"And that got me to thinking, what would it be like, to be a boy, living
in the anime world, and you go to school and you meet this absolutly
GORGEOUS specimen of XX chromosomes, and you start dating, and the two
of you hit it off, and everything is going nicely, and then she asks you
to come over to her house and meet her parents...  And they turn out to
be Ranma and Akane...You can see that they are in better shape then you
will ever be in, and could probably break you by blinking.

"Dinner goes great, and then, after dinner, while Akane and Sumire are
in the kitchen doing the dishes, Ranma waves you over, and the two of
you start talking, and you are getting along famously.  You actually
forget 
that you are in the presense of a living legend, you actually start to
think that he is just one of the guys, and not your girlfriend's father,
not the saviour of the world.  So he casually asks you about sex, and
you reply.

Big Mistake.

Now, I am curious.  What do you think their reaction would be to a
normal, mundane, everyday boy admiting that he has had sexual
intercourse with their daughter.  Ranma ...or whomever else...

How much of this poor boy would be left recognizable?

John Farber

My Response to the above (I cut out some stuff to keep it
short...relatively...well, dammit, it could have been longer! :)
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Mistake!
by Alandra.  Based on question posed by John Farber.

Ranma 1/2 and assorted characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi, and
related companies.
Street Fighter is owned by someone I don't know.  So far as I know,
there is no such thing yet as Street Fighter Beta or Gamma.  
Both are used without permission for entertainment purposes only.
Aina and Yoshiro Saotome are fictional characters created by me.  Used
with permission for odd purposes only.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-----------

<*snip Ranma and Akane Saotome, married five years, no kids, find baby
girl on their door-step*>

