(And now back to Rob Bob's Last Call, and "Her"...)

	So now Ranma's decided that fate means for him to be a her. Is it
just me, or is this starting to sound like a bad soap opera to anyone
else? 
	And now, all of Nerima is finding out that Ranma's a girl, and she's
got the hots for Ryouga. All hell break loose? You better believe it,
as we continue with "Her"...
	Tsubasa shocked enough to dress like a normal guy...now that's
scary. That's almost as scary as finding out Soun is Genma's love
slave...
	Which is about the *only* stupid thing that doesn't happen in this
fic. Let's get back to the fic already...
	

 "What do you MEAN you don't want them!?"
 This was definitely a first.
 Nabiki sat in the usual cafe with Kunou, and was showing him her
latest 
stash of pictures of the pigtailed girl. Kunou had, oddly, refused
them.
 "Alas, the day is done and the deeds of mere mortals have soiled the

virgin seed, poisoning her tender virtue and--"
 "Yeah yeah, whatever, Kunou-chan...say, I KNOW you'll be interested
in 
THIS one..." Nabiki grinned, and pulled from her pocket a copy of the

bathroom tickle fight picture. Kunou would want this one so much he'd

sell Sasuke to her for it if she wanted him to. She held it out for
his 
inspection.
 His reaction was not what she expected. He grabbed it and tore it
into 
shreds. 
 "Hey!!"
 "Blind not mine eyes with such beauty that enraptured hearts hath
denied 
the noble Kunou Tatewaki! Dare you mock me, foul opportunist, with
the 
temptress of desire that threatens my very existence!?" He actually 
started to cry. Nabiki was scared. 
 "Hey...Kunou-baby, you okay?"
 "Nay, this day I weep, for fate hath thrown its cards in my face,
and 
its cards were the Joker and the fortune card of death." He was
crying 
harder. Nabiki absently pulled what she thought was a handkerchief
from 
her pocket and handed it to him.
 It wasn't a handkerchief.
 "VILE WENCH!!! DARE YOU MOCK ME WITH THE TRADEMARK FLAG OF MY OWN
MORTAL 
ADVERSARY!?" Everyone turned to stare at him. "Do you truly despise
me so,
Tendou Nabiki, as to laugh whilst I weep, to kick me when I have
fallen 
in combat, to spit upon the noble Blue Thunder while he is upon his 
knees!?"
 "WHAT are you talking about, Kunou-chan?"
 He held up the handkerchief she had given him. It was actually the 
bandana she had picked up the other day. "I speak of THIS, Tendou
Nabiki. 
The banner of the foul and lecherous Hibiki Ryouga, enslaver of the
heart 
of the pigtailed girl."
 "Ryouga...WHAT!?"
 "Alas, I discovered my own true love, the beautiful, vibrant
pigtailed 
girl, in yonder park this very morning. I thought it a most glorious 
opportunity to invite her to proclaim her love for me." He sighed.
"Alas, 
it was not to be. She was in the company of the scoundrel Hibiki. 
Thinking her life and her soul to be in mortal danger, I approached
the 
heathen, and told him of the doom which he had brought upon himself.
The 
pigtailed girl did protest greatly to my oath of love, striking my
heart 
with the wretched words which will haunt my nightmares to my dying
day."
 "Which were?"
 Kunou pulled out a hand puppet of Ranma-chan, and mimicked her
voice: 
"He's my BOYFRIEND you idiot!"
 Nabiki's eyes widened in disbelief. "You don't say."
 "Indeed I say, Tendou Nabiki. Upon the delivery of these words I 
implored the cad to end whatever sort of black wizardry he had
wrought 
upon the heart of the pure and fair pigtailed girl." Kunou sighed
again, 
and crushed the bandana in his hand. "Alas, the knave gripped tightly
the 
throat of the noble Blue Thunder, and delivered his ultimatum. Never
have 
these eyes beheld such vicious loathing as was reflected in the eyes
of 
the cur Hibiki. I was held immoble, my bokken was destroyed. And
lastly, 
Hibiki spoke to me his warning, and I had no choice but to heed his
words."
 "And what, pray tell, did he say?"
 Kunou pulled out a hand puppet of Ryouga and mimicked his voice. "If
you 
go anywhere near her again, I will kill you."
 Nabiki gasped. Finishing her noodles, she stood. "Uh, Kunou-chan, if

you'll excuse me, I...I gotta go do something." She left the cafe and
ran 
back to the Tendou dojo as fast as she could. "What in the world is
going 
on here?" she asked of nobody in particular.

