[We see Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke in a room with a computer monitor.]

Gary: Hi, everybody. It's time once again for Shonen Sunday Theater
3000. We've been locked inside the bowels of Furinkan High School by a
certain insane Principal, and every now and then he sends a fic for us
to read and make clever commentary on. As it just so happens, he's
calling now!

[Ms. Hinako appears on the computer screen. She's in her adult form.]

Gary: Or maybe not.

Hinako: I'm afraid the Principal couldn't be here today. He's been
involved in a little labor-management dispute at Furinkan. He should be
recov-- I mean returning before too long, but in the meantime, I've
picked out a fanfiction for you myself!

Hiroshi: Really? What kind?

[Hinako abruptly shrinks down to child form]

Hinako: I'm not quite sure what it's about, or who's in it. But the
title has some foreign words that I thought were just so cute!

Daisuke: ...

Hinako: Ready? Well, here it comes!

Edward Becerra <eabecerr@henge.com> wrote:

  "Ready?"

Gary: That's what Hinako asked.

  "Why do your people always ask if someone is ready right before you are
   going to do something massively unwise?"
  "Tradition."

Hiroshi: Besides, it spreads the blame around after you screw up. You
can claim that the other person agreed to it.

     - Sinclair and Delenn in Babylon 5: War Without End, part 1

  "Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on Earth."
     - Will Rogers

Daisuke: How about janitor at a nuclear plant?

Hiroshi: Food taster for Kodachi Kuno?

Gary: Fact checker for Rush Limbaugh?

Daisuke: Huh?

  The next morning was a rather tentative time. 

Hiroshi: Scheduled for sometime tomorrow in the AM... subject to change.

Ed was cautious about how
he approached Minerva, and her actions were similar.  As a result, breakfast
was..  awkward.

Daisuke: Ed tried to stack eight slices of toast on top of one another.

  "Min?  Do you..  I mean, is there anything further on _why_ I'm here?"

Hiroshi: Well, this is a self-insert, and you're the author, so...

  "We have to go along with the Lovely Angels.  It's not so much meeting

Daisuke: Great! Farrah Fawcett, Kate Jackson...

Gary: Uh, no.

them, as it seems to be a case of meeting someone else _through_ them." She
paused for a moment.

  "Boss?  You spilled your cereal in your lap.  Boss?  Boss?" She waved a
hand in front of his eyes, then finally snapped her fingers next to his
ears.  That did the trick.

  "We have to go with the Angels."

Hiroshi: I really hope the Principal hasn't sent us an Eva crossover
here....

  "Right, b'wana."

  "We have to go with the Angels."

Daisuke: The 49ers or the Padres just won't do.

  She sighed.  "You're repeating yourself again, boss.  Do you need a cold
shower?"

  "We have to go with the Angels."

Hiroshi: I think the record's stuck. Record's stuck. Record's stuck.
Record's stuck.

  Minerva sighed again, and a bucket of cold water shimmered into existance

Gary: Existence.

over his head.  It tilted itself, and deluged him.  "Better now?"

  He sputtered, shaking the water from his hair.  "Thank you.  I think I
needed that." He stood and reached for a large linnen napkin and started

Gary: linen

  "I _could_ say something, but you taught me it wasn't polite to kick a
person when they're down," she smirked.

Hiroshi: How about when they're not looking?

  "Now _there_ is a phrase that will echo down the corridores of time,

Gary: Corridors

Daisuke: How come the prereaders didn't catch any of these typos? Get on
the ball, Gaffney... Zen... whoever!

boss.  'I NEED to get caught by the Lovely Angels.'" She began to snigger
uproariously.  "The hentai possibilities alone are overwhelming."

  Ed gave her a dirty look.  "Despite rumors to the contrary, I am NOT a
pervert.

Hiroshi: I just play one on TV!

  He grinned.  "Tsk, tsk.  And you a computer, too.  Whatever would Alan
Turing have to say?"

Daisuke: Probably "0101000101001111101010000111"

Gary: No, that's Boole.

Hiroshi: Turing Japanese, I really think so!