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-----------
	Ten year old Aina Saotome tossed a ball at her eight year old brother's
books, interrupting his studying.  Yoshiro Saotome was the only true
biological child of Ranma and Akane Saotome, as both the children knew,
but neither cared.  The way Aina figured it, mommy was mommy even if she
wasn't mommy.  After all, Auntie Kasumi was mommmy's mommy, but she
wasn't _really_ mommy's mommy.  'Cause that would have made Auntie
Kasumi Grandma Kasumi, and she wasn't grandma Kasumi, she was Auntie
Kasumi, therefore, mommy is mommy.
	"C'mon, Yoshiro, let's play!" she exhorted to her younger brother. 
Yoshiro was a quiet and studious boy, definitely an oddball to his
parents, who were very physically oriented.  He had his father's face
and figure, but his mother's hair and eyes, which would, eventually,
culminate into a face that would break more hearts that Ranma had. 
Ranma, though, like Akane, disappointed in his son's lack of interest in
their dojo, was not as worried as his wife, because he sensed a great
deal of latent talent in Yoshiro, talent that could even rival his own.
	"Go away, Aina," Yoshiro said irritably, pushing the ball to the floor,
"I'm studying."
	"But you're _always_ studying!" she complained, tucking a wayward
strand of black hair behind her ear.  Besides the occasional trimming,
her hair had never been cut, and she habitually wore it in a functional
braid, reminiscent of her father's pigtail.  Yoshiro, whether by design
or convience, kept his cropped short, in a much more traditional
fashion.  "Pleeeeaase?" she begged.
	"No."
	"I'll tell Achiko's mother you kissed Achiko in the playground!" she
threatened, arms akimbo.
	Panicked, he looked around to see if anyone had heard her. "How'd you
know about that?!" he hissed.
	She only smiled smugly.  <<Ah!  Thought so.  Achiko was blushing way
too much when I said hello yesterday.  Just wanted to swing on the
swings, yeah right.>>  Yoshiro, despite his quiet, studious, manner, was
quite a Casanova among the ladies.  He had the rather odd opinion that
practice makes perfect, and was determined to get as much practice as he
could.  No one knew really where he got this from, but most attributed
it to a combo between Uncle Mikado and Uncle Kuno.  
	"You've been hanging around Aunt Nabiki too much." he muttered, closing
his books and setting them below his chair.  "All right, you win."
	She hugged him using the Saotome special flying tackle technique. 
"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" she cried, exuberantly.
	"Can't...breathe..." he gasped, his face turning blue.
	Aina released him, only to pull on his arms.  "C'mon, let's go!"
	"Go where?" he asked, suspiciously.  And with good reason.  Aina found
trouble like Uncle Ryouga got lost; easily, and just by moving.  She
inherited it from her father.  And her mother.  And her grandfather. 
And her Uncle Ryouga.  And her Uncle Mousse.  And her Auntie Xian Pu. 
In fact, Aina inherited it from just about every one of Ranma's
"friends" in Nerima, all of whom she cheerfully called either Auntie or
Uncle.  Even Auntie Kodachi.  Sometimes, especially Auntie Kodachi. 
Yoshiro was more respectful, usually addressing these same people with
the more formal -san.  
	"To the park, silly!"
	"Ummm, I'd rather not.." he said, rather fearfully.  Unkind people
inhabited that grove.
	"Whatsa matter?" she asked, concerned at his pale face.
	"There may be a few people there I don't want to see." Yoshiro replied
carefully.
	She bonked him on the head.  "What did I tell you about making out with
girls who _already_ have boyfriends?!"
	"Umm, big no-no?"  He looked sheepish.
	"Geez, if you're like this when you're eight..." she muttered under her
breath.  She shrugged, and admonished him, "Just remember it!"  Then she
set off in the opposite direction from the park, to the ice cream shop,
where people who had two digits to their age generally frequented.  Nine
year old tough guys with fickle girlfriends usually didn't bother with
it.  But there were some cute 19-year olds who did...
	Yoshiro frowned as she calmly skipped over Uncle Ryouga, using the
fanged lost man's broad shoulders as a launching pad to leap over
several cars in the street, keeping a firm grip on Yoshiro.  He resigned
himself to calling out apologies to astonished pedestrians.  <<geez, if
she's like this when she's ten, what's life gonna be like when she's
twenty?>>
	Let's find out, shall we?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*-*-
	10 years later, Aina (now 20) and Yoshiro Saotome were marked as the
most beautiful people in Nerima.  
	Yoshiro Saotome, at 18, and a senior at Furinkan, had an impressive
record.  There was not a pretty girl in Nerima Yoshiro had *not* dated. 
And he still had that nasty habit from when he was 8.  It had earned him
a lot of enemies, but the heir to the Saotome-Tendo school of Anything
Goes Martial Arts had the uncanny ability to slip right out of their
hands.  Where he had aquired this twisting agility is a question best
left unanswered...
	He believed it best to run and live to run another day, but on the
point of his sister, he stood firm.  He was always on her side, a
problem that exasperated Ranma and Akane.  Neither parent, however,
could stay angry with their children for long.  Yoshiro was Akane's
first born, a Mama's boy, if you will, just as Aina was Daddy's little
girl.
	But Daddy's little girl's gone to college, and she's been very
naughty...
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*<Aina's apartment, near Tokyo University>*-*-*-*-*

	"Come in, Sato!" Aina said, easily, giving her boyfriend of six months
a lingering kiss.  Sato Dansha closed the door with his foot, focusing
on kissing back the beautiful girl in his arms.
	She broke the kiss (he would never do so on his own free will), and
nuzzled his neck gently.
	"Ahh, you said...you had some thing to show me?" he managed to get out,
bravely. <<If you're going to drown>>, he thought, <<this is the way to
go.>>
	"hmmAmh" Aina murmured affirmatively.  He watched as her hand reached
behind her neck to tug at the strings of her gown.  She led Sato to the
back of the apartment, a wide, ridiculously happy grin plastered on his
face.  <<yup>> he decided, deliriously happy, <<this is the way to go.>>
	He had other thoughts too, but this is not a lemon fic so...
	<*snip lemon*>
	One week later...
	<*snip lemon*>
	The next day...
	<*snip lemon*>
	For the next two weeks...
	<*snip lemon*>

