Subject: [FFML] R&R Reviews
From: "LaShawn M. Taylor" <tbone@ccm.net>
Date: 5/22/1998, 12:22 AM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

(The familiar whisting music from the tv show 'Sneak Previews' begins to
play. Ranma is seen coming out of the Tendo Dojo and casually walking up
the street. Next, Ryouga crawls out of a tent, stretches, stuffs everything
into his backpack, and begins walking. Ranma is seen buying sukiyaki from a
stand. Ryoga is still walking on the street. Ranma walks in front of a
theater and looks about. Ryoga is looking bewildered as he stands in the
middle of a forest. Ranma looks at his watch and frowns. Ryoga is talking
to an eskimo who points in one direction, and Ryoga begins walking the
opposite way. Ranma shrugs, goes into the theater, runs up the stairs, and
takes his seat in the balcony. Cut to the theater's front again. Ranma
begins eating his sukiyaki. Suddenly the wall caves in and Ryouga emerges,
looking pissed. Ranma begins shouting at Ryoga, who shouts back. They get
into a fight that grows so intense they fall over the balcony, and the
camera pans away to the movie screen, which displays the words: R&R REVIEWS.)

Ranma: Hello, and welcome to R&R Reviews. He's Ryoga Hibiki...

Ryoga: And he's Ranma Saotome. Our first review is from the master of MST,
Megane 6.7. How this guy and his friends manage to sit through and not only
read this trash, but come up with witty comments, I don't know, but he
gains my admiration, and that takes a lot, my friend.

Ranma: The fanfic Joel and the bots review is yet *another* gem from that
sick weirdo, Oscar in,(oh, surprise, surprise) Oscar Toon. T-bone, roll the
clip.

Oscar was reliefed that his Saiya-Jin power/skill/moves etc. weren't 
drained completely, that meant he could do a small Kame-Hame-Ha, 
or a mega jump. 


Tom: But, let's be honest, since it's a self-insertion, he can pretty much
do whatever he wants....

Joel: Except learn to spell....


Oscar knew he shouldn't stay too long in one same spot, 


Crow: ....or the angry villagers would get him.


cuz Lola would steal the ball again, so he ran to Lola's hoop side and 
jumped high above the rim, SLAMMING the ball into the hoop, Fifi then 
thought "Gotta love him" she smiled lightly. Babs had a "Go Oscar" 
Calamity Coyote-like sign, Buster raised an eyebrow, and cleared his 
throat, Babs smiled guilty and hid the sign, with an innocent look, 
and laughing nervously, Buster then tought, "She hasn't changed a 
bit".


Tom: Yes, it's the run-on sentences from hell!

Ranma: (shudders) God, what was he thinking? What...was...he...thinking?

Ryoga: I'm telling you, you have to admire Megane 6.7 for this. Anyone
who's willing to sit down and willingly read this...this...stuff either
must have a willpower that's stronger than me, or he's really has this
sadistic pleasure for reading this stuff.

Ranma: But Megane 6.7 has shown he can pull it off with style. I think,
honestly, this is the best MSTing he has ever done. Then again, anyone who
can do a four-part Oscar episode and still live has got to have guts.

Ryoga: My favorite part is when the bots' heads blow up...and you see Joel
struggling to keep things under control, but even his head is vibrating a
little. That was a great touch!

Ranma: Oh, come on. I think that was going a little overboard on that. That
part wasn't even all that bad for them to react like that.

Ryoga: Well, one thing's for sure. I'm very, very, very glad Mr. Oscar has
not shown up in our world.

Ranma: Oh, man. What if he ever learns about Shampoo? Eyewwwww....

Ryoga: Ugh. Our world has one hermaphrodite as it is. We don't need another
perverted one.

Ranma: Yeah, I--HEY!!!! I AIN'T NO HERM.!

Ryoga: Careful, Ranma. You're already using Oscarisms, he he. 

Ranma: Aw, geez...anyway, the next fanfic is the 3/12 Company fusion, by
MetroAnime.

SHAMPOO: "Ranma tell Shampoo last
night you just move into area, 
have no place to stay? Well,
you split rent with us, there
no problem!"

RANMA-C: "Huh! I couldn't stay here
with two cute girls!"

SHAMPOO: "Rent very high around
here. Besides, dojo in back."

RANMA-C: <enthused> "Really?" 
<suspicious> "You wouldn't be
putting me on, would you?"

SHAMPOO: "Silly Ranma, you not
even hollow."

Ryoga: You know, this could work. This could actually work.  I can see
future episodes -- Akane moves into the apartment upstairs, a whole host of
love-interests (male and female) parading through the apartment.

Ranma: A certain pig trying to hide because of the "no pets" rule.

Ryoga: Hey! I'm not gonna show up in this!

Ranma: You'll show up in an episode of "Deep Space Nine" if you wanted to.

Ryoga: Grrrrrr....

Ranma: Uh, yeah. The idea's unique.  I'd like to see more episodes too.

Ryoga: Hey, in the original Three's Company, wasn't Jack a clumsy klutz?

Ranma: Yeah, but don't worry. Akane should fill in that role quite nicely.

Ryoga: RANMA! YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Ranma: Why don't you make me?

Akane: Oh, no. Let me.

(Ranma whirls about and sees Akane standing behind him, just before he sees
her mallet, up close and personal.)

Ryoga: Thank you.

Akane: Oh, thank you.

Ranma: Mmph.

(Akane disappears back to where she came.)

Ryoga: Our third fic is from our *favorite* author (he grates out the word
'favorite'), Ryoucilo, called "Dim Sum Darling" or something like that...:

Ryouga laughed and said,"Me? I'm thirty-five. I would be so old and senile
that I would give the kid the keys to the car when he's only twelve. I
would make a horrible parent."
 Shampoo said,"I can't help, but agree."
 Ryouga said shocked,"That's a terrible thing to say!"
 She said,"What?"
 He said,"What you just said. That was pretty mean."
 She said,"Okay, you were the one who said that you would be a terrible
person. I was just agreeing with you."
  He said,"You aren't supposed to agree with me. You're supposed to
provide a counter-argument to what I just said. Let's start all over again."
 Shampoo said,"What?"
 "Let's start all over again. I would make a horrible parent and you
would say...?"
 Shampoo rolled her eyes and said in a flat tone,"That's not true. You would
make a wonderful parent."
 Ryouga nodded his head and said,"Thank you for being honest with me."

Ryoga: (flipping through fanfic) Wait a minute. This can't be right.

Ranma: What are you talking about? Hmm...you're married to Shampoo. You're
a bit dim in this. I don't see anything wrong.

Ryoga: But Ranma, it's a Ryoucilo fic.

Ranma: So? I still don't see...(suddenly he stops and thinks a bit) Hey!
You're right! There's no sex in this! None with you and Akane or you with
my female side or you with my male side...not that I'm complaining. I'm
not. Really. 

Ryoga: In fact, this fic is almost...decent.

Ranma: Hmm. Think it will continue?

Ryoga: Feh, knowing Ryoucilo? I don't know. This is just the prologue.
Gotta admit though, it has peaked my interest a bit.

Ranma: Ryoucilo writing something sane for once? I don't know. I got this
funny kind of feeling...

Ryoga: (shrugging) Oh well. Finally, we have this fic called "Who's My
Mother."

Ranma begins speaking, "So you see Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi and you are
really the sons >of Happosai and Yuriko.  Yuriko who now is Soun.  I was
born a girl and was changed to >a boy, but grew up always preferring to be
around boys.
Just like you and girls.  I thought Ukyo was a boy and liked the idea of
marrying him.  >When pop told me that she was a girl and asked if I liked
her or okonomiyaki better, I >told him that I preferred okonomiyaki.  I was
always attracted to Ryouga at school.  >Why else do you think I helped him
so much.  Our feud started when I first made a pass >at him.  He freaked
out about it.  When I challenged him to try me both ways last >night to see
which he liked better, he took me up on it after you left for bed.  You
know what?
I expected him to like me better as a girl, but he likes me as a boy!  Why
don't you >write the Jusenkyo guide for some Nannichuan. That way Ryouga,
you and I could be >together forever! I bet you would like it!  Ryouga
could marry me and I could be his >wife.  You could marry me and be my
wife.  You could even marry Ukyo!  The four of us >could be happy forever.
Ask me about truffles and pig noses later.  Oh MAN!"

(Ranma's eyes begin to grow)

Ryoga: ...

(Ranma's eyes grow even larger.)

Ryoga: o o o

(Ranma's eyes are huge, covering his entire face.)

Ryoga: O  O  O

Ranma: YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
(A loud BOOM shakes the scene.  When the smoke clears, only Ryoga can be
seen, his clothing in tatters and singed. After a moment, T-bone appears in
front of the camera.)

T-bone: Uh...and that is all for R&R Reviews. Join us next time when we
will have as a special guest Mr. Allen, who, chances are, will be appearing
entirely against his will. So if  I were you, Mr. Allen. I would start
running. Now.

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