RING OF TOLTIIR IV: RYOUGA'S REVENGE

what's come before:
   Cologne has planned to use a wishing ring
to cause the wedding of Shampoo & Ranma. Due
to the ring being an artifact of a god of 
mischief, it was stolen by Happosai during a
panty raid on the Nekohanten.
   Ranma found the ring, and was about to be
hammered by Akane for being a pervert when the
ring went off. Everyone else went on a trip to
Juusenkyo, Ranma found out some info about the
Ring Of Toltiir, and the ring slowly recharged
itself to grant a wish just as a major wrestling
match for the ring occurred.

"I wish..." Ukyou yelled, thinking that
contact with the person holding the ring might
be enough.
	"that" Akane started in, the same thought
occurring to her.
	"Ranma was married to me!"
	"Meow!"
	Ranma looked in horror, realizing that
five women had chosen the same option at the
same time.
	*GRANTED*
	Ranma's scream of anguish echoed over
Nerima for a good five minutes.
	Kasumi, Nabiki, Ukyou, Shampoo and Akane 
looked at each other, startled. "Uh oh," came from
five throats at the same time.

so in a way, it looked like Cologne did get
what she wanted...
	
	Ryouga smiled at Ranma, showing a fang
which glinted triumphantly in the setting sun.
"Got you BEST!" Ryouga chuckled. All the martial
arts battles, all the "Die Ranma" attacks, and
now he had finally gotten a revenge on Ranma
that would cause his rival all sorts of problems.
	"R-r-Ryouga?" Ranma looked more than a
little panicked. "What?"
	"I was the one actually holding the ring,
Ranma. When I heard them saying that, I saw my
chance for Vengeance! I used option number five!
HAHAHAHAHA!"
	Ranma paled. "But..."
	"The option? It was: 'I wish that these
five young ladies were ALL married to Ranma and
that THEY would live happily ever after as good
Chinese amazons. You'll be a second class citizen
forever! BWAHAHAHA!"
	Ukyou grabbed the ring away from Ryouga.
"Hey you messed up crackerjack prize, how can he
possibly be married to FIVE WOMEN!"
	"Oh my."
	"Actually, Shampoo, that was my line." Kasumi
did a double take, Shampoo had returned to human form.
	Cologne's walking stick struck the ground
to get everyone's attention. "Excuse me, but do any
of you actually FEEL married?"
	A faint series of images, the equivelant of
a whisper finally made itself felt. *damn that was
exhausting.*
	Ukyou squeezed the ring but didn't notice
any effect. "What did you do, dammit!"
	*the ring always uses the least amount of
power necessary for a wish to come true. this used
up quite a bit of power. i think it's going to be
awhile before i can communicate much so please 
listen up. there was a change made in the past,
with repercussions stretching through till now.*
	"What-did-you-do!!" Ukyou was gritting
her teeth. She liked Akane to some extent, but
being married to her was completely out of the
question. Even less so was Shampoo or Nabiki.
Oddly, she realized that the thought wasn't as
repellant as she would have thought it would be.
	"It doesn't matter what that trinket did,"
Cologne remarked with slitted gaze. She didn't
realize that the change had been in the past of
the Amazon Village. "Look at your hands!"
	There were a few yelps as the five wives
did so. Nabiki pulled a jeweler's loupe out of
somewhere and was examining her ring with a
certain degree of greed.
	"Those are cursed wedding rings, an
ancient amazon treasure dating back over four
thousand years of Chinese Amazon culture! The
rings can never be taken off, and there will
be other effects soon enough."
	"Ranma no baka!" Akane was still trying
to pull hers off. It seemed to slide along just
fine until it reached the knuckle, but then
just stopped as if it had suddenly welded itself
to the skin.
	"Solid gold, coiled dragon motif, little
emerald eyes, is that a fleck of ruby in the 
mouth for the tongue? Ahhhh." Nabiki wondered
how much it would sell for if she could get it
off.
	"Great grandmama, I no longer cat!"
	"Of course, child. If you were stuck in
your catform you couldn't marry son-in-law. Now
as your husband, he has other wives. They will
have to go through the Rite Of Induction into
the tribe," Cologne shrugged, "but we could use
some new blood anyway."
	"No way this could be common among the
amazons, could it?" Ranma looked for Ryouga, who
seemed to have taken the distraction in order to
get himself lost again. This showed uncommon sense
on the part of Ryouga, as there were six people
present ready to pound him into an unrecognizable
heap at the moment.
	"Ha. Son-in-law, men surviving life among
the Amazons are rare. It is a harsh life, where
the males must prove their stamina and strength
daily doing all the menial tasks that women assign
them. Many die or run away to the outside world.
