I sent so many of these, my account was suspended for spamming and I had to
switch to a different ISP! But I'm back...

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 and the spoofed commercial are copyrights of their
respective creators and are used without permission.

Camera directions... forget it. If you don't know, I'm not going to tell
you.

*****

[Open on a full-face shot of (gasp!) Hikaru Gosunkugi. An oddly flickering
light illuminates his face.]

Gosunkugi: There was this girl in my class that I really liked but was
afraid to get close to...

[Cut to a photograph of Akane going through her pre-Ranma morning battles.]

Gosunkugi (v.o.): ...so I took a picture. But then HE came along.

[Cut to a shot of the first day Ranma shows up, then a montage of Ranma
insulting Akane/Akane malleting Ranma shots, with a variety of
backgrounds... classroom, yard, cafeteria, gym, track... you name it.]

Gosunkugi (v.o.): He didn't deserve her. He kept insulting her and she kept
trying to push him away. I wanted to save her...

[Cut to a montage of still shots of Ranma running away from cats.]

Gosunkugi (v.o.): So I found his weakness and used it against him...

[Cut to a shot of Ranma in Neko-ken tearing into a tiger.]

Gosunkugi (v.o.): It didn't work too well. But he was weakened again...

[Cut to a shot of Ranma affected by Happosai's weakness point, fighting off
challengers.]

Gosunkugi (v.o.): ...and I took advantage of that. But it seemed they only
grew closer...

[Cut to a shot of Ranma saving Akane from the Hiryu Shoten Ha.]

Gosunkugi (v.o.): I knew it had to be magic... so I tried to counter it with
some of my own.

[Cut to a montage of shots of Gosunkugi using straw voodoo dolls and Shinto
wards against Ranma, and Ranma laughing everything off.]

Gosunkugi (v.o.): But nothing worked... and then he almost forced her to
marry him!

[Cut to a shot of the chaos at Ranma and Akane's wedding.]

Gosunkugi (v.o.): I knew I had to get serious... so I did the unthinkable.

[Cut to a shot of Gosunkugi looking surprised as a gaki rises from a
pentagram in the floor.]

Gosunkugi (v.o.): The only way to break his hold was to kill him, I was
certain of it... but it didn't work out so well...

[Cut to a shot of Akane in the gaki's arms with Gosunkugi looking on in
horror, then to a montage of Ranma freeing Akane from its grasp with an
amaguriken on the gaki's arms, followed by Ranma disintegrating the gaki
with a Moko Takabisha... followed by a shot of Ranma and Akane holding each
other a little too tightly for it to be gratitude.]

[Cut back to the original face shot of Gosunkugi.]

Gosunkugi: And now... well...

[Pan back to reveal that the flickering light on Gosunkugi's face was the
light of a few torches in a stone cave. Gosunkugi is in a cauldron of water,
being pinched and prodded by four gaki. The fifth is lighting the fire
underneath and cackling maniacally in a high-pitched voice.]

Gosunkugi: Like I said... there was this girl in my class that I really
liked but was afraid to get close to...

[The fire underneath the cauldron is lit, and Gosunkugi's head droops
slightly.]

Gosunkugi: ...so I took a picture.

[Cut to a placard with the Polaroid logo and the slogan "Taking Pictures.
Further." That high-pitched cackle begins again...]

[Fade to black.]

*****

So it's not a nice happy adfic. I'm not a nice happy person right now. Sue
me.

--G. Falconar