"Freemage ." <freemage@hotmail.com> wrote:

 Thoughts are denoted by {X}, text by [X].
 Ramblings regarding customs portrayed are at the end of the fic.*

Any fanfics to declare? Pass through, please!

  The Even now, several days after the Kunou mansion had been

Take out "The"

destroyed in the patriarch's last, desperate attempt to restore the

I'd take out the comma there.

  Ranma-chan continued to glower for a moment, and sighed, her
shoulders sagging.  "Akane, look, by law, at least, she was my
fiancee.  Would you get mad if I took the role of her family?"

Won't Nodoka be a bit curious about this?

  P-Chan nodded, then started to slip under the bed, failing to
notice the mischevious gleam in Nabiki's eyes.  The hot water struck

mischievous

  Smirking, Nabiki rummaged through the drawer next to her bed. 
"Your wish is my command," she intoned, dramatically, as she dropped
a spare hospital gown down to where he could reach it, "Oh mighty
bearer of the Sweet Pork Buns."

Heh.

   Akane's eyes grew wide.  "What?  Today is Tomobiki?  Oh, no..." 
She stared worriedly at "Ranko".  "What have I done...?"

That explains the alien in the bikini!

   Onna-Ranma sighed, knowing she was beat.  "OK, but I expect an
explaination when we get home, you got it?"

explanation

   "You're right," she said with an almost-straight face, "It was
hillarious."

hilarious

   "Oh, stop.  A girl's entitled to a little fun... Especially when
she's as bored as I've been these last few days.   It's times like
this I wish I was still into martial arts, so I could recover as fast

I wish I were

   Ryouga grimmaced, then sat down.  "So, any chance of talking you

grimaced

   "Wait a minute.  How did you find all this out?"  Nabiki realized
his mind was trying to sieze on little trivialities to keep from

seize

   A confused look passed over Ryouga's face, until he realized that
the draft he was feeling wasn't his imagination, after all.  Blushing
furiously and lutching at the back of the hospital gown, he whipped

"Lutching?" Don't know what you meant to say here.

   A gentle, but powerful, grip siezed his shoulder, preventing

seized

   "Ummm... Gos, I want a doll, not a spleen."

"Sorry. You should have expleened your needs better!"

   "Anyway, that night I wandered into your house as a pig, hating
every minute of it.  When Akane found me, I tried to run, but she
grabbed me, then she... she hugged me.  And spoke nice to me.  I
suppose you think I'm silly, but it had been so long since _anyone_
had been kind to me...  It gave me hope, that there might really be
someone out there, someone that would return my love for them.  And
that's why I have to keep fighting for her, because without her, I
lose that hope.  I don't expect you to understand, but that's how it
is."

No Akari in this continuity, I take it?

  As they entered the crematoria, the priest handed them both
chopsticks.  Confusion crossed Ranma-chan's face.  "Huh?  What are
these for?"

"I think we've got an eater here!" (Sorry, had to beat Keener to this
joke.)

  Anyway, here are a few more details, as I understand them:
  The condolence gifts are supposed to be a small cash donation
delivered in a special black envelope, availible in most stationary

available

  After the ceremony, the ashes are placed in the urn and taken back
to the family's home for thirty-five days before being returned to
the cemetary for burial.  Of course, things are going to come to head

cemetary

Nice job of writing, as usual. Keep 'em coming!



Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics