I have no idea why someone would want to send C&C or
MST this, but I'm willing to read them.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

[Scene: The library of Unseen University. Carrot and Cpl. Nobbs are walking
through the stacks of books, the camera following them. They're about to
round a corner when the Librarian leaps off the shelves to land in front of
them and starts jabbing his finger at a bronze plaque on one of the
shelves.]

Librarian: Oooook!

Nobbs: What? What?

Carrot (leaning over to look at the plaque): "Abandon... all hope... ye
who... enter... here."

[He stands proud for a moment, and then realizes what he's just read.]

Carrot: Well, it's nice of them to post a warning, at least.

Librarian [nodding sagely]: Oook.

[The monk... erm, orangutan... then looks up at Cpl. Nobbs quizzically.]

Librarian: Oook?

Nobbs: Well, Carrot got it into his head that he wanted to find that book of
laws and he needed a chaperone, so...

[The Librarian facepalms.]

Librarian: Ooook... Ook ook ook ooook.

Carrot: No, I've been dropping breadcrumbs. That way, we can find our way
back with no...

[The Librarian points behind Carrot, and he turns around to see a gremlin
leap from one bookshelf, grab the last crumb he dropped, and run into the
distance giggling madly.]

Carrot: That wasn't very nice of him!

Nobbs: Umm... you s'pose you could lead us back?

Librarian: Ook.

[He motions for Carrot and Nobbs to follow him as he leaps from shelf to
shelf, aisle to aisle. Nobbs reads the plates as they pass by, and he calls
ahead to the other two.]

Nobbs: Come 'ave a look at this, now!

[Carrot and the Librarian come back, and Carrot reads the plate on the
bookshelf.]

Carrot: An... i... me. Anime? What's Anime?

Nobbs: I knew an Annie Mae once. Sort of girl a lot of books could be
written about, if you know what I mean.

Carrot: She was a hero?

Nobbs [blushing furiously]: You... might say that.

[Carrot accepts this, and begins walking down the shelf. After a time, he
returns with a book.]

Carrot: I saw "Ankh-Morpork" on the spine, and I thought it might be the
laws, but...

Librarian [Gesticulating madly]: Oook ook ook!

[Carrot and Nobbs turn to see the bookshelves sort of sliding around...
after a few seconds, they're trapped inside a rough octagon made of
shelves.]

Nobbs: They'll move again... won't they?

[The Librarian shrugs.]

Librarian: Ooook.

Carrot: Well, it's a good thing we've got all these books to read so we
won't get bored.

[Nobbs and the Librarian stare incredulously at Carrot, who folds his legs
and begins reading. After a while, they shrug and take up position behind
him, reading over his shoulders.]

Nihao!

Nobbs: Painfully, if you try it on him.

[Nobbs taps Carrot's "Protective".]

Librarian: Oook ook.

Carrot: Well, if it means hello, why didn't he just write "Hello!"?

Librarian [shrugging]: Oook.

	I was reading the latest Diskworld novel and it just came
to me.

Nobbs: Someone's writing about us?

Librarian: Ook.

If you�ve never read Terry Pratchett then this spam fic
won�t make any sense. Of course if you really haven�t read him I
suggest you get off the computer and go get one of his books.

Carrot: Com...pu...ter?

Librarian: Oook. Ook ook ook ook ook.

Nobbs [raising an eyebrow]: I think you've hit the banana rum one time too
many.

Librarian [folding his arms]: Ook!

Jusenkyo Guide

Jusenkyo Productions Proudly Presents
A Tenchi Muyo! Diskworld cross over
Origins

Washu�s Lab somewhere in sub-space

Rincewind: Is that anything like "L-space?"

[Everyone turns around to stare at Rincewind, who's waving sheepishly.]

Carrot: Where'd you come from?

Rincewind [Pointing to the Librarian]: I came looking for him.

Librarian: Oook ook.

Rincewind: What do you mean, "Now's a fine time to do something right"?

Carrot: Brawling in a public place is a violation of...

[The Librarian and Rincewind calm down immediately.]

Carrot: Of... I really need that book back.

	The recorder�s lights were green, showing that it was
taking down ever word that was spoken.

Nobbs: Who'd be silly enough to put lights on a flute?

Librarian: Oook ook ook ook ook.

Rincewind: Sort of like a delayed echo wall?

Librarian: Ook.

From out of the darkness
came a voice.

Nobbs: Voices out of the darkness are never good.

Rincewind: Amen to that.

	�Log number
12312342347384623928710238432810384728374210963421634026-B,

Carrot: That's a lot of logs. I wonder if there are any trees left?

