[The happy-perky "we lived thru the season" version of Sailor Star Song
is playing in the background and Minako walks into the screen from the
right, wearing her high school uniform. The camera is focused at about
shoulder level]

"Hi there! You know me, Aino Minako, as Sailor Venus on the legendary
magical girl show 'Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon!'"

[Minako looks at the left part of the screen and Akane Tendo walks on,
this shot also from about shoulder level]

"And I'm Akane Tendo from the the martial arts sex comedy 'Ranma
One-Half.'  We're here to talk to you today about something *very
important*"

[Akane gives the nod to Minako]

"That's right Akane, we're here to talk about an issue my show has
tackled before: caring for your pets!" 

[Camera zooms out. Minako is holding a deflated Artemis; Akane is
holding a contented P-chan.]

"Right Minako! There are thousands of animals roaming the streets of
major cities; in many cases, these are unwanted pets turned loose!"

[Minako nods approvingly and picks up the spiel]

"But not all of them! Some of them are animals *born on the street.*
We've got a real population problem; there's no way we can find homes
for all of them. So, we have to take the situation in hand and stop this
now!"

[Akane chimes in, they're both just *beaming* at the camera]

"That's right! We are here to urge you to get your pet spayed or
neutered today!"
 
"BWEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" squels P-chan, suddenly finding Akane's arms
less-than-comforting.
"MINAKOCHAN!!!" yells Artemis. "I'm MARRIED!"

"Oh hush Artemis, you've already had a kitten and besides, Luna said she
doesn't mind." Minako hisses at him, then turns and smiles for the
camera.

[Camera zooms in as Artemis' eyes bug out and his face turns beet red.]

"We're going to get our pets fixed today, right Minako-chan?" 

"Right Akane-chan!"

[P-chan rockets out of Akane's grasp and races for freedom, quickly
followed by Artemis.  A moment before they escape, a golden chain of
hearts coils around them. Akane makes 'tsking' noises as Minako hauls
them in]

"Look at it this way Artemis, at least you won't have to worry about
Oscar anymore," Minako says out the corner of her mouth. Artemis stops
struggling and goes limp.

P-chan sweatdrops at the mere thought of the situation.

[music stops, fade to black/end of commercial]


THREE WEEKS LATER, at the TENDO DOJO ...

"Hey Ryouga! Have a good trip, man!" said Ranma as he lead Ryouga into
the cab that would take him to the airport so that he could fly to
Europe.

"Thanks Ranma," squeaked Ryouga in a voice 2 octaves higher than
previously. "I will be sure to write to you as soon as I get settled
into the Vienna Boys Choir!"


Meanwhile, at the AINO RESIDENCE

Artemis, wearing a huge pink bow with long droopy sashes around his
neck, was writing a note on Minako's desk. He got down, picked up a
small satchel in his teeth and leapt out the window.  The camera pans to
the note on the desk.

"Minako --

Tell Luna I'm suing for custody of Diana. I'll be back, I'm just going
to get cured. The Sailor Starlights assure me that I'll re-gender when I
henshin into Tuxedo Neko.

Artemis
#Nobody's Lover#

PS:
Jupiter has a better singing voice than you."