This didn't seem to go through the first time, so here it is again:

Okay, I threatened to write something like this, but hesitated because I 
thought it was just plain WRONG to inflict this kind of suffering on the 
list. Well, it's been trapped in my head all morning and all I can do to 
get any relief is to spread the pain around a bit. Sorry, folks.

Warning: This adfic, like the original commercial, may cause brain 
damage. FFML-ers with guns should store them safely and unloaded to 
avoid the temptation to pull an Elvis on their computer screens.

***

[That really, REALLY irritating theme music begins playing:]

Do do do DO do do, do-WAAAAAAHHH....

[We see Usagi sitting in detention. Her cheek is resting on her hand, 
she's tapping her pencil on her desk, she's staring into space... In her 
daydream, we see her eating ice cream, running through the mall with 
Ami, Rei, Makoto and Minako, glomping onto Mamoru...]

[Haruna-sensei slams her hand on Usagi's desk, making her fall backwards 
out of her chair, her toes pointing skyward and twitching. Haruna-sensei 
points angrily at the detention-room clock and at the homework 
assignment on Usagi's desk, barely started. Usagi settles back into her 
seat, looking sheepish.]

Doesn't matter what comes, thing go better in Life
With Mentos: Fresh and full of life!

[Usagi's communicator suddenly beeps the all-call signal from inside her 
backpack. Haruna-sensei looks suspiciously from her desk at Usagi, who 
shrugs weakly and smiles insincerely. When Haruna-sensei goes back to 
grading, Usagi looks out the window. Luna is standing on the sill, 
agitated, mouthing the words, "Usagi, the senshi are under attack! We 
need Sailor Moon!" Usagi tilts her head at Haruna-sensei. Luna 
sweatdrops.]

[Usagi chews her lip, thinking. Then she pulls a stick of Mentos candies 
from her backpack and pops one. A smile dawns on her face.]

Nothing gets to you, staying fresh, staying cool
With Mentos: Fresh and full of life!

["Haruna-sensei, look! Out the window!" she shouts. Haruna-sensei, not 
the brightest bulb in the corrugated cardboard sleeve, gets up and goes 
to check. Behind her back, Usagi pulls out the Lunar Pen--ta daaah--and 
uses her Disguise Power to change into...a school board superintendent! 
When Haruna-sensei turns back, she gets the shock of her life, and they 
act out a quick Principal Skinner-Superintendent Chalmers "What is going 
on here?" sketch. She bows profusely to the unsmiling Superintendent 
Usagi, who preremptorily walks out of the room.]

[When she finishes bowing and sweatdropping, Haruna-sensei sits back 
behind her desk and sighs with relief. She looks up to check on...Usagi? 
She turns right and left. That's funny...]

Fresh goes better (Mentos Freshness)
Fresh goes better
With Mentos: Fresh and full of life!

[Haruna-sensei walks up to the window, looks out and down, sees Usagi 
running away towards the upscale boutique district. She smiles and 
shakes her head in that rueful but remarkably forgiving way the victims 
of Mentos pranksters do. See what I mean about brain damage?]

Mentos: The Freshmaker.

[Usagi turns around, winks at us, holds up the candies.]

***

All characters are the property of Naoko Takeuchi and the licensed 
distributors of her work.

I don't own Mentos candies; not the company, nor the product. I would 
rather throw myself feet-first into a running wood-chipper than claim 
credit for their advertising campaign.

Just think what productive uses your neural capacity could be put to if 
it weren't employed remembering the words to that inane jingle and 
replaying them over and over again in your mind until you just CAN'T 
STAND IT ANY MORE...!!!! [sobbing like POW in Quake II] ...make it 
stop...make it stop...


Jim Champagne
jwc70@hotmail.com

[ERIC CARTMAN sidles on screen, looks right, and pitches his voice all 
innocent and sugary.]
Eric: Excuse me, I am a lost little boy. Can you help me?
[Pan right to reveal RYOGA, holding a map of the greater Tokyo 
metropolitan area--upside down.]
Ryoga: What do you expect ME to do about it?!
Eric: Aw, CRAP...!!!

- Just another day in South Nerima...



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