*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON TWO)
EPISODE 16: OSCAR TOON PT. 1
(A Sailor Moon/Dragon Ball Z/Warner Brothers Oscarfic MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Sailor Moon" is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the
distributors of her work.
"Tiny Toons" and the "Warner Brothers" characters are the property of
Steven Speilburg and Warner Brothers and all the distributors of their
work.
"Dragon Ball" is the property of Akira Toriyama and all the
distributors of his work
"Oscar Toon" is the property of Oscar and he's welcome to it. I do not
intend to offend this person for making fun of his/her work like this but
I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think
of this as another form of C&C. ;)
Warning: This fic contains mature content and a pinch of lemon. If you
are offended by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not,
enjoy!
(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....)
It's the not-too-distant future,
Last Sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!
Joel:
(OH....MY....GODDESS!!!)
Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)
(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout)
We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala)
(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;
ROBOT ROLL CALL:
CAMBOT:
'Text only'?
Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'
Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'
CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'
If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!
LAST TIME ON MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7....
Tatewaki Kunou sat in his dressing room, perhaps for the
last time.
He had a lot of good memories here. Photos of his past
shows, people he had met along the way, places he had visited in
his long and industrious career. He felt a pang of regret that he had
to retire now, that people just weren't seeing him as much as they
used too. His manager had warned him to retire while he was on top
but the truth was that he had loved the stage so much that he couldn't
bear to leave until he felt he was ready.
Now his manager had left him, along with a tidy share of his
money from the divorce settlement. Nabiki never did understand his
needs fully, never understood that to him, his audience was his oxygen
and without it he would die, perhaps not on the outside, but on the
inside.
Then the door opened and the stage manager stuck his head in
the door. "Five minutes, Mr. Kunou!"
"That's UPPERCLA...." Kunou trailed off as the door was already
closed, his scolding unheeded. Kunou sighed and then put the finishing
touches on his make-up. If tonight truly was his last performance then
he would make it his finest. He owed nothing less to his fans.
* * *
"And now ladies! As manager of "The Blue Thunder" It's my
pleasure to introduce the star of our show, the personification of
poetry, the excellence of elegance, Ladies, Here's is Tatewaki
Kunou!
The cheers were deafening as Kunou made his way on stage
dressed in a tuxedo and with cape and hat to match. Kunou bowed
towards his audience and then the lights went out and a single
spotlight illuminated him as he began to speak.
"Ladies, this will be my final show and...."
"TAKE IT OFF!!! TAKE IT OFF!!!" The women drowned
him out.
"Must they always interrupt my opening speech?" Kunou
sighed inwardly as he began to strip for the ladies....
WHOOPS. WRONG SYNOPSIS AGAIN. MY FAULT. HERE'S
WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENED. JOEL AND THE BOTS HAD
FINISHED MSTING *TRAPPED* AND JUST FINISHED A SPOOF
ON QUAKE....
Dr. Forrester turned to the viewscreen. "Oh yes! Very
amusing skit there, Joel. And speaking of rocking your world, it's
time for you to witness the horror that is *Oscar Toon*!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Send them the fanfic, Frank...."
"Yes, Dr. F...." Frank replied calmly as he slowly walked
towards the filing cabinet and rummaged through it, all the while
drooling like an toothless infant. He found it a few moments later
and slowly walked over to Dr. Forrester to hand him the fanfic.
"Good job, Frank. Why don't you lie down now for a little
while and give your surgical scars time to heal up...." Dr. Frank
said gently as he guided his assistant in the direction of his room.
"What did you do to him?" Tom inquired aloud.
"Why, I gave him a pre-frontal lobotomy, of course!" Dr.
Forrester replied matter-of-factly. When he saw the shocked and
dismayed looks from Joel and the bots, he shrugged. "I'm an evil
scientist. You don't earn that honor by being a pussy. Besides, Frank
signed the proper forms, he doesn't have a say in the matter
anymore...." Dr. Forrester added before sending the Oscarfic through.
* * *
"Boy that Dr. F is one mean, son of a mamajama...." Joel
muttered as he put the Quake 6.7 box away.
"Ah, Frank's survived worse and Dr. F can't keep him like
that forever. He'll be back to normal before too long...." Crow replied.
"Yeah, if there's one thing Frank's proved over the years, it's
that he's a Timex. He can take a licking and keep on ticking...." Tom
remarked.
"Well guys, the Oscarfic will be here any minute. You
ready?" Joel asked his robot friends.
"As ready as we'll ever be...." Crow replied.
"No guts, no glory...." Tom replied.
Joel smiled down at his creations. "That's the way, guys.
Together, there's nothing we can't overcome. Not even an...."
Suddenly, alarms and sirens suddenly rang out.
"OHHHH, WE'VE GOT OSCARFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.