 "You want WHAT?"
 Ranma, Ryouga, and Happosai sat on the roof of the dojo. Happosai's 
expression was a mixture of bewilderment and overwhelming joy.
 "You heard me old man. You're always trying to use junk on me that 
sticks me like this, I want to know if you have anything that'll do
it."
 "Let me get this straight...you're asking me to change you into a
girl 
for good?"
 "You got it!"
 "This isn't some kind of trick?"
 "Nope."
 "Hot-cha, well whatta ya know? Hmm, let's see...permanent Jusenkyo
water.
Yes, that would do the trick." He stood up suddenly, eyes shining. 
"I'll be back before you know it, cutie!" He leapt from rooftop to 
rooftop, singing loudly, happily, and very off-key.
 Ranma grinned at Ryouga. "Told ya he could help." Ryouga smiled.
They 
shared a quick kiss.

********

 Completely unaware that the hot gossip topic of the day was sitting
on 
the roof, Akane walked into the house, trying hard to keep from
crying. 
"Tadaima," she said quietly and with no enthusiasm as she sank down
at 
the table and slumped against it, holding her face in her hands.
 "Welcome home Akane-chan!" Kasumi said cheerfully, then taking a
look at 
her sister, she asked, "What's wrong Akane-chan?"
 Akane sighed. "Kasumi, have you noticed Ranma acting unusual
lately?"
 She knows, Kasumi thought. This is going to be hard for her to deal
with.
 Sitting down beside her, Kasumi said, "I take it you figured it
out."
 Akane blinked. "You knew already? And you didn't tell anyone?"
 Kasumi sighed. "I realized it this morning. I didn't say anything 
because I figured she'd tell everyone in her own time, when she was
ready."
 Akane got angry. "HE! HE! RANMA IS A BOY! NOT A GIRL! A BOY!" She 
started crying again. "He's my iinazuke....he's a guy not a girl...a
guy..
Ranma..."
 Kasumi hugged her gently. "I know this is going to be hard to
accept, 
and hard to understand. But for whatever reason, Ranma has become a
girl. 
If that's what she wants for herself, it's her choice. I know it's
going 
to hurt a lot of us...it's not easy for me to live with, I did so
look 
forward to seeing the two of you married...but if being a girl is
what 
makes Ranma happy, then we should be happy for her."
 "I don't think I can be happy when my iinazuke's lost his mind and 
decided he's really a girl."
 Kasumi sighed. "Akane, remember the time Ranma lost his memory and 
thought he was a girl?" Akane nodded. "How did he act then?"
 "He didn't want to do anything but cook and shop and dress up, and
when 
we tried to prove he was a boy he freaked out and nearly lost it."
 "Did Ranma seem like that to you this morning?"
 Akane thought about that. "Well...no..." She paused before her next 
words, contemplating the irony. "He was more like a tomboy..." She
sat up 
suddenly. "That's it! That must be it! The drowned girl's soul
possessed 
him somehow! Ranma's still really a boy, he just doesn't know it!
I've 
got to find a way to save him!" She jumped up and ran out of the
house 
just as Nabiki was running in. 
 "Oh my," Kasumi said quietly, and sighed.

