This has been sitting around on my hard drive for a bit and it seems now I
may get back to it. So take a read and tell me what you think. C&C and
MST's requested
This joint fic has been brought to you by those two sick and twisted
individuals, Paul "Salvo" Ervi and Lucas "Ranchan" Muzzatti.
The plot for this fic came to us as we were watching the Toronto
Blue Jays play the Kansas City Royals on Wednesday Sept 4th,
next thing we knew we had a story plotted.
The characters in this fic are the sole posessions of their creators.
Ranma and co. belong to the goddess Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor
moon and the rest of the cast belong to Naoko Takeguchi. Any other chars.
appearing are ours and have been strategically placed to plug our
fics.
[Writer Paul Ervi] Hello! And welcome to P-P-P-Chan
Productions first ever anime baseball game! We're your hosts (and
fellow fans, nudge, nudge..) Salvo and Ranchan.
[Writer Lucas Muzzatti] That's me! I always wanted to do an Anime
sports story. Hm. Maybe we should go to a hockey game and
write a story about an Anime hockey game......
[W.P.E.] Not a bad idea, but let's do this first.
[W.L.M.] Okaely Dokaely good neighbor!
[W.P.E.] D'oh! Anyway, as you can tell just by reading, this story
took us many hours to plan and develop......
[W.L.M.] Actually, we did on the way home from the game.....
[W.P.E.] A-hem. And it took many hours of brainstorming and
painstaking detail to create.....
[W.L.M.] We had it finished by the time we got off the subway......
[W.P.E.] A........... (notice the emphasis) HEM! May I please?
I'm trying to introduce the story....
[W.L.M.] By all means. And you really should do something about
that cough.
[W.P.E.] Oy Vei! Anyway, enjoy the fruits of our many hours of
labour.....
[W.L.M.] It took us three hours, really......
[W.P.E.] All right! That does it! You introduce the story! I'm
leaving! Give away the secrets! Blow the ending for them! I don't
care! Grumblegrumblegrumble.......
[W.L.M.] Oh c'mon Paul! Don't leave! We have to introduce the
story! Uh, sorry folks. Authors temperment and all that. Enjoy the
story! C'mon Paul! I'll by you a hot dog at the game.... C'mon!
================================================================
P-P-P-chan productions proudly presents...
Bottom of the Ninth.
A Ranma 1/2, S.Moon story.
By:Lucas Muzzatti and
Paul Ervi.
"Fanime, as you like it."
=================================================================
Opening scene: The sun shines bright over the Tokyo dome, where
the shouts of hundereds of fans, anime fans, writers and shamlessly-
plugged characters can be heard.
[Announcer] "Welcome to the Tokyo dome, we are in for a great
game today. Juubans own Team Moon takes on Nerimas Team
Ranma. It's a beautiful day, so naturally the dome is open. As the
players practice on the field you can feel the anticipation of the
crowd."
[Fans] Get the game started... Come on you bums... Hey where
are the chicks...
[announcer] " Ahem... yes. And now the starting lineups for the
respective teams."
"First off, team Moon. Leading off, the first baseman, no. 3, Sai-lor
Moooon. Up next, The pitcher, no. 4, Sai-lorrr Marszzz. Batting
third, the catcher, no. 5, Sai-lor Jup-iter. Batting cleanup for
team Moon, the shortstop, no. 1, Sai-lor Mer-cury. Batting fifth, the
right fielder, no. 7, Sai-lor Ur-anus."
[Fan no.1] "Who's anus?"
[Fan no. 2] "Well, hers is cute."
The two fans begin to chuckle wildly, catching the attention of Sailor
Uranus, who also heard the comment. She proceeds to whip out a
nuclear-charged fusion cannon which is three times the size of her
body and points it at them. The two fans promptly cease laughing
and put their hands up. Sailor Uranus simply smiles.
[Fan no. 1] "I didn't know the Sailor Scouts used those types of
weapons...."
[Fan no. 2] "Hey, they're scouts of the ninties......"
[Announcer] "Batting sixth, the left fielder, no. 8, Sai-lor Nep-tune.