(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)
(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you
move on..)
(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)
(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)
(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)
Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.
Crow: Personally, I can't wait to see that door sequence animated....
Sailormoon Z Episode 14 "Oscar toon?"
Tom: 14!?!?! ARRRRRRRRRRGHHH!!!!!! (Tom's head explodes with
a flash of pyrotechnics and a shower of sparks)
Joel: Tom, it's way too early for that....
Crow: Yuck! It's all over the floor!
Joel: We're in a theater. I doubt anyone will notice the difference....
Written by Oscar "Artemis's Lover"
Crow: There's only one....
Tom: (coughing as smoke rises from his bubbledome) Thank goodness....
mail= oscarmartinez@hotmail.com
Crow: Let's not and say we didn't....
Joel: With all the flames he gets, it's no wonder he uses hotmail....
Important note: For those of u who haven't read my last 14 fanfics,
Crow: U are one lucky S.O.B....
Tom: Congratulations! You're not blind!
Joel: You've probably missed it on purpose.
let me make clear some things.
Tom: (imitating Nixon) Let me make one thing perfectly clear....
Joel: That'll be the day....
Crow: ....when pigs fly....
Tom: ....in a frozen hell.
1st Beleive it or not, i AM a real life Herm,
Joel: Somehow I doubt anyone's going to want to confirm that fact....
Crow: Get Ripley on the phone! He'll believe it!
Tom: Or not....
2 i'm 13 (14 from "That girl" and on, but in real life i'm still 13,
Tom: ....snowflakes short of a blizzard?
Crow: ....cards short of a full deck?
Joel: (imitating Oscar singing) I am 13, going on 14....
Crow: He ain't deep, that's for sure....
3 Artemis is now a 14 girl,
Tom: ....and that's just the first string!
Crow: He's turned into a harem!
Joel: Does Ataru Moroboshi know about this?
Tom: Artemis must have fallen into a Jusekyou Spring....
Crow: Or Natsume Kyuusaku transferred his brain into an android
body....
with her respective crescent moon on the forehead,
Joel: Artemis turned into Princess Serenity?
Crow: Either her or Sailor Marissa....
Tom: (shudders) Don't go there, Crow....
and white hair,
Joel: Artemis turned into Iron Mouse?
Tom: So Artemis is no longer a cat? Great! That means no more
bestiality scenes! WOO HOO!!!
Crow: So what? I'll bet Oscar, the happy hermaphrodite, hasn't
changed a bit....
Tom: Ughhh....hadn't thought of that....
Joel: *Happy hermaphrodite*?
still with blue eyes,
Joel: Ol' blue eyes is back....
Crow: Oh, Frank! How could you!
and she doesn't live with Mina, but with me
Tom: Next time on Jerry Springer, hermaphrodites and the young girls
that love them....
Crow: Knowing Springer, he'd probably bring out the fathers of the
girls too. Then you'd see some *REAL* fistfights....
(Read first my first fanfic ever "Artemis's Lover") OK?
Tom: Not for all the ram chips in the universe, buddy....
Crow: Been there, done that, puked hard....
Notes: Well even if Eiji DID infact died, there's no reason that evil
has died too,
Crow: This fic is living proof of that....
Joel: Eiji? Isn't he a fighter from Battle Arena Toshinden?
Tom: After the BAT anime bombed, Eiji's career hit rock bottom as he
was forced to work as an extra in an Oscarfic....
Joel: Sad, really...
something strange is happening a unknown life form is coming from
another dimension...
Crow: (imitating Rod Serling) A dimension of sight and sound and cat
loving hermaphrodites....
Tom: You are about to enter....THE OSCAR ZONE.
All: Do do do do....do do do do....do do do do....
and who knows..what will happen now.
Tom: (deep voice) ... the *Shadow* knows...
Joel: The future isn't what it used to be....
Crow: Oscar, on the other hand....
Intro:
Joel: ....ducing?
Crow: ....spection?
Tom: In an Oscarfic? Not bloody likely....
"So...this is earth. So beautiful...and it'll soon be destroyed..."
Crow: A public service message from Greenpeace....
Tom: Then the Moonmen will rule the solar system!
Joel: Hercules can't stop them now! Bwahahahaha!!!
A grown man's voice said, inside a glowing red sphere,
Crow: (imitating man) Help! Let me out! I can't breathe in this thing!
Mommy!
Joel: Oh, act your age! You're a grown man now.
Tom: A desperate Santa Claus trapped Herbie the Misfit Elf in a giant
red Christmas Tree Ornament....
it approached the earth slowly.
Tom: (deep voice) Slowly it turned....Inch by inch....step by step....
Crow: Joel, why is it every alien race or object that tries to attack Earth
always moves so slowly? Why can't they move at the speed of light and
wipe us out in a few seconds?
