After brief hiatus, I'm back.
The following is a proofread version of my Infamous Dark Kingdom
Adventures. When I released it before, I mentioned that a really bad
pun was what set this whole thing off. It also represented to things for 
me. One, it was the first story that I ever wrote that wasn't drafted 
out first on paper, and two, it was an experiment of sorts,
mainly to try writing wthout editing myself during the writing process. 
(I was also attempting to, in some weird way, write like A-kun, whose 
style had greatly impressed me.
without further ado,here's the story.

The Dark Kingdom

	The Dark Kingdom was a strange place. Decorated in that avante garde 
way that said, "We hurt people for a living", it was not a nice place to 
visit. Take Queen Beryl's throne room for instance. A large chamber, set 
in rather offensive shades of blue, purple, and black (Beryl wouldn't 
stand for puce), it was topped off by a hideous screaming ghost motif 
carved into the wall.

	Beryl sat at her throne,(not porcelain, for Beryl found it to be too 
fragile, and the drafts tended to be rather annoying) peering into her 
floating scrying staff. Looking up, she said, " Now that we have 
awakened, we must prepare to revive our sempai, Queen Metallia. Does 
anyone have any suggestions?"

	One particularly brave (or extremely stupid) soul stepped forward. "I 
have a question, Beryl-sempai."

	"Speak." she replied.

	"Well, I was wondering, why is it that we have to muck about, getting 
our hands dirty with this necromancy business, when we could get lots of 
energy much more quickly and cleanly with a nice, simple fusion re� 
ribbit."

	Beryl looked at her finger, which was still smoking from turning the 
fool into a frog,
and said, "Damn, I charred a nail." (The finger simply said, �wow, like 
groovy man') Looking out at the assemblage before her, she spoke again. 
"Does anyone have a better idea?" This last statement was said with an 
evil smile.

	A dashing young fellow stepped forward. Dressed in a severe uniform, he 
projected an aura that caused young girls to scream and swoon before 
him. Snapping his fingers, a small youma swept the girls out of the 
chamber. "I Do, Beryl-sempai." he said, simply and to the point.

	Beryl smiled. "Ah, Jadeite-kun tell me, have you started it already?"

	He shook his head. "No. I have been scouting the world outside."

	"So tell me, has it changed much?"

	"I'm afraid we've had a bit of a miscalculation, Beryl-sempai."

	"In what way?" She replied, displeasure curling her lip.
(And the votes are in. Daisuke and Hiroshi give it a 8.5, Ataru 
Moroboshi a �hey good lookin'!', Mason gives it 7 seven for effort, and 
Miyuki, an 8. Lum however, electrocuted her darling for lecherous 
comments.)

	"We're not near the earth."

	"What!?"


	"When the spell to open the door was cast, a mistake may have been 
made, causing it to open the door to somewhere else." said Jadeite, 
straightening his uniform in a way that caused several of the female 
youma present to swoon.

	"To where?" Beryl was starting to seethe at this point, as steam began 
to pour out her ears. (Her finger, meanwhile, said �Hey man, you need to 
relax.')

	"The natives call it the Discworld. It is rich in magic. There is, 
however, a problem."

	"And that is..." said Beryl, who was starting to cool down.

	"It's extremely dangerous. There also seems to be a taboo about the 
number eight."

	"Interesting. Go out onto this.... Discworld, and take the energy of 
its inhabitants, so that we may awaken Metallia-sempai."

	"As you wish, Beryl-sempai." said Jadeite, bowing with a flourish that 
caused several more youma and schoolgirls to pass out. Teleporting out 
of the chamber, a groan rang out among the female youma.

	"That's enough out of you." said Beryl, who waved the youma out of the 
room.
When they left, the small, hunchbacked youma walked up to Beryl. 
Smiling, she looked down upon him and said, "Igorite, clean up this 
mess, and call for my manicurist." The hunchback nodded and said, �yEs 
MaStEr." 

	As Igorite walked off, Beryl called out, "And Igorite, bring me another 
bottle of that... Groovy Juice."

	Igorite nodded and said, "YeS mAsTeR." Lurching off, he hummed a happy 
little tune to himself.

	

	The Shades

	The Shades is an evil place. Not �That� kind of evil place. Besides, 
saying that sort of thing would be suicide in the Shades. In some 
societies, they declare their equivalent of The Shades a �no man's land' 
and wall it off from everyone else. On earth, it is what is known as 
Kowloon.  However, no one on the disc had thought this, and besides, 
they thought of The Shades as an irreplaceable part of Ankh-Morpork, 
like Dibbler's Sausages or The Guilds.

