Redhead MST...
What's Redhead MST, you may ask?
Redhead MST is about a boy with Red-hair who's surrounded by anime
characters with red or pink hair. While they wait to reach destinations
through time and space they MST fan-fics. Currently...
Andrew: A young boy with red-hair. He's squeamish about girls partically
because of a dark and terrifying incident early in his life that would make
any dark fic seem, rather light. But, let's not go there, okay? He got
picked up when the Tardis made a wrong turn at Albuquerque by...
Washu: The world's greatest scientist with pink hair. She, along with the
others are picked up in Dr. Who's Tardis (who does not have red hair).
Unfortunately, The Doctor, along with the other time lords are killed by
The Master, who is then in turned killed by The Bachelor(of Science).
Bachelor(of Science) was mad because the Master usually called him by his
nickname, which should be obvious to even Kuno at this point. Nevertheless,
Washu and the others kill the Bachelors(of Science). This makes Washu the
new and only time-lord. Andrew was picked up in accident that Washu
created, the only accident that Washu has created in her life. Accidents
are familiar to...
Ranma: A boy who turns into a girl (who has red hair). He unwittenly gets
the Tardis trapped in the far, far future with two princess: Nausicaa (who
does not have red hair) and Amazon Warrior Princess Shampoo (who has
purple, not red hair). He helps them to escape with the help of...
A-ko: A superheroine with red hair. The offspring of Superman (Clark Kent)
and Woman Woman (Diana), she has the powers of both of them, and the temper
of neither. Neither parent knows where the red hair came from, though
Superman thinks it must have come from the Amazon side of the family.
However, she did not count on the resources of...
Lina Inverse: A black sorceress with red hair and no breast. She robs from
the rich and gives it to the inns to feed her stomache. She constantly
fights with Naga (who does not have red hair, but does have breast that put
cantalopes to shame) with her side-kick, Gourry (who is dumb and therefore
does not have red hair). The group could not have escaped the clutches of
Nausicaa and Shampoo without the help of...
La Blue Girl: A beautiful girl with blue hair (well, you can't win them
all!). She's helped them get to the Tardis by throwing Lina through the
force-field. Her power derives from sex and her ninja abilities which means
she can cut people with a condom. Men (particularly Mr. Wayne Bobbit) beware!
Whew. Those are the characters, here is our MST story!
(The scene opens a few days later, everyone is clothes and back to normal.
We see Ranma-chan teaching A-ko fighting techniques while La Blue Girl and
Lina are monitoring the Tardis main controls. The place looks like the
Tardis got decorated by the set designers from "Star Wars: Voyager."
Everything is in white and very bright. Washu and Andrew enter, carrying
Ryo-ok-hi (who does not have red hair).
Andrew: Will the author quit doing that? That's not how the last several
MST have gone.
Washu: Well at least he's improving on his writing. I hope.
Lina: Washu, there's an incoming fic.
Andrew: Are you sure?
La Blue Girl: Damnit, Andrew! I'm a pervert, not a writer! (Everyone stops
what they are doing and look strangely at La Blue Girl.)
Andrew: Thank you, Christina Applegate. (The fic starts to play. Everyone
sits down while Ranma is making dinner.)
At 06:26 PM 5/24/98 +1000, Eddie vagg wrote:
Swords & Sorcery A-ko
(A-ko put her hands in her face.)
A-ko: Oh, no! Not a fanfic with ME!
Ranma (while slicing and dicing all kinds of vegetables): Well, the shoe is
on the other foot!
(Ryo-ok-hi turns on the faucett and sprays water on to Ranma. Instant girl.
Ranma smiles at the cabbit as he looks at the variety of food spices.)
Andrew: I didn't know we had a full-stocked pantry.
Washu: I stole this kitchen from the Food Network's "Ready, Set, Cook" set.
By Edward Vagg
Swords & Sorcery A-ko is based on characters created by Yuji Moriyama,
and this story is totally unauthorized by him, or any
of his friends and associates. This story has no affiliation to
Soeishinsha/Final-Nishijima, Central Park Media Corporation, US
Manga Corp, or any of the other companies that brought us the
excellent original series. (Hope I don't get sued now.)
A-ko: Oh, you will. You will.
Authors Note.
This story was spawned by the realization that according to the
"alternate reality" of Project A-ko 5 & 6, there are many
realities in parallel dimensions. Only 2 were explored in detail, the
Original "Official" Schoolgirl reality, and the Bounty Hunter
one. I've done the Airline reality, the Hospital reality, and now I
present a new "alternate reality" fic based on a "fantasy" reality.
A-ko: Oh HIM! I've got a...a couple of fights to pick with him.
Andrew: Such as?
A-ko: He called me a stewardess in the Airline fic!
Andrew: He did not! You're just mad because you want to be left alone as a
character!
A-ko: Hmpf!
Enjoy!
****
Swords & Sorcery A-ko
The Cast:
Eiko Magami: (Hereafter known as A-ko.)
A-ko is a veteran adventurer returning to her homeland, the kingdom of
Graviton.
Ranma-chan: Sounds like a heavy kingdom to me.
Her excellent swordsmanship, coupled with
the power supplied by her Bracers of giant strength make her a deadly
opponent. But that's not all! A-ko is also handy with
magic, though she's only learning... A-ko has forged a lifelong
friendship with Princess C-ko Kotobuki, the daughter of the
king.
Lina: Sounds more like me than A-ko. (A-ko glares at Lina.)