 Ranma came in the door a minute later, with Ryouga behind her. Both 
looked very happy. "Tadaima!" she called cheerfully.
 "Welcome home you two!" Kasumi said sweetly. Then she walked up to
Ranma 
and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I need to ask you something." 
 "Sure, what is it Kasumi?"
 "Are you Ranko, or are you Ranma?"
 Ranma blinked. "I'm Ranma of course, why?"
 Kasumi smiled. "And the person you're in love with is who?" At
Ranma's 
nervous look, she gave a reassuring smile. "It's alright. I know
what's 
happened to you."
 Ranma sighed, half with relief, half with worry. 
 "So who is the person you're in love with? Is it Ryouga, or
Ryokuroi?"
 Ranma replied, "He's both. Don't you remember the night we found out

about Ranko and the pig? And the day after?"
 Kasumi smiled, and hugged Ranma. "That's all I wanted to know,
Ranma-
chan." Then frowning, she said. "But if I were you, I'd be on the
lookout.
Akane-chan figured it out, somehow, and she's convinced that you've
been 
possessed by Ranko's soul and that you're really still a boy. She's 
likely to do something foolish."
 Ranma smirked. "Great. If Akane knows then the others probably know
too. 
Just what I need, three half-crazy ex-iinazukes trying to exorcise a 
demon out of me."
 Ryouga hugged her. "Don't worry, we'll deal with it somehow." Ranma 
smiled at her.
 Kasumi thought about something. "By the way Ranma, what are you
going to 
do about your male half? You'll still turn back into a boy every time
you 
touch hot water."
 Ranma nodded. "We've already got it covered. Happosai is getting
some 
kind of permanent Jusenkyo water for us." Grinning, she added, "He
was 
more than happy to do it too." Kasumi giggled.

 Meanwhile, at Nekohanten, a war party was forming. Cologne, Shampoo,

Akane, and Ukyou sat around a table, discussing their strategy. The
three 
girls had just finished telling Cologne about the souls of the
drowned 
girl and pig, the changes in Ranma's personality and in Ryouga's, and

finally what happened this morning at breakfast, and what Tsubasa 
witnessed. Cologne narrowed her eyes. "Most interesting. So you girls
do 
indeed believe that Ranma's body has been taken over by the soul of
the 
drowned girl and his own soul is locked away within him?" Akane
nodded. 
Cologne smiled. "It's wonderful to see you kids reasoning these
things 
out on your own. Why, it won't be too long before you'll all know
what to 
do without even needing my help!" Then she frowned and narrowed her
eyes 
again. "But right now, we need to figure out how to drive that soul
out 
of son-in-law's body so he'll remember who he is."
 "Aiyah, but how we doing that?"
 "Yeah," Ukyou said, "I mean, it's not like we can beat it out of
him."
 "I bet I could knock that baka back to his senses," Akane said,
scowling.
 Cologne whapped her with her staff.
 "First off, simply beating Ranma half to death won't do anything.
All 
you'd do is take the risk of killing both Ranko's soul AND
son-in-law. 
Second, from what you've told me about Ranko and about the incident
at 
breakfast this morning, you wouldn't last long enough to use that
mallet 
of yours on him. With that new speed and the mallet trick too, you'd
all 
be on the ground before you could touch him."
 "So how can we save Ranchan?"
 Cologne thought for a moment, then spoke. "We'll need two things.
Plenty 
of hot water and lots of spirit wards."
 Akane frowned. "Spirit wards? Don't those only work against demons 
though?"
 "No, child. There are many different kinds of spirit wards. There
are 
indeed wards that are used to cast out a benevolent soul. These are
the 
kinds of wards we'll need." She frowned. "However, there is a small 
problem. This kind of spirit ward has to be drawn while in the
presence 
of the wayward soul. Which means we'll need to be fast enough to
write 
the wards and stick them on son-in-law." Cologne frowned. "That's the

biggest problem. Strips of paper are hard to throw, and none of us
will 
be able to get close enough to son-in-law to use them, not even
myself."
 Ukyou thought for a minute. "Do the wards have to be written on
paper?"
 Cologne blinked at her. With no warning, Ukyou's spatulas were in
action 
on a mini-grill that had appeared out of nowhere. Before anyone could

blink, Cologne's face was plastered with a fresh, hot okonomiyaki.
"Oops..
sorry about that," Ukyou said, blushing. Akane and Shampoo were
giggling.
 Cologne peeled the okonomiyaki off her face, and grinned. "Girls, I 
think we've got a chance at this after all." She quickly gobbled up
the 
okonomiyaki, then said to Ukyou, "Delicious! How about another?"
Everyone 
facefaulted. "Only joking. Now, I need to teach you the characters
that 
are to be written on the wards..."

