Good morning! I was too tired last night to finish this, so here it is...

Disclaimers: Slayers and the spoofed commercial are copyrights of their
respective creators and all distributors of their work.

Camera directions are easily visible to anyone with an active imagination...
for those lesser intellects among us, they're in [].

*****

[Open on a spiraling zoom, down onto a trail in the forest. There's a small
camp set up on the trail, around a fairly presentable horse-drawn carriage.
We hear Lina Inverse grumbling as the zoom takes place, and when it finally
locks onto ground level, we see she is hunched over a tub of water,
scrubbing her cloak on a washboard. (Those of you who don't think Lina
should be doing her own laundry... four words: Gourry. Female undergarments.
Nosebleed.) Lina finally lets out a small scream of rage and flings the
cloak to the ground.]

Lina: Stupid blood spots!

[Her face a mask of anger, she begins the incantation for the Dragon Slave.]

Lina: Darkness from twilight, crimson from blood that flows...

Xelloss (o.s.): Isn't that a bit... MUCH... Lina-chan?

[Lina turns to stare at some offscreen point stage right, halting her
incantation, but not letting the spell energy dissipate. Xelloss walks on,
holding his hands out in front of him in the universal "don't tac-nuke me"
gesture. He smiles with classic false sincerity.]

Xelloss: Now, now, Lina... I'm here to help.

[Lina's still glaring at Xelloss.]

Lina: Like the last time?

Xelloss: Now, Lina, how was I supposed to know that a troop of bandits
recently moved their camp onto that shortcut to Sailoon?

[The glare is not gone from Lina's eyes, and those tiny energy spheres which
herald the Dragon Slave are getting a little bigger. Xelloss lets out a
resigned sigh.]

Xelloss: Fine. Here I am, just trying to make it easier for you to get your
cloak clean, and...

[The spheres abruptly dissipates, and Lina's mood abruptly shifts. She
smiles at Xelloss.]

Lina: Well, what are you waiting for?

[Xelloss laughs.]

Xelloss: I knew you'd see it my way.

[Xelloss produces an orange-and-yellow box from inside his robe.]

Xelloss: Tide with bleach alternative was designed with people like you in
mind. It gets out even the toughest stains, and has anti-fading agents to
help preserve those brilliant colors. Don't believe me?

[Xelloss walks over to the wash basin and removes the washboard. He then
weaves his hands in intricate patterns.]

Xelloss: Powers of water and spirit, part thy murky depths so that we may
see through the mists of unknown futures. REFLECTING POOL!

[(This isn't a canon spell, but the guy has to have SOME kind of scrying
spell...) The water flashes and begins glimmering an eerie bluish-green. An
image of Lina's current robes appears in the pool.]

Xelloss: These are your robes now.

[Xelloss gestures, and the water flashes briefly; two almost identical
images of Lina's robes appear in the pool. Xelloss taps the right one.]

Xelloss: These are your robes after 30 washes with Tide with bleach
alternative.

[Xelloss gestures again, and the robes on the right are replaced by a small
pile of ash.]

Xelloss: These are your robes after 30 washes with the Dragon Slave. I think
you can tell the difference.

[Xelloss gestures, and the water gives one final bright flash before
returning to normal. He walks offscreen, leaving the box behind. Lina picks
up the box and looks curiously at it, then calls after Xelloss.]

Lina: How do I know this stuff won't turn my hands blue or devour my soul or
something?

Xelloss (o.s.): Lina... you know I wouldn't do a thing like that.

[Lina starts glaring again.]

Xelloss (o.s.): Oh very well. You have my word of honor, and if this does
anything to you I'll feel no qualms if you never trust me again.

[Lina's glare softens a bit, and she turns away, to wash the cloak. She
mixes a scoop of detergent with the water and is scrubbing at the blood
stain when...]

Xelloss (o.s., in an echoing tone): Oh, Lina? I didn't make any promises abo
ut that hunky but brainless sidekick of yours...

[Xelloss's voice fades away as he begins laughing maniacally. Lina leaps to
her feet, grabbing the box of detergent, and races to the coach.]

Lina: Gourry!

[Lina rounds a corner of the coach and collides with Gourry, who is brushing
the horses. She falls to the ground.]

Gourry: Lina-san, you shouldn't go tearing around like that. You might get
hurt... oh, you found it!

[Gourry picks up the box of detergent.]

Lina: Found... it?

Gourry: Yeah. I bought this stuff in the market a couple towns back, but I
lost it a few days ago. You wouldn't BELIEVE how clean it got my tunic...

[While Gourry rambles on, Lina begins seething in anger.]

Gourry: The rust just came right... Lina-san? Lina-san, are you feeling
okay?

[Lina clenches her fists and unleashes her rage in one primal scream. Gourry
claps his hands to his ears.]

Lina: XELLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSS!

[Cut to a white placard with the Tide box on it. Xelloss staggers on screen
and leans against the box, laughing hysterically.]

[Fade to black, Xelloss's laughter continuing for a few seconds after the
image fades.]

*****

And another one hits the ML...

--G. Falconar