CONTINUED FROM PART 1....
Lunari walks back on stage, wincing slightly at the noises backstage
as she approaches the podium. "And now, to present the award for 'Best
Filk Song of the Year', she is the author of *Skuld's Santa Claus* and *A
Starry Winter Night*, Shori Wong!"
A very nervous Shori, carrying a tiny envelope, walks onto the stage
and stepped in front of the podium. She is dressed in a flowing blue dress,
her back exposed and wearing pumps to match. Her hair flows down to her
bare shoulders, giving her this rather sophisticated and mature look. She
nervously leans forward and speaks into the microphone.
The crowd is giving her their undivided attention, which seems to
make her all the more nervous.
"Um, I've never done this before, speaking in front of a crowd
before, but I'll try my best. Um, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Shori,
and I'd like to present this year's best filk song." She starts, but is
immediately interrupted.
"Hey, aren't you that Shori chick from OneShot's 'Least one can
do series'?" it was a guy, naturally. A girl would be more subtle :)
Shori nods, "Yes, I am."
The guy smirks, "Well, at least now I know how she looks like.
OneShot never did describe how she looked like and all"
Shori clears her throat, "Well, anyway, I'd like to present the
nominees for this year's best filk song:
-- 'Do you Hear the Panties Sing?' by Megane 6.7,
<fcasper@yesic.com>
-- 'Okonomiyaki, by Sharon Tripp,
<teale@shell1.tiac.net>
-- 'Rumic Paradise' by Ted Hsu,
<tdhsu@Music.cc.uga.edu.>
-- 'Saotome-san' by Sebastian Weinberg,
<http://enterprise.mathematik.uni-essen.de/~bastian/ranma/>
-- 'Two Turntables and a Spatula' by Ryan Matthews"
<http://soyokaze.biosci.ohio-state.edu/~mathews/>
She took a deep breath and smiles "Whew, I can't believe I said
that without messing up,"
She opens the envelope and reads it. A drumroll emanates from
out of nowhere, startling her for a quick second. She then turns toward the
band located in right front of the stage. "Thank you for the drumroll
whoever you are." She begins to read the sheet of paper, "And the
winner of the Chicken Ball award for this year's best filk song is,"
She pauses for a dramatic pause, almost grinning, " *Do you Hear
the Panties Sing?* by Megane 6.7. Congratulations!"
"WOO HOO!!!"
Megane 6.7 quickly walks over to the podium, a big smile on his
face. He then gratefully accepts his award from Shori before beginning
his speech.
"Wow, I tell ya, only in fanfiction could you win an award for
writing a song about a panty stealing old pervert to a Les Miserables tune! ;P
"I'd like to thank everyone that voted for me and to announce that
some day I hope to compile an entire series of songs into Ranma 1/2: The
Musical, if at all possible. This is a great honor and I thank you!"
The crowd cheers as Megane walks offstage while the announcer
is cued. "And now, to present the award for *Sickest Lemon*, the author
of *Hammer to Fall* and the AMS triology, *Proposal, Wedding,
Honeymoon*, here is Sean Gaffney!"
[Sean comes out, dressed in his normal casual attire and black
leather hat.]
Sean: Hi. I'm here to give out the award for sickest lemon.
Another one of those categories where you're not QUITE
sure if it's a compliment or nat. Sadly, it's been so
long since the nominations that I've forgotten who was
nominated, so Megane will paste the nominations right
about here:
-- "Artemis's Lover" (Original Draft) by Oscar
<http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/Oscar.html>
-- "Father Figure" by Tzigane
<http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/6451/fanfics.html>
-- "Happi's Delight" by Shadow Dancer
<danceshadows@geocities.com>
-- "Nekophilia" by Greg Sandborn.
<http://www.microlink.net/~sandborn/gregff.html>
-- "Ruby Daydreams" by Eric Knudson
<knudson@u.washington.edu>
Sean: Thank you, Megs. And the award for sickest lemon goes to....*Artemis's
Lover* by Oscar! Try and feel proud, and don't get fluids on the stage, please.
As Sean leaves the stage, the announcer's voice is heard again.
"Accepting the award for Oscar....uh....er....just a second...."
The announcer whispers to the audio assistant. "We don't have
anybody to accept the award for Oscar!"
"What?! Are you sure!"
"Yeah! What do I say?!"
"Uh....Uh....just name somebody!"
"Who?"
"SOMEBODY!!!"
"Uh....okay...." The announcer speaks into his mike again. "Uh, here
to accept the award for Oscar is....um....RpM!"
Rod blinks yet again and glances down at the pile of awards on his
lap. Then he looks over to the announcer's booth and shakes his head no.
"O....Okay, uh, accepting the award for Oscar is....er...." The
announcer's voice stumbles.
"Oscar himself!" A voice calls out from behind the stage as a
wooden coffin on wheels rolls onto the stage where it comes to rest
in front of the podium. There is an uncomfortable silence as the casket
remains motionless. Then Megane 6.7 walks out on stage, a sheepish
look on his face as he approaches the podium.
"Uh....this is a replica of Oscar's coffin that was obliterated in my
12th MSTing. I'm sure if Oscar were still with us, he would be grateful for
this honor and thank you. Those wishing to pay their respects to him, can
visit his shrine at Tenchi's Vault...."
Megane 6.7 shrugs again and then quietly pushes the casket
towards the right stage exit. Unfortunately, the wheels for the casket had
been hastily salvaged from a shopping cart and as a result the casket makes
an abrupt right turn and topples off the front of the stage to land on the
CB orchestra. Luckily, being the professionals they are, they immediately
launch into a stirring rendition of *Taps* as the crowd cheers.
Lunari comes out from backstage to announce the next presenter. "And
now, to present the award for 'Worst of the Worst', the author of *Nibun no
Senshi Sailor Moon* and *Onna: Red Side*, here is The Eternal Lost Lurker!"
Lost Lurker, along with Shidou Hikaru, both walk over to the
podium. They are both wearing dark purple suits and purple Ray-Bans.
"Throughout the year, we see a lot of variety in the quality of
fanfics. We see shining examples of brilliant, well-written, thought-provoking
fanfiction which cause us to sit back after reading and say, "That was
truly beautiful..."
"...and then there's these guys. We're talking the bottom of the
barrel here, folks. Fanfics that are so sloppy, so poorly conceived, so tasteless,
with such damage done to characterization, that we sit back after reading
and say, "Shoot the idiot who wrote this and put him/her out of our
misery."
"It is with great pleasure that I'm here to roast the five lamest excuses
for fanfics that have seeped out of the woodwork in 1997. And the nominees
are:
-- "Artemis's Lover" (Original Draft) by Oscar
-- "Dr. Tofu Falls Down An Open Sewer and Dies" by Daniel Gallagher
-- "Hellraisers" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
-- "Ranma: Gaijin in Nerima 1&2" by Caroline Seawright
-- "Scream at your own Avacados" by Kenny Blackwell
"And the winner is....*Artemis's Lover* by Oscar!"
The crowd groans, expecting another long delay when the
announcer's voice suddenly exclaims. "Here to accept the award for
Oscar, is Minako and her guardian Artemis!"
Minako is dressed in an elegant white gown while cradling
Artemis in her arms. She gently places him on the podium before
speaking.
"On behalf of Oscar, we accept this award and I would like to
also take this opportunity to officially announce my engagement to
Artemis!"
There is a loud gasp of astonishment from the crowd.
"Yes, we fell in love on the set of 'Artemis' by Strike Fiss and
we've been seeing each other ever since," Artemis continued. "I admit
it was touch and...*ahem* let me rephrase that....things were made more
difficult when Oscar decided to use me in his lemons, but now that he's
passed on, I figured it would be best to marry Minako now before someone
else pairs me up with *another* weirdo."
"So, on behalf of both of us, thank you and wish us luck in our new
venture!" Minako concluded with a smile as she and Artemis left the stage.
Megane 6.7 came back on, the surprise on his face evident. "Um....well,
that was certainly unexpected. I don't think anything could possibly top that
shocker...."
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than Happosai comes
tearing across the stage with something in his hand. He is being hotly
pursued by Lum from 'Urusei Yatsura' for reasons that become very evident....
"LOOK EVERYBODY!!! LUM'S NAKED!!!" The voice of
Henry J. Cobb screams out.
The males in the audience immediately leap to their feet, cheering
and whistling. Happosai leads the nude Lum on a merry chase throughout the
theater, giving almost everybody an eyeful. Finally, Lum powers up and
unleashes a massive charge of electricity at the old pervert.
"DIVINE RETRIBUTION!!!"
Happosai writhes in pain as the blast struck home. Lum rushes over
to him and tries to pry her bikini from his charred hand but to no avail. "Can
somebody please get me a crowbar!" Lum calls out as she drags Happosai
behind her, ignoring the standing ovation that the male crowd is giving
her. Meanwhile, back on stage, Megane dabs a trickle of blood from his
nose with his handkerchief before he realizes the camera was on him again and
he gives a nervous laugh.
"Did I say nothing would top that shocker? Well, I stand corrected. Um,
okay, Now we WILL have the "Procrastinator of the Year" award, presented by
the author of *Ukyou and Ryouga* and the *Hearts and Minds* series,
Gary Kleppe!"
Gary (off screen): Not yet! It'll be finished soon, really!