Tom: They're enjoying a slow ride and taking it easy?
Joel: Nah, It's like this. The aliens underestimate the human spirit, they
need our planet for it's natural resources and it gives a bunch of actors
valuable screen time to advance their sagging careers!
Crow: Oh. I thought it was because Spielberg has a deal with them to
portray aliens as soft and cuddly so we'll be unprepared when they arrive
to wipe us out....
Joel: You've been hanging around USENET too long....
Tom: ....or been reading one of Ron Patton's posts....
The man then came out of the darkness and he said to his assistant
"Kaoline"
Tom: Not to be confused with Kaopectate!
Joel: (singing) Sweet Kaoline....
the woman named Kaoline appeared and saluted him "Yes master?"
Tom: (imitating man) GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THIS SPHERE!!!
Crow: (imitating Kaoline) I can't do that sir. Not until we drop it
through a black hole and see if it can withstand the pressure....
the man then turned around to her with a wicked smile "You know
what to do,"
Crow: (imitating Kaoline) Not till you show me the money, honey....
Joel: Crow....
Kaoline grinned and disappeared "Yes master".
Tom: She went to the city to star in her own sitcom for NBC....
Joel: Kaoline doesn't strike me as the assertive type....
Crow: Not that that's a *bad* thing.
Joel: Crow...
"Oscar toon?":
Joel: (imitating Daddy-O) I want an answer!
Crow: I've often wondered....
Tom: Maybe if Ralph Balski or Harry Crumb drew it....
Serena and Luna where in the bathroom,
Tom: How should we know? You're the author! You're supposed to
tell us for crying out loud!
Serena's silk skin now shiny from the warm water that stroke
her gently,
Joel: Shiny silk skin? What is she made of? Velour?
Tom: Yes, it's the future of shower massage: Stroking Water!
Crow: (slyly) Exactly what would it be stroking?
Joel: Crow....
Luna never saw Serena THIS hot...
Joel: ....since the last time Luna flushed the toilet when she was taking
a shower....
Crow: (imitating Serena) EYOWWWWW!!!! Luna no baka!!!
Tom: Serena's steaming mad at dirt....
well legally i mean he he :P,
Crow: Go stick that tongue where the sun don't shine!
Tom: I think he already did....
Crow: Ugggh....
and she finally managed to speak "Umm Serena"
Joel: (imitating Luna) Sorry about that....I thought you were Norman
Bates....
Serena looked down to her "Yes deary"
Tom: ....and your little dog, too!
Crow: Once upon a midnight weary, mine eyes red, burned and teary,
I came upon a lemon, leery, and fainted from my own inquiry....
Joel: Cute, Crow....
Serena picked Luna and held her closely,
Tom: (imitating Serena) There there deary....
Luna blushed a little for seeing her lover's breast,
All: WHAT?!?
Crow: Oh man! First it was Artemis and Oscar, now it's Serena and
Luna! WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?!?!
Joel: Calm down guys! They aren't at lemon stage yet.
Tom: Joel, they're naked and hugging in the shower! They're
practically there already!
Joel: Stay frosty....
Crow: What are you, Tony the Tiger?
and said "Don't u think it's been a little quiet lately?" Serena smiled
and replied
Joel: (imitating Serena) Too quiet, deary....
Crow: (imitating Serena) I don't pay you to think, deary....
Joel: Crow....
"Yes Luna, but enjoy it while it lasts, maybe we'll meet a new enemy
tomorrow,
Tom: If there's a god, it'll be Flynn from *R*P*M*....
Crow: Oh man, that'd be an awesome crossover! I can picture Flynn
hurling his spiky balls, chunkifying Oscar's....
Joel: Crow....
or something may come up",
Tom: Yeah, like our lunches....
Joel: Let's hope that's the only thing that comes in this scene....
Crow: Ick, Joel!
Luna then sighed and said under her breath "I will Serena".
Joel: Then by the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you sickos!
Crow: Then they can tie some *tennis* to the back of their car....
Luna then leapt out of her arms and almost slipped in the floor,
Crow: (imitating Luna) Woah! Where did this gaping hole come
from?!?
Tom: (imitating Bugs Bunny) Oops, sorry about that, doc!
as she thought "Ough...first time bath isn't so bad is it?".
Joel: And she's been avoiding it all these years....
Crow: (imitating Luna) Hey! My fur's white again!
Artemis and Oscar where breathing a lil fast,
Tom: A marathon in San Francisco? How the hell should we know
*where* they are?!?
Joel: The author should really keep better track of his characters....
Crow: Can't really blame them for trying to flee, this being an Oscarfic
and all....
they hugged each other feeling their warmth,
Crow: You know guys, even though Artemis is supposed to be a 14
year old girl now, I still feel ill....