Washu: You know this is a chance for us to get back at you after what you
did to ruin the LAST fic we MSTed.
A-ko: I can't help it...I was under the influence of sex!
Biko Daitokuji: (Hereafter known as B-ko.)
B-ko is a barbarian from the Southern hills, who has come to the
Kingdom of Graviton to make her fortune. Bitter rival to
A-ko from past travels, B-ko is easily equal to A-ko in swordsmanship.
A-ko: B-ko's a slut!
Shiko Kotobuki: (Hereafter known as C-ko.)
C-ko is the only daughter of King Kotobuki, and as such she is vital
to the continuation of the current monarchy. C-ko and
A-ko were friends since childhood, Sir Kal (A-ko's father) served the
house of Kotobuki until he was slain in a battle against
the Lepton Kingdom. C-ko met A-ko at Kal Magami's funeral, and they
remain solid friends.
(A-ko stands up.)
A-ko: He let my father die!
La Blue Girl: Calm down! We've all got alternative realms. Who knows, maybe
one of mine is about a girl that can't get to or--- (Andrew covers her
mouth before she gets any futher.)
Washu: Andrew...
Andrew (glaring back at Washu.): I'm NOT taking any chances.
Sir Kei Yuki
Sir Kei is a knight of the realm who serves the Kotobuki kingdom. His
loyalty to the kingdom in general is surpassed only by
his loyalty to Princess C-ko herself.
****
It is a dark and stormy night.
A-ko: Oh, that is SO clique!
Most of the townsfolk are asleep, but the sole heir to the throne,
Princess C-ko is wide awake. Her personal maid is currently
trying to tuck her into bed.
Lina (imitating C-ko's personal maid): If it wasn't so all those damn
kawaii beanie babies...
C-ko's attendant: Please, C-ko don't make me tell you another story...
Besides, aren't you too old for them?
C-ko: (shakes head) Not yet! I'm only sixteen. And besides. you're
never too old for stories.
C-ko's attendant: (sigh) all right. Which story do you want to hear
tonight?
C-ko: Ummmmm Let me see.....
Andrew: How about the Princess Bride?
Washu: Nah, try the Neverending Adventure.
Lina: I'd recommend "Please Save My Earth!"
La Blue Girl: Scherezade's Tales might do for a good ten years or so.
A large shadowy figure enters the room and holds a small bag to the
attendant's face.
C-ko's attendant: (woozy) Cccc--k
(Clunk) C-ko's attendant, now unconscious, falls down.
C-ko: Wha? HEY!
Before C-ko can yell the place down, the intruder waves the same bag
in C-ko's face, and she also slumps into oblivion.
Intruder: (with regret) Forgive me, my princess...
Andrew (imitating the intruder): ...your snoring has kept my up waay too long.
****
The next day...
Our hero, A-ko Magami strides into town, a treasure chest under each
arm.
A-ko: (to herself) What a haul! (looks around) Gee, the townsfolk look
awful worried. I wonder what's happened? (to a group
of townspeople) Hey! What's going on here?
Ranma-chan: You're right, Lina. A-ko in this fic acts a lot like you!
Townsperson 1: You mean you don't know?
Townsperson 2: Princess C-ko's been kidnaped!
Townsperson 1: I'll bet it was the Goblins from Saladius county!
A-ko: C-kos been kidnaped? Oh no...
A-ko: What did I SEE in her anyway?
Andrew: I think you're much like "Ellen." You're a lesbian...or at least
bi-sexual and you won't admit it...(WHUMP! A-ko flattens Andrew with her
fists.)
Dropping her treasure chests, A-ko runs towards the Adventurers Guild.
Lina: "Where it more than just a quest, it's an adventure!"
Everyone else: Lina!
Townsperson 3: WOW! Look at all this gold!
Absolute chaos reins as hundreds of poor townsfolk loot A-ko's
abandoned treasure...
A-ko: D'oh!
****
The Adventurers Guild is bustling with activity, as the would-be
heroes all gather for a special meeting.
Ranma (imitating Adventure Guild President): Okay...our first order of
business is to elect a new Guild President and new Guild union representative.
La Blue Girl: Adventurers forming a union?
Ranma: What we heros have to endure, we need a union for severance pay!
A-ko: That's the first smart thing you've said all year...
Guild Leader: Registered members take note! King Kotobuki has offered
a substantial reward for the safe return of his
daughter! As you all should know by now, Princess C-ko was abducted
>from Graviton Keep late last night by agents
unknown. We need to form a rescue party to find, and retrieve Princess
C-ko. Do we have any volunteers?
Ranma-chan: Then suddenly, two mice stepped up to the podium.
All of a sudden a door yawns open,
Washu: The door must be really tired!
and the noisy, bustling room falls
silent. The forceful sound of footsteps clad in armour
emanates from the portal, and finally, Sir Kei himself sweeps into the
room.
(All women present swoon)
Lina: He isn't cute enough.
A-ko: I'm NOT that desperate.
Kei: I volunteer.
A-ko: (thinking) We'll be a team! (out loud) I'll join you... er...
(A-ko aura flashes out. Ranma-chan looks at A-ko.)
Ranma-chan: I know, I know. The author has made you look like a bimbo.
A-ko: I am not a bimbo!
A-ko starts blushing furiously.
Kei looks at A-ko, making her blush even more.
Loud Voice: WAIT A MINUTE!