Batting seventh, the centre fielder, no. 9, Sai-lor Plu-to. Batting
eighth, the second baseman, no. 6, Sai-lor Sat-urn. And batting
ninth for team Moon, the third baseman, no. 2, Sai-lor Ve-nus.
Managing Team Moon is ...Luna the cat?!?! Hold on this can't be
right."
[Coach Luna] "I knew I shoudn't have let Serena talk me into this."
[Fans] (Oblivious to the fact that the Manager of team Moon is a
cat, instead focus their attention on the Sailor suited players.) Hey
check out the babes...... (whistles and catcalls.)
Suddenly a fireball lights up the stands singeing a few fans and
shutting up the rest.
[Sailor Mars] (Standing with smoke wafting up from her finger tip.)
"That'll teach them to keep their comments to themselves."
Raye receives cheers of approval from her teamates.
[Sailor Scouts] "You go girl... That'll show 'em... You tell 'em
Raye..."
[Announcer] "Ahem... and now the starting lineup for team Ranma.
Leading off, the pitcher, no. 1/2, Ranma Saotome."
[Ranma] "Okay, real funny." Ranma looks angrily at his teamates.
"Who saddled me with that number?"
[Akane] Looking innocent. " I think it was Nabiki."
Scene cuts to the team Ranma clubhouse.
[Nabiki] "Hmm.. that number I gave Ranma should be good for a
few laughs." She chuckles to herself as she wonders if anyone will
get the joke. Suddenly the phone rings. "Hello? Yes?" Pause. "I don't care
how much they think I'm swindling them. If they want to sign
Michael Jordan they are going to have to pay for it."
Back to the ball game.
[Announcer] "Batting second for team Ranma, the third base-man."
[Akane] "HEY!!! I'M A GIRL!!!!!!"
[Announcer] Bigsweats. "Uh, woman, no. 10, Akane Tendo.
Batting third, the first baseman, no. 1, Ukyou Kuonji. Batting
cleanup for team Ranma, the catcher, no. 11, Ryouga Hibiki.
Batting fifth, the shortstop.... no. 3000?!?!?!?! What the heck kinda
number is that?!?!"
WHACK!!! BOP!! THUD!!
The announcer is immediately felled by a gnarled staff.
[Cologne] "I represent 3000 yrs. of Chinese amazons. My choice
of numbers reflects that. And if you even think of a short joke it will
be your last."
[Announcer] Looking really sheepish by this point. "Y-y-yes m-m-
m-aam. Batting fifth, Cologne."
[Cologne] Wearing an evil grin. "Very good boy."
[Announcer] "Batting sixth, the second baseman, no. 00, Shampoo.
Batting seventh, the right fielder, no. 2, Tatewaki Kunou. Batting
eighth, the centre fielder, no. 99, Mikado Sanzenin. And lastly,
batting ninth, the left fielder, no. B, Tsubasa Kurenai? Number
B?!?!? What the hell does that mean?!?!" Announcer rechecks the
number. "Oh, well. Managing team Ranma is.. GENMA THE
PANDA!?!? What is this, a zoo or a baseball game?"
Cheers from the fans abound, but after that flame incident (not to
mention the big-ass gun) all comments are nice and clean.
[Announcer] "And now to introduce the umpiring crew for todays
game. Manning the bases, people who have absolutely nothing to
do with either series. Manning home plate...Mousse."
[Ranma] "What?!?!?"
Mousse walks onto the field. Proceeds to trip over first base.
[Mousse] "Where did that bat come from? Oh well. Okay hand
me the ball." Getting up Mousse reaches out and grabs a hold of
Shampoo's chest.
[Shampoo] "AIYAA!! Mousse you IDIOT!!" She flattens
Mousse with a few well placed bonbori to the head. "Chest
touching is only for husband."
[Ranma] Slapping his forehead. "He's so blind he couldn't tell a ball
from a breast." THUD!!! "Ungh..."
[Akane] Glowing a bright blue and holding her hyperdimensional
mallet (tm.). "Ranma you PERVERT!!."
