(Now back to Rob Bob's Last Call, and "Her"...)

	Nabiki tries to ruin Ryouga's little date with Ukyou, and it doesn't
turn out so well. Meanwhile the lousy formatting continues and the
characterization just keeps getting worse and worse as we continue
with "Her".
	And now we're getting into the really weird stuff, as Ranma's
newfound soulmate continues to change him all over the place...
	This is one of those really bizarre things that happened in this
fic. The souls and the chi-blasting Kasumi were bad enough, but now
old Ranko wants something really strange from Ranma...

********

 Ranma had been here before. He groaned. He didn't want to do this
again. 
Walking through the water, he heard the screaming and started running
as 
fast as he could through the water. There were the spheres again, the

inner one red, and containing Ranma-chan...or rather, Ranko. The
outer 
one still held the swaggering, grinning, laughing Ranma-kun. And the 
screaming continued. Ranma began to scream as well. But this time, 
something was different. He looked down at himself. The shock of what
he 
saw woke him up instantly.
 Ranko had been screaming. The evil Ranma-kun had been laughing. And 
Ranma himself had been screaming.
 Only the voice that ripped from his throat was his female voice.
 And in the dream, he had been male.

 The next night, Akane, Ranma, and Ryouga were playing poker. Soun,
Genma,
and Nabiki had gone off to a Kabuki theater, and Kasumi was busily 
tidying up her kitchen and preparing a few snacks for the others. 
 "Okay, game's five draw. Sevens and jacks wild." Ryouga dealt the
cards. 
Akane said, "I heard Kunou and Tsubasa tried to wreck your date with 
Ukyou last night. What was that all about?"
 Ryouga smirked. "Little Miss Yen-On-The-Brain tried to get revenge
on me."
 Akane blinked. "Nabiki set that up?"
 Ryouga nodded. "I smelled a trap when I noticed the ice cream vendor

that had been following us all night. And when I realized he looked 
familiar, I was sure something was up. Then when me and Ukyou were
coming 
out of the restaurant, someone rolled a watermelon out in front of us

from an alley. Soon as I saw that, I knew what was going on. So I
punted 
it out of sight before Kunou could see it--I figured out that he was
the 
ice cream vendor. After I got rid of the watermelon, I jumped the
vendor 
and the cart. 
 "The cart too?"
 Ryouga nodded. "The vendor was Kunou, Tsubasa was disguised as an
ice 
cream cart. Anyway, they both passed out, and an envelope fell out of

Kunou's pocket. As soon as I saw what was in the envelope I knew
Nabiki 
had set that up." 
 "What was in the envelope?"
 Ranma growled. Ryouga scowled and said, "No comment."

 Nabiki was glad she'd stopped in that one-hour photo shop on the way
to 
the theater. Ryouga didn't bother to force her to give him the
negatives..
which worked out perfect for her. When she went home tonight, she was

going to have a hundred copies of that picture she took of the scene
she 
caught going on in the bathroom that one day. That had been a good
day. 
She'd happened to catch the most interesting tickle fight going on,
and 
wasted no time getting a snapshot. She could think of a lot of
potential 
buyers for a picture of Ryouga, wearing only a towel, tickling the
crap 
out of a totally naked Ranma-chan. She grinned. Revenge could be so
much 
fun.

 Ranma threw down his cards in disgust and uttered an oath which made

Akane blush. "Ranma, have you been fantasizing about me?" She
giggled. 
Ryouga snickered. Ranma just grumbled as he watched Akane come out of

