Hi all...
This story's something of a departure for me (a departure from revision,
for one thing... <looks guilty>). I'm not a great SM fan (and you
would not _believe_ how hard it is to find in the UK...), but the idea
for this just stuck in my head.
I need to give a credit here to Ken Wolfe, whose story "Kiss Of The
Enemy" inspired this little piece - I'd recommend people read it (if
they've got a (quite) few hours free). This is, in some ways, a prequel
to that story, but it stands entirely alone (and may even make sense).
Please be warned that this story has a somewhat adult theme - it's a lot
less lemon than it might have been (and may still get), but a gentle
warning is probably in order.
This is a first draft, so all C&C, flames, whatever much appreciated at:
mauei@csv.warwick.ac.uk
(Due to exam/revision pressures, I can't read the ML ATM, so please CC
any followups - TIA.)
I hope somebody enjoys this...
Bishoujou Senshi Sailor Moon : Refuge
=====================================
Minako sat quietly in her room; the book she was reading lay face
down on the desk as she watched the world go by outside. It was
something she had found herself doing a lot, of late.
In some abstract way, she knew something was wrong... things
just didn't seem the same recently.
She wondered if the others felt like this too. It was absurd - they
were the chosen ones, free from these doubts, these fears... except...
something was wrong. Something she could not describe, hiding in
plain sight. Here the slight lapse of a smile, there a fleeting
darkness in the eyes. Forced Laughter. Words unsaid.
Small things...
It was utterly ridiculous. Together they had faced and defeated the
darkest of foes... and yet... the silence, this terrible /wrongness/
was tearing them apart. It was so obvious ; she wanted to scream
at them, to shake them from this lethargy, to /fight/... but the
silence swallowed her voice, sapped her strength, and she was powerless,
helpless...
...and afraid.
She had no idea how long she had passed in thought, but woke groggily
to see the sun dipping low across the horizon, lights flickering on
across the city beyond.
She listened for a moment, trying to discover what had interrupted
her, and caught a faint knocking from downstairs.
The door... damn! She pushed herself out of the chair and ran
downstairs on unsteady legs. The knocking was still very quiet, but
had an almost frantic quality to it, as though the visitor was afraid
of being heard.
Minako opened the door to see Ami leaning uncertainly in the doorway,
her dark hair blowing softly in the gathering breeze. Despite the
fading light, she caught a glimpse of Ami's eyes before the tilt of
her head obscured them from view. It was almost as though...
"Ami-chan? What--? Come-- oh hell! Ami..."
"Mina..."
Ami got halfway through the doorway before her whole body seemed
to collapse under her. Minako caught her gently, closing the door
as the tears began.
"Oh Ami..."
"Mina! It's... it's... they... they tried... they almost..."
Her voice was cracked, pleading as she struggled to speak.
"I know... Oh god, I know..." Mina whispered, almost to herself.
"Come on, let's get you sat down somewhere."
Minako slipped an arm beneath the girl's shoulders and half-walked,
half-carried her up the stairs. She closed her door quietly behind
herself and helped Ami to sit on the edge of the bed, cradling
her head gently on her shoulder.
She murmured soothingly to the other girl, holding her more tightly,
offering what comfort she could. She wanted so much to cry, to
give in, but she had to be string... for both their sakes...
It was some time before she realised that she too was weeping
quietly, and, with that last failure, she gave herself over to the
darkness as, outside, the light faded from the sky.
Ami lay silently in the darkness, her head resting on Minako's
shoulder, listening to her own ragged breathing as she stared out at
the starless sky. They had both long since run out of tears to shed.
She lifted herself back slightly, allowing Mina to sit up a little
straighter. She realised she was shivering, despite the warmth of
the room... and of Mina's arms around her. A thousand questions
whirled dizzily around her head... what was she doing? Why was she
still here? And why did she want so much to stay?
She shifted slightly, looking to Mina for answers... their eyes met
in the darkness, and suddenly there was only this /nearness/, the
overwhelming need not to be alone...
Mina's face was mere inches from her own, so close... there was a
moment that seemed to stretch into eternity as she felt here eyes
close, oh so slowly... Their lips brushed softly and the world
dissolved into pure /sensation/... her heart raced wildly, she
trembled uncontrollably in Mina's arms... and then it was over and
she was fighting for elusive breaths that fled from her grasp...
Their eyes met once more, and the questions ceased to matter...
Ami awoke with a start, shivering in the grip of a fading
nightmare. Her eyes felt heavy and sore, cold tears running freely
down her face.
Outside a steady rain was falling quietly into the half-lit streets,
occasional droplets splattering noisily on the window.
Mina's arm was draped softly around her waist, her body touching
lightly against her back, her soft, slow breaths warm on the back
of her neck. She tried to relax, to feel the warmth surrounding
her, to take comfort in their embrace, but still the tears fell
as she stared blindly into the darkness.
She was so tired... damn it, why couldn't the dreams stop?
She was so scared and alone and...
Alone...
She could see the hatred in their faces, lurking in their eyes...
They had almost died because of her, the outsider, the stranger,
the freak, the...
No...
She sat up, the tears flowing freely now, her body trembling as
she clumsily grabbed her clothes and fled madly into the night.
The park felt so strange by night. By day it was a beautiful place
of calm and light and laughter, but now, amid the ghastly light of
the streetlamps, the shadows flowed and moved as though alive ; the
black waters of the lake offered up nightmares from their infinite
depths.
She sat motionless, feeling the rain washing over her, around her,
running through her hair and across her skin. It had always been
a comfort to her before, feeling the cool waters calming her,
washing away her doubts and fears, but now it seemed a thing
perverted, a hideous, cloying weight around her from which there
was no shelter, no escape...
After some interminable period the sound of running footsteps startled
her from her dark reverie. She could hear a voice calling hoarsely
above the hissing of the rain.
"Ami-chan? Oh thank god I've found you... are you--? Ami?
What's wrong?" Minako's voice was pleading, tremolous, her fear
and concern written plainly in her eyes.
"Please... tell me. Ami-chan? Please... it's not?
You know there was nothing wrong in what we--"
"What we did was a mistake! A damned stupid mistake!"
She saw Minako flinch as she spoke and wished fervently that she
had not, but it was as though something inside of her had broken,
as though some part of her that revelled in this self-destruction
had escaped, and with it all her pent-up guilt and fear and anger
and pain and...
All she could hear was the pounding of her own heart and the
screaming, hysterical voice that was hers and not hers, no, please,
not hers... not hers...
She turned and fled, her sodden skirt clinging to her legs, the rain
and tears in her eyes blinding her. The lights blurred and dazzled
around her as she ran, her lungs burning, legs aching, seeking solace
in the dizziness and the pain.
Ami staggered wearily into the cold, empty house, gasping for breath
between wracking sobs. She leant heavily against the wall for a
moment, trying to find some semblance of calm, before trudging
wearily up the stairs to the bathroom.
She grabbed a towel from the rail and made a half-hearted attempt to
dry her hair as she slowly, mechanically peeled off her dripping
clothes. Her legs felt as though they would collapse from under
her at any moment. Gods, she was so tired...
So tired...
She opened the wall cabinet and rummaged clumsily around in the dim
light. Finally she found what she was looking for and forced her
leaden fingers to pry open the bottle.
So tired...
She looked at the pills in her hand. Small... innocent...
Please, she thought, don't let me dream.
Fin.
"Is anything different these days?
The light in her eyes goes out...
I never had light in my eyes anyway."
-- Counting Crows, "Chelsea"