based on characters and situations from Takahashi Rumiko, Fujishima Kosuke, 
and others.
	C&C welcome, send to Greggsharp@aol.com

	RING OF TOLTIIR III: LEAVE IT TO 'BIKI

	Toltiir, Lord Of Chaos, extremely powerful
supernatural entity, patron of practical jokes, jests,
and quips, looked into the Tendo training hall and
felt his humor slip slightly.
	"Everything was going according to plan,
then SHE has to show up," he mumbled. "This isn't
YOUR doing, is it?"
	An oriental woman looked back at the black
cat and sneered. Though in power levels she was a
covered wagon competing against a Galaxy class
starship, she managed to put on a facade of bored
contempt. Takahashi, goddess of Bizarre Romantic
Subplots (Second class, Limited License) assured 
her partner that everything was going as planned.
	She did not say WHOSE plan, an omission 
that Toltiir noted and duly filed away.

Ranma stared at the woman who had suddenly appeared in
the room. "Who the heck are YOU? You're not engaged to
me are you?"
	"I am Kitchiri, goddess third class, limited
license, probationary status. Pleased to meet you."
She bowed. Ranma realized that she was too young,
anyway, not more than fourteen if that. "I am not
engaged to anyone."
	"Good," Ranma sighed in relief. His mind
finally caught up and he froze again. "Goddess?"
	"Yes, I'm with the DRO!" She held up one
fist and smiled.
	"DRO?"
	"Divine Retribution Office. I'd applied
for the Goddess Helpline, but didn't quite cut the
entrance exam. So, I'm glad you called, but what
I'm really here to do is do some divine justice."
	"Uh, oh." Ranma backed up. "It's not my
fault!"
	"Huh? Oh I'm sorry, you don't fit the 
description anyway. No, I'm here for someone 
named Hibiki Ryouga. Have you seen him?"
	"What has Ryouga done?" Ranma was 
puzzled, he could see them coming after
Happosai or his father, but Ryouga?
	"Oh goody, you DO know him. There 
was a complaint against him for having a 
martial arts battle on sacred ground, 
particularly after he used his 'Breaking 
Point' technique. His punishment will
be truly something horrifying."
	"Well, what are you going to do
to him?"
	The fourteen year old goddess had
an evil smile. "He will be subjected to 
a really bad foot rash."
	Ranma blinked. "That's all?"
	Kitchiri looked sad. "That's not
enough?"
	Ranma now addressed the ring. "Hey
look, she's got nearly as much experience in
her job as you do in yours."
	*THANKS A HEAP.*
	"Oooh. The Ring Of Toltiir. This
looks very bad." Kitchiri was smiling, but
the look in her eyes was troubling. "I'll
have to do something about that!"
	*DON'T TROUBLE YOURSELF ON MY
ACCOUNT.*
	Ranma left the ring on the table
and went into Stealth mode. Maybe he could
just quietly get out of town now and miss
the rush.
	"Oh, Mister Saotome!" She briefly
started acting kawaii. Maybe it was the 
sparkly aura or the soft focus lighting
that suddenly surrounded her. "I've got
to go now, you just please call this 
number if my victim, I mean, Ryouga 
should show up..."
	"Uh huh." Ranma looked at the
phone number. Twenty-four digits? "This
is long distance, isn't it?"
	"It's toll free, don't worry
about it." She smiled. "Oh, and I 
wouldn't lose that number if I were
you."
	"No?"
	Thunder cracked somewhere 
nearby. "The vengeance of heaven is
slow but sure..."
	"Sounds like Kuno," Ranma
mumbled. Glancing back, he noticed
the girl had gone. "Great, just great."
	He knew with absolute certainty
that she hadn't gone far.
-------------------------
	The most feared woman in Nerima,
a monster who sold out her own family on
numerous occasions, destroyed her sister's
wedding, and had gone totally Machiavellian
in the past two years, was just glad it
was over.
	She now went from sober to falling-
down-drunk with a splash of cold water.
Everyone here knew that she'd been especially
harsh to Ranma, not because of her sister
not being ready for marriage, but because
she lusted after Ranma herself and had been
jealous.
	Now the main group (nobody had seen
Kodachi or Ryouga for over a day now) was
almost to Japan. Nabiki, Ukyou, and Kasumi,
having also split off from the group, had
found themselves all on the same flight.
They would reach the dojo ahead of everyone
else, having realized this was a race.
	She shuddered for a moment and wondered
what would have happened if she'd fallen in
the same pool as Kasumi. Ranma wouldn't have
been safe, that was for sure. As it was...
	The ring, though, that beckoned to her.
