma. "Don't ever leave me
again, Ranma."

  "A-kan-e. Can't...breathe...."

  "Oh my darling, how I've counted the hours, no,
the minutes since we've been parted."

  "P-le-as-e. Need. Air."

  "Ranma, if you must leave ever again, take me with
you, I promise not to be a burden! I beg you!"

   Ranma, now turning blue, only managed to make a
choking noise. Some distant part of his mind noted
that the hydraulic pressure on her glomp was approaching
the level of a trash compactor. One built by Skuld.

   "I know I'm more fragile than you, but you must take 
with you!" Akane tightened a little more. "I...I can 
carry my own weight!"

   "urk." Ranma thought he felt his ribs groaning.
Everything was fading to black. If he could just 
get some air. That same distant part of his mind
had upgraded the pressure level to car crusher. His
shock over what Akane was saying was also causing 
him to remain off balance.

   "No, Ranma, I know what you're thinking." Akane 
looked up at him and noticed his coloration was off.
"Oh no! Ranma, you've gotten sick! I'll bet you haven't
eaten properly since you left!"

   "Don't worry, Akane," came a voice as another fuku
clad girl walked out of the alley.

   "Ukyou," Akane smiled brightly. "Together..."

   Ukyou nodded. "Together we can get him to my place
and nurse him back to health."

   Akane's smile turned a little predatory. Funny how
it matched the grin that Ukyou was wearing. "Between
the two of us, we can make sure we don't have to share
him with the rest of the girls."

   If Ranma had been conscious he would have been in
a similar state of panic to Ryouga. As it was, he was
quickly carried through the streets without much fuss
at all.
-----Commercial Break-----------
SCENE: Sailor Moon is fighting against an evil woman
 wearing black leather (Yohko Harenchi) and is getting
 her butt kicked, whipped, and otherwise tormented.
Tight full shot of Sailor Moon obviously battered and
 fading when she pulls something out of her Silver
 Crystal. It's a brightly colored packet.
Close up of product: "Nabs' Cookies, Chocolate Energy 
 Bar"
VOICEOVER: "Whether its running a marathon, beating off
 would-be fiancees, or blasting daimons to a nether 
 dimension, when you really need an energy boost, nab a
 Nabs Cookie."
Sailor Moon eats one of the cookies in the pack, 
 straightens up, and settles back into a crouch before
 the madly laughing Dark Queen.
SAILOR MOON: "AW, SCREW IT. KAME HAME HA!"
The blast hits the Dark Queen who is picked up by the
 bolt and thrown into orbit.
VOICEOVER: "Nabs Cookies, loaded with nutrients, guarana,
 ginseng, and senzu for that extra energy rush!"
The scene shows the blast continuing to carry the Dark
 Queen, who has just passed lunar orbit and heading out
 to deep space.
VOICEOVER: "Next time. Nab a Nabs!"
---End Commercial Break--------------------
  Tetsuo had to admit that Hide was one of the
most useful spells he knew. Not that he knew that many,
or that he was powerful enough to cast some of the ones
he'd heard about that sounded REALLY neat. 

  He also had to admit that when magical talent
had been passed out, he was somewhere between Pathetic
and Vaguely Competent. Knowing that, he concentrated
on the spells he was able to manage, and he practiced
the Hide spell quite a lot.

  In theory, it was quite simple. Form a pattern
of Spirit and Air, weave it with one's own chi, and 
feed it a trickle of your own strength. It didn't make
one invisible, but unless the caster did something to
draw attention to himself, people and animals tended
to ignore the caster as if he were just part of the 
background.

  Useless for a warrior, who intended to disturb
the environment, and therefore cancelled it out just by
planning an attack. For a spy or someone trying to 
survive, it was incredibly useful. Tetsuo Tsukiku,
recent transfer to Furinkan Senior High School, placed
himself emphatically in this last category.

  All it would take would be one more obento
lunch prepared by someone with no talent or training
for it and he'd be done for. It proved that good 
intentions were not, in and of themselves, sufficient
for some tasks. Cooking, bomb disposal, and heart
surgery were all, in Tetsuo's opinion, not
something you did without proper training.

  The news had leaked out, Tetsuo suspected 
Nabiki, that Tetsuo was living all by himself. That
he hadn't had a homecooked meal in months and was
trying to get by on his own.

  There had also been the photos. Again this was
most likely Nabiki, though "Gos-chan" was another 
possibility. Tetsuo was quite glad that the pictures of
Ryouga were outselling his own. He'd only seen a few
of these pictures, but the phrase "full noodle frontity"
seemed to cover the basics. Pictures from the guys'
showers, pictures of Ryouga in a furo, pictures of each
and every one of the remaining male students in the 
school (plus Ryouga of course, though Miss Hinako seemed
to have forgotten that Ryouga wasn't a student.)

  Seeing a set of cards being passed around by one 
group of girls, Tetsuo edged a little closer until he
could figure out what it was. When he did, he was able
to go from suspicion to confirmed on who was the one
responsible for his home being staked out.

