At 04:48 PM 5/3/98 -0800, Big Bore wrote:

Hi All!

(We see Ranma, Andrew, A-ko, Washu, & Lina sitting down in the Tardis
machine's viewing room.)
Everyone: HI!

 (Big Bore winces as the ffml yells "HI!!!!" back....0)

(Quick switch to the outside world shows that the Tardis has now landed on
a planet. A huge castle appears in the distance.)

Well, I came up with an idea while driving today.  Actually I came up with
two, but when I started the first one, it made since to use the second as a
conclusion.  Actually, this story actually borrows something from another
fic I started a while back.  Confused?  Me too, let's just get on with the
fic!

Ranma: I'm confused.
Andrew: No kidding.

Disclaimer:
Ranma 1/2 and it's characters don't belong to me.  They are the property of
R. Takahashi, Viz, Kitty and a lot of other big buisnessess.  They are used
here without permission, and not for profit.  This work can be distributed
freely if unaltered and credit given correctly.  It may not be sold or used
for profit as that would violate the first law of fanfiction.

Ranma: I on the other hand will sue...

Author's note:  All forms of C&C greatly appreciated and acknowledged!

Lina: Does this count as C&C?

Scheduling:  or A Solution to the Problem

Andrew: 42.
Washu: What?
Andrew: You've never heard? The answer to life is 42.

	Ryouga was pretty sure he was in Nerima as he walked down the
street.  The area looked familiar, but not familiar enough for him to know
exactly where he was at.  Still, even though he had a vague idea where he
was at, he was startled to hear THAT voice.

A-ko (in a dreamy voice): Head towards the light...head towards the light!
Andrew (also in a dreamy voice): If you build it, they will come...if you
build it, they will come!
Ranma (in an annoying, valley-girl voice): Like, you want fries with that?
(Everyone looks at Ranma strangely.)

	"Yo, Ryouga!"

Ranma: Yeah, I rap!
Washu: Oh, you'll wrap...in a straight jacket.

	Ryouga turned to see his one time rival Ranma Saotome trotting up
to him.  Though it had been the best part of a year since the last time
Ryouga had seen Ranma, he looked unchanged.  Same red shirt, same black
pants, same pigtail and arrogant smile.

(Everyone looks at Ranma and grins.)
Lina: Same dent spot where Akane hit him with her mallet.
Andrew: Same stupid foot in his mouth.
Washu: Same "Ranma no baka!" scream.
A-ko: Same stupid fights with Kuno.
Ranma (grumbling): Same stupid curse...

												However, he did seem to be a
little tired.

	"Hi Ranma," replied Ryouga.  "I guess this means I'm somewhere in
Nerima right?"

Ranma: No, you're in Kentucky!

	"Yup, you're about two blocks from the dojo."
Uncharacteristically, Ranma stuck his hand out.  After a moment's thought
Ryouga took it and they shook hands.  "Well, how's life down on the farm
for you and Akari?"

	"It's good.  Running a farm isn't all that hard really.  It is a
bit boring though," replied Ryouga.

A-ko (imitiating Ryouga): The breeding, though, I really enjoy! (Everyone
else big-sweats and looks at A-ko.)

	"I can imagine, after all the stuff we've done.  Say," Ranma said
with sudden concern, "you aren't lost right now are you?  Do you need me to
give you a hand getting back to the farm?"

Andrew: You mean the funny farm, right?
Ranma: Hmm...I never thought about that.

	Ryouga looked at Ranma hard for a moment, trying to see if he was
being mocked.  After a pause, he decided that Ranma was truly concerned.
That moved him just a little.  "Yes and no.  Yes, I'm sorta lost, but
that's okay.  No, I don't need help finding my way back to the farm."

	"Huh?"  Ranma asked, clearly puzzled.

Washu: Akari probably has one of those GPS homing devices on Ryouga.

	"Well, it's like this.  I go stir-crazy if I'm on the farm for too
long.  After a month or so of being a husband to Akari, and tending the
sumo pigs, I get itchy feet.

Andrew (as Ryouga): That's when we go dancin'!

									Me, who always longed for a real home,
getting the urge to wander!  Fortunately, Akari understands, and lets me
go.  After I figure I've wandered enough, I find a pay phone and call her.
We figure out where I am, and she comes and gets me.  Well, unless I'm in

another country, then I just wander some more until I'm back in Japan."

	"Wow, that works out for you two okay?  What's gonna happen when
you two start having kids?"  Ranma wondered aloud.

A-ko (imitating Ryouga): Um, well no...she's given birth to pigs.

	"Uh..well, we have been trying....." Ryouga said blushing slightly,
though not starting to nosebleed like he used to Ranma noticed.  "I'm
beginning to think my curse is keeping me from being a father."

	"I know what you mean,"  replied Ranma.  "I can't get anyone pregnant!"

(Ranma grins. The girls grins back at Ranma. Andrew skulks.)
Andrew: Lucky you.

	At that statement Ryouga began to get very upset.  "What do you
mean ANYONE!?"

	"Whoa!  Easy Ryouga!  Really, take it easy!"  Ranma waited until
Ryouga merely looked surly rather than dangerous.  "Come on, I'll tell you
as we walk to the dojo."