Tom: I'm with him, Joel.
Joel: Maybe it's just an actress pretending to be Artemis. After all
Artemis got engaged to Minako at the Chicken Ball awards,
remember?
Crow: What actress in her right mind would do a love scene with
Oscar?!?
"Oscar...uhmmm, thank you..", Artemis said with her eyes closed,
Joel: (imitating Artemis) Is it over yet?
Crow: (imitating Artemis) Can I get paid now?
Tom: So, how did a magical cat turn into 14 girls, again?
Oscar smiled at her and kissed her forehead, and left her in the bed.
Crow: (imitating Oscar) You stay there and don't even think about
chewing on my *tennis* or *putting* on my undies!
Joel: Crow....
He then went to the bathroom and came out with his WF shirt on,
Tom: Weird Freak?
Crow: Whipped Felicia?
Joel: Wicked Fart?
Crow: Wretched Fool?
Joel: Wants Felines?
Tom: Why Frogned?
and crawled into the bed with his love,
Crow: Oh, and Artemis was there too...
Tom: (imitating Barry White) Can't get enough of your love, babe....
Joel: Good Barry White, Tom....
and finally doze off to sleep.
Joel: SLEEP!!!
Crow: Sleep no more! Artemis shall sleep no more!
Tom: Something wicked this way comes....
Meanwhile, in the red glowing sphere,
Crow: He's dead, Jim....
Kaoline sat in her comp.
All: TOGGG!!!
Tom: Maybe the MCP pulled her into the system?
Crow: Oh well. She's better off playing the game and dying plain,
anyway....
and looked at Oscar's stats
Tom: (imitating Kaoline) Let's see....good height....average weight....
Oh yuck! There's NO way I'm cybering with a hermaphrodite!
Joel: Tom....
"Hmmm so he is the last of the Saiya-Jins...
Crow: No wonder they're dying out....
good he'll be terminated NOW!" she pressed a red button,
All: (begin humming the MST3K Love Theme)
and a youma was sent to earth, but it was a little dif, than the other
youmas,
Joel: What's the dif?
Crow: I can't see the dif? Can you see the dif?
a white beam followed it
All: (singing) Really Really White....It's really, really, really, really
white....
, the white beam silently stroke Oscar's body
Joel: (singing) Dif Strokes....Dif Strokes....
Tom: Yes, from the people that brought you *Stroking Water*, now
you can *really* relax when you curl up in your favorite chair to read a
book while our *Stroking Light* gives you the best massage of your
life....
Crow: (slyly) I'd still like to know what exactly is being stroked....
Tom: The breast?
Joel: You guys....
and vanished him and the youma inside the TV world.
Tom: Stayed tuned for further developments....
Crow: Oh good, while he's in there he can search for the survivors
from Kidd Video....
Joel: Even the Master Blaster wouldn't want Oscar for a musical slave....
Oscar's Saiya-Jin sence didn't warned him about the beam.
Tom: Mainly, because he didn't have an ounce of *sense*.
Joel: The sence was enjoying the stroking beam too much....
The Youma and Oscar landed on dif sides of the new dimension
Crow: What's the dif?
Tom: One side's the third, the other's the fifth? How the hell should I
know?!?
Joel: Oscar's doing his bit to conserve internet bandwidth by
compressing the word "difference" into "dif."
they where,
Joel: Don't know.
Tom: Care less.
Crow: Go hell.
Oscar woke up and gasped as he was falling from high above,
Joel: But the little bushman didn't know what to make of the
hermaphrodite....
Crow: From high above the city, it's a bird....no, it's a plane....no, it's....A
HERMAPHRODITE!!!
Tom: Quick, Oscar, flap your arms!
he tryed to float in the air like he does
Crow: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee....
Joel: What does he think he is, an Oni?
Tom: Nah, he wasn't horny enough.
Joel: (groans)
but none of that worked,
Crow: ....so he splattered all over the pavement at Mach 3, The End.
Joel: Wishful thinking....
Tom: Oscar made like the Titanic and took a dive....literally.
Crow: (imitating Oscar) Damn it! My dealer told me I'd be flying with
this stuff for at least another hour!
Joel: Crow....
he tryed to do a Kame-Hame-Ha but it was to small to make him float,
Crow: (imitating Oscar) Ah crap, of all the Hawaiian kings out there, I
get stuck with the one on Slim-fast....
finally he smashed into the cold cold ground.
Tom: (imitating Taz) Why for you want to bury Oscar in the cold, cold
ground?!
Joel: Let us now have a moment of silence for our friend Oscar and his
tragic end....
BOOOMSHACALAKA!.
Joel: Thank you.
Tom: (sniffs) That was beautiful....and somehow appropriate....
Crow: Is he on fire yet?
Oscar slowly stood up and thought "Wha...? i'm alive?"
Joel: And so are the hills, with the sound of music!
Crow: Hope they all find some Nazis....
Tom: Amen.
He then looked around and saw that everything was animated
Tom: He's fallen into Cool World?
Crow: All right! Bring on Kim Basinger!
Joel: Even Holli *wouldn't* with Oscar....
"What the..?"
Joel: Dilly-o?
Crow: Dif?
he thought as he was in the middle of the street and all of the cars
where beeeping at him
Crow: The censors for this fic had to put in overtime....
Tom: (imitating motorist) Hey you (beep) Get your (beeping beep beep)
out of your (beep) and (beep) before I (beep) your (beeping beep beep)!?!?!
Joel: Should that be *[Unprintable]* *[Unprintable]* *[Unprintable]*?
Crow: Only in a Flashman fic....
"Hey get outta the road!! you bum!" Oscar turned around and saw
none other than Yosemite sam!
Crow: Moments later, the goofy meter blew sky high....
Tom: (imitating Yosemite Sam) Great hornytoads! It's one of them
gosh durned hermowhatyamacallits!!! You're coming with me, varmint!
"Oh GOD!"
Tom: (deep voice) YOU RANG....?
Crow: You devil?
Joel: ....ess?
he realized he was in Looney Tune/Tiny toon land
Tom: And the sound of Disney breathing a long sigh of relief could be
heard in the distance....
Crow: Yeah, after they finished laughing their asses off....
Joel: Time-Warner's buying up everything. They even own Oscar now!
Tom: *HIM* they can have!
but he didn't knew if he was still a Saiya-Jin or not,
Joel: He should really *knew* better than that....
Crow: (imitating Oscar) I *knowed* it but I *helded* my tongue....
so he immediatelly searched for a mirror,
Joel: He's so vain, he needs to know if he's still the fairest of them all....
Crow: Five will get you ten that he'll have no reflection....
Tom: (imitating Oscar) Seven years bad luck! That's what I need right
now!
and looked to himself,
Joel: (imitating Oscar) Hmmm, now what would I do if I were placed
in a situation like this....
"No way...ha ha ha ha!!"
Crow: He's become The Joker!
Tom: I guess that would make Felicia, Catwoman. Thank you!
Joel: And Artemis as Harley Quinn?
He went a lil nutty as he saw he was a 14 year old skunk.
Crow: How apropos....
Joel: (gives the ok sign with his fingers) He stinks!
Crow: Just like this fic!
Tom: Shouldn't he have turned into a squirrel if he went a lil nutty?
Crow: Nah, he'd need bigger nuts!
Joel: Crow....
He had a big fat smile on his face,
Tom: That's right! We've got fat goofy smiles, we've got thin, tight
lipped, smiles, we've got smiles of all shapes and sizes! So come on
down to the "Nuku Nuku School of Smiling" at
http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm
Joel: (imitating Nuku) Not only am I the founder of the Nuku Nuku
School of Smiling....I'm perfect in every way! Just read "Transitions"
and see for yourself!
Crow: And remember kids, we don't show you how to smile....you show
us.
and laughed out loud "A ha ha ha!!! i can't believe it! ha ha ha"
Tom: (imitating Oscar) All this time I've been a furry green muppet and
I never ever knew! Guess the joke's on me!
Joel: Cute, Tom....
but then, he tought
Crow: ....the theory of relativity?
Tom: ....the relationship between energy and matter?
Joel: ....he saw a bad old putty tat?
"Wait a min....how did i got here?...
Crow: Kidnapped he got by badly dubbed kidnapper type guy....
Joel: Billy Quan's gonna teach Oscar some manners....
Tom: (Badly-dubbed Billy Quan voice) You wight self-insertion fanfic!
Now you must DIE!
Joel: Kids! Be like Billy!
and how do i get back?..."
Joel: (singing) Get back to where you once belonged.....
Crow: (singing) Back in the U.S.S.R.....
Tom: (singing) You know if you break my heart I'll go, but I'll be back....
He then took a walk, having that same sequence in his mind,
Crow: (imitating Oscar) Let's see....Shampoo, rinse, screw....Shampoo,
rinse, screw.....Shampoo, rinse....
Joel: CROW!
Crow: (shakes his head) Sorry, sorry, had a flashback of "Nekophilia"
there for a moment....
Tom: (imitating Shampoo) Aiya....
then suddenly 3
Joel: (singing) ....kings of Orient are...
Crow: (singing) ....tried to smoke a rubber cigar....
Tom: (singing) .....it was loaded, it exploded....heh heh heh....
Crow: There's your *BOOOMSHACALAKA*, Oscar....
"I know! in that movie Space jam,
Joel: Oh yeah! That multimillon dollar shameless exploitation of the
Warner Brothers to sell more McDonald's crapola!