	On one fine evening, a small dog trotted down the sidewalk. Stopping to 
scratch himself, (He claimed to have nearly every single disease known 
on the Disc) He saw a small hunchbacked man walk into the Mended Drum. 
He quickly disregarded this to see what the Assassin's Guild had for 
leftovers.

	Two blocks away, a stray bolt of mystical energy crashed down from the 
sky. The Dog (whose name is Gaspode), would have thought nothing of it, 
were it not for the fact that the bolt struck him. He would not be 
pleased to find that 80% of his fleas were killed, either.

 	

	Jadeite's Room, The Dark Kingdom.

	>Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!<

	Jadeite was banging his head against the wall. There was no particular 
reason for this, except that the writer thought it might be funny. As 
soon as he realized that there was no reason to bang his head against 
the wall, he stopped and walked over to his phone. Picking it up, he 
said, "It's me. I need a youma. No, not one of those. I need something 
for a large scale job. Oh, you have just the thing? Send her to my 
chamber. Yes, that's right, charge it to my account. Thank you."

	Five seconds later, the youma arrived in a shower of oinking lights. 
Yes, that's right. Oinking. Deal with it. The youma bowed and said, 
"Misspiggyite reporting, your cuteness." Jadeite shook his head and 
muttered to himself, �this is the best they  have to send me?' 
Unfortunately for Jadeite, Misspiggyite had very good hearing. It was so 
good in fact, she heard the inflection of his words. She didn't like it. 
Not at all. Raising her hand, she cried, "Hiyah!!!" followed by a karate 
chop. Several chops and �hiyahs' later,  there was a sound of fragile 
cartilage breaking. After a brief moment of silence, Jadeite finally 
mumbled "Ogey, ogey. You gan go. Don' fail be."

	Misspiggyite sweatdropped and said "ano... what did you want me to do?"

	"Go oud and bwing us enegee, so dat we may wagge ap Metawwia-sempai."

	"Oh." the youma twirled and disappeared in another shower of oinking 
lights.

	"By dose.... she hurd by dose."


	The Shades.

	Gaspode finally awoke, shaking his head to clear out that chanting cats 
that had moved into his brain. While shaking didn't get them out, it did 
quiet them down for a while. "Wot the bloody �ell was that?" he asked. 
"I have to do wot!?" Slowly rising to his feet, he walked of to do 
whatever it was that those darned cats wanted him to do.

	Elsewhere in the Shades. 

	In a dark, dreary alley, (no, not the one Gaspode was in, this is a 
good ten blocks away) Misspiggyite arrived in her obligatory shower of 
oinking lights.  "Now what was I supposed to do? Oh yes. That's right. 
Drain energy." Turning, she skipped out of the alley and proceeded to 
wreak havoc on the unsuspecting populace. Or so she thought.

	First it was the Trolls. "Look, it talking pig." 

	"Surrender your energy to the Dark Kingdom!"

	>BASH!< 

	"Oh, look. Pig now flat."


	"Iiiiiteeeeeeeeee.........."

	Then she found some Dwarves.

	"Since announcing my presence doesn't work, I'll be stealthy."

	"GOLDGOLDGOLDGOLD!"

	"No, you got it all wrong. That's the bloody second chorus!"

	As she began draining the Dwarves, she felt a tap on her shoulder. 
Turning, she saw a man dressed in black standing behind her. (And no, 
that isn't a neuralyzer in his hand.)

	"Might I ask what you're doing?" asked the man, whose knife danced in 
his deft hand.

	"Draining energy so that my sempai, Queen Metallia may wake from her 
millenial slumber." hmmphed Misspiggyite.

	"You wouldn't be... inhuming people without a license, would you?"

	"No, I'm doing.... THIS!!!" she said as she drained the assassin of his 
life energy.

	Unfortunately, the commotion alerted the Dwarves, as they had come out 
to see what was going on. Pivoting, she was shocked to see about twenty 
dwarves brandishing axes, warhammer, and blackjacks. "All right pig," 
said one of the dwarves, "just what is going on here?"

	"Awp!"

	

	The Library, Unseen University.

	The Library at the Unseen University was not so much a library as such. 
It was more along the lines of a zoo or prison. This was due to the 
unstable nature of magic on the Disc, seeing that it took millennia for 
it to dissipate. So it was not surprising that the one who kept the 
library was one who would fit in at a zoo.  He was an orangutan.

	What was surprising, however, was the fact that the Librarian had a 
visitor. Even more surprising was the matter of whom was visiting. 

	"Hey, Librarian !"

	"Ook?" asked the Librarian, looking down at the small dog that had 
spoken to him.
Noting the small crescent moon on the dog's forehead, he let out a small 
"oOk?" 