Everyone turns to the new voice, it is a well built yet rough looking
barbarian woman with long lavender hair, and an eye patch.
Her skimpy battle clothes leave little to the imagination.
Andrew: Since when did Divatox get in here?
Everyone else: Who?
Andrew: You know, the new villian in the Might Morphin Power Rangers
Series? (There's a bit of silence. La Blue Girl blushes.) Did I say
something wrong?
Washu: Never, ever, mention those Power Rangers to a bunch of martial
artist/fighters.
Andrew: I can't help it that I babysat kids aged 4-6...
A-ko: B-ko! What are YOU doing here?!
B-ko: Well I thought Sir Kei would need MY help to find C-ko. Besides,
there is a reward isn't there?
Guild Leader: Substantial reward, yes...
Washu (imitating the Guild Leader): The winner recieves a Platium MasterCard.
Ryo-ok-hi: Miyaa! (She pulls out her Platium Plastic Picture Card Set.
There are more Platium Credit Cards in that set then probably what is
offered to the average consumer a day.)
Andrew: Dang. This is one expensive cabbit.
Lina: Give her credit. Everyone else does.
B-ko: Then it's settled! I'll travel with you, won't I Kei?
A-ko: That slut...
Washu: A-ko, if you can't say anything nice about B-ko, then leave!
Stunned, Kei can only look blankly back.
A-ko: (to B-ko) You 'd better leave Kei alone, you barbarian.
B-ko: (growls back) Make me. He'll be mine, A-ko. Just you wait and
see.
****
Deep within Egota Castle, the spy, D approaches the Captain of the
guard.
D: Captain! The mission was a complete success! We've recovered the
lost princess, at long last.
Ranma: I didn't know this was Ryouga's kingdom.
Lina: I'm expecting Xena to come through here with Callisto hot on her
heels any minute now.
Andrew: Sort of like an Animanics gag, huh?
She's still fast asleep though,
but she'll wake up sometime tomorrow.
Captain: Sometime tomorrow? D you fool!
D: The magical reagents in the bag were too strong for such a small
girl. I'm sorry Captain, I miscalculated.
Captain: I'll forgive you on one condition....
D: Anything!
Lina (singing): Anything...for you!
Captain: I want you to bring me a barrel of the best Ale you can find!
Bring the booze, then leave me in peace! That is all!
Andrew (imitating D): Is Guiness okay? Canadian Dry? Mexico Wet?
D: (Salutes) Yes Capt'n.
****
Mid-morning in the town square, and our party of heroes are ready to
depart.
Standing in a trance, A-ko faces a tree.
B-ko: Hey A-ko! The road's this way, you know!
A-ko remains still.
Kei: Leave her be, she's casting a spell...
Ranma-chan (imitating some Jim Henson muppet shaped like a tree): Okay,
A-ko, spell "cachectic"
A-ko: Let's see..I before E except after C...
La Blue Girl (imitating Kei): Um, A-ko, what are you doing?
A-ko: I'm trying to spell!
B-ko: She's a wizard now? This should be interesting!
Finally, A-ko comes to, and shakes her head.
A-ko: Yep. Screwball in the inside corner.
A-ko: I've got it!
B-ko: Huh?
A-ko: I know where she is!
Kei: C-ko?
A-ko: Yeah. But we have to hurry.
B-ko: Well that's just great. Are you SURE you know where C-ko is?
A-ko: Well if you want to go your own way... Meanwhile Sir Kei and I
will rescue C-ko.
B-ko: Forget it! That reward will be mine. (to herself) And Kei as
well. ha Ha Ha (out loud) Hahahahaha! WAHAHAHAHA!
Washu (imitating B-ko) *Cough* *Cough* Damn cigarette burns!
A-ko rolls her eyes.
Kei: We'd better get going.
****
By midday, the party has reached a junction in the road.
La Blue Girl: Hey! Whatever happened to the fork in the road joke!
Andrew: I wonder if this is an "and," "but," or "or" conjunction.
Ranma-chan (singing): Conjunction Junction, what's your function?/Hooking
up words and phrases and clauses...
Lina (singing): ...Neither now nor ever./(Hey that's clever)...
B-ko: (reading sign) Saladius... those goblins are gonna pay....
A-ko: We're not going that way.
B-ko: What! My barbarian instincts say that the goblins are
responsible for Princess C-ko's abduction!
A-ko: The Lepton Kingdom's behind this.
Washu: And I suppose there's a Strange kingdom somewhere down the road.
Andrew: Along with a Up, Down, Top, Bottom, and Charm Kingdoms.
Ranma-chan: Huh? What are you talking about?
Andrew: Lepton are subatomic particles. We've just described subatomic
types of particles for the quark, which with the lepton make up the basic
blocks of matter.
Lina: Doesn't the Lepton have flavours like the electron, muon, and tau?
Washu: That's correct, Lina. How did you learn that? (Lina blushes.)
Lina: Um, I've been reading your books, Washu. (Washu hugs Lina.)
Washu: That's great!
Ranma-chan: You know, I don't think I want to taste an lepton...
B-ko: What a load of rubbish!
Kei: The Lepton Kingdom have been our allies for more than 6 years!
A-ko: It's true.
B-ko: How can you be so sure?
A-ko: You'll just have to trust me.
A-ko: And the tree gave me dandy directions!
Kei: (gesturing to the Lepton road) Let's go.
Giving B-ko a smug look, A-ko turns and leads the way.
