You REALLY need to work on the YUA angle more. They don't feel like the 
characters from YUA. You didn't use what made them who they are. "Natsumi" 
& "Miyuki" could have been just any 2 policewomen on the streets that 
night. Same for every other YUA character you used.
And remember, that patrol car was specially customized by Miyuki. She's as 
attached to it as Keiichi is to his bike. If someone blasted it to bits, 
she'd be VERY pissed!
For a story about police, YUA stood out for its nonviolence. They never 
used real guns in the series. The charm of the series was how they solved 
crimes without having to resort to real weapons. You derailed that with 
them so casually accepting the order to requisition firearms. YUA was not 
your average police drama.
Or maybe it's just YUA's inherent shallowness. I heard that that was what 
doomed the series.
On the plus side, I'm pleased- very pleased- to see that you let the 
dieties live in their own pocket universes, not tiny apartments like almost 
everyone else. Other OMG fic writers take notice, this is how it should be 
done!
Finally you ought to reconsider rewritting Syliana's parts a little. The 
way she went from Mystery to known Goddess was too abrupt. Unless it's in 
her character to tease people before revealling herself like that. For the 
goddess of Mystery, she sure was forthcoming after she revealed herself. 
I'd expected her to be more cryptic (reveal minimal info) at all times 
because of her nature.
She has more potential as an enigma than as "just another" goddess like the 
Norns.��