I
have finally been able to locate the home world of the subject. I
was also able to see the events that transpired to bring the
subject to this universe. Of course this is nothing for the
greatest genius in the multi-verse,� the voice switched to
ultra-kawaii mode, �WASHU-CHAN!!!!!�

Carrot: Kawaii?

Librarian: Ook ook ook ook, ook ook.

Carrot: Like all of that nice lady's daughters in the Shadows?

Nobbs [sweatdrops]: You might say that.

Rincewind [whispers to the Librarian]: Is he like that all the time?

Librarian [whispers to Rincewind]: Oook ook.

Rincewind [whispers to the Librarian]: Poor boy.

	If the recorder could have face faulted, it would have.

Carrot: Face faulted?

Librarian: Oook ook. Oook ook ook ook ook.

Nobbs: I think I may have done that when you gave that troll a good beating,
lad.

Rincewind [whispered to the Librarian]: A troll?

Librarian [to Rincewind]: Ook. Ook ook ook.

Rincewind [glancing at Carrot, to Librarian]: Poor boy, but good as Cohen at
his best.

	�I will now play back the recording that I made of those
events for the record.�

	A button was pushed and a visual log was added.

	It opened on a world that most people would have said is
impossible, but then, on this world, the impossible is the
everyday.

Carrot: But if it happens... it isn't impossible, right?

Rincewind: No, that's anti-possible. Impossibilty decreases in the presence
of magic.

For this is the Diskworld, stretching from the Ram Tops
at the Hub to the great Rim Sea that sparkles as it falls off of
the rim.

Rincewind: It doesn't sparkle, believe me. I was there. I didn't see any
sparkling. Wetness, yes. Sparkling, no.

It turns slowly on the backs of the four major elephants
who perch on the shell of Great A�Tuin, the star turtle.

Rincewind: World Turtle.

This is
the only world where and elephant has to lift its leg to let the
sun go by.

	The record closed in on the twin cities of Ankh-Morpork,
and then closer to the dome that covers the library of Unseen
University.

Librarian: Ook ook ook?

Rincewind: Before the failed implosion spell.

Librarian: Ook.

Then closer still to where one of its members is
sneaking off with a book.

Nobbs: Or it might be the book sneaking off...

[Nobbs shudders.]

Nobbs: Remember that one, lad?

[Carrot nods.]

Not a wise idea considering that the
Librarian is hanging right over him.

	�Blast it all, I never should have agreed to that old
coot�s ideas,� the wizard mumbled to himself, �Now I have to get
rid of those two children.�

	The wizard crept through the deserted halls of the
university. It was after all after the last meal, the wizards
wouldn�t be moving until mid-day anyway.

Rincewind: Except the long-suffering apprentices who have to...

Librarian: Oook ook.

Rincewind: So what if I never did? I heard stories...

Creeping after the
wizard was the shape of the Librarian, which was more like a fur
covered water balloon.

Librarian: OOK OOK OOK!

Carrot: Profanity in a public library is...

Librarian [meekly]: Ook.

	He made it back to his room without running into anyone,
except the Bursar who was looking for his dried frog pills.

Nobbs: Remember the bottle of dried frog pills that fell into the town
fountain?

Carrot: I'd rather not. I had to polish my armor for a week to get the slime
off.

A
small giggly cry greeted him as he came into his room.

Rincewind: Is that anything like a sobbing laugh?

Lying in
two baskets were twin babies. One was male and had a shock of red
hair,

Carrot: Like me!

[Thunder rumbles ominously.]

Carrot: What was that?

Rincewind: Foreshadowing, I think.

the other one was a girl whose hair was more blonde, what
little there was.

	The wizard but the book on a stand made for books and the
occasional snack �Where to send them?� he muttered to himself. He
looked at the map of the Disk he had put up some time ago.
Closing his eyes he took a blind stab at it. He opened his eyes
to see that he�d managed to hit a copy of �Bows and Ammo� that
the Archchancellor had given him.

Nobbs: A good thing he never took up darts, isn't it?

He sighed, �I�ll just send them
to the Ram Tops.�

	He prided open the book to the spell he wanted, a long
distance traveling spell. Selected the target region and started
to cast the spell.

Nobbs: Well, that didn't take long.

Librarian: Ook ook ook.

Rincewind: Of course the gilded palanquin is optional, but doing without it
is just silly.

One of the children, the male disappeared. The
wizard wiped his brow, now for the second one. He was almost
through when his door blasted in and a large angry voice cried,
�EEEKKKK!!�

Nobbs: A giant mouse?

Carrot: I think it's a dwarf who dropped a rock on his toe. I heard a lot of
that back home.