another hand with a large chunk of his money. Ryouga was just glad
he'd 
folded. The betting had gotten a bit ridiculous on that hand.
 Ranma was about to deal the next hand when suddenly his eyes glazed
over.
 After a minute, he dropped the cards and shouted "YOU WANT ME TO
WHAT!?" 
Ryouga and Akane glanced at him curiously. He blushed. Then his eyes 
glazed over again. He was blushing even more, and now he was gritting
his 
teeth. When his eyes finally cleared, he buried his face in his hands
and 
muttered, "No, no, no" over and over again. 
 "Ranma?" Akane asked, worried. "What's wrong?"
 Ranma looked up. His face was pale and he looked like he was going
to be 
sick. 
 "Hey Ranma, you okay? What's going on?" 
 Ranma sighed. "I really don't want to talk about it." His eyes
suddenly 
glazed over again. He sighed more heavily. "Alright alright, but I'm 
gonna change into a girl first. Even THINKING about it while I'm a
guy 
makes me want to puke." He went into the kitchen, and soon came back
in 
his girl form. Ranma-chan sat down at the table, very pale and still 
looking ill. "Ryouga...you know the secret dream they have?" 
 Ryouga thought for a minute. Then his eyes widened in shock. "You
don't 
mean..." Ranma-chan nodded. Ryouga turned as pale as Ranma-chan, and 
looked almost as ill. "PLEASE tell me you're joking."
 "I wish I was. I wish SHE was. But she's serious. And I'm guessing 
Ryokuroi knows what's going on by now and is pretty excited about
it." 
Ryouga nodded. "Yeah. He's singing inside our head. It's getting
annoying."
 Akane said, "Excuse me, can someone fill me in here?"
 Ranma-chan and Ryouga exchanged glances, then looked back at Akane.
"You 
really don't wanna know, Akane," Ranma-chan said.
 "Yeah. It's bad enough we HAVE to know." Ryouga shuddered.
 "Oh no, you two aren't going to keep something from me. Out with
it."
 Ranma-chan looked at Ryouga who just sighed. Ranma-chan looked even
more 
ill now, and blushed brightly. "Alright, but you're really gonna wish
you 
hadn't heard this."
 "Just tell me. I'm used to weird things going on."
 "Well, did I happen to mention to you the reason Ranko's father
threw 
her out?"
 "You said he got fed up with her being such a tomboy," Akane said, 
smirking.
 Ranma-chan sighed. "There's a bit more to it than that." She looked
at 
Ryouga, who looked very ill. She swallowed. "Well, you see, as a
little 
girl, Ranko met someone who became very special to her, and in time
they 
fell in love."
 "And her father didn't approve? I thought he'd be happy to have a
son-in-
law."
 Ryouga said, "It's a bit complicated."
 "Why? Was he an outcast or something? Peasant farmer? Ronin?" 
 Ranma-chan swallowed. "It was Ryokuroi."
 "WHAT!?"
 Ryouga nodded. "It's a strange story."
 Akane smirked. "Yeah, a girl falling in love with a pig? I'd say
that's 
strange." Ryouga winced at that. 
 Ranma-chan began. "Ranko found Ryokuroi when she was only nine. She 
decided to keep him as a pet, and he was very happy with that. It
wasn't 
long before Ranko realized that her kawaii pet pig was a lot smarter
than 
she ever would have thought. Everyone else thought he was just a dumb

little farm animal, and they wouldn't have believed Ranko if she
tried to 
tell them how smart he was. Although he was pretty much limited to
grunts,
squeals, and snorts for communication, Ranko was able to understand
him 
perfectly. She was amazed at how smart the little pig was."
 Akane smirked again. "Sounds like one of those kid stories with
magic 
talking farm animals." Ryouga shook his head.
 "Akane, tell me something, can farm animals do this?" He reached
over to 
the table next to him and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil. He
spent 
a couple of minutes writing, then handed the paper to Akane. She read
it, 
then smiled. "That's a very nice haiku, Ryouga."
 Ryouga smiled. "You're talking to our Ryokuroi half right now."
Akane 
shut up after that.
 Ranma-chan continued. "By the time she was 13, Ranko and Ryokuroi
had 
grown very close. He was her only real friend. She didn't get along
with 
anyone else. She'd spend long afternoons sitting up in trees with him
in 
her lap, telling him everything that went on with her life, and all
her 
innermost thoughts and feelings. She also had grown to discover that 
Ryokuroi was very sensitive and he had feelings just as strong as any

human. One afternoon, during one of their tree lounging
conversations, 
Ryokuroi told Ranko something he'd been keeping to himself for almost

half a year. He told her he was in love with her. She was very
surprised. 
She didn't expect her piggy friend to ever say that to her. But what 
surprised her even more, is that she was beginning to fall in love
with 
Ryokuroi."
 Akane was wide-eyed. "That's...strange."
 "That's what her father thought when he found out shortly after her 
fifteenth birthday. He asked her why she never accepted any of the
men 
chosen for her, and she finally told him that there was someone she
was 
in love with but she wasn't ready to tell him who it was. Her father 
demanded to know, and threatened to make her sleep outside the house 
stark naked in the freezing weather. He also said that if she didn't 
cooperate he'd make sure she never saw her pet pig again. Finally,
Ranko 
was forced to tell him."
 "Bet that went over well."
 "Her father was beyond shock. He was so terribly shamed that he
finally 
lost it with Ranko. He couldn't bring himself to kill her since she
was 
still his daughter and you just didn't kill girls anyway. So he told
her 
that she was to gather whatever belongings of hers she'd need and get
out 
of the house. He also told her that she had best be out of Japan
within a 
week. That's when Ranko and Ryokuroi set out on their journey."
 Ryouga spoke up now. "Ever since they'd fallen in love, their secret