	Gaspode beat his head upon the Library's floor in utter frustration. 
Feeling better, he said, "Since you can't speak, I guess I'm gonna �ave 
ta teach you �sign language'." And lo, it was done.  "Now, since that's 
done, let's get down ta business."  So Gaspode explained the situation. 
"You understand?"

	[YES!] said the sign that the Librarian used to bash down on Gaspode's 
head.

	
	
	The Shades.

	Misspiggyite had had enough. Although she had drained the dwarves of 
their energy,
they had managed to get a few licks in. Despite the fact that her skimpy 
Dark Kingdom Wear(TM) was torn, and a few minor contusions and abrasions 
covered her youma body, she was able to begin a mass drain of everyone 
in her vicinity.

	"HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! Feel the wrath of the Dark Kingdom!" 
cackled Misspiggyite maniacally.

	"ook."

	"HOHOHOHOH� ook?" This was surprising. Facing the source of this �ook', 
she gasped. No, not in horror. In absolute utter shock.

	It was an orangutan. In a sailor fuku. The orangutan turned to the dog 
beside it, and let out a mournful "Oooook?"

	The dog shook his head ruefully and said, "Would you just use the 
bloody sign language like I taught you?"

	[Do I have to?]

	"Look, the sooner we get this done, the sooner you can get out of that 
dress, and I can get this bloody crescent moon off my forehead."

	[Alright.]

	The Librarian faced the youma and held up a sign that said, [Creature 
of Evil, how dare you attack our fair city?] [In the name of the moon, 
I,] [The 
Bishoujou Senshi Sailor Moon] [shall punish you!]

	Misspiggyite looked at Sailor Moon and began to laugh. 
"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!
�You� are the most ridiculous thing I've even seen. Take this!" Punching 
the ground, a wave of energy shot out from the youma's fist, and tore 
through the cobbled streets.

	Sailor Moon grabbed Gaspode and tried to leap out of the way, but was 
lightly clipped by the wave.

	"HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! You'll not escape �ME� that easily!"
said Misspiggyite as a sentient luggage dropped down from above, and 
landed on her, flattening her.



	"Greetings! I am Tuxedo Wizzard!" said a tuxedo-clad figure on a nearby 
rooftop. Atop his head, instead of a top hat, was a conical wizzard's 
hat that had the word �wizzard' written on it in bright, spangly 
speckles.

 The luggage hopped off of Misspiggyite, growled angrily at her, and 
trotted off into a convenient wormhole that had opened up nearby.

	"Sailor Moon! Believe in yourself and you will defeat your enemies!" 
said Tuxedo Wizzard before leaping off the roof into yet another 
convenient wormhole.

	Sailor Moon looked down at Gaspode, who looked up and said, "Take off 
your tiara, throw it at the youma, and say, �Moon Tiara Action!'"

	"OoooK?" 

	"Just get it over with so we can get on with our respective lives." 
replied Gaspode bitterly.

	The Librarian glared at Gaspode for a moment, and as he was asked. 
Pulling the tiara off of his head, it turned into a circular discus-like 
object in his hand. Holding up a sign that read [Moon Tiara Action!], he 
threw the tiara at the youma. The Tiara flew through the air and struck 
the youma in the chest.

	Misspiggyite screamed in pain. "Nooooooo..... it can't end this 
waaaaaaaaay."
There was a bright flash of light as Misspiggyite exploded. When vision 
returned to those stupid enough to watch this lightshow, all that was 
left of her was a pile of dust.

	The Librarian looked down at Gaspode and said, "Oooook?"

	"How the hell should I know?"

	Suddenly things made complete and total sense to the Librarian. A smile 
crossed his enormous lips as the words formed in his head.

	[Gaspode no Baka!] read the sign that tossed Gaspode into LEOspace.


	
	Continent of XXXX.

	Rincewind shook his head a few times to clear his head.  What a dream, 
he thought.
I need to remind myself not to eat any bats before going to sleep.

	"�Ey, Mate. Nice threads." said a passing local.

	Rincewind looked down at himself and seeing that he was wearing a caped 
tuxedo, screamed his head off.

	
	Meanwhile at the Unseen University....

	"It's been a strange day." remarked the Lecturer in Recent Runes.

 	"Yes, quite." agreed the Senior Wrangler.

	"Did you see the magical girl fight off an evil monster?" piped in the 
Bursar.

	"Actually I heard that the Librarian was seen wearing a dress down in 
the shades."
replied Archchancellor  Ridcully. This was before the Librarian walked 
and bapped Ridcully's head into a bowl of soup with a sign that read, 
quite simply, [Baka!]



