[Scene: darkness. A lot of it.]

Voice: Let there be light!

[Nothing happens. We hear crashing and banging sounds.]

Voice: (barely audible) Ahh, there it is. (louder) Let there be light! <click>

[Everything goes white.]

Voice: Ahhh! Bright!

[With a <click>, everything goes dark.]

Voice: Let's try one more time. Let there be a diffuse purplish auru! <click>

[A soft violet light replaces the inky void, revealing a lone boxlike
shape. Closer examination reveals it to be a wooden chest with brass trim,
of the sort pirates were always burying and killing each other over. The
lid opens...]

Patrick: Uhh....hi.

[...and we see a head. More specifically, the head of a 20-ish caucasian
male, with ear-length hair that looks like the survival of mortal combat
against a curling iron. His countenance hints of naivete, tinged with a
certain haughtiness]...

Patrick: Enough with the cute camera notes. Welcome to Fanfic Gravity
Theatre. I am your host in a box, Patrick McClanahan. Today's guest
reviewers will be:

	Mousse: A sensitive, caring guy rejected by the love of his life.
	Miwa Satoshi: A sensitive, caring guy rejected by the love of his life.
	Mitaka Shun: A sensitive, caring guy rej...

Mitaka: Yeah , yeah, they get the idea.

Miwa: Not that we're BITTER.

Mousse: Not at all.

Miwa: So how do you fit in?

Patrick: I'm an insensitive jerk considered a "friend" by the love of his life.

Mitaka: Ouch.

Miwa: Been there.

Mousse: Why Fanfic Gravity Theatre?

Patrick: I was looking for plays on 'fic', and the term 'specific gravity'
just popped into my head. Go figure.

Mitaka: Err, can we start now?

Patrick: Why not? Roll it.

THERE GOES GREENWOOD
A RANMA AND OTHER CROSSOVER FIC

Mousse: Where could Greenwood go?

Mitaka: Anywhere the Nerima crew couldn't find it, if it wanted to retain
any sort of structural integrity.

A MURMUR THE FALLEN PRODUCTION

EPISODE ONE: AFTERMATH OF A WEDDING

	The orange juice in his glass was beginning to warm; the dry orange
pulp
slowly drifted to the bottom.  Ranma stared into space and slowly took a sip.

Miwa: I hear space can be mighty tasty.

Patrick: Har har. Nice alliteration in this bit, though.

	"This has been one weird day," he declared slowly.

Mitaka: By Ranma's standards? Yikes.

	"Hnck-ah."

Mousse: That's either someone with their foot lodged in their mouth or a
goose looking for a mate.

Mitaka: And just how much do you know about waterfowl courtship, anyway?

Mousse: Well, I remember reading ab.... HEY!

	"This is all your fault, Ranma," said Ryoga in a mechanical manner.
He felt
much too depressed to put any real feeling behind it.  "If you hadn't been
such an idiot, this never would have happened."
	"Hnck-ah."

Miwa: Well, it's neither Ranma nor Ryouga. Who else is good at sticking
their foot in their mouth?

Mousse: Well, when Kasumi's around, Dr. Tofu can do, err, interesting
things with other people's feet.

	"Say, Nabiki?  Don't you think that you're overdoing the sake a
little?"
asked Ranma concernedly.  Immediately after the reception, Nabiki had gotten a
very large bottle of sake and had been hitting it ever since.

Mitaka: Hitting it with what?

Mousse: Abandon, most likely.

	"This," Nabiki replied in a very coherent manner, "has been too
strange a day
to see it end sober.  Hnck-ah."

Miwa: So that's supposed to be a hiccup? Whatever happened to good old 'hic'?

Mitaka: I think Disney got the copyright on it. They're working on 'hrm'
and 'blech' as we speak.

	"Well, Akane looked very lovely in her kimono, don't you agree?" Kasumi
cheerfully asked her escort.  Everyone made quite certain to sit far away from
those two; Doctor Tofu was just too volatile to be around.

Patrick: Good. I still wanna see him stick someone's foot in their mouth.

	"Why, this is a great okonomiyaki, Ukyo," he replied, chewing on a
plate.
"And yes, she did look very much the pickled onion, didn't she?"  Kasumi just
giggled and the others sighed.

Patrick: Pickeled onion? Is that one of those Japanese foods that looks
like modern art?

Miwa: You got something against Japanese food?

Patrick: Well, yeah. Every other dish looks like an extraterrestrial of
some sort; I can hardly blame poor Tofu for mistaking the plate for the
entree.

