There were two bits in Gary's recent Tangled Web that I didn't like; after
suddenly realising what *I* would have done, rather than to spam the list
further, here's a spamfic. Note that while inspired by it, this definitely
does not go about things in the same manner as Gary's fic; more why than
how. Maybe a bit long for a spamfic (from me, anyway), but, well, onwards:

***

Akari looked at her boyfriend with large, worried eyes. "Ryouga-sama, do you
have to do this?"

"Akari," the boy said, in his most deep voice, "Ranma's put me through Hell.
I must have revenge."

"But what if you accidentaly kill him?" She put her arms around his broad
chest. "Please don't do this! He seems nice; he's helped helped you find me
so many times!"

Ryouga stroked her hair gently, and relucantly pushed her away slightly to
look into her deep, brown eyes. "I sorry, Akari, but you don't understand.
It's a matter of honor."

Akari sniffled. "OK. I'll lead you to the Tendo dojo, but please try to go
easy on him."

He nodded, though he knew that wasn't going to happen. Akari might think
him the best fighter in the world, but he and Ranma were pretty evenly
matched; he'd have to go all out to have any chance of defeating his
arch-rival before he could use any of his dirty tricks. Those were the only
reason Ranma could ever win, of course; at least Ryouga told himself so.

***

"RANMA! I'VE SEEN HELL THANKS TO YOU! NOW DIE!"

Having heard that more than a few times before, the pig-tailed martial
artist sighed. The day had been going pretty well; a small argument with
Akane but it hadn't ended up with him getting pounded, and most importantly
he was still male. Well, in a way, a fight with ol' P-chan would be
refreshing; it'd been a while since last time.

So, the two friendly rivals (something which, unfortunately, Ryouga had
never realized - his loss, Ranma figured) clashed into each other, and the
costumary cloud of dirt, fists and legs ensued.

Just as costumary was the ending. Ranma looked thoroughly bruised, with a
satisfied grin that sprung just as much from his victory as from the great
workout, and as did Ryouga, except the latter did it in a heap on the
ground.

The victorious boy was about to leave when he heard a shocked gasp and
looked up to see a cute, long-haired girl watching the fight. Well, the
ex-fight. "Oh, Akari." He looked down at Ryouga. "Sorry 'bout this, but I
just couldn't get him to stop fighting me without knocking him unconcious.
I'll help you carry him off."

The girl hesitated. "That ... won't be necessary. Katsunishiki will help
me." She sighed. "Thanks for the offer, Ranma-san. It's so nice of you to be
help Ryouga-sama even after he attacked you." She tried to put on a calm
exterior, but inwardly, her mind was in turmoil. Ryouga-sama had been
defeated? How could that happen? Wasn't he the greatest martial artist
ever? Was she wrong to put blind faith in him, to trust him to the very
core of her being?

Ranma shrugged. "Well, if you two have any other problems, just let me
know." He walked off, shaking his head. That Akari girl was too sweet for
Ryouga. He wished he'd have someone so dedicated to him (sure, the other
girls claimed to do everything for him, but they were mostly violent
maniacs, totally unlike the gentle Akari) - pigboy certainly didn't deserve
her.

As he walked off, Akari watched his retreating back uncertainly. Yes,
Ranma was such a nice boy. She wished Ryouga could realise that, too.

***

Ranma looked out over the beach. With the sun having warmed it for most of
the day, he presumed the water would be hot enough to make bathing quite
nice. Unfortunately, it would still change his gender, so he was content
with sitting on the towel, soaking up the gentle rays of the sun.

Next to him sat Akane. She'd already been in, and now mostly concentrated on
looking in every direction but at Ranma as she tried to appear like she was
only enjoying the sun.

The beach was almost empty, and in fact, the only other people were Ryouga
and Akari, on another large towel a few yards away from theirs. Ryouga, whom
for obvious reasons hadn't bathed either (especially not with Akane
present), currently stared at the waves. His attention was focused mostly
inwards, as was obvious from the way he kept turning his head without
really focusing at much in particular.

Akari turned her hed to admire Ranma's firm body. It was almost as nice as
Ryouga's; and perhaps it was only habit that made her mind firmly state
that he was the better looker. The pig-tailed martial artist had beat her
Ryouga-sama soundly the other day, so obviously, he was just as good a
fighter. Unlike him, though, he didn't get lost constantly,  he didn't
keep getting wildly depressed or angry for no good reason, and he even
tried to stay friendly with Ryouga after being attack without provocation.
She cast an envious glance at Akane before she turned her eyes back towards
the ocean. She just couldn't understand why the short-haired girl didn't
realise what a treasure she had, why she kept getting angry at him. She
wished Ryouga was more like Ranma.

A short while later, the pig-tailed one turned his head to look at Akari.
He sighed softly. She was such a sweet girl, never insulting anyone, never
trying to hit anyone, just simply friendly and caring in an almost
Kasumi-like way. And Ryouga ... instead of paying attention to her, he kept
staring out over the ocean like he couldn't figure it out. He would've
gone over and pounded some sense into pigboy, except it would probably
upset poor Akari. So, instead, he too turned back towards the water, silently
wishing that at least one of his fiancee's would be more like Akari.