Since a marriage match normally will only occur
when a man has defeated a woman in single combat,
and men of the village are not typically allowed
to learn fighting skills (Hidden Weapons, Drunk Fu,
and a few other minor disciplines being the 
exceptions) - how do you suppose we keep the number
of amazons up? The man may be a servant to his wives,
but one man can serve a number of women..."
	"Oh no."
	"Oh my."
	"Ukyou, that was _my_ line."
	"Oh, right. Sorry Kasumi."
	"Of course, due to the rarity of the number
of men who can actually defeat a Chinese Amazon in
battle, _and_ that someone who can do so is at least
a potential threat, one husband for several wives is
the usual arrangement. After all, if the male gets
too uppity, the women can then gang up on him and
beat the fight out of him."
	"Ranma, you pervert, did you plan this?"
	Ranma was just shaking his head over and
over again, this could not be happening. Absolutely
could _not_ be happening.
	"So what do these rings do, anyway?" Akane
decided to ignore Ranma. The little pervert was 
withdrawing into himself so much that she wouldn't
waste the effort to hammer him. He probably wouldn't
notice at this point anyway.
	"Are you familiar with wedding vows, child?
Imagine them being magically enforced."
	"You mean..." Akane looked nauseous.
	"In sickness and health, etcetera." Nabiki
winced. It wasn't the "for richer" part that caused
the sudden stomach upset. "Oh my."
	"Uhm, Nabiki, that's _my_ trademark line."
	Nabiki quietly handed 10 yen to Kasumi.
	"To love and to cherish," Ukyou noted. "So
why is Ran-chan over there acting like a heroin
addict going cold-turkey?"
	*might i say something?*
	"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DID THIS!" Akane yelled
at the ring, bringing her mallet into play as she
slammed the ring with a berserker fury.
	"OW! AKANE!" Ukyou held her throbbing hand.
She had, of course, still been holding the ring at
the time.
	"Some people say Shampoo not clever, but
what about hammergirl, then?"
	"Are you _trying_ to say something you
Chinese bimbo?" Akane was still emitting battle
aura, a nice pale blue in color.
	"Violent girl say Shampoo not smart because
Shampoo not very good at learning barbaric language
like Japanese? You try speak Chinese, see how well
you do. That not point, though. Where is magic ring
now?"
	"Uhmm." Akane glanced at Ukyou's empty hand,
which had turned all red and was still showing the
imprint of a hammer's business end.
	"The ring, Akane," Nabiki managed. She found
a hot water tap and restored her sobriety. Even with
a blood alcohol level in excess of legally drunk, she
had still realized that Akane had just pulled one
of those STM (Stupid Thoughtless Moves) that her 
overly emotional sister sometimes did.
	"Oh my."
	"AKANE! That is MY line!" Kasumi sighed.
This wasn't going well. Maybe she should put some hot
water on. The storm was still threatening to unleash
and she did NOT want to get wet. Especially with her
Juusenkyo curse.
	Cologne was looking over Ranma. "Well, well,
son-in-law, what IS wrong with you?"
	"Looks like he's in shock."
	Cologne jumped slightly and glared at the
figure of Zen who had just landed nearby. "I'd almost
forgotten about you bozos."
	"Ah, nobody expects the Spamfic Repetition."
Zen nodded sagely. "Seriously, though, what do you
suppose his mother will do when SHE finds out."
	"Oh my," said Shampoo, Akane, and Nabiki.
	"Would you all please cut that out," Kasumi
held her head in her hands. "This has not been a good
day."
**************
	Happosai snickered, he'd gotten away from
that "priest of elemental earth" by means of his
"Happo Badger Digdug" manuever. One of these days
he'd get around to naming the manuever something
a little better.
	As it was he'd had plans for this, yes, 
with an actual Wish he'd be able to fix something.
He'd made a wish to be healthy forever, and this
had gotten him to the considerable age of 300.
Had he known that the Pool Of The Djinn would only
grant one wish for any particular individual, he
would have chosen a better wish. Eternal youth,
now there's the ticket.
	Hopping to the top of a train, Happosai
smiled and watched the scenery speeding by. He
was undecided, but could see the possibilities.
Would he wish for eternal youth? That his touch
act as the Spring Of Drowned Pretty Lady? That
he were irresistable to members of the fair sex?
Or merely to have several young ladies fall in
love with him, so that he could indulge in things
more pleasurable even than panty raids? Lust
dimmed his awareness of his surroundings as he
gave vent to Evil Laugh #7 (World Conquering Villain
Evil Laugh[tm]).
	In the train below, a figure looked up as
the maniacal laughter was heard. He would not fight
while the train was in motion, but come the next
stop...
	Shades smiled.
**************
	"Ranma's still pretty out of it," Akane
noted. She looked out and noticed he was still
in the yard, and still twitching.
