Sigh. Just when everyone else is probably getting fed up with these 
little things...

This one was inspired by another adfic based on the same series of 
commercials.

***

[Open on a hospital room, with two beds. One is occupied by Ryoga, his 
arms slung up in casts. You may suspect, rightly it would turn out, that 
he challenged Ranma to a duel, and things got a little out of hand. The 
other is occupied by Ranma, in a full-body cast, with eye- and 
mouth-holes. You might also suspect, with equal accuracy, that Akane had 
to break up the fight, and that, as usual, Ranma got the blunt end of 
that particular mallet.]

[The Tendos and Doctor Tofu stand around Ryoga's bed. Akane in 
particular is just dripping with sympathy for "poor Ryoga", leaning in, 
patting his cheek, asking him if it still hurts, etc., etc. Ryoga is 
blushing madly and grinning like an idiot while around his head 
invisible flowers bloom. Over in his bed, Ranma sulks, his head turned 
to the side, occasionally grumbling "Stupid Akane..." not quite low 
enough for her not to hear. She shoots him a daggered glare, then looks 
back down to Ryoga and smiles.]

Akane: Oh, Ryoga, I hope _you'll_ be better soon! [Grumble, mumble, 
mutter, from Ranma's bed.] I know how you hate hospital food, so I 
thought you might enjoy something home-cooked!

[Ryoga stiffens. Ranma stops grumping and turns to watch. Is that a 
smile you can see through his mouth-slot? Akane takes out from behind 
her back something wrapped up in a cinched lace doily.]

Akane: It's cookies! I baked them myself...well...Kasumi helped.

[Ryoga relaxes a bit. Ranma looks as disappointed as he can with his 
face hidden behind plaster.]

Kasumi: No, no. I just cleaned up afterwards.

[Kasumi's expression, if you knew her _very_ well, might just suggest 
this task involved industrial-strength detergents, fire extinguishers, 
geiger counters, sealed biohazardous material containment... Ryoga 
tenses again, and Ranma's interest perks up once more.]

Akane (looks sheepish as she opens the doily and shows the cookies to 
Ryoga): I hope you like them, Ryoga. I tried really hard to get it right 
this time.

Ryoga (flustered, realizing that he is the only person to whom Akane 
would _ever_ deprecate her own cooking, and therefore that he holds 
Akane's self-esteem in his hands): Err--non-nonsense! If you made them, 
I'm certain that they're d-delicious!!

[Akane squeals with happiness at the compliment. Everyone else 
sweatdrops. Muffled snickering and snorting from Ranma's bed.]

[Akane, noticing his unseemly glee, looks coldly over at him and angrily 
picks up a cookie.]

Akane: Here, Ryoga. I know _you'll_ appreciate my hard work!

[She stuffs the cookie into Ryoga's mouth. It is probably meant to be a 
tender gesture, but her annoyance with Ranma makes it more of a punch in 
the mouth with a baked-goods knuckle-guard.]

Ryoga: Th-thank yuurrrr...mfff...mrph!

[Ryoga chews. His arms creak in their slings. Is he trying to clench his 
fists? Akane looks expectantly at him. He tries to smile reassuringly at 
her through a mouthful of crumbs. Ranma, too, is watching.]

Akane: Well? What do you think? [She gives him that beaming sweet-girl 
look and touches his shoulder.] You can _always_ tell _me_ the truth, 
Ryoga.

[Ryoga looks guilty and trapped. Fortunately, Kasumi has poured him a 
glass of milk and hands it to him before he can splutter anything he 
might regret later. He gratefully gulps it down, leans back, and sighs 
with relief.]

Ryoga (trying to cross his fingers surreptitiously): You-you've never 
baked anything better, Akane...

[Akane squeals again and claps with girlish delight. Ranma grumbles some 
more.]

Doctor Tofu: Akane, don't you think that Ranma might like a cookie, too?

[Ranma sweats under his cast, and tries to shake his head, no. Akane 
does not notice.]

Akane: Why, yes, Doctor. I think he would.

[She stalks over to his bed vengefully, cookies in hand, ignoring 
Ranma's desperate twitching and NUH-uh noises.]

Akane (grinning wickedly): Open wide, Ranma...

[She stuffs cookie after cookie through his mouth-slot. He does his best 
to thrash his way out of the bed, but he's too well-restrained.]

Ranma: Urrr... UURRRR....!!!!

[Kasumi finds another glass, and tries to pour some liquid relief for 
Ranma. A single drop falls from the jug. There was just enough for 
Ryoga. Ranma makes horrifying gargling noises.]

Kasumi: Oh, dear.

Deep Voice Over: GOT MILK?

***

All characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and the licensed 
distributors of her work.

Jim Champagne
jwc70@hotmail.com

"I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a 
club sandwich."
- Homer Simpson



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