  Above the planet, the `Lovely Angel' entered a parking orbit.  Kei was
smiling fiendishly as she contacted the local authorities.  Closing the
channel, she turned to Yuri.  "That should do it.  All outgoing traffic will
be halted and turned back.  Incoming traffic won't be affected, so Goulet
shouldn't be TOO upset."

Hiroshi: Never liked his singing anyway....

  "True, but we can hold this longer than we could a total system
quarantine," grinned Kei.  "As long as customers are coming INTO the system
and spending money, the owners of this world shouldn't complain too loudly.
They're still making a profit, after all." She snickered.  "Besides, we've
been doing pretty good on this one.  No one's died, there's been no _major_
property damage, and we haven't shot up anything. 

Daisuke: And we've been here ten whole minutes!

  Zen raised an eyebrow.  "If that's what you call a success, then taking
Captain Edwards and his ship intact should rate as a full blown miracle."

Hiroshi: How come he doesn't tell us what Zen looks like?

Gary: Y'know, I saw Zen at Anime Central, and it is *damn* hard to
imagine him as a female...

  Kei's face darkened slightly, but rather than snap at Zen, she tried to
reply politely.

Daisuke: And failed horribly!

 "It would, Zen-chan, it would.  I'm _tired_ of having a
reputation as a blood-thirsty brain-dead gun-girl who shoots first and asks
questions later.  And I _am_ going to lose that stigma, starting with THIS
case!"

Hiroshi: "From now on I'll be known as a blood-thirsty brain-dead
gun-girl who shoots and doesn't bother to ask questions at all!"

  "Bailey?"

  "Yes, sir?" responded the urbane concierge.  "May I help you?"

Daisuke: "Stop lazing against this tree and go get General Halftrack's
jeep ready!"

  "I have a rather unusual request, Bailey.  I hope you can handle it." Ed
looked pensively at the majordomo's image in the screen.

  "The Croessus endevors to serve, sir.  How may I assist you?"

Gary: Endeavors

  Ed took a deep breath and dove right in.  "Bailey, the Worlds Welfare
Works Association is interested in me. 

Hiroshi: "But I really just want to be friends."

  Bailey caught on quickly, as would be expected from a person in his
position.  "And were the trouble consultants to suspect that you came along
willingly, you might not find the person or item you are searching for.  I
see.  So you need the hotel staff to coperate with the 3WA agents in such a

Gary: Cooperate

manner as to cause them to believe that you've been surprised, and that your
`arrest' is not an pre-arranged act."

  "That's right." Ed grinned.  "Bailey, if I didn't have a highly skilled
and extremely capable assistant already, I'd be seriously tempted to try to
hire you out from under the owner of this hotel." He named a figure.

Hiroshi: 36-24-36!

  Bailey bowed and smiled faintly, "Sir, I am greatly honored, but my life
is here.

Daisuke: "Besides, sir, I'm actually an AI."

  The chief executive officer of the Repose Corporation did inform them
that this co-operation _was_ contingent upon their ability to, as he put it,
`avoid scaring the cash customers'. 

Hiroshi: The ones who pay by credit card, on the other hand... the heck
with 'em!

  Security Commandant Benjamin L. Harrison wasn't buying it.  A spare man

Daisuke: Always good to have a spare man lying around.

Hiroshi: He just means that he's a bowler, I guess.

of medium height, he glared at Yuri from behind his glasses.  His goatee
quivered in barely supressed rage.  "I've got some news for you three

Gary: Suppressed

'ladies'.  This is MY world, and _I_ am the law here.  The ONLY people who

Hiroshi: I'm the god! I'M THE GOD!!

can tell me what to do are the CEO and the Board of Directors of Repose.

Daisuke: So it's actually NOT your world, and you're just a peon.

Gary: You don't need to rub it in, y'know.

They make the regulations, I _enforce_ the regulations, and you will OBEY
the regulations or I'll toss your undoubtedly lovely assets off of this
planet so fast, your HAIR will hurt!"

  Kei stepped forward, he face dark, and began to say something.  Yuri

Hiroshi: "My hair already does hurt, sir!"

