[The Lurkerdrome, main theater. The lights are dimmed, casting the
assembled guests in shadow, but a bright violet light is flashing
like half the trenchcoat wearers in Central Park. The lights slowly
come up to reveal four people...well, more or less...in the front
row: Kuonji Ukyou, Fujimiya Momiji, P-chan, and Mokona.]

Momiji: Why are we here again?

P-chan: Bukii. 

Ukyou: This is one of those MST review things. You get used to them
after a while.

Momiji: Okay, so...what are we reading? 

Computer: You will be reviewing a new Ranma/MKR crossover today. 

Momiji: Oh, cool! Ummm...so when are we starting? 

Ukyou: We're probably waiting for Lurker.

[The lights dim again, except for the main screen, the flashing light
on the console, and a spotlight over the rear entrance to the
theater.]

Computer: Please rise and welcome the undisputed master of Ranma/MKR
crossovers, The Eternal Lost Lurker.

Mokona: Puuuu....!?

Ukyou: [rolls her eyes] Gee...doesn't much like to brag, does he? 

Momiji: There's definitely something to be said for modesty...

[The doors open, and...]

Ukyou: [blinking] What the--!?

Momiji: Anou...I thought you said Lurker was doing this review...

P-chan: Buii?

[A feminine figure steps into the theater. She has shoulder-length
purple hair, violet eyes, and is wearing elaborate purple armor, with
an amethyst set in the back of the glove on her left hand. An orchid
cape hangs from the white-lavender shoulderguards, and she wears
knee-high white boots. She strides down to the front row and takes a
seat.]

Mysterious purple-haired girl: Okay, I'm here! Let's start the fic...

Ukyou: Anou...dare wa...? 

Purple-haired girl: [laughs into the back of her hand] Oh, come now,
Ukyou. Surely you've seen someone use an instant Jyusenkyou curse
powder before?

Ukyou: ...nevermind. I think I know.

Momiji: [sweatdrop] I don't think I *want* to know...

Mokona: Puu-puu?

P-chan: Bukii. 

Ukyou: The others are right about you, Lurker. You need help.

Lurker-C: [giggle] 

Momiji: ...definitely don't want to know...

Lurker-C: Okay, enough already. Let's get down to business.

You can fry me for this later.

Lurker-C: Fry now, fry later. 

<snip author's notes, only about 5 lines of which have anything
whatsoever to do with the fic at hand>

Ukyou: Anou...doesn't that kind of stuff usually go into an infospam
post?

Lurker-C: [nod]

Ranma and Akane walked down along the beach.  Just out of the reach

of

Lurker-C: How about "Ranma and Akane walked along the beach, just out
of reach of the waves." 

The storm wasn�t passing, after an hour the storm suddenly picked up
in intensity.  The wind was now howling, and the rain was like a
curtain that was suddenly drawn over the land.  Ranma decided it was
best they left before the storm could get any worse.

Momiji: Which, of course, is what's going to cause the storm to *get*
worse...

Lurker-C: By the way, something just occurred to me: did the author
of this fic ask Lawson-san before 'borrowing' most of this part of
the story? No offense intended, just curious. 

The beach was gone.

Ukyou: Ladies and gentlemen, the incredible shrinking beach! 

Momiji: Well, you know what they say, life's a beach...

Akane and Ranma looked at each other.  Ranma spoke quietly.  "We're

in

a lot of trouble."

Lurker-C: Gee, wonder how many trillions of calculations he had to go
through before figuring that out?

Ukyou: 'Trillions of calculations'? 

Momiji: [shrug] 

Akane moved slowly upwards, making slow but steady progress.  The

wind

was
an incredible thing, becoming stronger than she could have ever
imagined.

Lurker-C: The wind has been eating at Taco Bell again...

[The other reviewers blink, then make pained faces.] 

Akane looked quickly around.  There was a house some hundred meters
away.  She
might be able to run there, grab some rope, come back, and lower it

to

Ranma.

Ukyou: Assuming the house *has* rope...

Akane's mouth hung open.  This was not possible.  Ranma couldn't

die.

Lurker-C: Sure he can. 

Ukyou: [glare] 

He couldn't be gone.  He just couldn�t be gone.

Ukyou: [sniffle] Ran-chan...