[Announcer] "Team Moon takes to the field. First up, Ranma
Saotome. Ranma sports a .330 batting average, and a nice lump on
his head, as well as 20 home runs this season.
[Ranma] Approaching home plate shaking his head. "That uncute
tomboy. Why'd she have ta hit me? I mean Mousse COULDN'T
tell the ball from Shampoo's breast." Instinctively Ranma ducks the
incoming Gatorade cooler (tm.) Turning back to the dugout. "You
are so UNCUTE!!!"
Team Ranma can be seen subduing an ever raging Akane as she is
about to rip Ranma's head off.
[Akane] "Let me at 'im! Let me go!!"
[Team Ranma] "Quick dog pile her... Where are the chains...
Growl roooowwffff rooolllf!... Will someone either shut him up or
get him some hot water... Akane I would date with
theeEEEOUCH!..."
[Ranma] "There. That should keep her out of my way long enough
to send this ball into orbit".
Smiling, Ranma swings the bat around a bit as he prepares for the
pitch. Sailor Mars, gripping the ball tightly, recalls the pep talk
Coach Luna gave her before the game.
**Insert hazy special effects**
[Coach Luna] "Remember. That Ranma boy is the best player they
have. Don't let him hit anything!"
[Ranma] "What was all that hazy stuff?"
[Sailor Mars] (To herself) "All right Luna. I won't let him hit."
Whipping the ball, Sailor Mars sends a fastball towards Ranma,
who simply smiles and swings. The bat cracks with the connection
and sends the ball flying towards the Team Ranma dugout. There
the ball promptly embeds itself into Coach Genma's face.
[Mousse] "Fowl..... uh, foul!"
[Coach Genma] "Roowlf?!"
[Ranma] "Sorry Pop..... uh, Coach."
[Sailor Mars] "How did he hit that? No one's ever hit my fast ball!
How can one swing be so fast?"
[Coach Luna] "Turn up the heat Mars!"
Nodding her head, Sailor Mars brings the ball forward to her
midsection.
[Sailor Mars] "All right Mister Saotome. Let's see how you like
this!"
Whipping the ball forward, Sailor Mars sends a curveball towards
Ranma, this time Coach Luna watching Ranma closely. Again the
bat connected, sending the ball outside the baseline. Coach Luna
squints, then suddenly her eyes fly open.
[Mousse] "Foul!"
[Ranma] "Mousse, the ball went this way....."
[Mousse] "Oh. It's still a foul."
[Coach Luna] "Mars! He's using that Kachuu-tenshin-amaguriken
technique to swing the bat!"
[Sailor Mars] "What!?"
[Coach Luna] "It looks like one swing but it's really many!"
[Sailor Mars] (to herself) "All right, Ranma. You want to play
rough, let's play!"
Ranma finishes his warm up swing, getting ready for the pitch.
[Ranma] "Gotta hit this! I'm 0 and 2!"
Winding up, Sailor Mars smiles as wisps of smoke appear from her
fingers. Whipping the ball again, Sailor Mars grinned as it suddenly
burst into flame and proceeded to pass through Ranma's bat
(incinerating it on the way) and into Jupiter's mitt, causing her to
jump up in pain.
[Sailor Jupiter] "Owowowowowow!"
[Ranma] (Staring at what is left of his bat) "What the?!"
[Mousse] "Strike!"
[Ranma] "Oh sure. Now you see it!"
[Sailor Mars] (arms raised in victory) "YEAH!!!"
[Announcer] "What an amazing strike out by Sailor Mars. Ranma
Saotome was no match for her patented 'heater'. Up next the third
baseman...." CLONK!!
The announcer is suddenly felled by an errant baseball bat, whose
flight originated from Team Ranma's dugout.
[Akane] "I told you, I-AM-A-GIRL!!"
[Announcer] "Alright already, the third base-WOMAN."
[Akane] "That's better."
[Announcer] "No. 10, Akane Tendo. Akane is batting an even .300
and has 25 home runs this season. Akane steps to the plate and
waggles the bat, Sailor Mars looks in for the sign. The pitch."