  "How I got them doesn't matter one bit, Agent Kei.  What _does_ matter is
that you're going NOWHERE on this world without a security escort, AND a
professional witness. 

Gary: Like that's gonna help...

  Yuri smiled at him, while her right arm snaked behind Kei's back,
grabbing her hand in a painful thumb-lock.  "That's fine, Commandant.  No
problem whatsoever.  We accept your terms gratefully.  Can you have your men
take us to the dock where Captain Edward's ship currently is?  We'd like to

Hiroshi: Is his name Captain Edwards, or Captain Edward?

Gary: Maybe it's Captain Edward Edwards.

  "Just as soon as the team arrives, Agent Yuri.  After you're done there,
they'll acompany you to the Croessus Hotel, where Edwards is currently

Gary: Accompany

  It also helped that every single man on the squad could have moonlighted
for the Chippendales dance team.  Kei started to visibly salivate.  Yuri was
having a slight problem with self-control as well.  She inhaled suddenly,
and started to cough.  Zen, however, simply looked bored.

  Yuri jabbed her in the ribs with an elbow.  "What the hell's the matter
with you?!" she hissed in a disbelieving tone.

  Zen whispered back, "Zen is a _guy_, remember?"

Daisuke: Yeah, and Zen has the hots for Ukyo, remember?

Hiroshi: Hey, that's right! Why isn't she in this?

  It was Kei's voice, saying "Yuri, do you suppose we could get them to
help us investigate a strip joint after we capture Edwards?

Gary: End quote.

  *Maybe this situation won't turn into a disaster,* Harrison thought as he

Daisuke: Yeah right.

dry-swallowed the tablets.  *I believe this will turn out all right.  I
_believe_ that.  I also believe that somewhere in the hills of Tennessee
there is a pig that really can whistle.*

Hiroshi: So THAT'S where P-chan got to!

  Ed blinked in surprise.  "Hadn't thought of that.  Steak and eggs for
myself, a Denver omlet for Minerva.  Hash browns.  Toast, pastries, and

Gary: omelet

fresh orange juice all around."

  Bailey smiled.  "Very good, sir.  We will have everything prepared by the
time your guests arrive." The screen went dark.

  Minerva tapped him on the shoulder.  "They're approaching my slip,

Gary: Is that a typo, or is one of them Happosai?

b'wana.  How do you want me to play it?"

Daisuke: Allegro, key of B-flat major, please.

  "The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve
   disorder."

Hiroshi: Dis order, not dat other order.

     - Mayor Daley of Chicago, 1968 political convention.

  Kei sucked on her tingling fingers and used some words that even the
experienced members of the Ops team weren't familiar with.  "Damned thing's
got a static shield!"

Daisuke: (Yuri voice) Great! Now my dress won't cling!

  He grinned.  "I'd enjoy seeing that.  Or watching them _try_, at least.
Anything that can make it through YOUR shields wouldn't leave much of the
planet left behind."

Gary: That's redundant. Take out "left"

  "I _never_ should have let you read my journels.  That was NOT a Good
Idea."

Gary: Journals

  "Oh...  I don't know about that.  _I_ certainly enjoyed it."

  "Arrrgh!" Ed rubbed his eyes.  "Anyway, they _are_ on the way over,
right?"

  She nodded.  "Just left the slip."

Daisuke: Just left the slip, headed for the bra.

Hiroshi: So Ed gave them the slip?

  Kei glared back.  "YOU got no room to talk.  All YOU got hit with was a
Key Lime pie.  And that's your favorite flavor, too!"

Hiroshi: Maybe it was a Kei Lime pie!

  The blue-haired trouble consultant smiled and licked a tiny bit of crust

>from her lips.  "Can I help it if I got lucky?"

  Kei growled, causing some of the soaked security men to take several
more steps away from her.  They sighed, and tried to gather together what
little self respect they had left. 

Daisuke: Which didn't take long....

  He returned to his desk, smiling.  "It's been a very long time since
anything interesting happened around here," he murmured, in a voice too low
for the clerk to hear.  "It will be nice to have a little excitement again."
His smile widened, and using his personal override, he switched the view

>from the garden cameras over to his personal console.  "Time to watch the

fireworks."

