Wonderful, Gary. I especially liked the way every scene ended with
"no-one else could keep a secret like this"...

	"Right," Daisuke replied. "That's the thing about the people in
this neighborhood. They're predictable. You always know where they
stand."

Famous last words, eh?

	He had just completed an hour's kendo practice session, in which
he had demonstrated to a particularly brash young freshman the error of
underestimating one's elders. Though the Blue Thunder had yet to defeat
Ranma Saotome, he was still a force to be reckoned with.

The yet-still combination sounds slightly awkward to me.

"The Blue Thunder may have yet to defeat Ranma Saotome, but he was still
a force to be reckoned with"? But "may have yet" is bad, too.

	"Greetings, Upperclassman." He bowed properly, then held out the
bouquet. "I bear an offering for the Pig-Tailed Girl."

Doesn't "upperclassman" sound a bit wierd considering she doesn't
go to school?

Sexist, too! Should be Upperclassperson! :)

	Akane closed her bedroom door. She smiled at the piglet resting
atop her bed, playfully scratching him under the chin. "Ready for
beddy-bye, P-chan?"

Tsktsktsk. Really, considering the rest of the fic, I'm disappointed
to see *this*; which is all but unusual. Heck, there's all to many
people convinced this *is* the way it is.

Sure, I'll admit to not liking pigboy (I'd jump onto the challenge
reposted the other day, were I not a slow writer with too many
projects already), but there's just no way this is original and/or
far-concieved.

	Soun stared as the youngsters filed out of the room. After
several moments, he rose from his chair. "Well, Saotome. Shall we get in
a little practice session?"

...

...

No! No! PLEASE DON'T!

	The men took seats on the floor in front of the TV as an image
formed. "Debbie Does Daito," Soun answered.

*phew*

:)


---
Ronny Hedin, thark@swipnet.se, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
KotTF   -><-  "Momomoto, Famous Japanese, can swallow his nose."