	<How about we skip on to the next month, where something actually
happens in this story other than gratuitous sex? Agreed?  Want the sex? 
Oh, go read Punch.>
	[Scene: A classy restaurant, known as The Empress, located in uptown
Tokyo.]
	"Wow, this place is pretty select, and even then, the lines are huge! 
Howd'ya get us in so fast?" whispered Sato, from across the table.
	Aina shrugged, and he appreciated the interesting movements that simple
act made.  "I have connections." she said casually.
	"Your father?" he guessed.
	Her lips quirked into a small smile.  "You could say that." she
agreed.  <<Well,>> she reasoned with herself, <<when the owners are
Auntie Ucchan, and Auntie Xian Pu, you _could_ say it was Daddy.>>
	"So?" Sato pressed.  Aina was, by nature, a bossy person.  And she
always had a reason for doing everything.
	"So what?" she asked innocently, her eyes wide.
	"C'mon, spill it.  I know of better things to do on a night like
this..." he leered, and she blushed a little, fumbling with her napkin. 
He wasn't fooled for a second.  "And so do you." he added.
	She lifted her chin, and glared at him in mock-anger.  "Well," she
pouted, "if you would rather study for your exams..."
	"Oh, is that what they're calling it these days?"  He was amused.
	"Uh-huh.  Full of books, and notes, and flat surfaces..." she trailed
off suggestively.
	Sato felt the call of nature.  "Let's blow this joint." he said
urgently.
	"No." Aina said firmly.  "You haven't heard what I wanted to ask you."
	He groaned.  Aina had recently discovered the power of the "cold-shower
threat."  A potent threat, indeed, to the average horny college male. 
"What?  Anything!"
	"Anything?  Really?" she leaned forward.  He leaned forward too, but
that was more to look down her cleavage than anything else.  
	"Anything." he promised.  "Just so we can go home, real soon."  (Sato
had moved into her apartment.)
	"Funny you should mention 'home'..." she began, as she leaned back into
the chair.  Sato nearly crashed his face into the candle arrangement in
the center of the table trying to follow her <insert appropriate word
here>.  She didn't smile, and her serious look sobered him some what. 
He decided he could wait ten minutes.  
	"What is it?" he asked concerned.
	"My parents.  They want me to come home for Golden Week.  Sooo," she
took a deep breath, and his eyes boggled a little.  "Iwaswonderingifyou
couldcomehavedinnerwith myfamily." she whooshed out, managing, at best,
a couple of pauses.  But Sato understood anyway.
	His eyes grew as round as saucers, and it wasn't because of the
interesting effect the slightly chilly environment was having on her. 
"Gaaah." was his intelligent response.
	Aina, when the response was silent, or indecipherable, always
interpreted it in her favor. (Daddy, isn't Mommy a good cook? <silence>,
See Mommy, Daddy says you're a great cook!).  "I'm so glad!" she
gurgled.  "I know my parents would love to meet you!  Especially Daddy!"
	Sato fainted.
	"Check please!"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
[Scene: A house similar to the Tendo house, with some differences and
variations.]

