Just when I finally get all the crazy ideas out of my head, someone like Mr.
Eckert has to remind me of another commercial and... *sob*... I can't take
it any more... *sob*... I may never watch TV again...

Disclaimers: Evangelion and the spoofed commercial are copyrights of their
respective creators and all distributors of their work, and are used without
permission.

Camera directions are in []. God, how I wish I didn't have the ideas to do
this again...

*****

[Open on a shot of the Tokyo-3 hospital. Ayanami Rei is lying in a bed, with
a few burns and bruises on her and a disconnected IV bag beside her. In
other words... she's recuperating, rather than recovering. Suddenly, she
sits up, and her eyes pop open. Her stare is more vacant than usual, if
that's possible...]

Rei: What? What is it?

[She tilts her head to one side, listening for something.]

Rei: Oh. I'll be right there.

[Cut to a shot of Rei, in a hospital robe, wandering the hospital corridors.
Fade out, with the sound of footsteps echoing, and fade in on a vehicle
hangar with NERV stenciled on one of the walls. Rei walks through the
hangar, passing a few aisles before turning down one, climbing into a
red-cabbed flatbed truck with the Nissan logo on the front grill, and
starting the engine. She pulls out of the hangar.]

[Cut to a shot of the truck driving around the fairly deserted streets of
Tokyo-3. She rounds a corner... and we see EVA Unit 00 standing in front of
a fairly tall building. It nods at the truck, and climbs onto the flatbed.
Rei starts the engine and pulls off... slowly.]

[Cut to a shot of the truck driving around another corner, with Unit 02
standing in front of another huge building. Unit 00 motions to Unit 02, and
Unit 02 climbs onto the flatbed. It's getting a bit crowded, to say the
least.]

[The truck drives on for a while, rounds a corner, and what should be
waiting there but Unit 01, leaning against the side of a building, one leg
crossed over the other. (It's obvious from the lack of splintering at the
EVA's shoulder that it isn't REALLY using the building for support.) Unit 01
stands and waves at the two EVAs on the back of the truck. They look at each
other for a few seconds, then both look down at the cab.]

[Cut to Gendou Ikari's office and its bank of monitors, all of which are
currently off. One flickers on to show Rei wandering the corridors of the
hospital and climbing back into bed. It shuts off, and another flickers on
to show the truck racing through the hills around Tokyo-3, with Unit 00
kneeling on the flatbed, claw jammed into the cab to manipulate the
controls, and the other two hanging on for dear life. The chair swivels
around to reveal, not Gendou Ikari, but a Chinese man with tinted glasses
and a tweed cap. He smiles at the camera.]

Nissan Man: EVAs LOVE trucks.

[Fade to the Nissan logo with the slogan "Enjoy the Ride", over which we
hear the Nissan man's gentle laughter.]

[Fade to black.]

*****

Lurker. You started this. YOU KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN, DIDN'T YOU? DIDN'T
YOU?

...didn't you?

--G. Falconar