Ryouga, who finally seemed to have come to a conclusion, was the first to
speak up. "I'll go get an ice-cream!" he announced, and rose, a determined
look in his eyes. Everyone knew he'd get lost after four or five steps,
but the sun made them all too lazy to bother helping him. Akari looked like
she was about to get up for a while, but when she looked after him, it was
already too late, and she sat down again, sighing as she hugged her knees
for a while. At this point, Ranma *would* have pounded Ryouga no matter
what, but unfortunately, the reason for doing so was that the latter was
no longer around.

Eventually, afternoon turned to evening, and the setting sun was spreading
its last rays over them when Akane rose. "I'm going home," she announced,
snorting derisively as Ranma merely grunted in response.

Thus, she walked off. Pervert though he was, she knew there was no chance
even Ranma would try anything with Akari. Still, a girl could hope, couldn't
she?

As Akane gradually became a speck on the horizon, Ranma turned to look at
Akari again ... and found himself staring deep into her large, friendly
brown eyes.

"I... I..." the girl faltered, and looked down into her lap, blushing.

Not knowing what to say, Ranma did likewise. They sat there awkwardly for
a few moments, neither daring to make a move, until finally, they looked up
to stare into each other's eyes again, this time not breaking off. Time
passed, seconds seeming like hours for both off them.

Until the point came when neither could stand it any more, and they moved
towards each other, locking in a fierce embrace, which eventually became
a deep kiss.

"Ranma, I..." Akari said, when they broke off, gasping for air.

"Shhh," he said, softly holding a finger to his lips. "I know. But, please
don't say anything to Ryouga."

"But ... why?" A single tear appeared in her eye. "I can see now ... he's
so..."

The pig-tailed boy quieted her again. "Yes, but he's still my friend. If he
knew, it would kill him."

***

In her bed, Akane sobbed quietly, one tear falling to her pillow, and then
another following it.

P-chan huddled up as close as he could. 'Damn that Ranma!' he thought. 'What
did the jerk to do upset her now? Can't he see she loves him?'

But the reasons for Akane's tears were totally different, as she hugged
the pig to her chest, hard. 'I'm sorry, Ryouga,' she thought. 'I wish I
could tell you have much I love you ... but I don't dare, and father would
go crazy, too.' One day, she was going to gather her courage, but until
then, keeping P-chan close as much as she could would have to do.

***

"Damn!" Ryouga swore. "I'm lost again! This is all Ranma's fault!" Exactly
why, he wasn't sure, but when in doubt, it was always safe to assume Ranma
lay behind whatever misery troubled him.

As he looked up at his surroundings, however, his depression soon faded.
"The back room of the Nekohanten! YES!"

And that's all he had time to say before a certain big-chested chinese girl,
whom had on more than one occasion been compared to the energizer bunny
when it came to determination, came jumping in through the door from the
restaurant, almost knocking him off his feet as she locked him in a fierce
embrace. "AIREN!"

Cologne, who came jumping in on her staff shortly afterwards, smiled. "Glad
to see you back, Ryouga," she said.

"Glad to ... be here ..." the boy managed to get out, gasping for air until
Shampoo decided she could afford to let go for a few moments.

She smiled at them, and then at her great-grandmother. "Shampoo still no
understand, why you allow?"

The old woman shook her shoulders. "It's starting to become more and more
unlikely for you to catch son-in... I mean Ranma, and Ryouga here is the
next best thing; after all, he's defeated you, too."

She hugged her love briefly again. "Airen *best* thing!" she announced
happily.

"Shampoo," the elder said, "you may have almost lost the fight for Ranma,
but you're still in the competition. You will not tell anyone about this
until it's certain you can't get him, understand?"

The girl nodded as her hand began encircle certain sensitive parts of
Ryouga's anatomy, making the latter highly embarassed.

Cologne coughed pointedly. "You're welcome to display your affection when
no-one else is around, but *that* will have to wait until you're married."
What she meant by "that" was clear to all.

Shampoo sighed. Let such a ... monster (she grinned inwardly) wait? Oh,
sure, she could wait, alright. Until great-grandmother left the restaurant.
Well, provided that happened fairly soon.

***

END!

I'm a bit sorry for what poor Akane-chan gets here, but that's all I could
come up with without changing any *other* pairings (without shacking her
up with Tsubasa or some such nonsense); and I do think it's fairly
original compared to mutual love between her and Ryouga. I'm sorry for the
lack of focus on that, though, but it was the Ranma-Akari pairing that
interested me most; I'll admit I've been thinking about that before.

In retrospect, I'm so happy with this it's a shame it's just a spamfic. ^_^

The title is my tribute to Hide, may he arrive safely in whatever heaven
he might believe in.

---
Ronny Hedin, thark@swipnet.se, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
KotTF   -><-  "Momomoto, Famous Japanese, can swallow his nose."