                                  * * *

H&D: Ooooh!! Aaaaaah!!

  A smiling young man was quietly slipping through the garden towards one
of the many breakfast patios located in there.  It would have been hard to
mistake him for a guest now, unless he was a very eccentric one.  The

Gary: Unless he were

  The three trouble consultants stepped out from behind the decorative
screen of foliage surrounding the small patio, followed by Lieutenant Farber
and his men.  There was a positively gloating smile in Kei's face.  She
rubbed her hands together with relish.

Hiroshi: What, were they eating hot dogs?

  She shook her head, nodding towards her partners.  "For once, a case of
ours has NOT ended in all-out mass destruction.  No cities going up in
smoke, no planets exploding, no mobs howling for our deaths..." Her

Daisuke: Hey, it isn't over yet!

  The young man in the leather jacket smirked.  "I don't think so." He
lifted both hands and to the Angels' shock, began to sketch symbols in
midair with glowing hands.

Hiroshi: Abstract art?!? NOOOOOOO!!!!

  "Whatever it is that you're doing, you're going to stop it RIGHT NOW!"
shouted Kei.  Her eyes were on the stranger, so she failed to see Ed snap
the duralloy shock cuffs with a single twist of his wrists.  Before either
Yuri, Zen or any of the security squad could stop him, he dove towards the
stranger, arms outstretched, roaring "DIE, COYOTE!"

Daisuke: So that's it! He's after Ed because he gave up on chasing the
Road Runner!

  Yuri was the first to recover, finding herself on her hands and knees.
She hadn't felt like this since the last time Kei had taken her out drinking
in singles bars.  It was hard to focus her eyes, and there seemed to be
something in front of her face that attracted her eyes.  She also felt a

Gary: I'd say "attracted them," since you already mention "eyes" in the
sentence.

  Minerva winced, and glared at the trouble consultant.  "I have a
splitting headache, and I happen to remotely control a starship that has a
minimum firepower rating of one teraton per second.  Do you _really_ want to
piss me off, Ms. Kei?"

Hiroshi: "Yeah! YEAH!! We've never EVER caused THAT much damage before!"

Daisuke: Hey, how much is a teraton anyway?

Gary: You know those sixteen-ton weights that we always drop on Sasuke
in those stories that we never send out?

Daisuke: Yeah?

Gary: Picture 62.5 billion of them at once.

Daisuke: Oh.

  While he was on site again, he'd taken the opportunity look over some

Gary: opportunity to look over

  A second person, this one in a torn and scuffed shipsuit followed the

Gary: shipsuit, followed

  They hurried to the stairway, easing the still unconsious Zen through the

Gary: unconscious

door and headed up to the suite as fast as they could.

Hiroshi: Now Zen finally has an excuse for not finishing his fics very
quickly...

Gary: And that's a wrap! We enjoyed it, Ed! Good luck to you, and here's
hoping your situation turns out as well as possible.

[The fic fades, and Hinako reappears.]

Hinako: Well, I guess that's it for this week, boys! Until next...

[A crash is heard.]

Hinako: What's this?! Some delinquent students are breaking into the
Principal's office!

[An amplified voice is heard.]

Voice: REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE, AND RAISE YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD. YOU
ARE UNDER ARREST IN THE NAME OF THE 3WA!

[Hinako steps out of shot]

Gary: What are the Dir... um, the Angels doing here?

Daisuke: That was my idea. I sent out an E-mail for help, explaining how
we were locked up here against our will! It looks like I actually
managed to get through!

[Meanwhile, the sounds of gunfire and explosions are heard]

Hinako voice: What are you naughty, naughty girls doing?!

Yuri voice: It's like a jungle in here! Ew!!

Kei voice: Right!! Prepare to fire extra-strength defoliant, followed by
incendiaries!

Hinako: I'll show you hoodlums a thing or--

[The computer screen suddenly dissolves into static, as the sound is
replaced by a loud hissing. Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke stare at each
other blankly.]

Gary: Um... 

Daisuke: Er...

Hiroshi: So how much food do we have left?


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics