For those of us who are brave (or foolish) enough to try to
write fiction and share it with (hopefully) an interested
audience, there are many pitfalls. The process of taking an
interesting idea and working it into a well written and
readable story is fraught with peril at every turn. There
is, however, one enemy of would-be, good writers that is
especially insidious. Your prose can sing. Your characters
can come alive in the reader's mind. Your plot can grip the
reader's attention so tightly they can't bear to turn away
from your story and then... with a single word this
insidious threat can strike and make you look like a
complete idiot. No spellcheck or grammarcheck program can
make you safe from this evil. Only your memory and a decent
dictionary has any chance of helping you, and even they can
fail at the worst moments. 

Following Freemage's excellent example of useful ways for
blocked writers to spend some time, I too wish to write
about writing. My screed is a warning and hopefully an aid
to you my fellow writers. Friends, I speak of.... 

The Homonym: No You're Enemy!
An Essay by Bob (totally blocked) Barnes

Yes friends, the dreaded homonym. Words that sound alike or
at least close to alike, but mean very different things. To
a literate reader a wrong homonym can stand out as if it
were outlined in brilliant light. One of these little
buggers can provoke an involuntary guffaw in the midst of a
heart wrenching death scene. Worse, it can make the best
writer look like an idiot. Homonyms are your enemy. You
should know them and avoid them like-- a cliche.

My own, personal reading pleasure has been negatively
impacted by rogue homonyms in several recent ffml stories.
Not a few, but several. I shall name no names nor list any
titles. I don't want to make anyone feel defensive. If you
recogize something that you might have written, please just
join me in a vow to do better and look less foolish. My
passionate dislike for these insidious errors is fueled by
my own misadventures with them. No one is immune. Trust me.

Most homonyms come in pairs. The title of my essay
illustrates two of the most commonly misused: know/no and
your/you're. That second one along with what may be the most
misused triple homonym plagued me so much that I made up a
little memory aid for myself.

They're arriving tomorrow so their luggage will go over
there. You're arriving today so your luggage goes here.

Which also reminds me. "Here" is a noun. It's a location and
is located right... about... here. "Hear" is a verb and it's
what you do with your ears. Mixing them up will make you
look dumb.

The frigid blast of the artic wind made him shutter
uncontrollably.  Well, it almost makes sense, since a
'shutter' is one of those little door thingies that can
swing to cover the outside of a window. Helps keep the wind
out, eh? On the other hand "shudder" means to shake and
quiver and it's what most of us do when we get really cold
because shutters are actually kind of rare these days.

I'd like to get one thing strait between us. That was an
incorrect usage. A "strait" is a narrow water channel
connecting two larger bodies of water. "Straight" means
without bends or curves. I hope you can keep this one
straight. If not, you might get sent to Gibralter which has
a strait named for it.

Ranma and Mousse met in the afternoon for their dual. I hope
not for Ranma's sake. "Dual" means of or pertaining to the
number two. A "Duel" is a prearranged combat. Perhaps Ranma
will have to fight Ryouga right after he beats Mousse. That
would be a dual duel.

This is all so much picky detail to keep track of. I suppose
we'll have to just grin and bare it. Although if we do, we
will likely be shunned in polite company. "Bare" means to
remove an outer covering (such as clothing) to reveal what
lies underneath. "Bear" is a big, fuzzy critter who lives in
the woods, but it is also sometimes a transitive verb which
means to hold up or carry. I can't bear the thought of how
silly this error looks in an otherwise good story.

With this much of a start, I'm sure all of you can think of
other examples. You'll probably feel the urge to share them
with the rest of the list. May I suggest that you don't.
There is altogether to much spam on the list these days.
Instead, lets try something else. If you see this sort of
error in a story, write the author some C&C and mention it.
What do you think? Is this a good idea? Don't spam the list
to tell me whether or not you agree, please.

I know. If you can think of four or five homonym examples,
that might be worth a message to the list. If you can only
think of one, send it to me via _private_ e-mail and I'll
assemble any I recieve in the next few days and post them
all at once.  Meanwhile... do think about getting a good
dictionary. Also a thesarus can be helpful. Be careful,
though....

Dateline>>>> Wednesday. Authorities report a rogue thesarus
broke loose from the College of Agriculture on the campus of
the University of Idaho today and destroyed the buildings
housing the English Department and the campus library.
University officials report that no students or faculty were
injured in the destructive rampage. An immediate
investigation will be held to determine what the aggies were
doing with a thesarus and why.  Til next time...

Best,

Bob Barnes
rbarnes@moscow.com
Moscow, Idaho

When opportunity comes, the trick is to CATCH the red hat.