[Lurker-C hands Ukyou a "writ of OOC" document.]

Ukyou: [blink] Oh. Okay. Nevermind. 

Akane stared  down into the water lost in the fact that Ranma had

just

plunged into the ocean and didn�t come back up.  She slowly stood up
never taking her eyes off of the water below. She stood their for

some

time not moving from that spot. A bright flash of light finally

shakes

her out of her dazed state and begins to move.  She takes a few

steps

back from the edge.  With nothing left for her she begins to run

away
>from all that she has known. The world blurs by.  She no longer
cares

what happens too her.

Lurker-C: The world...is a dark and lonely place...

P-chan: [glaring at Lurker-C] Bukiiiii! 

In a dark place a pear of eyes watch as the body falls into the

ocean,

Momiji: A pear with eyes? 

Lurker-C: I don't even want to think about it. 

bobs a couple of times and finally slips below the surface not to be
seen again. In a dark room a figure stood laughing at the chaos that
it was just beginning to release

Ukyou: [gasp] It's terrible! 

Momiji: What? What?

Lurker-C: Oh, the horror! 

Momiji: What!?

Lurker-C, Ukyou: SENTENCES WITHOUT PUNCTUATION!

Momiji, P-chan, Mokona: [facefault]

*********

Lurker-C: Scene change to the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

The Tendo residence was filled with the usual people for the

weekend.

Mourners and well wisher�s, the families that had Ranma promised as

a

fiancee for their daughters.  The people thinking this was to get
Ranma/Akane away from them.  Others went on about the tragedy of it
all, and a few others cursing at them for dying. The Saotome�s and
Tendo�s were withdrawn.  Even Kasumi wasn�t talking to many people.
Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome spent almost all day together drinking or
crying over the loss. Yet a month after the deaths no one wanted to
admit that they weren�t coming back., hoping that one day they would
walk in the door. As they had learned to expect the impossible from
Ranma, but then again wasn�t it impossible that they had died?

Lurker-C: The obligatory morbid mourning paragraph. 

*********

Lurker-C: And tonight's forecast calls for shooting stars. 

Momiji: Anou...they're not shooting...

[Lurker-C pulls out a 12-gauge shotgun and blows the stars away.] 

Ukyou: Not shooting...just shot...

In a small room in a abandoned building, a girl slept on the floor
lying in a fetal ball.  She could have been considered pretty, if

not

for all the dirt Covering her.  She had lost most of the life in

her,

Lurker-C: Whoa, look at that! That's wierd! 

Ukyou: What is?

Lurker-C: I've never seen dirt Cover someone like that before...

and looked as if she had not eaten a decent meal in a few weeks. Her
clothes ripped and starting to fall apart do to constant ware.

Momiji: That last sentence has a lot of mistakes.

Lurker-C: [nodding] It should read: "Her clothes were ripped and
starting to fall apart due to constant wear." 

The room was in a little worse shape than she was, if you didn�t
consider her emotional state.  Newspapers for covers, and all kinds

of

trash strewn about the room.  The only food in the building was a

open

can of beans that looked like it had been sitting there for a few
days.

Lurker-C: So *THAT'S* where the killer wind came from! 

[The others all grow sweatdrops.] 

The girl seemed to be having a bad dream, or remembering something

she

didn�t want to remember.

"No....don�t........please.....Thank you god, oh thank you god"

Momiji: I *definitely* don't want to know.

[The others nod.]

There was no tears however, she had not cried a single tear in

weeks.

Lurker-C: were no tears

Life had nothing to offer her any more, and she was close to joining
the one she loved.  She could finally admit it, not that anyone else
would ever know it now.  Her joining with her love was not that much
further in the future.

[P-chan begins glowing faintly green.]

Ukyou: [frowns] What's with the pig?

�Is everything ready�

Lurker-C: 'No you're missing a period'

*********

Lurker-C: [singing] "Makenai! Ashita e-" 

[The others dogpile her, clamping hands/paws/trotters over her mouth]


Momiji, Ukyou: DON'T DO IT.

Lurker-C: [pouts] You're no fun. 

After that last dream she had made up her mind. This was her last

day,

and it had been a month in the making.  She was determined to be

with

her love and not even death was going to stop her from being with

him.

[P-chan explodes in a column of puke-green light.] 

Lurker-C: Whoa. Not bad for a bacon ball.

*******

Momiji: Did anybody notice that the number of stars keeps changing? 

�We gotta do it now!�

[The screen suddenly shorts, and begins flashing the ADV promo,
complete with that music we've all come to know and love...]

Ukyou: Hey, what the--?

Lurker-C: [bashes the console with a sword she pulled out of nowhere]
Lousy piece of junk--!

[The screen flickers and the music dies out, replaced with the fic,
and leaving the reviewers wondering if they were better off with the
ADV promo.]

*********

Ukyou: Hey, you're right...

�That�s strange no one knows I�m here. Why would anyone knock on the
door.�  She just stands there looking at the door wondering if she
should run.

Lurker-C: Open up, it's the English police. You're under arrest for
bad punctuation and changing verb tenses in the middle of a paragraph
without a permit. 

The door opens, and there stands the person she never expected to

see

again.

Lurker-C: AAAAHHHH!! Run for your lives! It's Oscar! 

Ukyou: "Put...the hermaphrodite...down..."

Lurker-C: Don't mind if I do, thanks. ^_^ 

All: [snicker]

"Hi Akane"

Lurker-C: Hi Akane I'm from Punctuation Violators Anonymous we were
wondering if you would like to join our support group for people who
don't know how to use periods at the end of sentences

"R-r-Ranma, is it really you"

Ukyou: [singing] M-m-m-my R-Ranma...

[Lurker-C whaps Ukyou upside the head with her sword.]

Ranma just shakes his head as he tries to regain his breath.

Lurker-C: [imitating Ranma] No, it's not me. You're hallucinating.
I'm actually Ryouga and I'm just lost here.

P-chan: BUKIII!!!!

"It�s a long story, and I don't understand most of it myself."

Momiji: It's always a long story, and...and...why is Lurker-chan
glowing?

Lurker-C: Anou ne...!

Ukyou: [pulls out a copy of Onna: Red Side and flips through chapter
5, then blinks] Uhh...it *could* be a coincidence...

Lurker-C: Grrrr...

"Yea," replied Akane as she snuggled in closer to him.  "How long

was

I asleep"

Ukyou: Apparently not long enough to learn about those periods...

"What do you think baka."

Momiji: Now she just needs to concentrate on those question marks...

"Well lets go take care of that then."

Ukyou: And apostrophes...

Ranma stood up and helped Akane to her feet.  They left the building
and Ranma took the lead.  After going down a few different allies

they

came to a dead end

Ukyou: Shouldn't that be "alleys"? 

Lurker-C: I think so...I don't think the "y" changes to "ie" in
"alley"...

Momiji: Or maybe they just...you know...with a few allies...[blushes]

Lurker-C: Momiji no ecchi! ...I like it...

Ukyou: [groan]

Akane looked over at Ranma and asked "Ranma why did you lead us

here,

and just what do you think your doing?"

Ukyou: Wouldn't you like to know?

Lurker-C: I know I would...

"Ranma, where are we," Akane asked quietly.  Her gaze was transfixed
on a young boy with a horn on his head, and Ranko standing beside

him.

Ranko?!  "and who are they?"

Lurker-C: And that ends the first chapter of this fic. What did you
think?

Ukyou: Well, it was, ummm....

Momiji: You know, it, uh, well...

P-chan: Buii bukii buiiii...

Mokona: Puu...

Ukyou: You're the 'expert' on Ranma/MKR crossovers, Lurker-chan. You
tell us.

Lurker-C: Well...the author needs to work on that punctuation, and a
few other grammatical issues, and...well...I'm not really sure where
this one is planning to go...it's too early to form an opinion yet.
We'll be back for the second chapter of this, to see how much better
it gets. 

[Fade out.] 

--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Try to control yourself..."
"Hey, I'm 20. I'm male. I'm single. I'm not 
getting any. What do you expect?"
"...I stand corrected. And you...just...stand."
-Conversation between Lurker and an 
anonymous AOL user
---
The Eternal Lost Lurker
"You lika de fic? De fic is good, yes? 
...I writa you de fic." 
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/9502

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
-------------------------------------------------------------------