Hey there. 
	I've just gone through your Oh my God fic a second time. I love this
story. And me reading anything more than once is quite a compliment. Plus,
you pick up on things you miss the first time..

Now, on to the C&C

Couple of continuity glitches. 

In the first series, when Brett returns to the temple while it's being
demolished, 
he picks up the crystal rose he gave to Urd for christmas and takes it with
him. 
(Just before he and Keiichi travel to the fake heaven.) Then when they all
return
from heaven (the real one. I really loved that twist, btw) Brett finds the
box with
the crystal rose in it in the ruins and gives it back to Urd.

In Too Good to be True, when Brett and Happosai are about to duel, he
tosses his 
wallet to Nabiki to place a bet on himself. Then, when the demon asks Brett
who
he is, Brett pulls his wallet out of his pocket and shows him his ID.

Not really a continuity problem, (still in TGTBT) you refer to the Nekohanten,
and then later refer to it as the Cat Cafe.

Getting really picky, now, the whole series is plagued with the most
punctuation
errors I've ever seen in one fanfic. ie: , and . go on the INside of "    "
plus quite a few missing capitals, extra capitals, and spelling mistakes.
Mostly
small grammatical ones that escape the spellchecker. 

Style-wise, it's excellent. IMO, it could use a toutch more descriptive
writing.
It's great when you actually *are* describing something, just some of the in-
between scenes could use a bit of colour. 

I also love how the point of view floats in and out of 1st person. It adds the
feeling that it isn't just a central character with everyone else just
added for
the plot. However, giving Nilthar his own 1st person bit in the story was a
little,
well... not jarring, but it stuck out enough to 'not feel right'. That's
just my 
opinion, tho. A lot of people probably wouldn't even notice it.

Also, at the end of 'Who's a God?' what happened to Nilthar? He would have
been 
teleported by Brett along with the others back to the temple.

And so I leave you with these words of praise... Hurry up and write some
more!!!!

Till then,
Lorren.
.


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		=====================================
         	=  Lorren Kaeding,  aka RiverStar   =
	      ==   riverstar@funky.wow.aust.com    ==
		=  http://www.fam.aust.com/funky    =
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