	Dutifully, Ryouga shouldered his pack and fell in step alongside
Ranma.  "Why are we going to the dojo?"

	"I've got classes to teach in another half hour, and Akane would
kill me if I didn't invite you to dinner."  Ranma noticed Ryouga turning
slightly green at the thought of Akane's cooking.  "Don't worry, she's a
pretty good cook now that she isn't trying to prove she's better than me at
something.  Besides Ukyou and Shampoo have been helping her learn.
Besides, maybe we can spar later."

(Ranma's face turns pale white, his eyes get really big. Everyone else
face-faults.)
Andrew: Oh no...don't tell me...

	Ryouga thought over that last statement for a minute.  "Yeah, I'd
like that.  It's been a long time since I had a decent fight!  That's one
thing I miss about having you as an enemy, Saotome.  I never get any real
competition anymore.  Now, spill the beans about getting 'anyone' pregnant,
or I'll have to pound your face in."

	"As if you could!"  Retorted Ranma with a smirk.  "Well, it's like
this.  After you got married to Akari, there was a meeting of my fiancees.
Specifically Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyou.  They decided that since fighting
didn't work they'd try helping each other to make me choose one of them."

	"They really did that?"  Ryouga asked.  "I can't imagine those
three cooperating for more than a minute."

Lina: I'm just amazed there were cooperating at all.

	"Well, actually they did.  I began going on dates with all three of
them, at separate times, of course, and there were no interruptions.  Well,
aside from Mousse and Kuno, but those were fairly easy to discourage since
when I'd take one girl out, the other two would be lurking nearby to help
the date go smoothly.

Washu (to Ranma): Well, would you do that?
Ranma (looking really fazed out): Homina...homina...homina...

	"After a couple months, I still couldn't choose.  The girls held
another meeting.  This meeting was....a little different."

	"Go on," demanded Ryouga.

	"They, uh....decided that they all would marry me."

Everyone falls over.
Ranma: NOOOOOOOOOO!

	"WHAT?!!!!!"  Screamed Ryouga in the loudest voice he had ever managed.

	"Well, they worked out a schedule you see?  I spend the first week
of the month with Akane, the second with Ukyou and the third with Shampoo."
Ranma winced slightly at the look Ryouga was giving him.

Andrew: I wonder how they did that.
A-ko: I don't want to know.

	"How...how.....how...dddd....d-does that...work out?"  Ryouga
asked, not truly believing what he was hearing.

Lina: Badly, very badly.
A-ko: As bad as Akane's cooking, I bet.

	"Well, I teach classes at the dojo everyday.  Wherever I'm staying,
I go to the dojo to teach.  That is dictated by honor, as is necessary by
the promise my pop and Mr. Tendo made."

Ranma: What mom and I did with Dad, however, that is dictated by his DIShonor.
Andrew: If it involves a zoo, a time-traveling machine, and a huge ship; I
don't wanna know.

	"What do they think of all this?"  Interrupted Ryouga.

	"Well, Mr. Tendo was a little upset at first, but since it was
partly Akane's idea, he didn't stay mad for too long.  Besides Kasumi and
Nabiki both married shortly thereafter, and he is overjoyed."

Lina (imitiating Ranma): Pop, on the other hand...he loved it.
Andrew (imitiating Genma-panda): (sign) [I KNEW this would work out!]

	"Who'd they marry?"  Ryouga asked.

	"Just who do you think?"  Replied Ranma.

Ranma: I give you three guesses and the first two don't count.

	"Tofu and Kuno?"

	"Yep.  Anyhow, Pop thinks the whole marriage thing was a great idea
to get him, and consequently me, out of a lot of contradictory promises.
Mom's not happy, but since it was the girl's idea, she goes along with it.

Washu: Later, she goes into the "Anime's Mother Self-Help Therapy Group."

	"Anyway, I spend the first week at the dojo with Akane.  That is
the easiest week, since I don't have to commute for classes.  The second
week is at Ucchan's.  Easily the best food all around, though okanomiyaki
is a bit boring by the end of the week.  I work as a waiter when not
teaching at the dojo.  The third week I spend at the Nekohatten.  The old
ghoul went back to China, taking Mousse with her, so things are actually
pretty quiet. Shampoo thinks it's unmanly for me to be a waiter, so she has
me waitress in my girl form.  That's my most exhaustive week."

(Lina & Andrew rolls on the floor.)
Lina & Andrew : BWHAHAHAHAHA! (Ranma looks at A-ko & Washu, who are trying
to keep from laughing.)
Ranma (blushing): Don't YOU start.

	"She makes you work in girl form?"  Asked Ryouga incredulously.
"Why is it your most exhaustive week?"

	"Well, I do get better tips at the Nekohatten then I do at
Ucchan's, but personally, I think that Amazon likes girls as well as guys."
Ranma paused as Ryouga looked like he was about to hemorrhage blood.  When
Ryouga looked nearly normal again, Ranma continued.  "It's exhaustive
because Shampoo is a rather, umm...exuberant woman."

Andrew: So, you bang a lot, huh?
Ranma: Hey!