Nabiki knew she'd be able to use the thing 
and make everything work out. She was the 
only one she trusted to make the intelligent
decision here. She _had_ to be the first one
to reach the thing.
	Idly she wondered about the others.
What would they wish for? Tatewaki was easy,
he'd simply wish that Akane and his pig-tailed
girl would fall in love with him. Akane no
doubt knew that and would kill the would-be
samurai before the first word was said.
	Akane would probably wish for her
curse to be removed. Nabiki thought it 
likely that she'd wish she'd never heard of
Ranma, or had never been engaged to him. 
	Nabiki glanced over at her sister.
Kasumi, on the other hand, was a mystery.
What Kasumi would wish for? Not that she'd
get the chance. Kasumi's shopping money
had almost been exhausted by the airline
tickets.
	Nabiki seperated herself from the
others quickly. She had enough for a taxi.
That ring would be hers!
---------------------------
	"Raaaanmaaaa!" Ryouga had found the
Tendo dojo.
	There was a woman with Ranma, how
dare he cheat on Akane?
	"You're Ryouga, aren't you?" The
woman smiled.
	"Uhm. Yeah," Ryouga said. Why was
Ranma waving his hands and shaking his
head wildly?
	"Oh goodie." The woman reached
out and touched Ryouga. "DIVINE 
RETRIBUTION!"
	Ryouga slammed into the compound
wall. "Huh! What!"
	"Good," the woman said, nodding.
"That curse should work quite well. Bai
Bai."
	"Curse?" Ryouga managed from 
where he was sitting. The woman faded away
in a teleport effect. "Curse?"
	Ranma started looking him over.
"I don't see anything obvious. I wonder
what..."
	"No." Ryouga managed to look
horrified. "She couldn't have..."
	"You don't suppose she reinstated
your Juusenkyo curse, do you?"
*FIFTEEN MINUTES TO FULL CHARGE.*
	"What happened to the time you
needed to charge up?" Ranma asked.
*EXTRA MANNA BEING DISCHARGED BY THE 
GODDESS. WAS ABLE TO USE IT TO SPEED
RECHARGE RATE ENORMOUSLY.*
	"Got it." Ranma motioned to the
house. "C'mon, Ryouga, I'll fix some
tea, you can figure out if you're P-chan
while we're doing that."
---------------------
	Kasumi watched as Nabiki's taxi
roared off. "Oh dear." A slight rumble
overhead betrayed another storm front
coming in.
	A moment later, Ukyou raced by.
Kasumi shrugged, quietly went to the bus
stop, and waited. She was sure one would
be by soon, and she could catch up with
Nabiki then.
	------------------
	Akane watched the waves crashing
over the bow and bent his arms anew to
the task. He appreciated the greater
strength in his male form, though it
also seemed slower and less responsive
than the female form. He'd also found
out exactly how sensitive one particular
area was to being hit. She'd hit Ranma
there a few times and had briefly felt
some newfound sympathy.
	On the other oar was Zen, who
was apparently tireless. That 
saiyajin near-inexhaustible stamina
was handy at times. Akane glanced over
at the fellow. He had been moderately
upset at finding that Ukyou had snuck
off during the night.
	Nadoka was sleeping, having been
one of the first group to man the
oars. Nadoka because she needed to work
out the anger she had for the missing
Genma.
	Akane's knuckles tightened on the
oar he held. When he got ahold of that
baka, he was going to do some serious
injury to him. How dare Ranma do this
to his family or even to his own fiancee?
Now he had a matching curse...
	Akane's eyes widened as some
thoughts occurred to him. Matching
curses...
	Zen broke the silence. "What
do you want to bet that your sister's
racing for the ring right now?"
	Akane growled, a blue aura
beginning to form. He wasn't happy
with either sister right now.
	"I wonder what Nabiki is
planning to wish for? Wealth? Power?
Ranma?"
	For a brief moment, Akane
stopped still. He then redoubled
his efforts with the oar. If one
listened, you could hear the word
"baka" being repeated over and over
again.
----------------------------
Ranma and Ryouga were doing something
quite unusual. They were talking. 
There were no attempts to unleash chi
blasts, no veiled (or not so veiled)
threats, no bandanas being thrown or
masquerades enacted.
	Perhaps the unusualness of the
situation is why someone could sneak
into the room, then pounce on the ring
lying in the center of the table.
	Nabiki raised the ring above
head and shouted to the heavens. "I
wish I were the richest woman in all
of Japan!"
	*FIVE MINUTES REMAINING UNTIL
FULL CHARGE.*
	Nabiki swore. Especially when
both Ryouga and Ranma started laughing.
Nabiki turned to walk away, only to 
find Ryouga was now in front of her,
hand out and palm up.
	She glared at him. "And what do
YOU want?"
	"Why the ring you've got in
your hot little hand, Nabiki." Ryouga
smiled and showed a fang. "With that
I can make a wish that I never get lost
again."
	"Or I could wish that nobody had
any Juusenkyo curses." Ranma spoke up
from behind her.
	*FOUR MINUTES UNTIL FULL CHARGE.*
The voice that wasn't a voice paused.
*YOU DO REALIZE, NABIKI, THAT WISHING
THAT PARTICULAR WISH WOULD NOT BE THAT
INTELLIGENT.*
	"Why not?" Nabiki had thought it
over and decided simple was best with this
sort of thing.
	*YOU'D FIND YOURSELF MARRIED TO
SHUTARO MENDOU, OR FIND THAT A PLAGUE HAD
WIPED OUT ALL OTHER JAPANESE WOMEN, OR
THAT ONE OF THE OTHER DEFINITIONS OF
THE WORD 'RICH' HAD BEEN USED.*
	"Oh." Nabiki noticed that Ranma
had used his Amaguri-ken technique to
snatch the ring from her hand.
	*THREE MINUTES UNTIL FULL CHARGE.*
	Akane walked in the door, largely
breathless. Seeing Ranma holding the Ring,
she charged in. "Raaaaaanmaaaaaa Noooooo"
	"Akane!" Ranma almost squeaked.
	Akane slammed Ranma's hand with
an oversized spatula, and the ring flew
out the window. Everyone blinked in shock
as Akane threw a small spatula into a 
waterpipe.
	"Whash you do thaa ffor," mumbled
Nabiki. The first gush of cold water had
immediately struck the three still in the
kitchen. "Ukk-yo, thash not fair."
	"Bweee!"
	"Ukyou? Ukyou!" Ranma-chan watched
as someone who looked like Akane raced for
the backyard where a voice that wasn't a
voice managed to break in with a notice that
there were two minutes now remaining.
	Ukyou, in her cursed Akane form,
snatched the ring up and leapt for the wall.
She could never outrun Ranma, she well knew.
All she had to do, though, was remain for
two minutes with the ring and she could wish
for something wonderful. It was for HIS good
as well, she rationalized.
	Ranma and P-Chan were behind her, and
that caused a moment of panic. She didn't see
Ryouga and the only P-Chan she was currently
aware of was Happosai. Just the thought of 
Happosai making a wish was enough to make her
nauseous.
--------------------------
	At the beach, that thought had occurred
to a few others.
	"Ah, the beach, where normal girls 
throw away their inhibitions and become 
barely clad goddesses! Would that I had time
to sample, but I must hurry to the Tendo dojo
and my destiny!"
	"Zen thinks that girl about to pop
right out of her top." Zen pointed past the
evil lech and towards a volleyball game.
	Happosai ignored the simple distraction.
"And who are you to stand in MY way, you don't
look like a martial artist." Happosai noticed 
the stance wasn't one he was familiar with, 
though it seemed fairly close to one or two 
others he knew of. 
	"Makkankoupousou!" A chi blast that
strongly resembled a drill bit shot towards
Happosai.
	"Nice try, my boy." Happosai leapt over
Zen and continued at high speeds. No way
he was going to be late for this!
	Zen realized that the charge time on
Piccolo's armor-piercing attack was too great.
Other measures were called for. Besides, almost
anyone who'd ever watched Ranma had wanted to
punt Happosai's behind around some.
	"DODONPA!"
	Happosai glanced back and saw what looked
like Ranma's Mouko Takabisha coming his way. It
had to travel sufficient distance that he easily
avoided it as well.
	Zen smiled as the energy built between
his hands, he had the little prick right where
he wanted him.
-------------------------------
	Akane RAN. She left behind the
others quickly, and knew how important
time was at this juncture. Zen, the odd
guy who'd seemed to know all of them, had
volunteered to help slow down Happosai.
	They knew the important things, of
course. Neither the Blue Thunder or the
Old Freak were to get their hands on the ring.
	Kuno had been wording possible wishes
on the trip over, some of which were quite
capable of inducing nightmares. Happosai
had been even worse, just looking at various 
individuals and chortling evilly.
-----------------------
	Dodge, weave, leap, spin, duck,
twist, feint, run. Ukyou was being pursued
by Ryouga _and_ Ranma. Ducking out of sight,
she doubled back.
	*THIRTY SECONDS TILL FULL CHARGE.*
	She reached the compound and looked
around. Telling herself that it was all for
Ranma's good, she peeked over the roof, making
sure that they were still out of sight.