Mousse: I heartily agree. I have enough trouble eating it with my glasses _on_.

Mitaka: Gaijin. No culinary aesthetic.

	"Who would have thought it; Kuno and Akane married!" Ukyo said
incredulously.

All: <boggle> <gasp>

Patrick: Pass the sake.

Ryoga slumped even more into his chair, a black aura surrounding him.  Ranma
just stared off into space for a while, which prompted Ukyo to try various
methods to jolly him up.

Miwa: Lines like that show why most MSTers use at least one hentai character.

	"I propose a toast," Nabiki said, still sounding way too sober for
a person
that had been drinking non-stop for thirty minutes.  She stood up, her slight

Mousse: Just thirty minutes?

Mitaka: Half an hour of warm sake is enough for just about anyone.

Patrick: Don't remind me. My apartment still hasn't recovered.

	"Oh look, a strawberry pixie flying by on a origami swan."

Miwa: Origami, huh? Funny, I didn't see an [Orig] tag on this story.

Mitaka: Har. Diddly. Har.

	They each took a drink from their respective glasses, solemnly
swearing that

Mitaka: As opposed to, say, the glass of the person on their left?

Patrick: Anyway, shouldn't that be "from their respective glass"? Each
wouldn't take a drink from all the glasses...

Mitaka: ...or from their own pair of eyeglasses...

Mousse: ...unless we're talking about Dr. Tofu, who probably tries drinking
from his eyeglasses on a regular basis when Kasumi's around.

should Kuno ever make Akane unhappy, they would kick him in the head until he
said that it hurt and sounded like he meant it.  Well, except for Doc. Tofu,

Mousse: Would they even need to? This is Akane we're talking about.

who was busy in a fantasy that would have made an acid trip seem normal by
comparison.  Love does strange things to people, ne?

Patrick: Love and alcohol. Gotta love 'em.

	The table fell silent, each of them reflecting on the events of the
day and
what led up to them.

Miwa: <sniff sniff> I smell a flashback.

    It had been a rather normal day, about a month after that disastrous
failed wedding.  The birds were singing; the cherry blossoms were getting into
people's hair; and the sounds of violence were everywhere.  You would think

Miwa: A few cherry blossom petals in one's hair is a small price to pay for
romantic ambience.

Mousse: How did people ever fall in love without them?

    Ryoga was exacting revenge upon Ranma for whatever reason he had (that
time was for the fact that Ranma had taken the last red-bean paste bread when
he already had two; the greedy glutton).  The two had destroyed much of the

Mitaka: Surely the statute of limitations on the bread feud has expired?

Mousse: Ranma's expiration is the only one Ryouga cares about.

started reciting poetry to her.  Akane's knee-jerk reaction was to throw a
desk at him, but soon the beauty of the poetry got to her.

Miwa: So she only threw a lamp at him.

 And thus began the
courtship of Tendo Akane.

Mitaka: And now, ladies and gents, for the world's fastest emotional U-turn!

Miwa: Probably those cherry blossoms again.

      Now, where were Ranma and Ryoga during that time?  Well, after they had
come to, they went inside and quickly got into another 'argument'.  Their
titanic battle had taken them out of Nerima and all over Tokyo.

Mousse: [brandishing a medium-sizes plasma cannon] Go ahead. I'm sure
someone wants to make a _Titanic_ joke. Just go ahead. Really.

[His only reply is a trio of bigsweats.]

Mousse: I thought so.

 They finally
stopped at Minato-ward, where it took a couple of sparkling vital pressures
and judicious usage of shabon spray freezing to convince them to leave.

Patrick: I would think so, seeing as they'd be icebergs by that point.

[Mousse seems oblivious the nervous eyes of the other three.]

Miwa: <whispers> Whew, I think you floated that one past him.

Mousse: Keep pushing your luck, funny boy.

      "Man, I don't know how you talked me into staying at Akari's with you.
What the . . .?"
      "Hey!  It wasn't as if I forced you to eat all of her food!  Huh?
The cause of their mutual confusion was the sight that greeted them.  Various
people were milling around the dojo, fixing up its dilapidated condition and
decorating various parts of it.  Others were taking care of the house and its
grounds.

Miwa: <imitating Ranma> Hey! We worked hard to destroy this place!

 Apparently oblivious to the chaos around them were Soun and Genma.
One was crying hysterically, while the other tried to placate him.
Surprisingly, it wasn't Soun that was watering the grass with salt-water.

Mitaka: Gardening secrets from the heart of Japan.