dream was that they wanted to find some way to turn Ryokuroi into a
human,
even for just a little while, so that they could be together like any

other couple. But they never did find a way. Lotion made sure of
that."
 Akane wiped a tear from her eye. "As bizarre as that is, it's still
so 
sad that they couldn't have had the happiness they wanted."
 Ranma-chan said, "That brings us to this. Now, since we've awakened
them,
 Ranko has been able to experience and feel everything that happens
to me 
when I'm in this form. She can't control my body or take it over but
she 
can feel what happens to it."
 Ryouga spoke up next. "And since Ryokuroi and I bonded, he can feel 
everything that we do in both our pig and our human forms."
 Akane gasped. "In other words, he's...turned human now." Ryouga
nodded.
 Ranma-chan spoke up next. "They want me and Ryouga to let them have 
their dream. They want....they want to be together."
 Akane frowned. "You mean a date, or what?"
 Ranma-chan shook her head. "They want more than a date."
 "A kiss maybe? Hold each other?"
 Ranma-chan sighed and shook her head again. Ryouga was looking pale 
again, and Ranma-chan looked like she could throw up at any time.
"Think, 
Akane. They've been separated for 1500 years, and now that they're
awake 
again, their secret dream has come true. After all that time, what
would 
you want?"
 Akane thought about it for a minute, then her eyes widened.
"Not...?"
 Ranma-chan and Ryouga nodded, blushing and looking even sicker.
Akane 
blinked a couple times, then suddenly burst out laughing. 
 "What's so funny?" Ranma-chan asked, annoyed.
 "S--sorry it's...just...the thought....you...and Ryouga...doing
THAT...."
 She was rolling around in hysterics now. Suddenly, Ranma-chan's eyes

glazed over, and while they were glazed, Ranma-chan stood up. She
loomed 
over the laughing Akane, who looked up at her. She sat up. "Ranma?
You 
okay?"
 Ranma-chan glared at her with her glazed-over eyes, and from out of 
nowhere she produced an EXTREMELY large mallet. Ryouga winced,
because 
half of him had seen that mallet before. Akane stared wide-eyed with 
shock. That sucker would make Mallet-sama look like a gavel, she
thought. 

 *WHAM!*
 Akane lie twitching, pounded perfectly into the floorboards. The
wood 
was splintered all around her. The mallet vanished, Ranma-chan sat
down. 
Suddenly her eyes unclouded. She blinked. "What the--Akane!?"
 Akane slowly peeled herself out of the floor, and turned to glare at

Ranma-chan. "What the hell did you do THAT for you stupid jerk?"
 Ranma-chan looked confused. Ryouga helped out. "Akane...didn't you 
notice Ranma's eyes? They look clouded to you?" Akane nodded,
frowning. 
 Ranma-chan realized what had happened. "Aw jeez. Akane, try not to
piss 
her off again okay?"
 Akane realized what was going on now. "Th--that was Ranko that did
that?"
 Ryouga and Ranma-chan nodded. Akane sat down weakly, shaking her
head. 
"Incredible...she's even worse than me. Hey, I thought you said she 
couldn't take control of you?"
 Ranma-chan nodded. "She can't. But she can pull me into a
conversation 
with her and guide my actions. She flooded my mind with an image of 
bashing you with a mallet, then the next thing I knew she was telling
me 
how to do the mallet trick." Ranma-chan smirked. "Lousy tomboy took
it 
all back too. Damn."
 Akane giggled. "You have to be a real girl to do it anyway, Ranma."
 "Oh."
 Akane smiled. "So anyway, would you two lovebirds like to be alone?
I 
wouldn't want to keep you from enjoying each other's company--OW!!"
Akane 
winced as she rubbed the mark on her cheek where a gavel had just
struck 
her in the face. "Who threw that?" She looked around the room but
nobody 
else was there except Ryouga and Ranma-chan. Ryouga was looking at
Ranma-
chan wide-eyed. Ranma-chan looked like she was in shock. "No way,
that 
did NOT happen," she said. Akane blinked. "Y--You mean...?"
 Ranma-chan nodded. Out of nowhere, another gavel appeared in her
hand, 
and she flung it off over Akane's head. Akane was stunned.
 Ranma-chan frowned. "Now I know something's wrong with me."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Try to control yourself..."
"Hey, I'm 20. I'm male. I'm single. I'm not 
getting any. What do you expect?"
"...I stand corrected. And you...just...stand."
-Conversation between Lurker and an 
anonymous AOL user
---
The Eternal Lost Lurker
...gettin' ficcy wit' it...
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
http://www.geocities.com/~etlostlurker

"Heeere leezard, leezard, leezard..."
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