Tom: Hey, it wasn't nearly as exploitive as...."THE WIZARD".
Joel: That's true....
Crow: (imitating whiny kid) CALIFORNIA!!!
Tom: (imitating tough kid) I love the Power Glove....It's *SO* bad....
Crow: (imitating Fred Savage) You got 50,000 points on Double
Dragon!?!?! OH MY GOD!!!
Joel: Uh, guys?
Tom: (imitating annoying girl) HE TOUCHED MY BREASTS!!!
Crow: (imitating announcer) IT'S SUPER MARIO BROTHERS.....3!!!
Joel: Guys! Can we get back to the MSTing now please?
Crow: Oh! Sorry about that Joel, just reminiscing....
Mike Jordan was pulled from the sky i think...out of a big WB sign"
Tom: And the WB network cancels yet another cartoon show....
Joel: (imitating Earthworm Jim) Join the club, pal....
He then looked up to the sky and there it was "Whoa, there it is, the
BIG WB
Crow: (imitating Jimmy Durante) He's under a big WB....
Joel: (imitating Oscar) Damn! There's never a shovel when you need
one!
all i hafta do is get up there and i'm outtie!"
Tom: ....of his mind.
Crow: of the closet?
Joel: Crow....
Tom: *Outtie*....Must be an Oscar-ism.
he grinned and then re-thought "But wait a min...there's still a lotta
things to do here he he he"
Tom: Like writing his manifesto....
Crow: (imitating Oscar) i refuse to leave this world until i've screwed it
up in every possible way! Characterization! Plot development!
Continuity! THEY ALL MUST DIE!!! HE HE HE!!!!
Joel: (singing) He's got a lotta living....to do.....
Tom: Where's Flynn and his spiky balls when we *REALLY* need
them?
He remembered how much he wished that someday, some how
Tom: Somewhere....
he could be here and do so much stuff.
All: (singing Weird Al) He's got the white stuff....baby....
"Alright! now i can meet Babs and Buster B. no relation he he he"
Crow: Yep. No relation to Oscar whatsoever.
Tom and Joel: (imitating Buster and Babs) Thank goodness....
he then was about to run to the Acme Looniversity, but he looked
straight and made a DUH face,
Crow: Witness yet another of the many talents of Oscar....
Tom: Well, Duh! Anybody can do that!
Joel: Nobody does it quite like him, though....
All: (singing) And....nobody does it better....
as the Looniversity was right in front of him
Joel: (imitating Oscar) Duh, i thought it was right under my nose,
he he he....
"DUH there it is...i wonder if there's someone inside..depends if it's
school day"
Joel: To recap: Duh.
Tom: (imitating Oscar) Duh, i hate school day! Must crush school!
No more school day! He he he....
Crow: If the Looniversity is anything like Oscar's school from "That
Girl", he'll have no problems....
Joel: At least a 20 hour school day makes *sense* in Loony Toon
Land....
he climbed the steps as his "unique" odor killed literally all of the
nearby flowers,
Crow: OH MY GOD! HE KILLED THE PETUNIAS!!! YOU
BASTARD!!!
Joel: Guess those flowers won't be presenting The King of Cartoons
anymore....
Tom: Poison Ivy is not amused....
he looked back and chuckled "Oh yeah i remember that gag"
All: (groans)
Crow: (imitating Garfield) People that write puns like that should be
strapped to the cold table at the vet, with Nermal bouncing on their
stomach, and forced to listen to all 4,444 volumes of Binky's Greatest
Hits before being dragged out into the street to be shot....
Joel: Hey, a pun is its own reword....
Tom: (imitating The Brain) Quiet Joel, or I shall have to hurt you....
he got inside the Looniversity and took left corridor,
Tom: Go west, young hermaphrodite!
Joel: Where the air is fresh....
Crow: The stray dogs plentiful....
Gogo-Dodo, the hall monitor came up from behind and yelled "GOGO
GOGO!
Tom: WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU! WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU!
Crow: MONSTER-A! MONSTER-A!
Joel: JOSEPH!!!
Crow and Tom: Huh?
Joel: Andrew Lloyd Webber reference.
Crow and Tom: Oh.
if yer late for class yer.."
Tom: The role of Gogo Dodo will now be played by the Swedish chef....
Crow and Joel: BORK! BORK! BORK!
Oscar then smiled and they both said at the same time
Tom: Third base?
Joel: Stereo?
Crow: Schwing?
"COCO COCO!"
Crow: They need Cocoa Puffs and they need em now!
he laughed out loud and Gogo-Dodo was a lil bewildered,
Tom: (imitating Gogo) That's a nono! He must be loco! Don't wanna
be in this fic, nomo!
so he smashed himself with a mallet and disappeared,
Crow: If only we could be so lucky....