Megane 6.7: Oh, I get it. Pardon me a moment, folks.
[Megane goes off-screen. The sound of violence is heard.]
Megane 6.7 (off-screen): Get out there!
Gary (off screen): Ow! Okay! Okay!
[Gary steps into view. He has brown hair and is of medium height and
build, wearing jeans and a plain sweatshirt. Following him are Hiroshi
and Daisuke from Ranma 1/2.]
Gary: Hello! I'm here with my MSTing team to present the award for
procrastinator of the year. It's an honor to be here, right guys?
Daisuke: [looking around] See any chicks?
Hiroshi: Looks like they're all with dates.
Daisuke: Hey, when are the lemon awards?
Gary: I think they've done those already. Let's just get this over with,
shall we?
Hiroshi: Okay, the nominees for Procrastinator of the Year are... first,
Chris Davies for "Serena and Luna: The New Adventures of Sailor Moon."
<http://www.ualberta.ca/~cdavies/hmpage.html>
Gary: Not being a devotee of Sailor Moon, I don't know this one, but
I've heard good things about it.
Daisuke: It doesn't have Ranma in it, does it?
Gary: I don't think so. Why?
Daisuke: Ranma told me that the next time someone writes a story with
him being a "magical girl", he's gonna find the writer, and I quote,
"show the jerk a new way to wear one'a those sailor fukus."
Gary: Um... this isn't that kind of story, guys.
Daisuke: The next nominee is H. Torrance Griffin for "X-Change Students!" <heretic@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu>
Gary: This is one we've literally been waiting years for. If it doesn't
win, it's because the readers have all died of old age.
Hiroshi: There've been a lot of changes in the X-comics since this story
was started.
Daisuke: Oh yeah. They had those really cool artists who draw women that
make Shampoo look like Olive Oyl.
Gary: *sigh* Don't remind me... they've corrupted the Champions RPG with
that stuff.
Hiroshi: Next, we have Lost Lurker for "Faux Existence."
<http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/9502/>
Gary: This one's not been on hold as long as the others, but a lot of
people would like to see him continue it. After Ranma has been missing
for some time, he comes back... different.
Hiroshi: Let's just say the sailor fukus might not seem so bad anymore.
Daisuke: Then, there's Mark Latus for "Hurricane Season."
<mlatus@willow.msvu.ca>
Gary: Um... I don't know anything about this story.
Daisuke: E-mail the author for a copy then.
Gary: Well, duh!
Hiroshi: Finally, the last nominee is Zen for "The Long and Winding Road Pt. 2."
<http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html>
Gary: This is his story where Ranma runs off with Ukyo. Part of a sort
of trilogy of Zen's in which he tries to convince the reader that Ranma
would be better off with Ukyo than Akane.
Hiroshi: Everybody always worries about who Ranma ends up with. What
about the rest of us? How come nobody writes a story about who the best
babe for Hiroshi is?
Gary: Um... well... I dunno, really.
Daisuke: OK, I'll be the one to ask here. Why DO authors take so bloody
long to finish their fics?
Gary: Lots of reasons. Some authors are very busy with other things in
their lives. Some just write slowly. Some of them write themselves into
a corner. Sometimes the inspiration for a particular fic just dries up.
Sometimes an author may get discouraged at the lack of good response to
his or her fic, and start to think that nobody cares much about it.
Hiroshi: So it's the readers' fault?
Gary: Well, no, I'm not saying that. A lot of times it gets to be a
vicious cycle. Sometimes writers seem to get so dependent on reader
response that they start releasing their stuff in dribs and drabs,
making it a lot harder for readers to comment on meaningfully. Or they
keep switching between different storylines, hoping to find one that
will really grab the readers' attention. That frustrates people who've
been writing in wanting them to continue their original series.
Daisuke: So what can we as concerned individuals do?
Gary: If you're a writer, find a story that you feel is worth telling,
and *write* it. Reader responses will come when they know they can count
on you to deliver the finished product. If you're a reader, be sure to
write to authors whose stories you enjoy and tell them how much you
would appreciate it if they would hurry up and finish.
Hiroshi: Are you finished?
Gary: Uh... yeah, I guess so.
Hiroshi: Good, 'cause it's time to announce the winner.
Daisuke: Or we could just go do something else.
Hiroshi: Let's go to the comic shop. I hear there's a new issue of
Inu-Yasha out!
Gary: Good idea. We can finish this some other time.
Megane 6.7: WHERE do you think you're going?
Gary: Well... [bigsweats]
Megane 6.7: I've got a Chicken Cannon here, and it's loaded!
Gary: Okay, okay. Could I have the envelope please? The winner
is....Zen for *The Long and Winding Road Pt. 2*!
Zen walks up on stage, dressed in a black 3WA jumpsuit with
utility belt and sidearm. He is accompanied by Ukyou, as well as the Dirty
Pa....er....Lovely Angels, Kei and Yuri. They are all wearing matching
Chinese style silk dresses, slit on the side up to the hip, high collared, but
very form fitting. Yuri's is electric blue with silver accents, Kei's is
emerald green with copper accents, and Ukyou's is cardinal red with gold
accenting. Uykou is also wearing her BA Spatula.
A very nervous Zen walks up to the podium, trying to avoid eye
contact with Ukyou as he accepts his award.
"Uh....Zen would like to thank everyone for voting for him and being
impatient with him until he finally released the second part of TLAWR Pt. 2.
Zen promises he won't take as long with the third part as he did with the
second and if he does, then Megane can use the chicken cannon on him
personally...."
"And we'll help!" Kei and Yuri chimed together.
"Yes, but I'm sure Zen-Sama here has everything all under control,
don't you sugar?" Ukyou said as she suddenly hugged him against her, a little
too hard....
Zen bigsweated. "U..Uh, y..yeah! Zen won't let you down,
Ucchan...." he replied nervously.
"Glad to hear it, sweetie." Ukyou replied as she released him.
Zen adjusted his collar for a moment before concluding his speech. "Anyway,
Zen would also like to thank all of his prereaders and everyone who's given
him C&C. Zen is very grateful and hope he can continue to write to your liking
in the future...."
The crowd cheers as Zen and his entourage leave the stage.
Meanwhile, Lunari comes out to announce the next presenter.
"And now to present the award for *Best Incomplete Fanfic*, here is...."
<psst!>
"Huh?" Lunari looks behind her.
<There's no one to present that award!>
"WHAT!?!" Lunari exclaims.
<uh....yeah....you see....I forgot to ask somebody to present it and....>
<I'll do it!>
<Really? Great, thanks a million, man!>
Lunari shrugs and walks backstage.
[CUE IMPRESSIVE OSCAR LIKE MUSIC]
The announcer booms "Here to present for 'Best Incomplete Fanfic
of 1997', is Dr. Maxwell Edison!"
[ENTER STAGE LEFT: MAXWELL SMITH (Star of the popular
series, Squid �)]
[Maxwell is wearing dress blues and a whitehat.]
"Hello folks, due to government cut backs, funding for this skit has been
notably lessened in it's humorous content. Therefore, in it's place, the
US Navy band will play a rendition of "Top Of Naere, Fly High" from
Gunbuster."
[Navy Band here]
[This space for rent.]
"The category of best � fanfics is awarded to those author's whose
creative � and superlative � have created a � that causes the reader sit up
and say �! Where's the � is the rest of it? They spur our � and ruin the
rest of our � for not finishing the �ing things. The nominees for best
incomplete fanfic are:
-- "Communication Breakdown" by Alber Crombie
-- "Faux Existence" by Lost Lurker
-- "Hearts of Ice" by Krista Perry
-- "Shattered Hearts on the Road" by Eimii.
-- "Two Sides of a Coin" by Benares
[Insert dramatic drumroll provided by the US Navy here.]
And the winner for best � fanfic is � "Shattered Hearts on the Road" by
Eimii! A very � read if I do say so myself.
With some small bit of difficulty, Mihrna wheeled a gurney with an IV
mounted on it down the isle towards the stage. On said gurney, Eimii
peeked out from under the sheets, eyeing the audience nervously. After a
moment of observation, she pulled the sheet back over her head. "Please
tell me when it's over..."
"Don't be such a baby!" Hissed Mihrna, Glaring down at where she
presumed Eimii's face must be. Mihrna was dressed rather nicely for the
occasion, in a low cut choli and loosely draped silk sari, both done in dark
vermilion with gold trim. Eimii, on the other hand, was apparently
dressed in a sheet. "I can't believe you..." She grumbled, as she
purposefully maneuvered the gurney over a fold in the carpet, rocking it
precariously and nearly sending a startled Eimii to the floor.
"Hey! Watch it!"
"Get up and walk! You're the one they called, you know." Mihrna
regained control of the gurney and continued walking. "I went to all the
trouble of picking you up at the hospital for this, and you didn't even bother
to change..."
"I didn't wanna come in the first place. How was i supposed to
know?" Eimii whined from underneath the sheet.
"Well it's too late now. I'm not bringing this thing on-stage." With
that, Mihrna stopped the gurney in the isle and grabbed tore the sheet off of
her companion. "Now come on!"
With some effort, Eimii levered herself upright on the gurney.
She _was_ fortunately wearing a bit more than a sheet, not that it helped
terribly much. The green and gray plug suit, which sported numerous rips
and was covered in various places by bandages, did not leave much to the
imagination.
"Couldn't you have just come in my place? Absentee acceptance
and all that?" Eimii pleaded, sounding terribly haggard as she shifted
painfully on the gurney, swinging her legs over the side. "I mean, i was
in the _hospital_, for crying out loud! Do i look like i'm in any
condition to give a speech?" she asked, pointing at the multiple
fresh-looking cuts and scrapes that adorned her face.
"It's your own fault for picking up that stupid part time job."
Mihrna replied, jabbing Eimii roughly in the chest with her finger, which
elicited a barely stifled cry of pain from the injured girl. "Now if you
want to leave, get up there and get this over with." She pointed up at the
podium on the stage.
After casting one final, and unsuccessful, pleading glance at
Mihrna, Eimii sighed heavily and pushed herself off the gurney and onto
her feet. Then, after removing the IV needle and steadying herself for a
moment, Eimii trudged wearily onto the stage, with Mihrna following a
few steps behind her.
When she was standing behind the podium, with Mihrna at her
shoulder, and looking at the audience, Eimii suddenly blushed crimson, and
then tried to hide as much of herself behind the podium as possible. This
prompted a swift smack to the back of the head from Mihrna, followed by a
few harsh words, after which Eimii grudgingly stood up straight and faced
the microphone.
"Um... Hi?" Eimii stared out at the audience with an utterly
helpless look on her face for a few moments before continuing. "Er, well.
That is, i'm really happy to accept this award for 'Shattered Hearts on the
Road,' as the 'Best Incomplete Fanfic,' though i have to say that i'm really
surprised that i was even in the running. It's been quite a while since i
posted anything on this fic, and while there _were_ a few entries that
were older than mine, i didn't think that anyone would even remember that
i had written this, much less that they would remember it fondly enough to
vote for it."
Eimii started to sweat profusely, as the moments of silence
dragged on. "Um, well, i suppose i'd better thank a few people out there,
since this fic would never have been written without them. First, i'd like to
thank Kirpal Sukumar, for daring me to actually write this monstrosity.
This is my first fic, without which i would probably still be spamming the list
incessantly.
Next i'd like to thank Peter 'T.H. Tiger' Schell and James
'The Prince of Rant' Nutley, for being my vict- er... prereaders for this
thing from the beginning. Without them to steal good ideas from, i'd
probably have finished this, or else have given up, a long time ago.
Finally, i'd like to thank everyone that supported me on this, including
all the people that took pity on me and deigned to give this poor excuse
for a fanfic writer some desperately needed C&C. I really am still writing
'Shattered Hearts on the Road,' as well as all of the other unfinished
things i have floating about, and i can say that chapter four is...
well... _almost_ done-"
At this point, Eimii's babbling was thankfully interrupted by the sound of
a cellular phone ringing. Blinking once or twice, Mihrna reached into the
folds of her sari and produced the phone, which she then proceeded to
answer. After a few seconds of quiet conversation, Mihrna closed the phone
and put it away. "That was your boss. She was wondering why you had turned
off your phone. Oh, and you have a briefing in twenty minutes. Time to
go..."
"HUH?! But- but, i'm supposed to be in the _hospital_! How can she call me
in now?!" Eimii cried, clutching the podium desperately, as if it were the
only thing holding her up, which it probably was.
"No, buts. Now come on, I'll give you a ride." With that, Mihrna pried
Eimii off of the podium and proceeded to drag the injured, tired, still
protesting fanfic writer off the stage and into the wings.
A minute later, Sailor Mars and Sailor Pluto fight their way out
onto the stage.
Mars: He *has* to! The original presenter had to cancel at the last minute!
FIRE SOUL BIRD!!!
Pluto: [dodging bird] No! It's my turn with him and I *won't* let him get
away again like he did last time! Dead Scream!
Mars: Ohhhhh crap.... [gets blasted] Ouch... That's it, Pluto. You're. Going.
Down!!! Mars! ULTRA! Secret! Hentai! ATTTTTAAAAAACCCCKKKK!!!
[Out of nowhere, Happousai, Ataru, Grandpa Hino, and similar lechers from all
walks of anime appear and rush at Pluto, drooling wildly. They dogpile her,
then are blasted away as a shadowy sphere forms around her. The sphere fades
away, revealing Jarald holding the Garnet Orb in his hands. He's wearing a
formal tux that happens to be torn and stained. It is not readily obvious
what those stains are.]
Jarald: You okay, Pluto?
Pluto:[twitching on the ground] Make. Her. Hurt.
Jarald: Your wish is my command, my love, my Lady, my life.
[Jarald lifts the Garnet Orb and screams out a wildly incomprehensible string
of nonsense syllables. The Orb flashes with green and blue polka dots, and
all the lechers get up and rush Mars, who screams and runs off.]
Jarald: That's that, Pluto. [He helps her off the ground and hands the Orb
back. She wraps herself about him and begins whispering in his ear. His eyes
get big. Unseen by them, Aino Minako, Ten'ou Haruka, and Kaiou Michiru are
standing in the background, arguing in loud whispers.]
Haruka: I won't! I don't even like him! I'm not going to say something like
*that*!
Minako: You've got to play your part, Haruka! How else are we going to do
it?
Michiru: Haruka, if you do, I'll.. [whispers something in Haruka's ear.
Naturally, Haruaka's eyes get as big as saucers.]
Haruka: O-Okay... you win. Where's this costume?
Minako: This way. [they walk off into the back.]
[Up front, we can see that Pluto, having suddenly and conveniently noticed the
three in the background, is trying her damndest to drag Jarald off the stage.
She's having little luck, however, as he seems more interested in pleasuring
certain parts of her anatomy.]
Pluto: [around his hand] Ooooh.... let's... gooooo... ooooh... my... my... MY
TONSILS!!!! [begins to buck wildly around his hand.]
(And Biles-sama said it couldn't be done. Heh. I proved him wrong! :)
[Haruka and Michiru, wearing sleek, form-hugging dresses in their respective
colors, walk slowly over to Jarald and begin to drape themselves over him,
caressing his chest and arms and whispering in his ears. His face cannot be
seen - his eyes are in the way, and an oversized smile has formed on his face,
complete with drool.]
Haruka: So, will you? It's not hard, you know. You did it once already...
Michiru: And think... of what... will happen... If you do...
Jarald: [nodnodnod] I will! I will!
Pluto:[disgusted] That's cheating! He's mine! Mine! It's my turn!
Jarald: [dumping Pluto on the ground] Sorry, but I got a presentation to make.
I'll be back in a little while.
[Pluto storms off angrily.]
Haruka: Thanks, Jarald...
Michiru: Yes... Thank you...
[Jarald stands up and waves his hands. The ruined tux is replaced by one in
mint condition.]
Jarald: Sorry, girls, but I got a presentation to make.
[He walks over to the microphone.]
Jarald: Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, and lechers. I was asked to make
the presentation for the Chicken Ball Award for Best Stand-Alone Lemon because
the regularly scheduled presenter had some... um... technical difficulties.
[He holds his groin and makes a face.] Anyway... [releases himself.] A
stand-alone lemon is different from a lemon series in that it really doesn't
need a plot. People don't expect a stand-alone lemon to have anything but
sex. Those that do, though, are even better. Ahem. And the Nominees Are:
-- "Bubblegum Pink: Raging Fires" by Larry Mann and Kris Overstreet.
<http://www.txdirect.net/users/redneck/>
-- "Female Fince�s Fun" by Bast
<e-mail and/or website unknown....>
-- "Recall" by Brian Navy
<geosword@usa.net>
-- "Sordid Sounds of Silence" by Megane 6.7
<http://www.winnipeg.freenet.mb.ca/~cto427/ran_fics.htm#Mega>
-- "The Price of Passion" by Cindy Toler
<yoiko@earthlink.net>
Jarald: I hope you all voted for "The Price of Passion", cuz it's one of the
best out there... [He looks sheepish.] A while back, Cindy Toler asked if
anyone was willing to write a sequel, and I answered yes... I'll have it out
soon! I promise! I didn't mean to delay this long, honest I didn't... but
I've been... [looks backstage] distracted... Anyway, the winner for the
Chicken Ball Award for the Best Stand-Alone Lemon is:
[drumroll]
*The Price of Passion* by Cindy Toler!
Jarald: Wow! What a doozy! 'Night, everybody! [Begins to wave to all. As
he's doing this, Haruka comes out wearing jeans and a normal shirt and
whispers something in his ear. He gets very flustered.]
Jarald: [shouting] Whaddaya mean? LIED? What? Why?
[Haruka, smiling viciously, whispers some more, then walks offstage.]
Jarald: [pouting] Haruka has reminded me to tell you that if you want to
contact me, I can be reached at 'jarald@hotmail.com'. Thanks for nothing,
Haruka.
[Pluto walks back onscreen, smacks Jarald over the head with her Time Staff,
and drags him off by his hair.]
Pluto: He's all *MINE* now!
Pluto drags Bailey's prostrate form away as Cindy Toler walks up
on stage and over to the podium to accept her award.
"Thank you very much,"
Cindy holds the award up and bows. The crowd and her friends
cheer loudly for her as she leaves the stage. Megane 6.7 then comes out
to announce the next presenter.
