Subject: [FFML] [FIC][TENCHI] POV: Ryo-Oki
From: Deunan
Date: 5/18/1998, 10:11 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

I know I shouldn't be writing other fics while doing Homecomings with Kain The
Seeker.  Blame the muse I guess...

and just for the record, I wrote this before the Profiles series was released
(eery coincidence due to the differing point of view aspects to the fics....)

______________
Point of View: Ryo-Oki

by Deunan (deunan@aol.com)
______________
MENTAL LOG


No one really understands me.  Well, I guess that's not true Washuu does.
Ryoko...she's different.  The others, as much as I love them, just see
me as a cute pet.  I guess its understandable.  Most species, see little
quadraped hopping rodents that can only communicate verbally through the
varied use of a 'miya' as either cute or disgusting pests.  *Sigh* 
even Tenchi who seems more 'enlightened' than most humans (blind at the
sametime).  Adding into the fact that carrots are slighly euphoric to my 
system...

Maybe that's my I'm starting this journal thing, half hopping
someone is going to read it.   I am rambling again.

Though, It is for the better.  What if Ayeka and Ryoko thought I wanted him?
*laughter*  

Washuu...by definition she's my mother.  She never treats me that way.  
That's why I care for her, that's why I hate her.  Their are times, when
we're in her lab, we would talk.  Its nice to have someone listen to me for a
change.  Mostly, its about flying.

Flying...I love its nothing anyone but maybe one of those damn tree-ships
could understand.  Not many of us bio-ships out there.  None with true
sentiance like me.  Its a rush combat flying; the ultimate flying
experiance some terran fighter pilot once said.  Its true.  In some perverse
way I liked raiding with Ryoko.  Ryoko...Ryoko... deity, this is hard.

I love her.

No, its not like what that bitc...err..Princess Ayeka and Ryoko feels for
Tenchi.  Its something deeper, more pure, than I've ever seen any
mortal have.  I don't know when or how it happened...maybe its the beautiful
thing about love like this.  

Their's no lust or appearences to get in the way.  None of that crap.  Its
all in the mind and soul.  Our mind link is deeper than she knows not even
Washuu knows.  Picking up thoughts, seeing through my eyes, she doesn't know
how much I can see through her eyes, her thoughts.  

Every thought, every musing...and yearning.  When Kagato controlled the two
of us.  I could see past the laughs and smiles of enjoyment as she killed or
the roars of almost sexual pleasure as she wiped one more body destroyed
one more family.  She was crying inside with no tears to shed, screaming with
no mouth to scream.  She was trapped inside her body.  She was denied every
child should have, a childhood.

They don't know it: how she can feel pain so much more easily than any of
us.  The fears or the nightmares that come to her in the night.  And, I 
throw myself at them just to shield her...

I see her staring at the night skies crying.  She's so alone; and she'll
never be alone as long as I exist.  They don't know what hell she's gone
through or what she is going through.  As clear as day, I can see her going
mad in the shrine Yosho imprisoned her in.  I can see her wandering as a 
wraith seeing Tenchi for the first time.

I was there the whole time a wraith to a wraith even though I slept beneath
the lake.  I don't hate Washuu for letting us rot in the darkness like that.
It freed us yet has forever scared us.  Nor do I hate her for creating us
as biological weapons.  It broke Kagato's control; Ryoko doesn't see that but
neither is she in tune with her powers on such a level as I am with mine.    

She never tried to make amends with Ryoko never once.  She still goes on
hiding whatever she feels from us all.  She talks with me as if I what
happened to her TRUE daughter never happened.  And each day, Ryoko is dying
bit by bit.

I try to love her as she wishes she were loved.  Even after everything,
even though I can feel her hate for Washuu, she still wants to be loved. 
To be loved, to be held, to be cared for unconditionally just once
as mother to daughter and (with Tenchi) as lover to lover.

Ayeka, she's...so ignorant to everyone else including Sasami.  So selfish,
she can't understand what its like not to feel love or to feel maddness.  Is
it any wonder to anyone why Ryoko is so outgoing so affectionate.  Its all
grasping for straws.

I feel so helpless.  I'm so scared.  Ryoko doesn't know I cry when she's in 
pain and laugh with her few joys.  She can feel so pain so easily...I could 
lower my shields and barriers letting her into my mind.

Am I afraid of what she would see?  Or can't face the fact that she may feel
something for me beyond what me have?  Me being her ship and she being my
'master'.  I am content to live in her shadow to protect her from whatever
demons inner and outer anything to be her guardian.

The portal has opened to the lab right now... *sigh*   Its Sasami, one of
the few things that make Ryoko happy; it makes me happy.  Something about her
...so unlike her sister.  She can care so easily.  Maybe Ryoko's sees the
hidden, vulnerable part of herself in the girl.  There is a bond between the
two.  It brings out the best in Ryoko; a bond I can't touch.  I must admit, 
being with Sasami cheers me up.  Maybe being a pet, at least to Sasami, isn't
all that bad.  But I can sense something for her...powerful yet...

*****

Sasami entered the sub-space lab.  "Washuu, Ryo-oki, lunch!"  She called out.
She spotted Ryo-oki perched on a keyboard.  "What are you doing?"  The cabbit
miyaed softly a depressing tone two her ears.  "Why so glum?  Let me fix you
some lunch..."

*****

-So beautiful even when sad.-  Ryo-oki watched as her master thrashed in her
sleep.  

She whimpered mournfully in her sleep.  A tear crept from the cabbit's eyes. 
Silently, she hopped onto the bed working her way into the space pirate's 
arms.  The women reacted in her sleep hugging the furry creature to her chest
soothed by the warmth and touch...and unconditional love. 
*****


End