B-ko: (grumbles) She's gonna pay...
Ranma-chan (imitating B-ko): ...with interest!
****
Napolipolita of Lepton, Captain of the guard unsteadily makes her way
down a corridor, and into a large room.
Andrew: He was wearing a costume that had three different colored stripes:
chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry colors. (Throught out this entire fic,
Ranma-chan has been cooking dinner and everyone has been munching on food.)
Ranma-chan: Is anyone up for ice-cream?
A red carpet
leads up to a throne, where a stately woman, the Lepton Queen resides.
La Blue Girl: I'm guessing her name is Neutrino.
Lepton Queen: Approach!
Gaining a little dignity, the Captain lifts her chin up and marches
down the carpet.
Ryo-ok-hi: Miyaa?
Washu (to Ryo-ok-hi): No, Ryo-ok-hi, dust bunnies are not related to cabbits.
Andrew (imitating the Captain/Captain Kirk): We...must...getrid of
these...lumps in the carpet!
Lepton Queen: Your report?
Captain: I have great news, Your Highness. We were able to breach the
Graviton Keep last night, and rescue Princess C-ko!
She is not ready for the ceremony yet though, She needs to recuperate.
Lepton Queen: And it took you 6 years for this plan to work?
Captain: It was necessary for us to lull them into a false sense of
security, by becoming their allies. The Graviton Kingdom let
their guard down, and the trade agreement we struck up over the years
enabled our spies to infiltrate their keep, and gather
information. With the return of C-ko, the lineage of the house of
Lepton will be assured.
A-ko (imitating Ross Perot): I TOLD you NAFTA won't work, and now the
country has lost her best citizens to some Mexican plant down in Tijauna
like dogs getting fleas!
Lepton Queen: And you have succeeded. This calls for a celebration.
Bring in the grog!
Andrew: I don't even WANT to know what "grog" is...
Captain: Oh thank you, your majesty.
At this point D stands in the doorway of the throne room. She looks
worried.
A-ko: D's not a woman! Is she?
Andrew (imitating D): Don't mind me, the doors yawns in this place anyway...
Lepton Queen: Ahh. The agent responsible for C-ko's return. Come and
join us in a toast.
Andrew (still imitating D): No thanks, your majesty, I just had breakfast.
D approaches the Captain, and the Lepton Queen. For once, she appears
unsettled.
Washu (imitating Queen Lepton): Can someone get me an iron and an ironing
board? I've unsettled myself!
D: Your highness, I have a feeling someone's already coming to steal
C-ko from us once again. We've already beefed up our
security, but I feel that we ought to take extra special precautions
tonight.
A-ko: Hah! I can beat you and your rodeo-trained bronco bulls!
Lepton Queen: A rescue mission from Graviton?
Captain: How do you know?
D: Woman's intuition.
Ranma-chan: You know, being a girl has given me some of that woman's
intuition. I just wish it would come to me when I'm a guy.
Lepton Queen: It's best to be safe. Beef up the patrols, as well as
internal security. We cannot allow tomorrow's ceremony to
be disrupted by saboteurs.
Andrew (still imitating D): Well, okay, but if we run out of beef, would
pork do?
Washu (still imitating Queen Lepton): Well, keep the pork, but do use the
chickens, especially those rubber chicken cannons we have stolen from
Princess Megane 6.7.
Lina: Uh, I hate to tell you this, Washu, but the otaku known as Megane 6.7
is a guy.
La Blue Girl: And a cute guy at that! (Everyone looks strangely at La Blue
Girl. She blushes in embarrassment.)
Captain: Very well, your highness.
****
It is starting to get dark, A-ko, B-ko and Sir Kei are well inside
Lepton territory. Storm clouds gather, and foreboding thunder
rumbles the heavens.
B-ko: (sarcastic) Oooh! Scary!
A-ko: This is good! We can use the storm to our advantage! The bad
weather will help us infiltrate the castle undetected..
Kei: The storm will also help hide the enemy.
B-ko: Well I'm ready for them!
A-ko: Touch wood...
As if on cue, half a dozen women, armed to the teeth, step out in
front of the party. They wear the uniform of the Lepton Guard
regiment.
A-ko: That's okay, these Leptons don't have the strong force like we do!
Andrew (to the camera): If you have no idea what we're talking about,
consult your local physic professor emertius. He's the one that's stuck
teaching University and/or College Physics I.
Guard leader: Who goes there? State your business, immediately!
Kei: I am Sir Kei, from the kingdom of Graviton. We come to retrieve
Princess C-ko from the vile slime who took her!
Guard leader: Vile slime? Princess C-ko belongs to the Lepton kingdom!
Washu: She's not a quark in the system!
Prepare to die, intruders!
All six guards draw their swords, as does our heroes.
Guard leader: DIIIIEEEE!!!!
CHOP! B-ko decapitates a guard with one neat swing.
A-ko: B-ko! They might have information on C-ko's kidnaping! Don't
KILL them!
A-ko: That's B-ko...shoot now and ask later...
SLICE!
B-ko: (mimes an ear horn with one hand, and impales a guard with her
sword at same time.) What! I can't hear you over the
heat of battle!
Kei, who's been fighting defensively, strikes back, though with the
flat of his sword. The blow knocks the guard leader off her
feet.
Kei: I give you the chance to surrender!
Guard leader: I won't!