  It was obviously Nabiki's work, Gos couldn't put
together anything nearly so professional looking. Nabs
had put together TRADING CARDS. Tetsuo retreated, 
thanking all the kami that he'd found a lorebook on
ninja spirit magic and had been able to learn the Hide
spell. Height, weight, probable financial income, 
hobbies, and other stats had been speculated on or 
compiled for quite a few males in the area.

  This was Bad, and Tetsuo figured he'd better warn
the others. Now if he could just find Ryouga.
-----------------------
	Thousands of miles away, Herb of the Musk
Dynasty read a report given him by one of his spies,
crumpled it in his fist, and incinerated it with a
chi bolt.

	"Akunin."

	A shadow moved. "Not here, milord. He, ahem, has
a case of the craps."

	Herb sighed deeply, turned his eyes to the
heavens and silently asked "Why me?"

	After a moment of this he turned his attention
to the one still standing in the shadows. "Karashi,
isn't it?"(1)

	"Yes, milord."

	"Would you get your butt out here where I can
see you, you're not some damn ninja you know."

	Karashi shuffled forward slightly, revealing a
young man with a wiry build wearing outlander clothing.

	"I take it that everyone else..."

	"Yes, milord."

	"First this bit with Happosai," Herb looked 
again to the heavens. "He was supposed to be the 
'Instrument Of Our Divine Vengeance', wasn't he?"

	"Yes, milord," Karashi said, wondering if that
was meant to be a rhetorical question or not.

	Herb glared. "Then WHY does this report indicate
that he has instead become our 'Instrument Of Annoyance'
and failed to do much of anything to Saotome? The only
one he actually GOT in this plan that was on my list was
the DUCK-BOY!"

	"Uhm." Karashi was pretty sure that this one WAS
a rhetorical question, but nodded to indicate he was
paying attention.

	"On top of that we have our storage unit 
collapse and our dungeon got flooded with that 'Bishojo
Bride' water. It wasn't a problem then, no, because it
was the concentrate. Then we have a stroke of brilliance
from former-Commander Mabushi, to get all the fluid out
of there by using the new pumps. Which would have been
fine if the stuff wasn't almost a syrup in consistancy.
So this GENIUS decides to flood the place so that the
water is thin enough to pump through the filters.

	"How lovely that he then sent two squads of 
HIS OWN SOLDIERS into that area to position the hoses!"

	"Oh my," managed Karashi.

	"So, we've got THAT problem to deal with, the
damn virus going around, and the only one I've got to
send on a vital mission is YOU!"

	"A vital mission? Me, sir? Thankyouthankyou."

	Herb hit his head against the wall a couple of
times. It didn't help. The only agent he had to assist
him at the moment was his idiot cousin, the one who was
currently wearing a Motley Crue T-shirt and ragged jeans.

	Maybe, realized Herb, maybe he would just have
to put everything on hold. He wasn't sure Karashi could
find the Chinese coast if you gave him a map and a 
compass. Sighing again, he gave Karashi his instructions
and waited for the idiot to leave.

	If nothing else, maybe it was time to further
prune the family tree.
------------------------------
   Ranma awoke, realizing three very important
things:
       a) each arm was handcuffed to an object.
       b) each object was a bed post.
       c) the bed he was in was NOT his futon.

This led, of course, to conclusion d.
       d) he was in Big Trouble.

   From the position of the sun, he'd guess that he
had been unconcious less than an hour. The door opened
and he saw Akane enter. This was not Akane's room, so
the immediate hope was that he was about to be
rescued. Then he saw that she was bringing in a tray
of food.

   Ranma watched in horror as Akane brought the food
closer.

   "I'm so glad you're awake, Ranma." Akane smiled. "I
made this meal, JUST FOR YOU."
      
   She sat down, preparing to feed him by hand. Ranma
prayed for a meteor strike, SOMETHING that would stop 
this nightmare.

   Akane smiled at Ranma. It was her turn to feed him,
then Ukyou would get her chance. Then Shampoo would be
called over. All three agreed that they would MAKE
Ranma choose. All three also agreed not to invite that
Harenchi woman or Kodachi over.

   Ranma would make his choice, and then she and Ranma
would marry. Akane smiled even more, her smile promising
many things to Ranma.

   Ranma just hoped at the moment that getting loose was
one of them.
----------------------


Karashi="mustard" in this case, an orig char relative of
 Herb. Heart of gold, strong as a dragon, not too smart.

NEXT: The wrap-up. Happosai goes after Ranma, Tofu
 trains Kasumi (in the MARTIAL arts, che, get your
 mind out of the gutter), Tetsuo and Ryouga hide,
 and Hiroshi gets a clue. I'm just waiting for the
 two finished side stories before I put the final
 out. Don't expect everything to be neatly tied up,
 last minute miracle cures are NOT to be found.
 (Besides, this way anyone can step in and do a 
 sequel. It's not MY universe, so welcome to it.)