Joel: Where did Gogo learn to summon hammerspace?
Oscar stood up and found a door that said "Class 101" or sumthing,
Joel: Better enroll quick, Oscar. Before your spelling and grammar get
even worse....
Tom: (singing) Sumthing tells me i'm into sumthing bad....
Crow: (Imitating Oscar) Duh, i betta get meself a edjumecation
"Hmmm i wonder what's in there?" he said sarcastically, he stood up
in his heels to take a peek,
Crow: Oscar wears pumps? Who woulda thought?
Tom: Me! Me! I would!
and smiled as he saw, Buster and DA gang
Crow: District Attorney?
Joel: Dyslexics Anonymous?
Tom: DA Bulls?
Crow: DA Bears?
Joel: DA nerve?!?
inside with tech, Elmer fudd
Tom: Having failed as a wabbit hunter, Fudd found a promising caweer
in electronics....
Crow: (imitating Fudd) Do you want to make mowe money? Suwe, we
AWW do!
Joel: (imitating Fudd) Wight then, now which battewy should I use in
my wight to to fix the wadio? I need the wight to see the wight wire to
wip out and wepair....
Tom: And you thought *your* English class was a nightmare?
Fifi had a lil magazine under her desk,
Joel: (imitating Fudd) No weading in cwass!
Babs was sleeping,
Joel: (imitating Fudd) No sweeping in cwass!
Buster was making a lil joke letter,
Crow: (imitating Buster writing) Dear Mr. Fudd. I am a gweat
admirwer and wish to meet you awone after school. Sincewey,
Wightous babe.
Plucky was with his walkman on,
Joel: (imitating Fudd) No wistening to Wock Music duwing cwass! I
told aww of you this befowe! Don't you Wisten? Can't you understand
pwain Engwish?!?!
Shirley with her "HO WAYU WAYU WAYU" stuff,
Tom: Like, the hell!?!
Crow: Like, Shirley's really wayu wayu wayu out there....
Joel: (imitating Fudd) Wike, read my rips....No mowe new age cwap in
my cwass!
and Max making money sketches.
Tom: Kinda gives new meaning to the phrase *Show me the money*....
Crow: (imitating Max) Yes, once Warner Brothers goes bankrupt and
I buy them out, Buster and Babs will be on the streets and then it'll be
"THE MONTANA MAX SHOW!!!" BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Suddenly, Oscar opened the door lightly and yelled "YOU SSSUCK!"
Crow: (imitating Fudd) I am wubber, you awe gwue!
Joel: (imitating Fudd) Oh weally!?! Well, At weast I don't have a
stuttwewing pwoblem!!
he immediately closed the door and laughed out loud in the hall,
Joel: (imitating Oscar) He he he....
Crow: Fortunately, there were some Kids in the Hall that crushed his
skull with their fingers....
Elmer obviosly got mad and went out,
Tom: *Obviosly*....
Joel: (imitating Fudd) Be vewwy vewwy quiet. I'm hunting
hewmaphwodites! Hehhehhehhehheh....
but Oscar made his move
Tom: The dreaded Fritz Gambit!
and entered the classroom just as Elmer went out,
Crow: Smooth move, Oscar....
Joel: Must be one of those new classrooms with the revolving doors....
and sat at Buster's side, and of course Fifi immediately went lovesick,
her eyes turned to hearts, and her attention only directed to Oscar,
Tom: And another poor soul falls under the evil spell of self-insertion....
Joel: They should have a support group for everyone's who suffered the
agony of self-insertion....
Crow: Nah, a revengefic is quicker....More fun, too!
she was about to literally pounce over Oscar,
Tom: Fifi was a silver medal contender for Hermaphrodite Jumping in
the '94 Winter Olympics....
when Elmer came back inside scratching his bald head,
Joel: (imitating Fudd) Now, where did I weave my toupee?
Crow: Shouldn't he use something to hold it on? I mean, he has his
own brand of glue....
"I wunda what that was? ok wets get to cwass",
Tom: (imitating Plucky) We're already in cwass, you mutant doorknob!
Buster looked at Oscar and wondered why he didn't smelt like Fifi,
Crow: Especially considering what he did to those poor flowers....
Oscar looked at him and smiled with a peace sign,
All: (imitating Don Cornelius) Peace, love and soul!
Tom: So, how can you give a peace sign with your mouth?
Joel: Nimble gums.
Tom: Ah....
Buster replied with the same hand gesture a lil bewildered,
Joel: (imitating Buster) What's this *Little Rabbit Foo Foo* crap?!?
Tom: (imitating Buster) Strange....he didn't ask who I was? How can I
do my no-relation bit with Babs if he doesn't ask my name?!?
the class went on,
All: And ON and ON and ON and ON....