	"Ran-chan..." Ukyou said softly, her 
concern for Ranma cutting through the weirdness
of the situation.
	"Look Ranma's right hand," said Shampoo.
	Everyone noted that his right hand was
slightly swollen and reddish, just like...
	Ukyou glanced at her own hand and then
at Ranma's hand. She then turned and glared at
Cologne, which of course had no effect. Cologne
had been glared at by people who were far more
expert at glaring than Ukyou.
	"What _I_ don't understand, new 
daughter-in-law..."
	Ukyou winced.
	"...is how son-in-law got the 'wife'
ring and you are wearing the 'husband' ring."
	"Aiyaaa! Shampoo no notice she wearing
wrong ring too."
	"One moment, Cologne. Is the implication
here about mutually shared pain?" Nabiki stepped
inside the porch as the first few raindrops began
to come down.
	"And pleasure, yes." Cologne shrugged.
"What can I say, it has served admirably in the
cases of reluctant couples. The rings join the
husband and wife, where they must be physically
near each other, and where the hurts and 
happiness of one is visited upon the other. Ah
the true terror of the Cursed Wedding Rings. I
just don't remember there being so many of them."
	Ranma stood at the doorway. "Uhm, anno."
	"Ranma no BAKA!" Akane's mallet struck
out, slamming Ranma back into the yard. It didn't
really help the situation, but she always felt
better for having done it. At least that was how
it usually worked.
	<WHAM! x5>
	Ukyou slowly dropped from where she'd
been imbedded in the ceiling. It seemed that
the force had been duplicated exactly, but not
everyone had gone in the same direction.
	Shampoo re-entered the dojo from the
same hole she had made during her sudden exit.
She, of course, immediately started looking for
"stupid hammer girl."
	Ukyou checked two figures nearby. 
Nabiki was out cold. Using her battle spatula,
Ukyou started prying Kasumi out of the wall.
	Akane stumbled into the room, holding
her head and mumbling something about how the
shrine bells were ringing so it must be a 
festival day, ne?
	Shampoo cracked her knuckles.
	"Oh you don't want to do that, Shampoo."
Cologne said in an oddly quiet little voice, 
taking the moment to light her pipe and settle
back to watch the fun. "Very bad you do that."
	"Akane the baka here." Shampoo slapped
Akane repeatedly in a Chestnut Fist manuever.
	Meanwhile, in the yard, Ranma tried to get
up but something invisible started slapping him
around. Only Cologne was paying any attention at
the moment, however.
	"Akane, let me explain how I feel about
that damn hammer trick of yours."<CLONG!>
	"Akane, to your own sisters!" <SLAP>
	"Sis, wake up!" <SLAP>
	Ranma twitched again as he felt some
invisible force slap him yet again. This was
_not_ his day. "Just you wait, Ryouga, I'll
get you back. Somehow, someday."
*******************
	Ryouga sneezed, then wondered where the
hell was he now.
	He'd just left the Tendo-ke, and was now in
something completely unfamiliar. Where did these
mountains come from? Why did it look like all these
buildings were made of platinum. Where did this odd
card he'd just found his backpack come from?
	Ryouga watched as the card faded away and
shrugged. He knew he'd find his way to a pay phone,
then he could call Akari and have her pick him up.
He would then go on to have a happy life, knowing
full well that he'd avenged himself on Ranma.
	Who was that one guy standing on a rainbow
colored bridge and why was he emitting a battle aura?
*******************
	Happosai left the train and was still in
mid leap when Shades announced his presence.
	"EARTH DRAGON!"
	Happosai was caught and slammed into the
ground by the impact.
	"YES!" Shades made a momentary pose, then
realized that a barrage of fuse bombs were falling
all around him. "Oh sh*..."
	<BOOM>
*******************
        "This is an interesting situation, son-in-law.
Here you are, just married, and already three of your
brides are unconcious and you've just about been 
beaten into the hospital." Cologne sent a smoke ring
towards the ceiling. "I'd say you are going to have
a VERY interesting honeymoon."
	"This absolutely could _not_ be happening."
	"Wo da airen! Wo ai ne!"
	"Excuse please, that MY line, Akane!"
	"Maybe we hit her a little too hard," Ukyou
noted as Akane glomped Ranma.
	"Ranma need to lighten up, take Akane on
date! Today beautiful!"
	Shampoo and Ukyou exchanged a glance. Yep,
SOMETHING had rattled loose in Akane's noggin.
	"Her elevator not go to top floor."
	"Some of them oars ain't anywhere near the
water."
	"Ladder missing rungs, ne?" Shampoo grinned.
	"Elvis has left the building." Ukyou smiled.
	"Shallow end of gene pool?"
	"A perfect demonstration of the inverse 
proportion of mouth size to brain size."
