"Bert Miller" <bertmiller@unn.unisys.com> wrote:

 "Wow." Yuka stared wide-eyed at the chaotic scene. "You usually
don't see this many of them together on a Wednesday."

I liked this touch.

"P-chan!" Akane exclaimed joyfully as she looked down at the black
piglet who was climbing out. "How did you get here? Come to Mommy!"

 Daisuke smirked at Hiroshi. "Bet she'll kill him when she finds out."

This was good, too - the idea that Ryouga = P-Chan is so obvious that even
Daisuke and Hiroshi know it, but Akane still doesn't.

Yeah, since I needed to do an "Everyday life in Nerima" scene, I decided
to do it from the point of view of the "normal" characters so it would
hopefully be a little different.

Mousse-Cologne : Plausible, but not interesting.  New to me.  The
explanation for keeping it secret seemed contrived.  I'm not sure the drug
was required; you could have used hitherto-unrevealed consequences of
Mousse's upbringing.

That's a possibility, I suppose...

Kodachi-Nabiki : Plausible, interesting.

Tatewaki-Kasumi : More serious treatment than 'Nameless Sequel'.
Plausible, but overlong.  I agree with a few of the other comments; this
pairing should be explored more.

Nodoka-Kouchou : TRULY demented.  Congratulations!

THANK YOU! :-)

Ranma-Shampoo : Good.  Not enough people seem to get these two together,
even for fun.  I don't think the Jusenkyo-period explanations were
required, though good; all you had to do was make Ranma act like any normal
16 year old boy confronted by a willing beautiful woman, instead of the
Takahashi purified-of-lust version. 

I wanted to establish that R&S got together before Ranma knew about any
of the other engagements. If he had known, he would've been reluctant to
start up with Shamps.

Ranma's motives for secrecy are good,
but is willingness to please Ranma really strong enough to keep Shampoo

>from taunting her rivals?

For the "real" Shampoo, maybe not -- although she *does* know that
she'll be getting the last laugh. This one might well have a bit more
self-control. While I'm trying to stay faithful to the spirit of the
characters, some of them are obviously changed a bit in this universe.
Canonical Kuno, for example, couldn't keep a secret the way this one
can.

Soun & Genma : Why would they bother to keep this a secret? 

Because it's an undignified thing to be doing? Because of Nodoka?

And where is
Happosai?  He'd CERTAINLY be watching with them.  

Either he doesn't know, or he does watch with them whenever he's not
doing something else.

Of course, if Happosai
*IS* with Tarou...  Maybe a threesome?  Tarou/Happosai/Rouge?  Think what
you could do with six arms...

Heh. The possibilities are endless!

Thanks for the feedback!


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics