Subject: [FFML][More proof of insanity][teaser] An Asian Fanfic Writer in MegaTokyo
From: Elsa Bibat
Date: 5/15/1998, 2:28 PM
To: "'ffml@fanfic.com'" <ffml@fanfic.com>

I AM GOING NUTS !!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I'm finishing off the FFML Encyclopedia, BTW anyone who's
got a copy of Tales Of Shampoo 1 just send it over. I won't be able
to finish my analysis of it if I've don't got Book 1.

Anyway below is another proof of my loss of Sanity Points because of some
factors i.e. I HAVE SEEN CTHULHU !!!!!!!!. Well, it's just an idea but I kinda
like it. So enter the freak show and see the FANFIC WRITER !!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer:
Yes, there's a bit of BGC. I'm using it
without permission. There is someone
in there that expressly belongs to me. 
I think you should know her by the
second she's introduced. And yes that
_is_ Weird Al.

************

May 2035

Priss wiped the sweat off her forehead as she changed to her normal
clothes. The exhilaration from her performance was slowly being
replaced by tiredness as she fixed herself in the dressing room.Priss
turned around to a faint knock on the door. 

' Wait a minute !' Priss said as she stood up, toweling off more sweat.
She really should ask the manager to fix the airconditioning.

She opened the door to be greeted by an unusual sight. It was a woman,
shoulder-length black hair and a pair of black eyes that seemed to twinkle
a bit. The woman was unsurprising but what she wore was weird by Hot
Legs standards. A business suit, something Priss would expect Sylia to
wear, black as midnight matching the woman's hair, in one hand a brief
case and in another a picture of Priss in her stage costume.Priss first 
thought that she was from a record company, but she saw the twinkle in
the woman's eyes again. *Yup, definitely another one of my crazed fans*

' Hello, I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you or anything but can I get your autograph,
Priss-sama ?' the woman asked a cheery smile on her face.

*Hey ! She actually managed not to sound like a psychotic fan !* Priss thought.
Then she remembered something. ' How'd you get through Lou ?'

' Lou ? The bouncer ? Um...he suddenly had extra money and decided to get a
beer to cool off.' the woman said again, the unnervingly cheery smile on her
face making Priss ask herself why she always got the psychos. The woman
noticed her look and laughed.

' Sorry about my clothes, but I just concluded a business deal and rushed over
when I heard you're playing in the Hot Legs.I'm kinda from outta town. Will you
sign.'         
             
Priss gave the woman a nervous smile. *That horrible laugh ! She's gotta be a
psycho ! I better sign and get rid of her. When Lou comes back,we'll have a
long talk* Priss smiled at what she'll do to the bouncer for letting another psycho
near her. She took the photo and a pen. 'Who do I sign it to ?'

'Elsa.'

*************           

The woman practically capered down the dark alleyway. She was singing 
something. Even for Megatokyo that was weird.

/We've been together for so long/
/But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?/
/Seems you don't want me around/
/The passion is gone and the flame's died down/

/I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem/
/That time that you made it with the whole hockey team/
/You used to think I was nice/
/Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist/

/Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes on my car?/
/That kind of thing is hard to ignore/
/Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore/

/I knew that we were having problems when/
/You put those piranhas in my bathtub again/
/You're still the light of my life/
/Oh darling, I'm begging/
/Won't you put down that knife?/

/You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way/
/You poison my coffee just a little each day/
/I still remember the way that you laughed/
/When you pushed me down the elevator shaft/

/Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra/
/Doing in my underwear drawer?/
/Sometimes I get to thinking you don't love me anymore/

/You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill/
/Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will/
/You set my house on fire/
/You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers/

/Oh, you think I'm ugly and you say I'm cheap/
/You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep/
/You drilled a hole in my head/
/Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead/

/Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all/
/You never acted this way before/
/Honey, something tells me you don't love me/
/Anymore, oh no no/
/Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore/  

After the final line she erupted into fit of laughter that would make Hannibal
Lecter cringe. Unfortunately for her, her singing, which I should say is very
good, attracted a gang of thugs. They decided after listening for awhile that
the woman was an easy target. They were in for a surprise.

' Damn right they are !' the woman said to no one in particular, further convincing
the thugs of the woman's sanity.

The thugs advanced on the woman making a loose circle around her. She didn't
seem to mind looking around as if she was judging something.

' Lady, give us your money and we'll probably let you go.' said one of the leering
thugs. The woman sighed. 

'Standard thug dialogue. I could have done better.' she said as she looked around.
'Nice lighting, shadows a bit off.....hmmmmm......I think this would make an
impressive scene.'

'Lady are you deaf or something ? Money for your life. Now !' said the thug,now
visibly annoyed. The woman looked at him. Her black eyes seemed to bore into 
him. The black business suit and her raven tresses contributed to the aura of 
wrongness around her. She smiled an evil smile.

' The woman held up her free hand upwards. It exploded into cerulean fire, but
her hand did not burn.'  she said in a quick staccato voice.
                                           
The woman held up her free hand upwards. It exploded into cerulean fire, but
her hand did not burn. The thugs gaped at what they saw, one drew his gun.
Big mistake.

' Correct. The shadows moved, cut bereft of the night. The thug pulled the trigger
but it was too late. The shadows had him and they swallowed him, gun and all
into their abyssmal depths.'             

The shadows moved, cut bereft of the night. The thug pulled the trigger but it was 
too late. The shadows had him and they swallowed him, gun and all into their 
abyssmal depths. Silence ensued as the other thugs looked unbelievingly at
where there comrade was standing.           

' Oh, forgot. Churning sounds could be heard.'  
               
Churning sounds could be heard. The thugs bolted in different directions. The 
woman's smile became wider.

' The first thug ran fast. Faster than anytime he could remember, trying to escape
the beautiful and stylishly dressed woman. He ran onto the street and promptly
got hit by a truck.'

The screeching of brakes and a scream could be heard from the distance.

' The second thug ran. He ran and ran. Unfortunately for him he ran into a C-55 
boomer. The boomer immediately went on a rampage as a glitch appeared in it's 
circuitry. The thud was promptly blown into bits.'

The woman's smile glinted in the weak light as she heard the sounds of gunfire
in the distance.

' The third thug ran. He wasn't looking were he was going so he fell down a manhole
and died.'

That sounds like a title of a bad fanfic.

'Yes , of course it is. I expended a lot of energy on that C-55.'

Well, OK. Though I still think you went on overkill.

'They were gonna kill me anyway. Why do I care ?'

Alright, alright. It's your conscience. The woman smiled pleasently at no one in
particular as she walked down the alleyway.

' It's nice to be a fanfic writer and a Patternweaver to boot !' she said as she looked
around if no one was watching. After making sure, she pulled out a napkin and pen.
She hurriedly wrote something on it.               

The fabric of space and time was ripped apart as cosmic forces beyond comprehension
focused on a spot a few meters before the strange woman. She stopped writing, stood
up and entered the portal created by her skills as a writer and her powers. 

If one were to look at the napkin that the woman casually threw away one would read
this, "The fabric of space and time was ripped apart as cosmic forces beyond 
comprehension focused on a spot a few meters before the strange woman. She stopped 
writing, stood up and entered the portal created by her skills as a writer and her powers."

*****************

May 1999
                          
The woman stepped out of the portal and into a nicely furnished condominium unit in
upscale Tokyo. She smiled as she put the briefcase down and sat on the sofa,tired.

'Have to rest up. Hot date tonight.' she said to no one in particular. A few minutes 
later the doorbell rang, she opened her eyes and looked at the clock. Her eyes
widened. 

'Damnit ! It's him. My date !' she said as she stood up and looked into a nearby
full-length mirror. 

' Wait a minute ! Just getting ready !' she shouted to the door. She returned her
attention to the mirror and closed her eyes as she started saying something. 

'She was dressed in a stunning low-cut black evening gown. Her dress was
complemented by her accesories, a pair of diamond earrings and a pearl
necklace. She smelled faintly of roses and her smooth skin showed
everyone that she bathed recently. Her hair was styled in a sophisticated
looking bun on her head.'                            
                                                                                                          
The air around her shimmered. She was dressed in a stunning low-cut black 
evening gown. Her dress was complemented by her accesories, a pair of 
diamond earrings and a pearl necklace. She smelled faintly of roses and her 
smooth skin showed everyone that she bathed recently. Her hair was styled 
in a sophisticated looking bun on her head. She staggered a bit but she
recovered quickly and quickly moved to open the door.

A handsome man dressed in a tuxedo greeted her sight. His hair was starting
to grey on the sides, giving the man a distinguished look. He was obviously
stunned at the woman's appearance as evidenced by his open jaw and his
forgetting the flowers in his hand.

' Elsa-chan, you look beautiful tonight !'

Elsa smiled faintly at the compliment. The man looked at her a few more
moments when he noticed the look she was giving him. He finally noticed the
flowers he was holding.

'Uuuhhh, these are for you. The limo's waiting downstairs.' 

She looked pleasantly surprised as she took the flowers and hooked her arm 
around the man's other arm.

' You didn't have to do that, Quincy-chan. We could have stayed here instead'
Elsa said with a playful smile as she started to close the door. 

Before the door totally closed, Elsa winked. At no one in particular.               
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
*******************

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

My avatar decided to go on a date with Quincy !!!!!!!
I _am_ going nuts !!!!!!!
Hmmmmm......he did look cute in that tuxedo and he _is_ a lot younger....wait, what am 
I thinking !?!
Back to the Author Encyclopedia !!!!!!!!!!!!!
____________________________________________________________
' Writers are the torchbearers of civilization. We're set in a corner only we
can illuminate.Some of us are searchlights, able to cast a beam into the 
far reaches of the human soul.Some of us are candles , barely able to 
sustain a glow against the darkness. Nevertheless the words I write 
are important, because light is additive. Another's light  doesn't diminish
 my own. Our lights together make us stronger.'   
                   - (After much paraphrasing and reaaranging) Roger Martin  

' ... there's a hell
  of a universe next door ; let's go '
                                e.e. cummings ' Pity the Busy Beast Manunkind '

' How can a person live in a world where she can hear voices only she  
can hear and visions that only she can see ?' 
                                                         - (Paraphrasing) Shirley Jackson