"And now, to present the award for *Best Non-Ranma 1/2 Fanfic of
the Year*, the author of *Ranma's Girls* and the *Usagi's Usual Morning*
series, Mr. Jeffrey 'Oneshot' Wong!"
OneShot, wearing a rented tuxedo, walks up on to the stage.
"I'll get you, Batman!" he says into the microphone, doing his best
Penguin imitation. When the crowd looks at him, totally confused and
staring at him dumbfounded, he says, "Dontcha get it? I'm dressed like
a penguin? Ugh, never mind, you guys have no sense of humor,"
The crowd doesn't laugh. Sounds of crickets could be heard.
"Y'know, I'm dressed like a penguin? Like in Penguin from
Batman?" he continues, not even bother by the fact that he was dying
on-stage. He looks down and notices a tumbleweed rolling right by his feet
and off stage. The crowd bursts out in laughter.
OneShot looks off stage, "That's not funny." He clears his throat as
he turns toward the audience, "Anyway, I guess I better go on with my
speech, I'm here to present this year's 'Best Non-Ranma fic'. Huh? You
mean there are fanfics based on series other than Ranma?"
The crowd is silent. OneShot is dying out there.
"Will you please go on with the speech already? Your jokes are
lame. I had much more fun listening to Shori," a guy said.
OneShot gives the guy a cold stare, "Hey, that's not funny. Also,
how do you know Shori went? I mean, I know she presents some awards, but
I'm not too sure. How do you know she won't go after me? How do you
know she went before me?"
"Because, Megane 6.7 is the one organizing this entire Chicken
Balls and he will HAVE to make Shori's speech come in first because the
readers would get all confused if they read...um....hear this speech
before hers," the guy says.
OneShot shrugs his shoulders, "Yea, you've gotta point there. What
did my sister do? Did she mess up?"
"Shori's your sister?! No way!!!"
"Why not?" OneShot asks, eyeing the guy curiously.
"Well, if you're siblings, and she's pretty, then what the hell
happened to you?" the guys says,
"That's mean. That's really really mean." OneShot clears his
throat again and continues, "The nominees for this year's 'Best Non-Ranma 1/2
Fanfic of the Year is....
-- "Dance of Shiva" by John Biles
<http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html>
-- "Neon Exodus Evangelion" by Ben Hutchins
<http://www.eyrie.net/nxe/>
-- "Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut" by Andrew Huang
<http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang/>
-- "Tales of Younger Venus" by Doug Helm and Tuxedo Will
<dhelm@log.on.ca>
-- "Transitions" by Richard Lawson
<http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm>
OneShot reaches into his pocket and pulls out an envelope. It's all
crumpled up and folded in several places. The crowd stares at OneShot
as he quickly responds, "Hey, if it weren't for me puttin' it in my
pocket, I probably would have forgotten to bring it with me, and I
would make a fool of myself,"
"Like you haven't already," the guy comments
OneShot ignores the guy and begins to read the paper, "The
winner of the best non-Ranma fic is......Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut by
Andrew Huang!"
The crowd applauds....because that means OneShot has to get
off stage.
Meanwhile, a bespectacled young Asian man wearing an utterly
unremarkable tuxedo walked on stage. That would be Andrew Huang.
Following him was a cute, pretty young lady wearing a nice dark blue
dress (come on, this is a guy writing, you can't expect him to describe a
dress, right? they all look the same...sort of...). That would be Jinnai
Nanami.
Andrew reached the podium, accepted the award, shook the
presenter's hand, then turned to the audience. Sweeping his somewhat
unruly hair back with one hand, he extracted a piece of paper from inside
his tux jacket with his other hand, and started speaking.
"Well, ah.... I'd like to first say that I hadn't really been
expecting this award. I knew about being in the running for the funniest
fic, and I was pleased with that, while I almost never found out that I
was nominated for this one. And, as it turns out, I win this one. But
hey, I'm happy!" He grinned, and looked at his award. " 'Best Non-Ranma
1/2 Fanfic of the Year', for Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut. Best Non-Ranma
fic.... Heh." Nanami blinked, and looked at her friend oddly. "Heheh."
Now she was staring at him oddly. "HA! We'll put a damper on Ranma
fanfics yet! Yeah! There's too many of them! I--"
There was a disturbance in the audience. Then, there was a disturbance
in the aisles. Then, there was a disturbance on the stage.
"Wha-OW! Hey! HEY! OWOWOWOWOW!! GARY! NononoARGH!"
Andrew ran. Gary Kleppe followed. Nanami sighed in exasperation. Her lip
quirking, she picked up the transcript of the acceptance speech left
behind by Andrew.
"He's never going to learn, is he? Oh well. I'll read his speech for
him. He'll owe me for this. *ahem* Let me see....
"'I'm greatly honored by this award. Even without it, of course, I
thoroughly enjoyed writing Evanjellydonut. As--'"
"KEEP AWAY FROM ME! SECURITYYYYYYY!!!!"
"Where was I? Oh. 'As many of you know, it was my first attempt at
creating a more light-hearted EVA universe, to keep my sanity after
watching the original go from a rather humorous story to something
completely depressing. It didn't have to be a parody-type change, but
the initial idea just sent it in that direction.
"'What did end up occurring, though, was that I started to mind the
continuity. What happened to the characters mattered. I needed to
keep--'"
"Put the axe DOWN, Gary. Please. DAMMIT! ARGH!"
"'I needed to keep everything straight and moving within my
storyline, in a semi-believable manner. In a way, it was a serious piece
of fiction. A spoof that wasn't a spoof. And, it seems to have worked
nicely. My--'"
"Gary, now, Gary, I know you're angry. I'm sorry, I really am. Can't
we all just get along?"
Nanami paused, while the two slowly edged away from the podium again.
"'My readers have liked it, and I like it myself. Some people have even
said that it's been a cause for the relatively recent expansion of EVA
onto the mainstream of anime fanfiction. Of course, I can't take all the
credit; certainly Eyrie's Neon Exodus Evangelion series--which, after
all, was put on to raac before Evanjellydonut was released--deserves
some credit. Of course, I still do appreciate the sentiment.
"'I'd like to thank Anno Hideaki, for being such a twisted bastard--
otherwise, EVA wouldn't have come about--as well as Sadamoto Yoshiyuki,
the more balanced creator of EVA. Gainax, too, for producing it. I'd
like to thank Terry Pratchett, whose writing style I emulated to achieve
the desired effects in Evanjellydonut. I'd like to thank Jinnai Nanami
for'...um." She turned bright pink. "'...for being very encouraging--'"
"Hey, you left out that part about--OW! GACK!"
"'--encouraging." She turned a bit redder. "'And, of course, I thank all
of you, for reading. Good night.' Come on, Andrew, we're done." She walked
over and managed to yank him quickly out of the way of a big Can of
Whuparse^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HButtock Prodding headed his way, still blushing
badly, and walked with him off the stage.
"Th-th-thanks, Nanami-chan."
[No hard feelings, Gary. It's all a joke. Really. It is. Ow! ^_^]
After Andrew and Nanami leave the stage, Megane 6.7 approaches
his podium. "As you know, I originally had a category for these awards
called the *Test of Time*, an award that would honor a fanfic over three
years old that continues to be a favorite among the FFML.
"Instead, I have decided that instead of honoring just *one* fanfic,
it would be only right to honor all the preliminary nominees for this award
that have stood the test of time and continues to be a symbol of what creative
writing and the human imagination can accomplish. We honor these fanfics
today as they continue to inspire us to write fanfiction for many years to
come in the future.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the *Test of Time* nominees."
-- "Bubblegum Cards/Knight Foils" by Ryan Mathews
<http://soyokaze.biosci.ohio-state.edu/~mathews/>
-- "Cat's Cradle" by Benares
<http://users.why.net/xanthus/fanfic.htm>
-- "Elseworld Series" by John Biles
<http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html>
-- "Girls Night Out" by Rogue1
<rogue1@netcom.com>
-- "Juyza's Lyric" by Stephen "Twoflower" Gagne
<twoflowr@glue.umd.edu>
-- "Life's Dulse Moments" by Leslie Mills
<les@firstclass.sys.unb.ca>
-- "Ministry of Confusion" by Stephen "Twoflower" Gagne
<twoflowr@glue.umd.edu>
-- "Okonomiyaki Orgy" Author Unknown....
-- "Putting Your Heart in the Right Place" by John Biles
<http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html>
-- "Predator and Prey" by Benares
<http://users.why.net/xanthus/fanfic.htm>
-- "Ranma Jijou" by Dov Sherman
<DS5877@conrad.appstate.edu>
-- "Serendipity." by Philip Jeremy Moyer with Trevor W. Schadt
<http://www.eyrie.net/serendipity/>
-- "Song of the Phoenix" by Jorge Pratt
<al709382@campus.ccm.itesm.mx>
-- "Stepping Stones: Uykou's Tale" by Benares
<http://users.why.net/xanthus/fanfic.htm>
-- "Undocumented Features" by MegaZone, Gryphon, ReRob and
continued by PCHammer, Chris Meadows, Pearson Mui, Larry Mann,
Ryan Matthews, Adam Johnson, Redneck Gaijin and Rich Anderson
<http://www.cs.ubc.ca/spider/edmonds/anime/uf.html>
The applause is deafening as the audience gives a standing
ovation to these honored stories and authors. Then Lunari comes out,
to announce the next presenter as a drumroll is heard.
"And now, here to present the category with the most overall
votes, the Best Darkfic/Shockfic of 1997, he is the author of *Chasing the
Wind* and she is the brainchild of Webdragon. Ladies and Gentlemen,
J. Austin Wilde and Kasumi the Axe Murderess!"
<A tall man with short brown hair wearing a black tuxedo steps
out from behind the curtain. The stagelights glitter off the small round
lenses of his eyeglasses. He looks out into the vast throngs of the FFML
audience and catches two kisses blown to him from Bridget and Rachel
Engman. There is polite applause from the audience.>
<Kasumi Tendo, carrying a rather large battle axe, saunters out onto the
stage wearing a stunning low cut black evening gown. The level of applause
rises, punctuated by wolf whistles that cause the eldest Tendo girl to
blush even as she raises the axe to strike. She brings the heavy cold-forged
iron axe head down with a sickening *thud,* burying it halfway into the
floor just behind Wilde, who has missed the "X" mark taped on the stage
where he is supposed to stand to deliver his lines.>
<The crowd begins laughing. The band plays a brief farce number. Wilde turns
around to see what the loud noise was about. Kasumi has retrieved her axe,
and is trying in vain to conceal it behind her back. Wilde keeps a wary
eye on her in his peripheral vision as he steps up to the microphone.>
Wilde: "Uh... Joining me this evening to present the Chicken Ball Award for
the 'Best Darkfic/Shockfic of 1997' is the lovely Kasumi Tendo." <muttering
to himself> "I'm going to get you for this, Webdragon... You just *had*
to rise to my challenge, didn't you!"
<Kasumi waves with one hand while keeping the axe behind her back with the
other. Her smile could melt titungstenel. The crowd cheers wildly for her.>
Kasumi: "Oh my, are all these people cheering for me? Goodness!"
Wilde: "We couldn't think of anyone better suited to help present this award
than you, dear Kasumi."
Kasumi <blithely>: "But isn't this an award for violence, carnage, darkness,
depravity, and acts of evil totally inconsistent with the source material?"
Wilde: <deadpan> "That about sums up the category, yes."
Kasumi: "Why me, then?"
Wilde: <trying to see what is behind Kasumi's back> "Well for example: What
is that you're hiding behind your back?"
Kasumi: <Offering her right hand while keeping the axe behind her with the
left.> "Nothing."
Wilde: "How about showing me the other hand."
<Kasumi switches the axe to the right hand behind her back, and presents
the left.>
Wilde: "How about both at once."
Kasumi: <Offering weak smile as the axe comes forward> "Oh dear, how did
that two-handed battle axe *ever* end up out here on stage...?" <Kasumi
casually tosses the huge weapon off the stage, where it maims a member of
the brass section in the orchestra pit. A brief cry of agony is heard.>
Wilde: "..."
<Kasumi blushes and looks innocent. More laughter and applause from the
audience.>
Wilde: "Anyway... Before we get started with the nominees, please allow me
to compliment you on your attire this evening. Correct me if I'm wrong
though, but weren't you planning on wearing a white dress tonight?"
Kasumi: <Smiling warmly> "Bloodstains..."
Wilde: <Sweatdrop forming, clearing throat nervously> "Uh... Nevermind...
On with the nominations."
<Kasumi pulls a rather wicked looking dirk disguised as a hairpin from her
tresses. Wilde steps back warily. Kasumi uses the dirk to open the first
envelope. She hands the contents to Wilde, who accepts it slowly.>
Wilde: "Our first nominee is 'Ill Met By Starlight'; a chilling
psychological thriller by Mike Loader and Susan Doenime featuring a
Ranma 1/2 cast darkly different from the norm. I tell you, Kasumi, this
one had me shuddering more than a few times. Especially Ranma..."
Kasumi: "Oh, I don't know. There were times when I really empathized with
him."
Wilde: <Another sweatdrop forms> "Uh... yeah. Thanks for sharing that,
Kasumi... Roll clip..."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The cat padded across the garden, its steps slow and uncertain. Food
had been scarce of late, and it was taking the risky step of exploring
new hunting grounds. This one looked promising...bushes ideal for nesting
birds, ample places for small furry mammals to shelter, and a pool filled
with tasty-looking - if uncomfortably large - fish.
There was no scent-marker, so competition from others of it's kind
would not be a problem. The rank odor of dog was nowhere to be smelled.
Just prey, and sunbeam-stones, and lush green grass.
And man-thing. That was the deciding factor. If the humans were of the
tolerant sort, life would be good. And if they weren't...well, the clumsy
things were never awake at night anyway.
A sparrow landed on the lawn nearby, oblivious to the hunter's
presence. Experimentally, a paw batted out, intended to tease instead of
rend. The bird was bowled over, gave an alarmed squawk, and took to the
air.
Lazy. Careless. Wonderful traits to find in prey. This would be...
"Hello there."
The cat spun at the noise. Careless was good for prey, but _not_ for
it. Especially when it got so lax as to allow a human to sneak up on it.
The human dropped down to his knees, his red shirt flapping in the
light breeze. "Here, kitty. Nice cat. Yes, nice kitty."
The voice was friendly, comforting. Not at all like the booming roar
that the more savage man-things made at it. No, this was one of the
hospitable ones.
Slowly, ready to bolt, it padded over. Man-things were not very
subtle, but could also be unpredictable at times.
"Nice kitty. Pretty cat."
The hand descended, slowly, and began to stroke the fur. Ahhh. Humans,
despite their many faults, were good for something.
"Such a nice kitty." The gentle hand moved up along the back, rubbing
the muscles in a wonderfully soothing way, evoking a low purr. "Kitty's
nice. Wouldn't claw me. Wouldn't bite me."
Wonderful. Humans were simply perfect at this, and they did it for no
apparant reason.
The hand moved to stroke the head, scratching under the ears. "Kitty
wouldn't tear me to pieces. Wouldn't kill me. Wouldn't rip at my eyes.
Wouldn't eat me. No. Good kitty."
A wince, the hand had been a bit tight there. Humans could be clumsy.
"Kitty won't do any of that."
There was a sharp, sudden snap.
The boy stood, and padded out of the garden.
<http://www.humbug.org.au/~wendigo/imbs.html>
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>
<respectful applause from the crowd.>
Wilde: <shuddering> "See?"
Kasumi: "I don't actually. It was just a simple cat killing. Nothing
to get worked up about." <In a disappointed voice> "There wasn't even
any blood."
Wilde: <hastily> "Moving right along... It seems Mister Loader has another
dark treat in store for us with 'Smoke and Mirrors.' Any fic featuring a
Coroner's Report has to be a good one, right Kasumi?"
Kasumi: <Nodding enthusiastically> "Right you are, Jamie-san."
Wilde: "I thought you'd say something like that."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The man moved steathly down the hall of the dojo, looking for a
good place to hide the bundle he carried. Dressed in a black costume
akin to a ninja or cat burglar's, he had a definite air of the feline to
him. On the bundle, a timer slowly tore away seconds.
This was fairly easy, really. He had thought that a dojo, with all
them karate types, would be hard to get into. But no; he just came
in through an unlocked window, easy as anything. Now all he had to
do was place this...
"Excuse me."
He spun around, expecting to come face to face with a seven-foot
tall, firebreathing black belt. Instead, he found himself staring at a
young woman in a tattered apron. She was smiling, but he could see
the fear behind her eyes. Predators are very good at sensing fear.
The man smiled. Cerberus had told him to stay out of sight, but he
had also told him what to do to anyone who saw him. He would have
fun with this one.
With a sudden, fluid motion, he lunged for her. One hand clamped
around her mouth, the other wrapped around her waist, and he began
to wrestle her to the ground.
He felt a sudden pain then, from his chest. Pain and a wet
sensation. The strength drained from his arms, and he slowly,
almost reluctantly looked down at the knife embedded in his side.
It was a simple, wood-handled kitchen knife; the blade nicked and
the handle notched from hours of chopping vegetables. There was
one like it, or several, in every well established kitchen.
He looked up at the stupid, vacant-eyed girl, choked, and fell into
blackness.
* * *
Kasumi stared at the corpse, and couldn't decide whether to cheer
or throw up.
In the end, of course, she did neither. She just stared at the
person she had killed. A pool of crimson was slowly begining to spread
across the clean tile floor.
She had killed him. Her. Killed a real, living, breathing person.
And, as hard as she tried, she couldn't bring herself to feel any kind
of sorrow for the man. Just a numb, empty feeling.
She turned him over, and plugged the wound with part of his shirt.
Then she went to the closet, brought out her mop and bucket, and
methodically cleaned every inch of the floor, marveling at how
easily the blood was scrubbed away.
<http://www.humbug.org.au/~wendigo/transp.html>
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>
<somewhat reserved applause from the crowd.>
Kasumi: "Now that was more like it! 'Vacant-eyed girl...' -How rude!"
Wilde: "Well that's one mistake he won't be making twice... *ahem* Our
next nominee is from Zen. It's a 'Ranma marries Akane' story with a
shocking finale that carried it to other awards this year and had the
FFML debating for weeks."
Kasumi: "Could it be...?"
Wilde: "It is. 'The Bitter End.'"
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Ukyou stepped onto the porch, and looked into the training hall.
Ranma, still in girl form, was standing at one end of the room, just
under the family shrine. Akane stood facing Ranma, holding the
katana that Nodoka had given her when she and Ranma had married.
The blade glinted as she swung the katana towards the slashed
remains of a number of training dummies that bore mute testimony
to the extent of her rage.
"And just what is THAT supposed to mean?" Akane's voice was
getting shrill.
"Just that! No one ever comes by anymore because of the way we
fight all the time! It makes them uncomfortable. Don't you get it?
They're AFRAID of you! Ryouga, Kunou... Everybody! Hell, you even
have KASUMI scared!"
Akane took a half step toward Ranma, prodding at her with the
katana. Ranma ducked to the side, avoiding the blade, and Akane
moved to pursue. Ukyou tried to scream, but succeeded only in
uttering a strangled gasp.
Ranma saw her at that point, and called a warning. "Be careful,
Ucchan! Stay back!"
Akane whirled. "YOU!!" she screamed at Ukyou. "I told you to stay
AWAY from Ranma! He's MINE! This is all YOUR doing!"
Ukyou felt as if she were paralyzed - time seemed to stand still. She
had known that Akane had grown more violent, but she was totally
unprepared for the brutal reality. The girl that stood before her now
was more like an animal than a thinking being. Ukyou's eyes were
drawn to the blade that Akane was waving, as the hammering of her
own heart fought for her attention - and lost.
Akane swung the tip of her katana back towards Ranma, her eyes
flashing with ill suppressed fury. As she tightened her grip on the
handle, Akane's voice was like thunder in Ukyou's ears. "I warned
you... I warned you both! DIE, RANMA!"
Ukyou watched, horrified, as Akane thrust forward with the katana.
Ranma was too startled to even *try* to evade; the blade slid easily
into her abdomen just below the ribs, and out through her back.
Ranma blinked, a look of shocked surprise frozen on her bruised
features. She fell to her knees as the blade was withdrawn, its bright
finish stained red with her blood.
Ranma convulsed once, coughing up blood as the light faded from her
eyes, and, like a puppet whose strings had been cut, she dropped
quietly to the floor of the dojo.
"Ran-chan... NOOOOooooo!" screamed Ukyou, rushing forward. Her
combat spatula clattered to the floor as she tossed it aside.
Ukyou dropped to her knees beside Ranma's limp form. Frantically,
she rolled Ranma over onto her back as she pulled the large ribbon
from her hair. Hugging Ranma to her and using the ribbon as an
impromptu bandage, she tried desperately to staunch the flow of
blood from the gaping wound.
Ranma's breathing was rapid and shallow, her eyes glazed. Flecks of
blood stained her lips. "Ucchan?" she managed to gasp.
"I'm here, Ran-chan... It's going to be okay..." Ukyou sobbed as she
fought to stop the bleeding. "You're going to be all right..."
"I... I'm sorry..."
Ukyou felt a searing white heat pierce her heart as Ranma twitched
in her arms and was still. She fought to hold on to Ranma's body, but
her arms had suddenly turned to lead, and refused to obey her.
Ranma fell back to the floor of the dojo and Ukyou could see a new
gash between the redhead's breasts.
Numbly, Ukyou looked down. The tip of Akane's katana protruded
from her own chest, spilling her blood and Ranma's to mix in a pool
on the floor. She tried to stand, but could not move her legs. She
stared up uncomprehendingly at Akane's hate filled expression.
"You want him?" Akane snarled. "Then join him in hell!"
Waves of agony swept through Ukyou as Akane withdrew the blade,
twisting it as she pulled it free. Ukyou swayed once and pitched
forward onto the lifeless body of her childhood friend.
The last sound that Kuonji Ukyou heard was Kasumi's terrified
scream.
<http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html>
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
<halting applause from the crowd that never quite gets going.>
Kasumi: "Of course I was terrified! All that blood on my nice clean floor?
Doesn't Akane know about using dropcloths? Or a plastic sheet? Honestly,
my little sister really jumps in without thinking sometimes."
Wilde: "I think that was rather the whole point of the story... Hey
waitaminute, I didn't see you complaining about the last clip; the one
where you gullied an assassin with a chef's knife all over the nice clean
tile floor."
Kasumi: "That was different."
Wilde: <exasperated> "*How* is it different?"
Kasumi: "In 'Smoke and Mirrors' I'm the one doing the wet work. I clean the
floors anyway. In 'The Bitter End,' Akane is the one making the mess that
I have to clean up. Very inconsiderate of her. *Sigh* I suppose one gets
used to it after awhile."
Wilde: "Anyway... On to our next nominee; Mark MacKinnon's 'Cast A Long
Shadow,' where a Ranma Saotome from a world destroyed ends up facing off
with his counterparts in a parallel Earth."
Kasumi: "Oh, I liked this one. What a body count..."
Wilde: "...Roll clip..."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
Ranma picked up the bucket and walked slowly over to where Ranko
was struggling to regain his feet.
"Wha ... what the hell ... d'jou do that for?" Ranko gritted.
"This was supposed to be ... practice!"
Ranma grinned unsympathetically.
"Sorry, man. Guess I just overestimated your skill level." With
that, he drenched Ranko.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Ranko-chan growled. "I
could have used a full strength attack like that too, if I didn't care
who got hurt!"
"Hey, don't be sour. There's no shame in not being my equal, just
because we look like each other," Ranma said angrily. Ranko-chan's eyes
widened in shock.
"You don't really believe that crap, do you? Of course I'm your
equal!"
"Then why are you a girl now and not me?"
"Because you cheated!"
"Hey, take it like a man, would you? You're just not as good as
me, all right?"
"We're the same, you idiot!!"
"NO!"
"WE'RE THE SAME ...!"
"NO! I WOULDN'T HAVE LET THEM DIE!!"
As Ranma's hoarse scream dies away, a shocked silence fell over the
group for the second time that day. Nobody moved as identical pairs of
stormy gray eyes locked with each other, something unspoken passing
between them. Ranma's body fairly vibrated with impotent fury that
pounded against his tenuous control, seeking release. Ranko, by
contrast, was eerily still. The stillness of the dead.
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Ginza/8225/
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>
<applause from the audience.>
Kasumi: "'The stillness of the dead...' Catchy, ne?"
Wilde: "It does have a darkly gravid sort of poetry to it."
Kasumi: "Excuse me for just one moment would you, Jamie-san?"
Wilde: <whispering> "Huh? Where are you going? We need to finish this
last nominee presentation."
Kasumi: <whispering> "I need to powder my nose. Please go on without me."
Wilde: <flushing with embarrassment> "Oh." <straightening up to face the
audience> "*ahem* Our last nominee for the Best Darkfic/Shockfic of 1997
is..."
<Kasumi walks off-stage>
Wilde: "LeVar Bouyer's 'Innocence In A Minor,' which enjoys the singular
distinction among our Darkfic/Shockfic nominees of being the only non-Ranma
1/2 fanfiction to get the Chicken Ball nod from you, our beloved Fan Fiction
Mailing List audience... Um... Ah..."
<Wilde looks around nervously, wondering what he's supposed to do without
Kasumi present to keep things moving. The TelePrompTer goes blank. Crickets
can be heard in the audience.>
Wilde: "Uh... Did I mention that it's a Sailor Moon fic? I guess if it
wasn't Ranma, it had to be Sailor Moon..."
<there is continued silence from the audience>
Wilde: <uncomfortably> "Yeah... *Ahem* Ah, roll clip..."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
Wilde: "Uh.... Roll clip please...?"
<Kasumi walks back on stage. She appears to be holding a bloody food
processor sans the glass container. Her black elbow length gloves glisten
with an unnatural wetness.>
Kasumi: <cheerfully> "I'm back. Did I miss anything?"
Wilde: "Um, we don't seem to be getting any response from the
projectionist's booth. They must be having technical difficulties or
something."
Kasumi: <grinning> "I suppose you could call it that."
Wilde: <looking down at the bloody cuisinart in Kasumi's hands> "So, ah,
Kasumi-chan... Is there something you want to tell me right now?"
Kasumi: <blushing> "Oh my... Should there be?"
Wilde: <tactfully pointing to the gore stained cuisinart> "Would you
please explain to me why you are holding a blood soaked kitchen appliance,
and how this might relate to the projectionist not responding to his cue
all of a sudden?"
Kasumi: <blushing even more> "Well... I suppose I *may* have had something
to do with it..."
Wilde: "Go on..."
Kasumi: "Well... I don't know what came over me..."
Wilde: "Go on..."
Kasumi: <shyly> "Um... You see, the last nominee wasn't a Ranma 1/2
story, and I just sort of... Took it the wrong way and... Maybe got a
little carried away and..." <meekly> "Pureed the projectionist and
his assistants... A little..."
Wilde: <clucking mournfully> "Kasumi, Kasumi, Kasumi... You know it's
exactly this kind of behavior that gets irate citizens of the mailing
list complaining of a Vast Ranma-Wing Conspiracy trying to subvert and
discredit the works of non-Ranma 1/2 fanfiction..."
Kasumi: <weakly> "I'm sorry..."
<Wilde turns to face the audience> "So what do you think out there? Should
we forgive Kasumi and let bygones be bygones?"
<The audience roars its approval. Shouts of "We love you, Kasumi!" echo
from the mezzanine. Soon a standing ovation erupts. Kasumi smiles and
blushes with blazing warmth, still holding the bloody cuisinart in gore
dripping gloved hands.>
Wilde: "That's what I thought... Ah! I'm getting a sign from the production
engineers... Roll clip..."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
Sailor Moon had reached a decision. Somewhere deep inside, a part of
her howled in terror at what was about to happen, but she pressed on. "Yes,
you'll have plenty of time to explain yourselves in the afterlife."
"Nani?" Ann's heart had risen so far: was it to come crashing down?
"Ai to seigi, seeraa fuku bishoujo senshi Sailor Moon! Tsuki ni
kawatte, korosu yo!"
And then there was no battle cry, no words of power, just the sound of
two beings being blasted out of the universe.
Forever.
At about that moment, Mamoru came into the room, having heard about
strange occurances. He looked at the scene and his mouth dropped in shock.
"Sailor Moon. What have you done?"
<http://csunix1.lvc.edu/~l_bouyer/>
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>
<applause from the audience.>
Wilde: "Why is it that I hear the shrieking noise from the 'Psycho' shower
scene when I read this?"
Kasumi: "Because Usagi is a psycho?"
Wilde: "That must be it..."
Kasumi: <blithely> "Happens to the best of us..."
Wilde: "Um... Yeah... And now that we've seen all five nominees, it's time
to pick a winner. The Envelope, please..."
<A scantily clad cat-eared anime babe escapee from a Soft Cel Productions
release wiggles across the stage with the envelope. Hoots, wolf-whistles,
and cat-calls resound from the audience. Wilde's eyes bug out appreciatively,
before being clobbered long-distance by a large and uncharacteristically
well thrown cinder block from Bridget Engman.>
Kasumi: <whipping out a chainsaw> "Please allow me, Jamie-san."
<Kasumi proceeds to slash open the envelope with the chainsaw, pouting
slightly as she misses the babe -who runs away in terror.>
Kasumi: "And the winner of the 1997 Chicken Ball Award for the best Darkfic/
Shockfic is....
*Ill Met By Starlight* by Susan Doenime and Mike Loader!"
(Susan and Mike glance at each other, nod, and trudge onto
the stage. Both are dressed in the finest formalware from the
3$ rack at Achmed's Pawn and Gun.)
Susan: Wow.
Mike: Cool.
Susan: Thanks.
Mike: Yeah.
(Both look slightly embarrassed.)
Mike: We gotta do a speech thingie now, don't we.
Susan: It's expected.
Mike: Well, can we at least switch over to something
besides script? A nice monologue, maybe?
Susan: Who delivers it?
Mike: Both of us, I guess. Just use 'we' instead of 'I'.
Anyway, writing this fic has been tremendous fun for
both of us. Co-writing is a neat experience; we advise those of
you who haven't tried it to give it a shot.
The usual series information: there will be a total of 14
chapters (give or take one or two) and two epilogues. Only one
character has yet to put in an appearance (and no, it's not
Happosai). We hope to have the series finished within six
months - writing speed will probably pick up over the summer
holidays.
Little bits of IMBS trivia:
* The authors make a cameo appearance in Chapter 9.
* The talk program conversations in the fic were real
talk conversations. After defining the goals that needed to be
met in the talk, Susan took the part of Nabiki and Mike took the
part of Hikaru and Ranma, and acted it out.
* Unseen in the fic are the jokes placed in the author's
drafts. It's become a tradition for at least one production draft
per chapter to contain a spoof scene, which is then edited out
by the other author. Thus, IMBS lacks such lines as Ukyou
saying, "My name is Inengo Montoya. You killed my father.
Prepare to die." and Akane answering the door with, "Hi, I'm
Tendo Akane. Wanna fuck?".
* Major plot glitches occasionally make it from the scene
summary to the production drafts, and even to the preread
copies. One dramatically different version of the furo scene
was written by Mike - only to have Susan gently point out that
he had a female Ranma sitting in a tub of steaming hot water.
More common - and harder to spot - are typos and missing
words that occasionally make it into the prereads. In one
scene, Akane was supposed to inform Ranma that Kuno comes
on to her at least once a day. Due to a accidental deletion, we
had Akane saying that "Kuno comes on me every day," a side of
the Kuno/Akane situation that we really didn't want to explore.
---
Mike: That everything?
Susan: I think so.
Mike: Thanks for the award!
Susan: Next part coming soon!
The crowd cheers them as they leave the stage. Then the announcers'
voice booms.
"And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, the final award of the evening...."
As the first few beats of a military march are heard, the crowd
goes wild as Megane 6.7, dressed in the uniform of a military officer
marches out on stage. He is followed by Nabiki Tendo and Tatewaki Kuno,
also dressed in combat fatigues. The crowd starts chanting "TOGGG!!!
TOGGG!!! TOGGG!!!" over and over as Megane approaches the podium
mike.
"Greetings, members of the FFML!!!" Megane begins, only to be
drowned out by the deafening cheers. These people are primed and ready
for the Chicken Cannon and are waiting to see who the victim would turn
out to be....
"Uh, I have a quick announcement to make....Unfortunately, the
Chicken Cannon Target of The Year will have to be postponed because
another final exam suddenly popped up...."
The crowd starts to boo and Megane laughed. "Just kidding!
Just kidding! We've got all five victims here and one of them will have
the unique honor of being splattered with a variety of disgusting items and
foodstuffs. Oh, and that reminds me, for those of you sitting in the first three
rows, the management is not responsible for any dry cleaning bills or
personal injury due to projectile body parts...."
The crowd cheers and whistles again while Lunari walked down the
aisle, clad in a low-cut black evening gown with a silver moon-shaped amulet
dangling over her breasts and a transparent rain-coat sheathed over it. She
is pushing a large plastic trashbin on wheels in front of her. With a flourish, she
opens the trash bin to reveal a pile of umbrellas. Immediately, the first three
rows begin shelling out money for the umbrellas which Lunari cheerfully
accepts.
"The Chicken Cannon...." Megane continues. "....was first brought into
effect for the FFML on April 6, 1997, when a certain *Catkiller* decided to attack
something we all hold dear to our hearts, namely Anime and Manga. So, for those
of you that missed it the first time, here is the clip of that classic FFML moment....
The audience cheers as they turn their attention to the screen.
* = Video Clip
*Catkiller admired his webpage as he sat at his computer, chuckling over
how clever he was.*
(The CB audience boos loudly.)
*Suddenly, he was grabbed from both sides by two military officers as they
hauled his ass out of the chair. "Hey! Who are you guys! Let me go!"*
(The CB audience erupts into cheers.)
*Catkiller continued to scream in vain as they slammed him against the
wall and proceeded to chain him up until he was completely helpless.
Catkiller began to whimper like a kitten as the two soldiers stepped
away from him while another man brought in a large pressure cannon on
wheels and aimed it at Catkiller. Then the man took a moment to adjust
his glasses and faced the studio audience that had appeared out of
nowhere.*
*"Greetings, members of the FFML. My name is Megane 6.7. It has been
brought to my attention that this person, Catkiller, has made an attack
on something we all hold dear. While I have no problem with people
expressing their personal views, THIS person seems to lack sufficient
reason or explanation, blindly attacking Manga without a purpose. For
this act of *hyber*-stupidity, Catkiller has been chosen "The Chicken
Cannon Target of the Moment!" Load Cannon, Kun-Chan!*
(The CB audience cheers again and starts to chant "Kun-Chan! Kun-Chan!"
while Carol Seawright smiles and waves to the crowd from her seat.)
*As Kun-Chan gleefully begins to stuff the cannon, Megane 6.7 provides a
running commentary....
Today's ammo includes....live tentacles from La Blue Girl, rusty nails
from Gosunkugi, six jars of marmalade, Azuza...."
"GERTRUDE! GERTRUDE!!!" Azuza happily reached for Catkiller who
immediately soiled himself and started to bawl before Kun-Chan finally
got her in the cannon.*
(The CB audience goes wild over this. Some begin holding up lit cigerette lighters.)
*"....And for a festive touch, Kraft Miniature Marshmallows."
Kun-Chan finished stuffing the last item in the pressure cannon and
then walked over to the firing controls. Megane 6.7 turned to the
doomed Catkiller.
"And.....FIRE!!!"
The chicken cannon discharged, unleashing it's full wrath on him.*
(It is pandemonium as the CB audience goes wild. The studio cameras
begin shaking from the volume of the audience.)
*Megane 6.7 exchanged a high-five with Kun-Chan before turning back to
face the audience once again.*
*"I'd like to thank.....me for suggesting the Chicken Cannon
Target of the Moment. I'll be sure to send myself a copy of the Royal
Canadian Air Farce Video Yearbook Volume 4. I'd also like to thank
Kun-Chan for her participation in this sacred ceremony. And to add that
while Catkiller may have the right to say what he wants, WE have the
right to retaliate as we see fit!*
(The CB audience roars it's approval.)
*Megane 6.7 and Kun-Chan salute.*
*"The Chicken Cannon. Someday all battles will be fought this way."*
As the film clip ends, the crowd cheers while Lunari has just finished
selling the last umbrella and stuffs the money down the front of her chest, before
walking up on stage and quickly exiting to the left while Megane 6.7 continues
with the ceremony.
"And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've been waiting for all
evening....Here are the top five nominees for 'Chicken Cannon Target of 1997!'"
As the death march begins playing over the speakers, Lunari brings
out the first nominee, gagged and heavily bound to a two-wheeled dolly.
Megane 6.7 begins the introduction.
"Our first nominee is the creator of the infamous and incomprehensible
original draft of "Hellraisers", which was MSTed, by the way, by yours truly. He
once told the FFML off when the original draft of his story received criticism and
he later apologized. He is Aaron Eaton....Eaton!"
The crowd cheers as Aaron is placed against a slot in the wall with a
brass number 1 tacked above it. Lunari then goes into the back for the second
nominee.
"Our second nominee is the author of "Curse of Darkness" and is
famous for pointless, drawn-out character arguments, where he keeps saying
that Pantyhose Taro and Ukyo are great, Ranma is scum, and just lots of
incredibly opinionated ranting. He is Blade....Blade!" Lunari wheels
out Blade and places him in the slot next to Aaron.
"Third on our list is the self-proclaimed 'Mega Man', known for
lots of really dumb, clueless postings -- asking really stupid questions that
made Dustin Goeller look competent by comparison; and posting a fic that
was so badly formatted, it crashed a lot of people's systems. Let's give it up
for Emperor Stephen....Stephen!
"Our fourth nominee is considered by many to be way too opinionated....he
often rants about how people should only write the kind of stories that he
likes and he even killfiled Richard Lawson at some point and made a big deal
about it. Ladies and Gentlemen, he is Kris Overstreet, better known as Redneck
Gaijin....Gaijin!"
As Lunari positions Ken under the fourth position, Megane 6.7
nervously swallows as he read the final nominee. "Uh....Our final nominee
is really not that bad of a guy....uh....he occasionally takes his sweet time with
his fanfics and he likes to make fun of other people's fanfics, strictly for humor
purposes, mind you....heh....and he took an extremely long time with these
awards but college took up a lot of his time so is it really his fault?"
"GET ON WITH IT!!!" The audience roared.
"Um, okay. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing....Megane 6.7....me."
The crowd roars again as Lunari approaches Megane 6.7 with a pair
of handcuffs. "Heh...is that really necessary?" Megane asks timidly as he is
cuffed and dragged over to the dolly against his will.
"Not to worry, handsome...." she whispers back. "After all, you got
through the rehearsal okay...." Lunari adds as she strapped Megane 6.7 to the
dolly and positioned under the final slot. Lunari then reaches into his breast
pocket for the envelope. She walked over to the podium and opens it.
"And the winner is...." Lunari begins.
The crowd leans forward expectantly.
"Actually...." Lunari remarks as she placed the envelope behind
her back. "Since all of these guys deserve to be blasted for one thing or another,
what's say we ignore the results and just give them all what for!" she exclaims
excitedly.
"WHAT?!?!" The five nominees scream in horror.
"BRING OUT THE CANNONS!!!" Lunari shouts towards backstage.
The FFML hordes go wild, their cries filled with bloodlust as five
large pressure cannons are brought out and positioned in front of each victim.
"HEY! THIS WASN'T DISCUSSED IN REHEARSAL!!!" Megane 6.7 screams
in vain as Metal Kasumis begin chanting and clashing railroad sledges together,
drowning the protests of the victims out. Hundreds of torches cast their sanguine
glow over the five victims as they come to grips with the magnitude of their
mistakes....
Lunari begins reading the items that are even now being shoved into
the chicken cannon. "Tonight ammo includes....Ectoplasm....barrel of
molasses....spam....used razor blades....used pantyhose.... hamdingers....revolver....
knife....wrench....candlestick....rope....leadpipe....colonel's brand mustard....sticky
keyboards from lemon readers....a dayplanner....frozen beer cans, Canadian of
course....lemon merangue pies, prepared by Akane Tendo...."
The FFML hordes emit a collective gasp of horror. Akane's
cooking! The Chicken Ball Awards weren't pulling *any* punches here!
"And to give the festivities an extra big splat, we've also got cream
corn....sauerkraut....a case of horseradish sauce....kumquats....raw squid, fresh
out of the microwave....Kraft Miniature Marshmallows....and, of course, chicken!"
The roars of the crowd are deafening as the last item is stuffed
into the gorged cannons by Kunou and Nabiki. Then they step aside as
Lunari reaches down the front of her chest and pulls out what appeared to
be a remote control. She then aims it towards the cannons and gives a sexy
wink to the audience."
"Five...." She begins softly.
"FOUR!!!" The crowd immediately fires back.
"THREE!!!....TWO!!!....ONE!!!...."
"FIRE!!!" Lunari screams.
The explosion is deafening as the combined force of the chicken
cannons unleashes a giant disgusting mass that would have made Godzilla's
lung butter seem tame by comparison. When it is all over, there is a large
hole in the side of the theater where the force of the cannons have blown the targets
right through the wall.
Many audience members rush over towards the hole to see if they
can catch a glimpse of the victims while the rest give a standing ovation to
Lunari and the Chicken Cannon troops. Lunari smiles and joins hands with
Kunou and Nabiki, the three of them bow to the audience. Then Kunou
tries to slip his arm around Lunari's waist only to be dragged off stage by
Nabiki.
Lunari is about to deliver her final farewell speech when she catches
a glimpse of Mousse backstage, pointing frantically at the clock. She gives him
a reassuring smile before returning her attention to the audience.
"Well everybody....On behalf of Megane 6.7, I'd like to thank
everyone that contributed and attended these awards. When he originally thought
up these awards, he had no idea how complicated it would become. Still, he's
very grateful to everyone for bearing with him and he hopes getting blasted
by the Chicken Cannon will make up for taking so long with putting it
together. Above all, he hopes you enjoyed the awards and that they gave you
a chuckle. ;)
"Megane would also like to give very special thanks to Gary Kleppe for
proofreading the awards for him and Dr. Maxwell Edison for giving me two
speeches when I was in a jam. Thank you both, I am very grateful. :)
"As for me, I'm Robin 'Lunari' Seabaugh and we'll hopefully see you
next year! Right now, I've got a hot date!" Lunari concludes as she bowed to
the audience once more and then leaves the stage to loud applause and cheers.
Mousse quickly fell into step beside her as they rush toward the nearest exit.
"If we hurry, we'll just make the last showing of 'Titanic'!" Mousse
exclaims as they hurried towards a waiting limo. "One thing though...." he
adds hastily. "Uh....I wasn't able to get that bonus from Cologne like I'd hoped,
so I'm a little short on cash tonight...."
"No worries." Lunari replies as she pulls the cash collected from the
umbrellas from her dress top. "I've got plenty."
"Wasn't that money supposed to pay for any damages caused to the
theater by the Chicken Cannons?" Mousse inquires.
"Uh....well....Hey, look! There's our limo!" Lunari exclaims as she
dragged her date inside. A moment later, the limo speeds off into the night....
* * *
LATER....
The sun has nearly risen once again when Megane 6.7 finally manages
to extract himself from the sludge of the chicken cannon. As he pulls pieces
of squid from his hair, he mutters to himself....
"Next time, I think I'll let Billy Crystal co-host...."
THE END
C&C, as always, is welcome. :)
Megane 6.7
<fcasper@yesic.com>
<http://www.winnipeg.freenet.mb.ca/~cto427/megane.htm>
<http://www.winnipeg.freenet.mb.ca/~cto427/ran_fics.htm#Mega>
Robin 'Lunari' Seabaugh
<http://www.winnipeg.freenet.mb.ca/~cto427/sm_fics.htm>
* * *
ONE YEAR AGO....
Hi, i'm Oscar, i'm 13 years old, and this is my little white companion, Artemis.
THE FANFICTION WORLD WAS SUBJECTED....
we're here to tell you, how we met, how we fell in love with each other,
and well how we lost our virginity.
TO THE ULTIMATE HORROR THAT WAS ARTEMIS'S LOVER....
He always tought "Why am i obsesed with that cat?" he than realized he had a
crush on Artemis!! , even tough he was a boy, even tough Artemis was a cat.
AND IT'S AUTHOR, OSCAR....
i liked you since the moment i saw you. No one deserves you but me.
Some day, some time, at the right moment, we'll meet.and i'll have you.
AND EVEN THOUGH HIS WEBSITE IS NO MORE....
The trio fired their BFG's simultaneously at Oscar's coffin. A
moment later, it exploded in a blaze of glory, leaving behind a Star Wars
Special Edition-esque shockwave that shot out from all sides....
HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON TO THIS DAY....
RikMach - Many people believe now that Oscar is dead, his horror shall never
cast a shadow over our fair playground again. I think they're wrong....Oscar, and
his "Artemis' Lover" is a horror that is matched by little or nothing. any
who have read it cannot help but feel the horror of it chewing on the back of
their minds for as long as they live....
THIS MAY....
FANFICTION'S MOST INFAMOUS HERMAPHRODITE WILL RETURN....
AND MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7 WILL BE THERE TO GREET HIM....
"OSCAR TOON 6.7"
A SAILOR MOON/TINY TOONS/WARNER BROTHERS/WWF/
DRAGON BALL Z CROSSOVER....WITH DASHES OF LEMON.
BE AFRAID.....BE VERY VERY AFRAID....
The Shrine O' Oscar
<http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/Oscar.html>