********

Ranma and Ryouga were having a picnic in the same park they'd been at

that morning. Kasumi had prepared delicious bentos for them, and they

were enjoying the good food and the beautiful afternoon. Without
warning, 
their picnic was interrupted by a kettle of hot water smacking Ranma
in 
the head and dousing her. "Ow!" Ranma-kun looked up, and saw Akane,
Ukyou,
and Shampoo looming over the two of them. "What the heck did you do
THAT 
for?"
 "Sorry, sugar, but we gotta kick you out of that body. It's already 
occupied."
 "Stupid tomboy die many year ago! Should stay dead! Now pay for
taking 
Ranma!"
 "I don't care if you're a Tendou or not, you're not taking him away
from 
me!"
 Ranma and Ryouga blinked. "Do you have any idea what they're
babbling 
about, Ryouga?"
 Ryouga shook his head. "Sounds like they've all lost it to me."
 Akane smashed Ryouga's head in with her mallet. "Who asked you!!" 
 Ranma stood up, pulled a mallet out of nowhere, and drove Akane into
the 
ground with it. "Don't hit my boyfriend you baka!"
 Shampoo and Ukyou blinked. "Aiyah, it worse than we thought."
 Ukyou nodded. "Tag team. You distract him, I'll nail him with a
ward."
 Ranma looked at them in confusion. "What is WRONG with you people?" 
Suddenly he was busy defending himself from Shampoo. Ryouga jumped up
and 
helped him. 
 "Ryouga, deal with Ukyou! I can handle Shampoo!" Ryouga nodded, and 
charged the okonomiyaki artist. She whacked him with her enormous
spatula 
and sent him flying into the fountain at the other end of the park.
"Butt 
out you hentai two-timer!"
 "Shampoo, will you cut it out already?"
 "Shampoo no let stupid dead tomboy have Ranma! Shampoo defeat you
now!"
 "I have no idea what you're talking about!" Blinking, Ranma stopped,

almost being struck down by a bonbori blow. "Stupid dead tomboy?" He 
gasped. "Oh no! I didn't kill Akane did I?"
 The mallet that whacked him upside the head answered that question. 
"Baka! She meant you not me!"
 "Oh so now I'm a tomboy am I? Well guess what! You're a pervert!"
 "Who are you calling a pervert you tomboy?"
 *WHAM*
 *WHAM*
 Both stood there glaring at each other with mallets perched on their

heads. Shampoo blinked. Ukyou stared. Nobody saw P-chan dragging the
tray 
from one of their bentos in the direction of the fountain.
 "Alright that's it! I don't want to have to beat up my ex-iinazukes,
but 
if you guys don't cut it out right now you're gonna be sorry!"
 "EX-iinazuke? Oh no! You're not getting rid of me that easily,
sugar!"
 "Aiyah, Ranma no toss Shampoo aside like used tissue!"
 "Ranma no baka!"
The three triple-teamed Ranma, who was doing his best to defend
himself 
but having a hard time. They were entirely too fast. Dammit, he
thought, 
I won't last long unless...
 Suddenly the tables turned. P-chan charged into the fray, dragging a

bento tray full of cold water from the fountain. He jumped and landed
on 
one end of the tray, sending it flying at Ranma. The second the water
hit,
 Ukyou, Shampoo-neko, and Akane went flying in different directions, 
crashing into trees, benches, and trash cans. 
 "Okay you three, I don't know what this is all about, but you ruined
my 
picnic, and I'm REALLY MAD!" She noticed Akane sneaking over to
Shampoo-
neko with a kettle. "Oh no you don't! Ryouga! C'mere!"
 Ryouga squealed and leaped into Ranma's arms. "This may hurt a
little, 
honey," she said to him. He nodded and kweed cutely. She reared back
like 
a baseball pitcher and hurled the piglet at Akane. With a crash, he 
collided with the kettle, knocking it out of her hands. The hot water

doused both him and Shampoo. They both scrambled behind bushes to get

dressed.
 Akane charged Ranma. Ranma stood there, unmoving. Akane drew back
her 
fist and threw her punch. Her fist went right through a tree trunk.
Ranma 
was leaning against another tree now, smirking.
 "Keep him busy Akane-chan!" Akane nodded, and charged Ranma again,
who 
ducked this time and swept Akane's feet out from under her. Shampoo 
emerged from the bushes and leapt into the fray, as did Ryouga. Ukyou

moved into position.
 As Ranma dodged a bonbori and slammed a punch into Akane's gut,
Ukyou 
prepared an okonomiyaki spirit ward and flung it at Ranma. Ryouga
spotted 
it in the air, and nailed it with a bandana. Ukyou scowled. "Alright 
sugar, let's see you deal with this!" Her hands blurred into motion,
and 
as Ranma continued to fend off Akane and Shampoo, a fleet of
okonomiyakis 
sailed through the air. Ryouga leaped into the air, and pulled off 
several bandanas, sending them flying. He nailed most of them, but
there 
were still a few in the air, and more were coming. "Ranma! Look out! 
Okonomiyaki at 12 o'clock!"
 Ranma saw the flying food coming toward her. "No thanks, I already
ate!" 
she yelled, and blurred into motion, knocking Akane and Shampoo
across 
the park with the speed of her takeoff. All that was visible of Ranma
was 
a red blur as bits of shredded okonomiyaki rained down on the park.
She 
landed beside Ryouga, and said, "Sweetie, please let me borrow your 
umbrella?"
 Ryouga smiled and handed it to her. "Thanks!" she said, and charged 
Ukyou. Ukyou stashed the mini-grill and let loose a hail of
mini-spatula 
shuriken, which Ranma deflected with the umbrella. Finally, Ukyou
whipped 
out her fighting spatula. As Akane and Shampoo recovered and Ryouga
moved 
to intercept them, Ranma and Ukyou parried with spatula and umbrella.

Finally, Ranma snapped open the umbrella, and slashed with it as
Ukyou 
swung. The razor edge of the umbrella sheared the handle of the
spatula 
in half. As the business end of the spatula flew across the park and 
Ukyou stared at the broken handle, Ranma smiled. "FORE!" she yelled,
and 
swung the now-closed umbrella like a golf club, knocking Ukyou to the

other end of the park. A garbage can caught her, and set her gently
on 
the ground. 
 Meanwhile, Ryouga was having trouble with both Akane and Shampoo at
the 
same time. However, luck was on his side. The flying business end of 
Ukyou's spatula smacked Shampoo in the back of the head, knocking her
out.
 Akane pressed her attack harder. Ryouga blocked her kicks, and
finally 
dropped her with a sucker punch. He walked over to Ranma. "Are you 
alright?"
 Ranma nodded and sighed. "Yeah, but I feel bad about having to beat
up 
those three."
 Ryouga hugged her. "Don't worry about it. You didn't have any
choice. We 
just have to try to reason with them the next time they attack."
 Ranma nodded. "Yeah I know. But I'm afraid they won't listen to
reason...
I guess when they all found out about me being a girl now, they
snapped." 
She sighed, and snuggled into his arms. "Come on, let's go home."
Ranma 
and Ryouga left the park, headed for the Tendou dojo. Tsubasa shed
his 
disguise, dragged a wheelbarrow out from behind a bush, gently piled 
Ukyou, Shampoo, Akane, and the pieces of Ukyou's spatula on it, and 
carted them off to the Nekohanten.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Try to control yourself..."
"Hey, I'm 20. I'm male. I'm single. I'm not 
getting any. What do you expect?"
"...I stand corrected. And you...just...stand."
-Conversation between Lurker and an 
anonymous AOL user
---
The Eternal Lost Lurker
...gettin' ficcy wit' it...
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
http://www.geocities.com/~etlostlurker

"Heeere leezard, leezard, leezard..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------