      "Oh, hello boys.  Why don't you inside, Kasumi has made some lunch, I
think," Mr. Tendo replied, all the while grinning like a loon.

Mitaka: Do loons actually grin?

Miwa: I'm not the waterfowl expert here.

Mousse: Strike two!

      "Mamah!  Mmmummm!" yelled Genma.  He then attacked the two boys,
screaming incoherently (well, he was a panda) at them.

Mitaka: Does anyone here speak Panda?

Miwa: I think it translates to "Arghl! Aiyaaaaaa!"

Mitaka: Uh, thanks.

      "Shut up, Pop!" suggested Ranma, when he punched him in the snout,
causing him to fall back.  Ranma and Ryoga, still puzzled by the changes, went
inside; lured by the prospect of food.  Life was hard on the road, especially
since they had no money.
      "Why, hello, Ranma, Ryoga," Kasumi greeted them cheerfully.  She
quickly passed the two boys food, which they took gratefully.  "It's very
lucky that you arrived when you did."
      "Oh, why's that?" asked Ranma through a mouthful of food.

Miwa: <imitating Kasumi> "Two more hours and my pills would have worn off."

      "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, RANMA!" Ryoga shouted.  He felt depressed
enough to blow up the entire city.

Miwa: <in a nasal radio voice> "This is the Emergency Broadcast system. The
Nerima Ward is hereby placed under Depressed Martial Artist Warning."

	"MY FAULT?  THIS IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!  YOU'RE THE ONE THAT GOT
US LOST FOR
THREE WEEKS!" Ranma said just as hotly.
	"WHAT?  THAT'S IT RANMA!  FOR LETTING AKANE-SAN MARRY KUNO, I'LL
KILL YOU!"
	"YOU'RE WELCOME TO TRY, P-CHAN!"
	"SHI!"
	"SHI!"

Miwa: <imitating Ranma> "Shirt-ripping worm!"

Mitaka: <imitating Ryouga> "Shiftless sluggard!"

Miwa: <imitating Ranma> "Shin-biting coward!"

Mitaka: <imitating Ryouga> "Shirker of challenges!"

Miwa: <imitating Ranma> "Shi'ite sympathizer!"

Patrick, Mousse, Mitaka: ...

Miwa: What?

	Ukyo casually knocked Ranma unconscious with her spatula, while Nabiki
knocked Ryoga into Doc. Tofu's sphere of influence; naturally enough, he
quickly went down.

Patrick: Yeah! Go Doc!

Mousse: If you'd like to see him in action, I'm sure I can arrange an
appointment.

Patrick: Err, I'm busy that day.

	"I hope that going to a new school will help Ranma," Ukyo said.
	"I know that it'll help me," answered Nabiki.
	"I never knew that you had a thing for Kuno."

Mitaka: <imitating Nabiki> "Obviously, you haven't read enough fanfiction."

	"I don't.  Look, it's complicated, ok?"
	"Ok.  Say, how come you don't sound drunk?"
	"Oh, I can hold my liquor very well," Nabiki said

Patrick: <imitating Nabiki> "See, I haven't dropped it all night!"

The next episode will deal with Ranma and possibly Nabiki arrival at Ryoukuto
High.  Note:no original cast members of Koko wa Greenwood shall be used EVER.

Miwa: Aw, no Shun?

Mitaka: Eeh?

Miwa: I meant that effeminate guy with the pink hair. He alone would be
good for any number of Ranma cross-over jokes.

Patrick: Yeah, most of _Koko wa Greenwood_'s humor was gender-bending. It'd
be a shame to miss out on that joke potential. Anyway, to summarize...

Miwa: This was basically just some throwaway setup for the crossover.

Mitaka: It was funny, though. Zany crossovers call for zany preludes.
Further judgement must wait.

Mousse: Are we done yet?

Patrick: There's a bit more.

It will, however, introduce a alternate universe Mizuhara Makoto and Jinnai
Katsuhiko.  C&C and MST (i would love if someone did that!)

Mousse: Ahh, the mating call of the wild MST...

Miwa: There you go with the mating calls again.

Mousse: That does it!

[The light fades on the sounds of extreme violence.]

Patrick: 'Til next time, jyaa nee, and all that...

________________________________________________
Patrick Mcclanahan

lost in his own meta-hierarchy

	"We have lingered in the chambers of the sea,
	With seagirls, wreathed in seaweed red and brown,
	'Til human voices wake us, and we drown."

		-"The Love Song of J.Alfred Prufrock"
			by T. S. Eliot