Two guards attack A-ko with simultaneous swings. A-ko leaps back clear
of the blades, then returns with a deadly blow to
one of the guards.
A-ko: I didn't want anybody to get hurt, but now I'm real mad!
YAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Ranma: Look out! She's gonna kick butt!
A-ko's swings become more frenzied, and she almost gives off a visible
battle aura.
A-ko: (Continuing) YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! (Chops another guard in
two.)
Guard leader: You'll pay! Clare! On my signal... Now!
Lina(imitating Claire): What? I can't hear you!
FLASH! A-ko and Kei are blinded by a flash of light, as the guard
leader swings at the surprised A-ko. B-ko, who is too far
away to kill the guard leader with her sword, raises her arm...
Twang-Thud.
The guard leader collapses, an arrow having pierced her side...
B-ko: Akagiyama crossbow!
Remaining guard: You call that fair?
B-ko: (slicing remaining guard.) Fair? You outnumbered us and then
used flash powder... remember? Don't talk to me about
fair!
A-ko: I was gonna say, that strategy was rather stupid.
The battle having ended as quickly as it started, A-ko, B-ko and Kei
take stock of the situation.
A-ko: I have Microsoft...it went down 10 1/2 at 134 and 3/8.
Ranma-chan (imiating B-ko): Ha! I have Yahoo! and it went up 18 and 3/4 at
183 and 1/8!
Andrew (imiating Kei): I can not lie, I have no stocks. But I do have a
30-year T-bond rated at 6 and 3/4%.
A-ko: You could have lied to her, Kei! They may have let us past!
Kei: (looks sad) I'm afraid not. A knight never lies. Not even to the
enemy.
Ranma: Of course, what a knight says to his wife is something else.
B-ko: And they DID attack first. We had a right to defend ourselves.
Don't tell me you're incapable of killing, A-ko. You've
got blood on your hands!
A-ko: Out damn spot! Out! Good spot!
A-ko: I've seen enough death in my time B-ko, I don't want to kill
unless I have to. And anyway! What's a barbarian like you
doing with a fancy mini crossbow? Where did you get THAT?
Washu (imiating B-ko): Well there was that fabulous sale of cross-bows on
Sak's Fouth Century...
B-ko: That's right, you didn't know. My tribe abhors high technology
and technical progress in all it's forms. "Devils tools" they
say. Well I was curious! I WANT to learn about modern tools and
inventions! They caught me with a gnomish technical manual
Andrew: Now there's a manual I wouldn't want to have for my lawn mower.
and exiled me from the Southern hills forever. How ironic! I was
ostracized from my clan because I wasn't barbaric enough! So
now you know!
A-ko: And you never joined a Tinker's Guild or anything?
B-ko: Why should I? I am a barbarian, after all.
Kei: And so you wander the lands, looking for somewhere to call
home...
B-ko: (distracted) I think we'd better get going before this patrol is
missed.
A-ko: For once you're right, B-ko. Let's get a move on.
(A-ko still looks rather angry.)
A-ko: B-ko is NEVER right about something!
****
Some time later A-ko, B-ko and Kei finally reach the stronghold, Egota
Castle. The tower, rising from a wide moat is an
impressive sight indeed.
A-ko: These days castles can't afford putting aligators into moats. PETA
protested such atrocities.
Andrew: That's why for our castle, we use E. Coli bateria!
A-ko: O.K.. We need to work out a way to get inside.
B-ko: Why don't you use a "Dragon Slave" spell and destroy the
gatehouse?
Lina: She's not as powerful as I am! HAHAHAHAHAHA-urk! (A-ko @baps Lina
with Mallet-sama (TM of Akane Tendo Enterprises; Nabiki Tendo, CEO & CFO.)
A-ko: (exasperated) I don't KNOW Dragon Slave, B-ko, that's a very
powerful spell! Just who did you mistake me for?
Andrew: Man, I think this author has mistaken Lina for A-ko. Good thing
too, because then A-ko's chest wouldn't need a breastplate! (Lina & A-ko
glomp on Andrew and pound him into submission.)
B-ko: Well I hardly expected you to be any help. Leave it to me.
There's nothing I can't do!
With this, B-ko leaves the cover of the shrubbery, and strides toward
the moat.
Ranma-chan: Ne! I want another...shrubbery!
Kei: B-ko! Don't!
A-ko: She's gonna screw up the whole mission!
Sure enough, the lookouts spot B-ko while she's still in the open.
Tower Guard: Look! An intruder!:
A-ko: B-ko!
All of a sudden, arrows rain down on B-ko.
B-ko: I'm done for!
Whoosh! B-ko is picked up by A-ko, who is running at super speed.
(Everyone sings the "Superman" theme songs, all of them for movie,
television and cartoon shows, except the theme song of the "Super Friends.")
A-ko
then leaps over the moat, and with a single punch,
destroys the gatehouse. Lepton guards topple into the moat, where they
are finished off by the crocodiles.
A-ko: If I had written it, I would have flown up there and used my heat
vision to make the arrows a huge shield!
B-ko: (astonished) I didn't know you could...
A-ko: That was a "haste" spell.
B-ko: (still bewildered) But your strength...
A-ko: Thanks to a gift from my father.
Ranma-chan: Of course, don't give him a glowing green rock for Christmas.
B-ko: What about Kei?
A-ko easily picks up the ruined drawbridge, and carefully lays it in
place.
A-ko: Okay, Norm Abram, what's next?
A-ko: C'mon! There will be reinforcements on the way!