	The Dark Kingdom.
	
	"Jadeite-kun! You have failed me! Do you have an explanation for this?" 
inquired a very cross Queen Beryl, whose was starting to turn red from 
anger.

	"Yeth, thempai. Youba'th'ar'uth thent be a rousy  youba."  

	"I see. And what about these reports that they've been sending you 
youmas on a fairly regular basis?" replied Beryl.

	(Damn!) thought Jadeite. (She's found me out. I was hoping to save this 
for a later time, but I guess I'll have to play this card now.) 
"Thempai, I habe been tethding a new type of youba foa dem." he snapped 
his fingers and a massively muscular youma entered the chamber and 
walked up to Beryl's throne.

	Beryl stared at the youma intently for a moment, and said, 
"Interesting. Very well, I'll let you live, for now. Leave me."

	Jadeite nodded and left the chamber supported by several female youma.

	"Brainite! Report!"

	A small mouse with an abnormally large head and wearing a general's 
uniform, stepped forward, and bowed. The mouse was followed by another 
mouse, who was taller and wore a similar uniform. The second mouse had a 
rather... dizzy look about him.
	
	"Yes! Beryl-sempai. I was successful in getting the door to open 
somewhere on earth, but there were some complications." reported 
Brainite.

	Beryl arched an eyebrow. "Complications?"

	Brainite nodded his massive head and continued. "When the door was 
reopened, a human girl tried to charge us money to pass through."


	"What!? Did you use the youma that was assigned you?"

	"Yes. Unfortunately, two martial artists crashed through the wall and 
destroyed it in the course of the fight. Readings have indicated that, 
that world, while similar, was not the one we were looking for." replied 
Brainite.

	"I understand. Leave me."

	Brainite nodded and turned to his companion. "Come, Pinkyite. We must 
return to the Dark Labs to prepare for tomorrow night."

	"Gee, Brainite, what are we  going to do tomorrow night?" asked 
Pinkyite.

	"The same thing we always do, Pinkyite. Try to take over the world!"

	"Oh, that. Right then."

	Beryl blanched as their fanfare accompanied them out of the room. 
Letting out a sigh of relief, she slumped into her throne.

	"MaStEr?"

	"Yes, Igorite?" asked Beryl, looking down at the pitiful looking youma.

	Igorite held up a pottery jug that was stoppered with a large piece of 
cork. "YoUr gRoOvY JuIcE, mAsTeR."

	Beryl accepted the jug and patted the youma on the head. "Thank you, 
Igorite. I don't know what I'd do without you."

	"ThAnK yOu MaStEr."

	

				The End


			Dark Kingdom Adventures
			Fit the Firste
			Bishoujou Senshi Sailor Moon.

		
			ED Song: Just Another Day; Oingo Boingo
	
	

Ash's Notes

For those of you with little or no Japanese skills, and are wondering 
what the pun was, it has to do with the word Shojo. Depending on how you 
stressed the o's,  you would get �young virgin', �young girl', or 
�orang-outang'. That's it. During the course writing this, I got the 
Idea to do some other stories that would Show the Dark Kingdom dealing 
with different worlds� and Sailor Moons. The next one is tentatively 
titled ; �Sailor Moon the Psychic Girl'. This has nothing to do with Mai 
the Psychic Girl, and deals with someone else forced to become Sailor 
Moon. Other Ideas include; �Sailor Moon SSJ', and �Neon Genesis Sailor 
Moon'. I may ditch the last one for being way too silly.-- then again, 
maybe not.
  It is interesting to note that when I first released this, that so 
many people responded to this story so positively. Especially since I 
hadn't even bothered to proofread it, which has been done for this. When 
I wrote this, I was expecting to flamed heavily for this, and all I got 
was a �certifiable' from the Lurker. (Thanks!)
	It also does one good to see that my week of madness not only inspired 
more humorous Sailor Moon stories, but is still mentioned from time to 
time.
	Work on fit the seconde is coming, albeit slowly.  Expect more 
silliness, some Pythonisms, and a rather irritated Sailor Moon.
	Until next time....

Ash.

"Good morning, doctors. I have taken the liberty of removing Windows
95 from my hard drive."
The winning entry in a 'What ere HAL's first words' contest judged by
'2001: A Space Odyssey' creator Arthur C. Clarke.

"...But cats are sneaky," I added.
She tossed her head, raised a paw and studied it.
"There are certain pleasures to be had in lurking."
"For cats," I added.
"...and certain knowledges gained."
"Such as...?"
 Snuff and Graymalk from,
     A Night In The Lonesome October


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