	Not good, she noticed the far-off 
leaping figure of Ranma, who had apparently
figured out that she'd gone back.
	*TEN SECONDS.*
	Ukyou lifted the ring up. Ranma would't
make it back in time to take this away.
	*SEVEN SECONDS.*
	This would work. She had planned this for
some time now. The wish would have Ranma's other
fiancees find other relationships more meaningful,
more appropriate, and more fulfilling. With all
of them leaving Ranma for greener pastures, they
would be happier and Ranma would be down to the 
only fiancee that truly loved and trusted him.
Of course, AKane and Shampoo might have argued
that last point, but Ukyou had no doubt in her
own mind about it.
	*THREE SECONDS.*
	Her hand was abruptly slapped, sending
the ring ricocheting off a wall. Ukyou's gaze
snapped from the ring to Nabiki, who was in the
process of leaping after it.
	*FULL CHARGE ATTAINED.*
	The two began wrestling. Ukyou was far
more skilled, and Nabiki was still drunk. The
outcome was never in doubt.
	Before both startled sets of eyes,
Kasumi held up the ring and regarded them.
	*CONDITIONAL ACCESS APPROVED.
	1. I Wish that I had married Ranma.
	2. I Wish that I had married Dr Tofu
	3. I Wish that Mother had not died.
	4. I Wish that I were a greater martial
	   artist than any of you.
	5. I Wish that Ranma and his fiancees could
	   all get along better.
	6. I Wish that I had magical powers sufficient
	   to fix the damage always occurring here.
	7. I wish that Nabiki and Ukyou would make
           love not war.
	8. I wish Akane would be nice to Ranma.
	9. I wish that Akane would be more feminine,
	   Nabiki would be nicer, Shampoo were less
           violent, Father would get a good paying
           job, Ranma would think before he spoke,
	   Uncle Saotome would get a conscience, 
	   and Ukyou would find a nice boyfriend of
	   her very own.
	10. I wish that the last wish's effects were
	   cancelled.*
	Nabiki and Ukyou turned green the moment
option seven was given. Kasumi, on the other hand,
simply smiled a little smile.
	<WHACK>
	The ring flew out of Kasumi's hands now.
Ranma landed a moment later, but Ryouga was already
clutching the ring.
	"Oh my."
	"Ryouga, give me that back!"
	*CONDITIONAL ACCESS APPROVED
	1.  I wish Akane loved me and only me.
	2.  I wish Ranma would get lost.
	3.  I wish Ranma were dead.
	4.  I wish I were freed from turning into P-chan!
	5.  I wish that I didn't get lost so often. 
	6.  I wish that the last wish's effects were 
            cancelled.
	7.  I am thirsty. Make me a milkshake!
	8.  I wish I were a better martial artist than
   	    Ranma.
        9.  Since I've got Akari, I wish that Ranma and 
    	    Akane will be married and live happily ever
 	    after.
	10. I wish that Ranma and I had never met.*
	"Sweating now, Ranma?" Ryouga laughed. "Which
one shall I choose?"
	"Don't do it, Ryouga." Ranma shook his head.
"It isn't worth it. Any wish that the ring grants is
cursed, twisted by its nature. Any gift it gives you
is a gag gift."
	"A likely story." Ryouga avoided Ukyou's 
attack easily, and the lunge from Nabiki that
followed it.
	"Get HIM!" Ukyou managed to grab Ryouga
this time, Nabiki and Kasumi latching on a moment
later. Ranma fell backwards, idly kicked by Kasumi
in her struggle. To see Kasumi struggling like this
was a shock. What was _her_ motivation, she'd never
been greedy like Nabiki or violent like Akane.
	He was about to get involved personally
when he noticed the cat. "Sh-sh-shampoo?"
	"Meow."
	"AIIGGHHHHHHHHH! C-c-c-cat!"
	Akane plummetted out of nowhere to grab 
Ryouga's arm in the struggle. "Ryouga, stop it!"
	"Meow!"
	"I wish..." Ukyou yelled, thinking that
contact with the person holding the ring might
be enough.
	"that" Akane started in, the same thought
occurring to her.
	"Ranma was married to me!"
	"Meow!"
	Ranma looked in horror, realizing that
five women had chosen the same option at the
same time.
	*GRANTED*
	Ranma's scream of anguish echoed over
Nerima for a good five minutes.
	Kasumi, Nabiki, Ukyou, Shampoo and Akane looked at each other,
startled. "Uh oh," came from five throats at the same time.
--------------------------------------
end chapter three.