[Akane] *That baka. Now I'm all flustered. Hmm, maybe if I
pretend the ball is Ranma's head...* CRACK!!
Akane connects with the bat and launches the ball, she smiles, until
she notices that the ball is going straight up.
[Akane] "Chikusho." She begins to run to first as Jupiter settles
under it and makes the catch.
[Kasumi] (Who is team Ranma' cheerleader) "Oh dear." She looks
over at Ranma who is about to take his life in his hands and make
some snide renark to Akane.
Suddenly all the players in Team Ranma's dugout mob Ranma and
begin to tie him up.
[Ranma] "Hey!! What the heck are you guys doing?!?"
[Ryouga] "Akane just got out, and the last thing we need right now
is you insulting her. All that would lead to is massive property
damage. And I won't have you insulting Akane." Ryouga proceeds
to gag Ranma.
[Announcer] "Now batting for team Ranma, the first baseman, no.
1, Ukyou Kuonji."
Ukyou leaves the batters box. She drops the bat she was
practicing with and proceeds to unfasten her battle spat from her
back.
[Announcer] "Um... it seems that miss Kuonji will be batting with a
giant spatula. And if no-one else is going to argue, who am I to."
[Sailor Mars] "Hey!! Is that bat regulation?"
[Referee from the Rythmic Gymnastics episode] "I'm sorry miss,
but the tools she's using are legal."
[Sailor Mars] "Hey where'd you come from?"
[Ref] "It's in my contract. I always cameo in these sport stories."
[Sailor Mars] "Whatever."
[Announcer] "Sailor Mars peers in for the sign, the pitch."
CRACK!! "Kuonji smacks the ball to center field, and off the wall.
Kuonji rounds first, and stops at second with a stand up double."
Aside. "Actually, with a bat that big, is she hadn't hit the ball it
would have been quite embarassing. Anyway-ay-AY-AYYY..."
Suddenly the annoncer is pinned to the wall of the broadcast booth
by three small spatulas.
[Ukyou] "Hey, I heard that."
[Announcer] "No matter how much Nabiki is paying me it can't be
worth all this torture." He is about to leave the game when Nabiki
enters the broadcast booth.
[Nabiki] "Hold it buster. Your contract specifically states that you
have to remain for the entire game. Otherwise I don't owe you a
yen."
[Announcer] "B-b-but that's blackmail"
[Nabiki] "Next time maybe you'll read the fine print."
Nabiki promptly leaves the booth, and just to make sure, locks the
door and jury rigs it with a car battery.
BZZT!! ZZT!! ZZT!!
[Announcer] "AAAAIIIIEEEE!!"
[Nabiki] Calling through the door. "Remember, I don't cover
electrocutions in the medical benefits section of the contract."
[Announcer] (Recovering from near total electrcution) "N-now bat-
t-t-ting for Team Ruh-Ranma, th-the catcher, number 11," cough.
"Ryouga Hibiki." The announcer looks pleadingly at the T.V.
cameras. "Please hurry! Get me out of here!"
Ryouga steps up to the plate, and tries to imitate the warm up
swings the others had done before with the bat. Sailor Mars stares
at Ryouga and smiles.
[Sailor Mars] "Say, you're kind of cute. What say you and I go out
after the game?"
[Ryouga] (small nose bleed forming and losing his balance) "W-
what?"
[Mousse] "Strike one!"
[Sailor Jupiter] "We're over here......."
[Mousse] "Huh? Oh, strike one."
Ryouga looks behind him to notice the ball in Sailor Jupiter's
catcher's mitt. Sailor Mars is laughing uncontrollably.
[Sailor Mars] "I can't believe you fell for that!"
[Ranma] "C'mon P-Chan! Don't tell me that you're so hard up for
a date you'll get flustered by any girl wearing a skimpy sailor outfit."
[All Sailor Scouts] "Hey!"
[Akane] "Just what are you looking at Ranma?!"
[Ranma] "Oh leave me alone for five minutes please. I have to be
in working order to finish this story."