****
At this moment in time, Napolipolita, Captain of the guard is in the
barracks finishing off a stein of ale. Suddenly, D bursts in.
Ranma-chan (imitating D): Captain, there's a stain of stein of ale on your
shirt! And the doors aren't tired anymore!
D: Captain! My suspicions are confirmed! Rats have invaded the keep!
Washu: That can't be! They've just gotten pasted the drawbridge!
Lina: The keep is where the outer walls of the castle is and protects a
castle from a siege.
La Blue Girl: I give the keep 10 minutes before the wrecking crew comes
calling.
Captain: Rats you say? (Throws a brick at a dark corner) I hate rats!
D: Huh? No I mean the enemy has breached the gate and entered the
inner sanctum!
Captain: Oh.... Well don't just stand there, DO SOMETHING!
D: The troops are already scouring the entire castle for the
saboteurs, Captain, and I, D will personally see that the intruders
are
dealt with properly.
Ranma-chan: Say, D, can I see your ID?
Captain: See to it D. That is all!
Andrew (imitating the Captain): And while you're at it, get me another
Ginger Ale!
****
At this time A-ko, B-ko and Kei have made their way down dark, dank
passages into the dungeons.
A-ko: Here leezard, leezard, leezard...
A-ko: Something's odd... I expected more guards down here!
B-ko: C-ko's gotta be round here somewhere...
Kei: I know from reports that the only confinement cells are
underground. Hmmm. Strange.
A-ko: You don't suppose...
B-ko: She was brought elsewhere?
A-ko: Exactly! Maybe she is being kept in a secret cell in the tower?
B-ko: (angry) A-ko! How about you were wrong about C-ko being taken by
the Lepton Kingdom! We've probably just
sparked off another war between Lepton and Graviton, and all because
you couldn't admit that the goblins from Saladius
probably took her!
A-ko: I KNOW she's here someplace!
B-ko: Oh yeah? Prove it!
Kei: Uhh ladies...
A-ko: According to my tracking spell, C-ko should be right here!
A-ko: Next time, I'll use one of Nabiki's Homing Devices!
B-ko: Well where is she YOU IDIOT?
A-ko: (Frustrated) I don't know! Wait... My spell is only fairly
basic, it only gives the direction of the person I'm tracking. It
doesn't tell me how high or low the subject is.
B-ko: So C-ko could be another level below us...
A-ko: Exactly!
Kei: Or above.
A-ko: Huh?
Kei: C-ko may actually be a welcome guest in the tower above! I
happened to see banners and flags in the courtyard, perhaps
they are for Princess C-ko's benefit.
Andrew: Now, really Kei, what gave you THAT idea?
A-ko: That's absurd!
B-ko: C-ko's heir to the Kotobuki throne!
Kei: And that's exactly what caused the war between Graviton and
Lepton in the first place! Rumor has it that C-ko wasn't
actually born of Kotobuki stock.
Ranma-chan (imitating Nabiki): And in business news, Kotobuki stock fell 10
and 3/8 to 94 and 1/16 on news that C-ko merchandise was stolen from
Lepton, Inc...
I was too young to remember the
events of that time, though according to the history texts, the
last remaining Lepton princess disappeared at the time of C-ko's
birth. The Lepton kingdom had always accused us of
kidnaping the infant C-ko, and I'd never believed it. That story
always sounded too horrible to be true, it seemed to be
propaganda to me. I'm mortified to realize that all this time the
people of the Kingdom of Graviton have been fed such lies!
Andrew: Still, how did you figure THAT out? I mean to have such an idea at
this point of a fic is a little absurd.
A-ko: Do you know what you're saying?
Washu (imitating Kei/Pinky): I think so, A-ko, but you're gonna have to
wear the Sailor Moon Fuku this time out.
Kei: I scarcely believe I'm saying the words myself. But I've been
thinking about C-ko a long time, and the more I ponder the
puzzle, the more the pieces seem to fit.
Andrew: The more we read this fic, the more the pieces seem to fall apart.
They seem a little out-of-character.
Ranma-chan (who's looks like Ryouga at this point): But aren't we all out
of character when fan-fic write about us?
Washu (who looks like Urd now): Good point.
That does it! If this is where C-ko truly belongs, perhaps this is
also where I belong!
B-ko: Wait a minute! Are you saying you want to defect?
A-ko: Graviton's most famous knight? You wouldn't!
A-ko: And besides, you wouldn't lie about C-ko's position, now would you?
Kei: You misunderstand. I swore always to uphold justice, and if C-ko
justly belongs here then surely I must follow. I'm sorry.
A-ko: I'm confused.
B-ko: I'll admit the situation is a s clear as mud. But over my dead
body will you prevent me from bringing C-ko back to
Graviton. I want that reward!
A-ko: Is that ALL you care about? Money?
B-ko: Frankly, yes. I need funds to build a workshop you know. I can't
let moral dilemmas get in the way of my dream, after
all.
A-ko: Why do I get the feeling that Bill Gates and B-ko are related?
A-ko draws her sword. Once again her battle aura appears, although her
face displays an unsettling calm.
A-ko: Help! I'm being unsettled!
Kei: A-ko?