Joel: Why Elmer never went after the Energizer bunny, I'll never
know....
Tom: Hey guys, We gotta go....
Joel: Perfect timing. I have to stretch my legs anyway....
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
Joel and the bots were lounging around the bridge.
"Hey, Joel...." Crow suddenly spoke up. "If you had a chance
to visit any animated world you wanted, where would you go?"
"Hmmmm...." Joel considered Crow's question for a moment.
"When I was a kid, I would have done pretty much anything to be
Spiderman from the old 60's series...."
The bots suddenly burst out laughing. "What?" Joel replied
defensively. "It was a cool show for it's time! Especially the theme
song!"
"Come on, Joel! That series reused scenes and plots like
crazy! How many times can you watch Spiderman swing past the
same buildings with the same camera angles!" Tom pointed out.
"Well, I still like it!" Joel shot back. "Spiderman practically
had the entire city to himself, just swinging along on his webshooters,
seeing the buildings woosh by, the traffic beneath him, Sticking to any
wall he wanted and then leaping off to swing somewhere else. I
thought that was cool, so sue me!"
"Well, I guess that's sort of cool." Tom replied. "Me. I've
always wanted to visit the old Dungeons and Dragons cartoon. To go
on quests and adventures and fight that five headed dragon with Hank,
Bobby, Sheila, Eric, Presto and Diana...."
"Oh yeah! I remember that one! Eric was such a wuss!
*Magic Shield!* Big whoop! Give me Diana's magic javelin or
Hank's bolt arrows, anytime...." Crow exclaimed.
"Yeah, sometimes I miss the old 80's cartoons. Granted, a
lot of them were really hokey, but at least some had imagination...."
Joel remarked. "We oughta recreate some of them in the holocabana
one of these days. There are so many to choose from...."
"What about you, Crow?" Tom inquired. "What cartoon
world would you like to visit if you ever got the chance?"
"Well....uh...." Crow sounded nervous. "Actually, I used to
really like a certain episode of Rainbow Brite...."
"WHAT?!?" Joel and Tom exclaimed in disbelief.
"....but only because it had the evil Monster Murk and his
attack was really cool!" Crow quickly added. "He used to stretch his
hands behind his head and power up before unleashing his color
draining energy rings....I thought it was cool....at the time."
"You're weird, Crow...." Tom shook his head.
"You know what 80's cartoon I really miss?" Joel remarked.
"Which, Joel?"
"Bravestarr."
"Oh yeah...." Tom and Crow nodded.
"Everything about that cartoon was pretty cool...." Joel
continued. "Bravestarr's animal spirit powers....30-30 and Sarah
Jane....that little deputy guy....I still don't know why Tex-Hex was so
afraid of a dead cow's head though...."
"I wish they'd bring it back....but it'd probably suck like the
new Speed Racer cartoon...." Tom replied sadly.
"Ugh....don't remind me...." Crow grimaced.
"Let's not forget a true classic either. The syndicated version
of *The Real Ghostbusters*." Joel remarked.
"Oh yeah! That was one of the coolest cartoons ever!" Crow
exclaimed. "The ghosts, the weapons, the one-liners, the music, the
scripts, it was *awesome*!"
"It *was* awesome....at least until they started running those
crappy *Slimer* shorts that basically took over and ruined the whole
show. Bleah!" Tom grumbles.
"Oh yeah....almost forgot about that....but at least some of
them were good, better than most of what's on Saturday mornings
now...." Crow replied.
"Yep, those were the good old days...." Joel sighed wistfully.
"Well, you know, Joel, the 80's gave us some pretty *bad*
cartoons as well." Tom pointed out. "Let's not forget the horror that
was Hulk Hogan's Rock N' Wrestling...."
Joel shuddered. Then Crow spoke up. "And let us not forget
the unholy horror that was....THE SMURFS."
"Hah!" Tom sneered. "The smurfs were a walk in the park
compared to....STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!!!"
"Oh, dear god, no!" Joel cringed. "No more berry talk!
Please!"
"Oh yeah?! What about RICHIE RICH!!!" Crow countered.
"Two words for you, Crow. YO....YOGI...."
"One word for you, Tom. GO-BOTS...."
"Guys! Please! No more! Let me have my pleasant memories
of the 80's...." Joel's plea was cut off as alarms and sirens suddenly
rang out.
"OHHHH, WE'VE GOT OSCARFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.
TO BE CONTINUED IN OSCAR TOON PART 2.....
Thus ends the first part of my first four part MSTing. I decided to try
this method and see how it goes. I figure four 25+ page parts will be
easier to read than two 45+ page parts. I've included the other three
parts along with this one. As with my other two part MSTings, There's
lots more to come in the second part so don't skip it or you'll only be
missing out on some great riffs. ;)