[Ryouga] "You watch your mouth Ranma! If I wasn't playing this
'based-ball' I'd come there and pound you!"
[Ranma] "Just bring Ukyou home."
[Ryouga] "I can't do that! I hardly know her!"
[Ranma] (clapping a hand over his forehead) "Just hit the ball,
dummy!"
[Ryouga] "Oh, why didn't you say so?"
[Sailor mars] "Can we get on with the game now?"
[Ryouga] "Huh? Sorry."
Ryouga takes a few more practice swings, preparing for the throw.
[Sailor Jupiter] "You know, Sailor Mars is right, you are cute! You
remind me of my old boyfriend..."
[Ryouga] (flustered) "I-I do?"
The balls sails past Ryouga and lands neatly into Sailor Jupiter's mitt.
Sailor Jupiter looks up at Ryouga and smiles.
[Sailor Jupter] "Gotcha!"
The entire dugout of Team Ranma can be seen slapping their
foreheads, minus Akane.
[Akane] "C'mon Ryouga, hit the ball!"
[Ryouga] "A-Akane? All right." To himself. "This is for you, my
dearest Akane!"
Ryouga promptly throws down the bat, reaching instead behind him.
Pulling out a large bamboo umbrella, Ryouga takes a few swings
before settling at the plate, eyes focussed.
[Announcer] "Whoa! Seems that Ryouga Hibiki really means
business! And does anybody use regular bats anymore?"
[Everyone in the stadium] "Oh shut up!"
[Announcer] "Well excuuuuuuuse me!"
[Sailor Mars] "Nice bat cutey! But you've just ran out of luck! Her
comes a Mars special!"
[Ryouga] "Throw it."
Sailor Mars blinks her eyes in disbelief for a few seconds before
throwing another flaming sphere at Ryouga.
[Sailor Jupiter] (oven mitts in place) "Man I hate these ones!"
Ryouga brings his bamboo umbrella around and smashes the ball
high into the air, sending it over the roof.
[Announcer] "Wow! What a smash! Hibiki sent this one out of
here!"
[All Sailor Scouts] "What the f......"
[W.P.E.] "Hey! Let's try to keep this Pg-13!"
[Scouts] "Sorry!"
[Team Ranma] "Run, Ryouga, Run!"
[Ryouga] "Where?"
[Ranma] "Around the bases. You can do that without getting lost,
right?"
[Ryouga] "Shut up Ranma! Of course I can!"
With that Ryouga begins to head for first base while Ukyou trots up
to home triumphantly.
[Announcer] "Wow! Look at Hibiki go! He rounds first, he heads
towards second, he heads past second? He runs to the outfield,
through the wall, into the stands, through the crowd....."
[W.L.M.] "Hey! Watch my popcorn!"
[Announcer] "..... And is now on the roof. Ladies and gentlemen,
Ryouga Hibiki has left the building."
[Team Ranma] "WHAT?!"
[Ranma] "I knew it! I knew that idiot would get lost! I should have
drawn him a map of the diamond!"
[Sailor Jupiter] "Say ump.... What do we call it when the home
runner gets lost and can't run home?"
[Mousse] "Hey, I belong to their series, so the run still counts....."
[Sailor Scouts] "Hey, that's not fair!...... Yeah, we want a new
umpire!..... Where's Artemis?......"
[Referee From Gymnastics Episode] "The umpire being used is still
legal....."
[Scouts] "But you're from the same series too!..... Yeah!....."
Thunder cracks through the sky as two thunderous voices can be
heard from the stands.
[W.L.M. & W.P.E.] "WE, THE ALMIGHTY CREATORS OF
THIS STORY, COMMAND YOU TO PROCEED WITH THE
GAME! THIS ARGUMENT GROWS TIRESOME!"
[Both Teams] "All right, all right!"
[Sailor Venus] "Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be fictional
characters......."
[Sailor Mars] "So is he out or what?"
[Mousse] "Well since it was a home run the run still counts, but since
he never actually crossed home plate he's out. Team Ranma leads
2-0. Team Moon is now up to bat."