	"She a few fries short of Happy Meal."
------------------
	Miles away, but get closer, Happosai sneezed
and wondered why he was getting a danger sense. After
all, he'd left that "Earth priest" behind in a smoking
crater and there was no one else around.
        He glanced up. Oh yeah, the dragon. A dragon 
who was humming "Ride Of The Valkyries" as he began
a strafing run yet.
------------------
	"Uhm, Akane," Ranma backed into a corner.
He couldn't help but notice how cute Akane was, even
if she was acting an awful lot like Shampoo.
	"I think I saw a TV program once where a hit
on the head produced a complete recovery," Nabiki
said from where she was sitting, an icepack against
her mallet-wound.
	<BONG!> One of Shampoo's maces slammed into
Akane's head. Akane went down.
 	Everyone watched as Akane slowly came back
up, a beatific smile on her face.
	"Aiya, now she think she Kasumi?"
	"Dear lord, no!" Nabiki looked thoroughly 
horrified.
	"Why would that be a problem, Nabiki?" Kasumi
asked, sounding slightly miffed.
	Akane glanced around and caught a glimpse of
Ranma. She smiled, got up, raised one hand heavenward.
	"No! it's worse!" Ukyou and Shampoo said in
unison, backing away in horror.
	"Ah, my pigtailed beauty, how I, Akane Tendo,
have waited to proclaim my love to thee, that we may
know the eternal joy of the requited love that may 
cause even the heavens to weep in rejoicing! For in
truth is there not truth beyond truth, that truth 
shall set thee free to joy in the truth of our true
love?"
	Everyone started working that one out.
	"I think she's a little less incomprehensible
than Kuno," Ukyou started.
	"But Sword-boy have many more years practice,"
advised Shampoo. "Maybe if I hit memory shiatsu spot?"
	<THUNK>
	"Akane OK now?" Shampoo blinked. "Akane head
working OK (or at least as well as normal) now?"
	"Right as rain, sugar cakes." Akane nodded. 
"I feel like my old self again."
	Ukyou backed away. "The way that voice sounds,
it _couldn't_ be. She couldn't possibly be acting like
him..."
	Akane glanced at the others, shrugged, then saw
Ranma trying to sneak towards the door. "SWEET-O!"
	"AHHHHHGHHHHH!"
	The others looked at each other, sat down, and
wisely decided not to try anything else like that. 
Akane acting like a female version of Happosai and
trying to grab Ranma's underwear was entirely too much
for them to deal with.
	"Uhm, nice tea, Kasumi." Ukyou managed after a
moment.
	Shampoo nodded vigourously. "Kasumi always make
very nice tea. Is good!"
	Nabiki shuddered as the sound of something 
smashing and Ranma's frightened scream sounded from
somewhere in the house. "Yes, this is much better than
the stuff you got from Ryouga a couple of weeks ago."
	"Oh my," said Kasumi as Ranma (holding up a
badly ripped pair of pants with both hands) ran past
them, screaming in absolute terror.
	"Didn't see a thing," Ukyou said calmly. "I
did _not_ see that."
	Akane, chuckling evilly, came bouncing through
a moment later. "Wait mon chere, ve hav got to go to
de Kats bar! Oui?"
	Shampoo moaned, putting her head on the table.
"This not Shampoo's day."
	Kasumi started patting Shampoo on the back,
making little reassuring noises.
	"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
	"Wait for me, wait for lil' Ak-a-ne!"
	Ukyou took a big drink of tea when Ranma ran
by again. This time he was merely trying to cover his
"dignity" with a frisbee. There was no sign of his
pants or underwear. A spit-take that would have been
entirely appropriate on some '50s sitcoms ensued.
	Akane-kun stopped as the water caused the 
change.
	"Uh oh." Nabiki managed.
	Akane turned to smile at the assembled girls.
"Uk-i-yo CHAAAAN!"
	Ranma was briefly safe, until Akane-kun found
Nabiki's water pistol.
---------------------------

there's more silliness to come, as this is just where
i'm breaking due to browser/mail limitations.
*     Will Akane stop impersonating Happosai, or is
 it all just something she's doing to get back at 
 them all for being slapped around?
*     Will the Ring be found, or will someone use
 her powers as the goddess of punctuality to try to
 set the timeline back on track?
*     Will Ryouga enjoy Asgard, or will he insult
 the red-haired gentleman with the hammer?
*     Will Happosai gain the Ring and make a wish 
 that all the other characters will regret even more
 than Ryouga's wish?
*     Will Ryouga make his way back to the Tendo dojo
 only to find out what a combined attack from all five
 wives will do to his personal integrity?
              coming soon (maybe) Ring Of Toltiir 5
http://members.aol.com/Metroanime/main.html