[Scene opens on extreme close-up of padlocked door in the dead of night.]

Female voice: Hee hee hee! Mine! All mine....

[Hands armed with lock picks enter the picture, fiddle with lock, throw
lock picks down in disgust.]

Voice: Damn!

[The hands return with various and sundry implements of destruction...bolt
cutters...blowtorch...hammer and chisel. No luck. Lock holds fast.]

Voice [whiney]: Aww, c'mon...

[Cries of "Fire 3!" "Bolt 3!" and such ensue, followed by appropriate
visual FX. No go. The lock is intact. The camera pulls back a tad as the
would-be burglar goes ballistic, whaling on the lock with an unusually
large shuriken. A sign above the door reads "Materia Shop." The lock still
holds.]

Voice-over: If it's worth protecting, it's worth protecting with a Master
lock.

--Sailor Solathei
"Ice...snacks...and--fifty gallons of BEER!? What kind of life does she
lead, anyway!?" --Shinji Ikari
"Hang on to your drawers and don't piss in 'em!" --Cid Highwind
"A brand new ML to blow up! Wai!" --Zen
"Excuse me, I am a lost little boy. Can you help
me?.........................well, SCREW YOU TOO!" --Cartman
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Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
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Sailor Solathei's Cid Highwind shrine (still under very heavy construction)
http://members.xoom.com/ssolathei/cidshrine.html and the Cid Highwind Otaku
Ring: http://members.xoom.com/ssolathei/ring.html