Just when I FINALLY get the last of the ideas out of my head, Mr. CHAMPAGNE
has to put a new one in. I'm tired of being so danged creative...

Disclaimers: Dragon Ball Z and the spoofed commercial are copyrights of
their respective creators and all distributors of their work.

Camera directions can be found at www.not_here.com... umm, actually, they're
in [].

*****

[Open with a shot of Bulma on her cycle, driving along a path through the
mountains. She's checking that nifty Dragonball radar thing of hers... in
addition to the ones she carries with her, there's one straight ahead, or so
it seems. She looks up ahead, and sure enough, a young Son Goku is walking
across the road, dragging a huge fish with one hand and carrying a bag of
potato chips in the other. He tosses a chip into his mouth as he walks
across the road, and Bulma brakes to a halt right in front of him.]

Bulma (impressed): Nice catch, little boy... hey, what are those?

Goku: These?

[Goku displays the bag, and Bulma nods.]

Goku: They're Lay's potato chips. Grandpa and I used to eat 'em together,
and he used to bet me I couldn't eat one and lay off them 'til bedtime.

[Goku looks a bit sad.]

Goku: He said he'd spend the whole day with me if I could... but I never
did.

[Bulma laughs a little.]

Bulma: That's not difficult at all... for a mature woman like myself.
Self-control is my middle name.

Goku: Really?

Bulma: No, not really. I'll bet you I can eat just one.

Goku: Okay... but what do you want to bet?

[Fade to black, over which we hear a potato chip crunch.]

[Fade in on a shot of Goku, riding away on Bulma's cycle. He calls back to
her.]

Goku: Thanks for the neat pills, lady! And these balls look just like the
one my grandpa left!

[Bulma stands in the path, fuming, and then notices Goku left the bag
behind. She snatches them up eagerly and begins munching away.]

[Cut to a shot of the village Oolong was "terrorizing". He's currently in
giant samurai robot mode, laughing down at Goku, who's holding another bag
of chips.]

Oolong: Just one? Ha! I've trained for a thousand years. I have the
willpower of a hundred men!

[Fade to black. The potato chip crunch sounds again.]

[Fade in on a shot of Goku, riding away from Oolong's mansion. A joyous
reunion is taking place outside, and Oolong is in his normal form.]

Goku (calling back): Thanks!

Oolong (muttered): Bamboozled by someone who's barely out of diapers... this
is humiliating.

[Cut to a shot of Goku in Master Roshi's living room, with the turtle
looking on.]

Roshi: I have completely conquered my desires and eliminated all lusts.

(Author's note: Yeah, right!)

Roshi: Of course I can eat just one!

[Black. Crunch. Need I say more?]

[Cut to a shot of Goku, wearing a turtle shell and riding the Flying Nimbus
away from Roshi's island home. He's pulling a barge loaded down with all
sorts of magical and pseudo-magical items. He calls back.]

Goku: Thanks, mister!

[Roshi is standing on the island, clad only in a barrel, sunglasses, and his
"kame" cap. He's holding the bag of Lay's.]

Roshi: The treasures of a lifetime... all gone.

[Roshi takes a handful of chips from the bag and munches them down.]

Roshi: Good chips, though.

[Cut to a shot of Goku talking to the Ox-King in front of his burning
mountain.]

Ox-King: I'll even teach you a technique I've barely been able to master!

[Black. Crunch. Young Goku shouting "Kame hame HA!"]

[Cut to a shot of Goku riding away on the Flying Nimbus with Chichi beside
him.]

Goku: It was awfully nice of your dad to let you come with me.

[Cut to the Ox King's room. Palatial begins to describe it. He's munching on
the chips.]

Ox-King: My daughter... engaged so young...

[He breaks out in a full Soun Tendo Wail.]

[Cut to a shot of the Flying Nimbus and the cycle parked outside a cave.
Chichi is waiting in the cycle.]

[Cut to the inside of the cave, where Goku and Yamcha are talking.]

Yamcha: A true man uses his MIND to overcome the demands of his BODY! I
accept your challenge!

[Black. Crunch.]

[Cut to a shot from behind Yamcha, looking through the mouth of his cave,
watching Goku fly away, with several glittering objects in the back of the
cycle trailing him. Yamcha has his face buried in his hands, and Fuar is
trying to comfort him.]

Yamcha: The work of a lifetime... all gone...

Fuar: Don't worry, Yamcha. Maybe now you can go into baseball like you
always wanted. Besides...

[Fuar bites down on a chip... Goku left the bag again.]

Fuar: ...there are worse things to trade for.

[Cut to a shot of Goku talking to that yakuza rabbit. In one hand is the
ever-present bag of chips. In the other is a carrot, wearing Chichi's Helmet
O' Doom. The rabbit is pointing at the carrot and laughing.]

Rabbit: Sure, I'll change her back, little boy... if you can defeat me!

[The rabbit starts laughing maniacally, and catches sight of the chips in
Goku's hand.]

Rabbit: Hey, what are those?

[Black. Crunch.]

[Cut to a shot of Goku, descending from the sky with that extending pole of
his. He calls skyward.]

Goku: You gonna be OK up there?

[The camera pans upward to reveal he's yelling at the moon. A voice calls
back...]

Rabbit (o.s., weakly): Yeah. Sure. Fine.

[Goku's pole retracts back to its normal length, and he and Chichi hop on
the cloud and cycle, respectively, and race off.]

[Cut to a shot of Emperor Pelong's palace. From inside, we hear a crunch,
and, a few seconds later, the sounds of one tyrannical little emperor having
a nervous breakdown. Goku emerges from the palace gates carrying all seven
Dragon Balls, and he and Chichi head off for points unknown.]

[Cut to a shot of Goku and Chichi gazing up in awe at the Eternal Dragon.]

Eternal Dragon: I am as old as the Earth itself, the very embodiment of all
the power this planet possesses. I can perform feats you have not even
thought to dream of yet.

[Black. Crunch.]

Eternal Dragon (v.o.): This is humiliating...

[Cut to a shot of Goku talking to his grandfather.]

Goku: It's good to have you back, Grandpa.

[They hug each other.]

Grandpa: It's good to be back, grandson. There are a few things I've been
meaning to tell you...

Eternal Dragon (o.s.): How much longer must I endure this?

[We pan back to reveal that Goku and his grandfather are seated on the back
of the Eternal Dragon, who is rocketing across the sky. Chichi is flying
alongside on the Flying Nimbus.]

Goku: You promised you'd stick around until the Dragon Balls reactivated.

Eternal Dragon: How long has it been?

[Chichi pulls the Nimbus alongside the Dragon's head.]

Chichi: Three hours, give or take a few minutes.

Eternal Dragon: Wonderful.

[Goku throws a bag of chips from the dragon's back. The dragon swallows the
bag whole.

Eternal Dragon: At least the food here is good...

[Cut to a placard, with a bag of Lay's and the slogan "No One Can Eat Just
One."]

Emperor Pelong (o.s.): It's mine! Mine! Give it to me!

[Pelong's hand reaches in from off-screen and grabs the bag.]

[Fade to black.]

*****

So I broke just about every rule you set out. Can you blame me?

--G. Falconar