A-ko: (with menace) B-ko of the Daitokuji clan, several times in our
travels you have challenged me to a duel to the death. I
never accepted because I never found a just cause to kill you. I
always thought there was just a little good in everyone, and that
I had no right to judge other people by their apparent attitudes. But
I'm starting to think that you are truly a despicable rogue,
that you have no regard for ANYTHING apart from yourself! We have more
pressing matters at hand right now, but once we
find C-ko and work out just what is going on, then we will step
outside and settle this once and for all. B-ko, I accept your
challenge!
B-ko: (flinches) a-A-ko!
A-ko: IT'S A-ko! Not AA-KO!
****
C-ko, sleeping in an ornate 4 post bed, finally awakens. An old woman,
presumably C-ko's new attendant watches from a
nearby chair.
C-ko: (stirs) I KNOW! Tell me the story about the boy and the girl who
lived happily ever after!
Washu (imitating the attendant): Uh, which one? Marmarlade Boy...Ranma
1/2...Tenchi Muyo...dang none of these books has a boy and a girl that
lived happily ever after!
Andrew: Except maybe Ah! Megamisama!
Old woman: Princess C-ko! It really is you!
C-ko: What! Who are you? Where am I? I want my usual maid!
Old woman: I... I'm afraid that's not possible....
Andrew (imitating the old woman): She's being bronzed right now...
C-ko: Then bring me A-ko! She promised to come visit today! We're
gonna see the jesters and watch the jousting! It's gonna
be lots of fun! (giggle)
Washu: If it involves Bugs Bunny in anyway, I'm leaving.
Old woman: C-ko, I have some news that you may find shocking...
La Blue Girl: then she gives C-ko the classic shake hands joke!
Ryo-ok-hi: Miyaa?
La Blue Girl: That's right, it involves a electro-buzzer...
****
A-ko, B-ko and Kei are now in the keep of Egota Castle, climbing a
staircase in a narrow stairwell.
Kei: Remember, for this plan to work, I need you both to co-operate.
Let me do all the talking!
The three cautiously exit the stairwell, and enter a corridor. Around
the corner, guards can be heard talking.
Kei: NOW!
Our intrepid heroes leap round the corner, and surround two surprised
guards.
Everyone: Surprise!
Kei: Where's C-ko!
Guard 1: (reaching for sword) Hey wait...
B-ko holds her sword pointed straight at the guard's throat.
B-ko: Don't even try it sister!
A-ko: (Impatient) Where is she!
In a show of strength, A-ko punches the door behind Guard 2. The door
shatters, revealing the throne room. Dozens of
soldiers form an honour guard, and C-ko sits in the throne, looking
dazed. The queen, who was making a speech, stops and
stares at the intruders.
La Blue Girl (imiating the Queen): And as Queen, I shall make sure that
there is peace in our time...
A-ko: (embarrassed) Whoops!
B-ko: So much for stealth!
The entire honour guard, led by Captain Napolipolita all turn and
confront the trio.
Captain: You must be the rats scurrying around the castle. How dare
you interrupt the coronation ceremony?
Kei: (steps into the room) I beg your pardon your majesty, we mean not
to interrupt.
The honour guards all swoon.
Ranma-chan: If these were male guards, none of this would have ever happened.
Lepton Queen: Is it truly Sir Kei of Graviton? And you have brought
two squires!
Kei: Indeed.
B-ko: (Under breath) Why that idiot Kei! Who does he...
A-ko: (under breath) Shhh! I think he's going somewhere with this!
Andrew: And you obviously don't have a map.
Lepton Queen: We were not expecting guests. I'm sorry, but since I
fear we may be at war, I must place you under arrest.
Kei: I understand.
A-ko/B-ko: WHAT!
Kei: I know that C-ko is of the blood of Lepton, and not the Kotobuki
family! She truly belongs here! I came here tonight to
rescue her, but along the way I realized that C-ko may have been the
"lost princess" of Lepton from many years ago. I come in
peace.
Lepton Queen: If that's true, then you may witness the coronation of
the new queen. As you know, as soon as a Lepton
Princess reaches the age of sixteen, she is eligible to ascend to the
throne and rule the kingdom. I am growing weary, and the
years are taking their toll. I may not last much longer, so it it
essential that C-ko be coronated as soon as possible.
Washu (imitating Queen Lepton): Now, if you will excuse me, I have to blow
through C-ko's ear.
C-ko finally stirs from her dazed state.
A-ko: Typical blonde...
C-ko: (looks around) Look at all these people! (sees A-ko) A-ko!
A-KO! UP HERE!
A-ko: (embarrassed) Good lord...
C-ko: (continuing) Gee I'm so happy to see you! Have you come to
rescue me? I'm so happy!
A-ko: ....
B-ko: C-ko! Yes! We've come to rescue you!
With this, B-ko leaps forth and embraces C-ko.
Ranma-chan (imitating C-ko): You pervert!
C-ko: Waaaahhhh! I want A-ko to rescue me!
A-ko: One of these days, I'm gonna hafta divorce myself from C-ko...
The guards all ready their swords.
B-ko: Remember your challenge, A-ko?
A-ko: I'm ready!
Kei: You want to return C-ko to the kingdom of Graviton and claim the
reward. I won't allow it.
A-ko: You stay out of this, Kei. This is personal! B-ko, prepare to
die!
Captain: Guards! Attack!
Lepton Queen: NO! Protect C-ko, but otherwise don't get involved.
This is an honour duel between swordsmen.
Ranma-chan: Hey, a c-c-c-c-c-at-fight!
A-ko and B-ko circle each other, swords at the ready.