	"Okay, but what do you do the fourth week?"  Ryouga inquired.

Andrew (imitating Ranma): I go into therapy.

	"I have a small apartment I stay at by myself.  It's nice to get
away from all the smothering attention.  Since all the girls only get me to
themselves for a week at a time, they really dote on me when I'm there.
The final week allows me some time to myself."

Ranma: Now that, I can deal with! I'd love to have my own pad!

	"That sounds almost exactly like what Kuno and I used to accuse you
of actually doing!  It sounds like you have your own harem!"

Andrew: If Ataru Morobishu ever knew.

	"Well, there is one important difference, Ryouga."

	"What's that?"

	"THEY forced ME into this, not the other way around."

Washu: A mere technicality, Ranma.
Ranma: Hey, that's not me up there.
Everyone else: Really??? (Ranma big-sweats.)

	"Just out of curiosity, what do you do in the months that have five
weeks?"  Ryouga had to ask, though he wasn't sure he'd like the answer.

	"Well, we all spend the week at the dojo together."

(Everyone face-faults, again.)
Ranma: When I get my hands on the author...damn!
Andrew: What?
Ranma: I can't decide whether I should kill him or pay him...(Andrew
face-faults.)

	"WHAT?!!!!"  Ryouga screamed, making a serious effort to break his
previous record, though falling slightly short of it.

	"Well, now that they aren't rivals, they get along great.  Akane
helps teach classes with me, and Ukyou and Shampoo take turns bringing us
lunch.  Occasionally, Shampoo and Ukyou teach specialty classes to advanced
students in both Amazon fighting and unconventional weaponry.

A-ko (imitiating Ukyou): Today, class, we will learn how to use a frying
pan as a martial arts weapon. Then we'll make an gourmet okanomiyaki.

																		  On special
occasions we all get together, and now there is no fighting!"

Everyone but Ranma: Yeah, right!

	"Wow Ranma, it sounds like you have everything you ever wanted!"
Said Ryouga.

	"Well, all the girls are happy, that's what counts.  Still, all I
ever wanted for myself is to be  the world's greatest martial artist.
That, I'm still working on.  Remember, I got your promise to spar with me."

	"You bet!"  Replied Ryouga.  Just then he noticed they were
standing in front of the dojo.  For some reason there was a huge pile of
boxes in front of the door.  "Uh, what's going on Ranma?"

Andrew: NOW they all want to divorce you!
Ranma: I hope so...just having them as fiancees is bad enough. I mean how
could it possibly be worse?
A-ko: Ah, Ranma, I don't think you should have said that.

	"I don't know Ryouga, we'll just have to find out."  The two young
martial artists walked into the dojo yard to find Akane, Shampoo and Ukyou
talking together.  Almost instantly the girls noticed the two men.

Washu (imitating Akane): You never told me you're gay!

	Ukyou and Shampoo literally flew over and glomped onto Ranma.
Akane, however, walked up and gave Ryouga a big, friendly hug, one that
threatened a few of his more vital functions.

A-ko: Truly, Akane reminds me way too much like C-ko.
Ranma: The food?
A-ko: C-ko's cooking is worse than toxic poison.
Ranma: Akane's meals makes Radiation poisoning seem tame.

	"Hi Ryouga!"  Said Akane brightly as she disengaged herself from
him.  Ryouga was busily reminding himself that he was happily married.

	"Umm, okay, what are you three up to?"  Ranma asked after a moment.

	"Well, sugar," began Ukyou, "we had a meeting and decided that we
didn't like having you for only one week a month."

	"Now Airen live with all his wives!"  Shouted Shampoo happily.

Ranma: NOOOO!!!
Andrew: It's worse. Excuse me, but I'm gonna faint.
Washu: I'll join you.
Lina: Good night...
A-ko: Mother! (Everyone else but Ranma falls over.)

	"Oh, okay....." said Ranma.  "Umm.....Ryouga's gonna stay the night
with us....could you three go whip up some lunch for us real quick?  Before
classes start?"

	"Sure!"

	"You betcha!"

	"Gotcha covered!"  With a  bound, all three women disappeared into
the dojo.

(Ranma puts his hands into his face and cries, like a woman.)

	Slowly, Ranma turned to face Ryouga.  He put a hand on each of
Ryouga's shoulders and looked him dead in the eye.  "Ryouga, ya gotta help
me."

	"Uh, sure, what do you need?"

	"I REALLY need to get lost for a while."

	"Right, follow me....."

Ranma: You know, that's a good idea. I'm gonna get lost myself. (He looks
at the fainted group besides him.)

Thanks for reading!  Any comments, critisicm, MST or Pop-ups greatly
encouraged!  Let me know what you think!

Thanks again!
Later!

Big Bore and the Nitro Express!

Ranma (screaming): BIG BORE NO BAKA!!! (Runs off with a mallet. Goes
outside. He sees that there's a bunch of soliders that have surrounded the
Tardis.)
Guard: You come with us.
Ranma: Darn. (to audience) Well, before I get carried off, let me just say:
Big Bore, you have waaay too much free time. (He gets dragged away.)