Librarian: Ook ook ook ook! Ook ook "eeeeeeek" ook ook!

Rincewind: Now, now, perhaps he just misheard you.

	The wizard clutched his chest and instead of saying,
�glstokjutstehkjpol!� he said instead, �galaxypolicedklsjdfhssi!�

Rincewind: He must have placed out of Rudimentary Gibberish, then.

The girl vanished as well.

	The wizard looked at his former body, �I suppose you
wouldn�t consider letting me know just where she went would you?� he said.

	�NO, NOT REALLY.�

Carrot: Who's that?

Rincewind [sweating]: You wouldn't want to know.

Death: OF COURSE HE WOULD.

[Rincewind turns around and screams... Death is right behind him. The others
turn around, shrug, glance strangely at Rincewind, and turn back to the
book.]

Rincewind [to Death]: You wouldn't happen to know how to get out of here,
would you?

Death: THERE IS ONE OPTION...

Rincewind [to Death]: I'll wait, thank you.

Death: I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT.

Nobbs [to Carrot]: Wizards. Always whisperin' to the air.

[Carrot nods.]

	�I see, I always thought that I was supposed to know when
you�d come for me.�

Rincewind [to Death]: That's standard procedure.

Death: SO I MADE A BOO-BOO. SUE ME.

	His companion grinned, of course that was all he could do
really, �YOU JUST WEREN�T PAYING ATTENTION.�

Death: AS THOUGH ANYONE COULD IGNORE ME. PERHAPS I SHOULD ASK MORT IF THIS
HAPPENED WHILE HE WAS ON DUTY.

	The wizard nodded, �That makes sense, will there be food there?�

Nobbs: I've always wondered that.

Carrot: Food where?

Librarian: Ook ook ook.

Carrot: But dead people don't eat.

Librarian: Ook.

Carrot: If you say so...

	�I DON�T KNOW, I�VE NEVER BEEN THERE MYSELF YOU UNDERSTAND.�

Death: SILLY WRITER. AS I EXPLAINED TO MORT, A SOUL SEES UPON ITS DEATH WHAT
IT WISHES TO SEE. OF COURSE, I DOUBT I WOULD REVEAL SUCH PRIVILEGED
INFORMATION TO A COMMON WIZARD.

Rincewind [to Death]: Forgetting someone?

Death: I DOUBT YOU QUALIFY AS COMMON.

[Rincewind freezes, uncertain what to make of that remark.]

	�I see, well let�s go.�

Death: SO EAGER. YOU COULD LEARN FROM HIM.

[Rincewind shudders.]

Washu�s Lab

	The visual log clicked off, the voice started again.

	�From my observations, the boy was found and raised by
dwarfs until he grew up and went to Ankh-Morpork to become a
captain in the watch.

Carrot: Hey, just like me!

Nobbs: I think that IS you, lad. I'm sure I'd remember if someone else like
that came to town.

Librarian: Oook ook ook ook! Ook ook ook!

Rincewind: Well, maybe. I'm not sure how old the boy is... or maybe the
spell sent him back in time. That can happen.

Nobbs: You mean you weren't always a monk...

[The Librarian bares his teeth.]

Nobbs: Er, orangutan?

[The Librarian calms down.]

Rincewind: One of the spells from the Octavo made him like this.

Librarian: Ook ook ook!

Rincewind: I never said you didn't like it.

The son of the Galaxy Police Commissioner
found the girl who turned out to be��

Carrot: Wait a minute... I've got a sister?

the words trailed off as a
series of explosions rocked the lab. A new voice came on.

	�Ano� Washu-chan?�

Nobbs: She sounds just like you, lad.

Carrot: I don't think her voice could be that deep...

	A sigh was heard, �Mihoshi.�

[The Librarian blinks once, twice... and collapses to the ground laughing.
Rincewind lets out a laugh or two as well.]

Carrot: I didn't think the name was that funny...

End

	Sorry, I was reading Jingo and started to think just how
close Carrot and Mihoshi really are, almost like twins, you get
the idea ne?

Nobbs: Who's this Mihoshi?

[Rincewind regains his composure, and pulls the Librarian to his feet. After
a few seconds, the Librarian stops laughing.]

Librarian: Ook ook ook. Ook ook, ook ook oooook...

Nobbs: Well, we're not going anywhere... why not?

Carrot: ...and who's Gourry? Mihoshi's brother?

Rincewind [to Carrot]: I think you may have had a blond-haired brother
no-one knew about, either...

[Fade to black.]

****

All in favor of packing me off to Western Psych?

--G. Falconar