Lina: Now remember, I want a fair fight. So I want no this! (She lunges and
hits Andrew in the groin.) Or this! (Smacks Andrew on the back of the head
with a mallet.) Or that! (Pinches Andrew in the butt. He squeals like
P-chan.) Okay? Let's come out fighting! (Ryo-ok-hi pulls out a bell and
hits it.)
B-ko: (lunges at A-ko) This is for the time you left me at the
Grandmandan challenge arena. You were supposed to fight me
there!
A-ko: (blocks B-ko's sword) I had better things to do that day.
B-ko: (takes another swing) Like what? An all-you-can-eat banquet at
the Nishijima Inn?
A-ko: I told you, I'M NOT LINA INVERSE!
A-ko is stung by B-ko's words, but luckily not by her sword.
A-ko: (offended and blushing, A-ko swings back,) If you must know, I
was elsewhere that day!
B-ko: You liar! (chop) I've seen the way you eat. It's revolting.
A-ko: (parry) And I've seen the way you treat your men! You don't
have a husband yet because your too disgusting for even
the most desperate drunk. Even a half-ork wouldn't date you! (strikes
at B-ko)
Andrew: Nano, nano!
B-ko: (block) And you have any better luck?
A-ko: (glances at Kei) I'm saving myself for someone special.
B-ko: (on the offensive again) Not Kei surely. You really don't have a
chance!
A-ko: Shut UP! Yaaaaah!
A-ko takes an almighty swing at B-ko with her sword. B-ko manages to
deflect the blade, though the blow was so mighty,
both A-ko's and B-ko's swords are shattered by the impact.
B-ko pulls a knife from her boot.
A-ko: You don't think you can scare me with that little blade do you?
A-ko: Ha! I can melt that with my heat vision!
B-ko: When the blade is coated with a poison of my devising, it
doesn't matter how deep the cut is! A-ko, you're gonna be
history!
C-ko: A-ko! B-ko! Stop fighting!
Ranma-chan: Too late.
B-ko lunges.
A-ko manages to block the dagger with her arm bracer. She then makes
a grab for B-ko's knife hand.
B-ko: (wrestling for control) I'll kill you and get C-ko...
A-ko: Not in this lifetime.
STAB
Both A-ko and B-ko look shocked.
C-ko: A-ko!
A-ko stands back, her hands covered in blood... Literally. B-ko
collapses to the ground.
B-ko: (cough) If you weren't hiding in the shadow of your father, I
would have beat you. How ironic that I die by my own
blade! So what are you going to do now? Go back on your word to
rescue C-ko? And as for you, Kei...
With this, B-ko starts shivering, then stops just as suddenly.
A-ko: Damn you B-ko! (removes her arm bracers) You didn't have to
die!
A-ko: At least she's dead. (Everyone else looks coldly at A-ko.) Hey! I
didn't love her! I..didn't...love...her! (She cries and flees the room.)
Andrew: Well, at least we now know. That fight was pretty good. 8.9.
Ranma-chan: The sword play was a bit lame. 7.4
Washu: It was interesting, to say the least. 8.0
(Ryo-ok-hi holds up a sign reading: "4.5." The cabbit judges always score
low.)
La Blue Girl: It was rather touching. 8.3.
****
Epilogue.
Did they all live happily ever after? Well not B-ko, obviously.
C-ko did eventually agree to be the new Lepton Queen, but only if A-ko
agreed to stay.
Sir Kei defected to the Lepton kingdom and swore to serve Queen C-ko
with his heart and soul. He became a hero to Lepton,
he used his fame to diffuse the chance of a new Graviton/Lepton war.
King Kotobuki was deposed, and rightly so. The noble
house of Elden filled the power vacuum.
Andrew: Eureka or Dirt Devil?
Washu: Personally, I love the eight pound Orkic upright!
King Glen retained close ties
with Lepton, who under Queen C-ko's rule, became
genuine allies with Graviton.
A-ko finally put her father's influence to rest, she buried his
Bracers of giant strength, and the hilt of the Magami sword with
B-ko. A-ko then decided once and for all to pursue magic with all her
heart. She became a powerful wizard, and even
mastered the Dragon Slave spell.
A-ko's voice: I'm not LINA!
Lina: I'd love to see a sequel with me and A-ko in this alternative world...
Even now, she is still chasing Sir Kei, who is blissfully unaware...
Andrew: He'd rather have C-ko anyway...
The Queen Mother fell ill, but lived long enough to see that Queen
C-ko was well and truly a daughter to be proud of.
Andrew: Does screaming count as a political tactic?
Captain Napolipolita still spends most of her time in the tavern,
leaving her deputy, D as unofficial Captain of the guard.
Ranma-chan: And she had a son, and she named him E. And lo, he became CEO
of the E! Entertainment Cable Channel.
The End.
Authors notes: Yeah I guess this fic was a little darker than usual.
I've always wanted to do a dark fic, so this was my chance
to get at least a little serious... Anyway, I enjoyed writing this,
and that's all that counts! So there!
For comments & flame mail you can reach me at
evagg@hubble.dialix.com.au
For more fanfics and Project A-ko stuff you can visit my website
(Project O.K.) at:
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Academy/1378/
A-ko: Okay, I'm gonna go after that pike! (She tried to leave, but gets
malleted by Andrew.)
Andrew: Sorry, A-ko, but it's for your own good.
Thank you for reading.
Ranma-chan: That's just fine. Dinner, anyone?