*gulp* "Aina-chan, are you sure about this?"
	"Of course I am, silly!  Everything will be all right, you'll see. 
Mommy and Daddy will adore you!"
	"Your "mommy" and "daddy" are among the best martial fighters in the
world!" he whimpered.
	She thought, amused, <<So's Yo-kun and me, but you don't seem scared of
us.>>  You'd be surprised what a year spent training with the shinobi
(aka ninjas) can do to up the abilities of two talented martial
artists.  But Aina just shrugged, and said, reassuringly, "Oh, I'm sure
they're just like anyone else's parents."  Sato nearly fell down.
	Akane Tendo-Saotome opened the door.  Beyond some sprinkles of silver
in her blueish hair, and some fine, web-like wrinkles, raising two
children and twenty-five years of marriage had done little to change the
youngest Tendo daughter's beauty.  
	"Mommy!" squealed Aina, wrapping her mother in a tight hug.
	"Aina!" said the delighted Akane.  "It's been so long!"  She looked
over at the nervous Sato.  "And this is the nice young man you brought
to stay for the weekend!"
	"Weekend?" Sato said weakly.  "I thought..."
	"Thought you were staying for the whole week?" Aina interrupted, as a
confused look appeared on Akane's face.  She gave him a serious warning
look.  The look that said, 'We'll TALK about this LATER'.
	"Yes, that is what I thought." he hastily agreed.  He bowed formally to
Akane.  "I am Dansha Sato.  It is an honor to meet you."
	Akane was even more delighted, and returned the bow.  "I am Saotome
Akane." (It still gave her a little thrill to say that).  "Welcome to my
home.  Please, come in."
	Entering the comfortable house, Aina immediately began looking for her
father.  "Where's Daddy?" she asked, ignoring the pained look on her
boyfriend's face.
	"He's in the kitchen, cooking dinner." replied Akane, a slightly fake
smile on her face.  25 years of marriage may have taught her that Ranma
should cook, but she didn't have to like it.  Aina encouraged her to
think of it as a luxury; that Akane had actually manipulated Ranma into
cooking _for_ her, with a skill Nabiki could envy.   It was sometimes a
comforting thought.
	"Cool!  I'm gonna go talk to him, okay?"  Aina waited until Akane
nodded to go bouncing off into the kitchen.
	From the kitchen, Akane and Sato heard her say, "Hi, Daddy, guess who's
here!"  A sweet soprano voice voice answered her (No, Ranma didn't find
a cure.  He accepted it, and anyone who didn't found acceptance beaten
into them.  And while Ranma didn't hit girls, Aina certaintly didn't
have that problem...)  Akane just smiled and indicated to Sato that he
should sit.  
	"So tell me," Akane began, but she noticed a confused expression on
Sato's young, handsome face.  "Is something the matter?"
	"I thought you said Mr. Saotome is in the kitchen?" he asked, puzzled.  
	"He is."
	"But...who's Aina talking to, then?"
	It took a moment for Akane to realize that he meant Ranma-chan, the
female version of Ranma.  She sighed.  "It's a long story..."
	"Dinner will be ready in an hour!" called out Ranma-chan from the
kitchen.
	"But it seems we have the time." finished Akane.  "you see, it all
began over thirty years ago, at a place called Jusenkyo..."
	<*snip* Explanation of Ranma's Curse>
	<*snip* Explanation of Ranma's Life and Diatribe on various Hussies>
	<*snip* Explanation of Ranma's Marriage>
	"Dinner!" announced father (though a girl), and daughter together,
beaming happily.
	<*snip Sato's ogling of Aina's father, Ranma-chan Saotome, and sharp
elbow jabs received from Akane and Aina*>
	<*snip dinner, wherein Sato presents himself charmingly*>
	*ring**ring*  "Oneesan, how nice to..uh, see you!"
	<*snip Sato's ogling of Aina's aunt, Nabiki Tendo, and sharp elbow jabs
received from Akane and Aina*>
	Nabiki and Akane drew Aina aside in the kitchen, where Ranma and Sato
were washing the dishes.  "So?" pressed the financially secure Tendo
daughter.
	"So what, Auntie Nab-chan?" asked Aina innocently.
	"How _is_ he?"  Nabiki indicated Sato, who was talking with Ranma
seriously, about, what else?, anime.
	Aina glanced at her mother for comfirmation.  Akane nodded
encouragingly.  "Only if you tell me how's Uncle Kuno, Auntie."  Aina
slyly insinuated.  
	Nabiki grinned.  "Uncle Kuno's doing _fine_.  How's _Ranma_, Akane?"
	Akane blushed, then whispered to her daughter and her sister some
things Ranma definitely would not like to hear.
	In face, Sato and Ranma, sensing the danger in the trio's whisperings,
hightailed it out of the kitchen to the living room.  It's a simple fact
of life that the rules of "kiss and don't tell" don't work with girls
when they're clumped together like those three were.  Then again, guys
do the same thing, as the following after dinner conversation shows...
	Sato was extremely nervous, sweating, shaking, the whole 9 yards (or
meters, if you prefer).  After all, Aina may think it's no big deal, but
this was RANMA SAOTOME, for crissake!  This was a man who could break a
normal guy like him with his little pinky.  
	"Ahh, Mr. Saotome..." he began, but Ranma waved away the formality.
	"Call me Ranma." said Ranma, good naturedly.  "People say Mr. Saotome,
and I look around for my good-for-nothing pop."
	"Su..sure thing, Mr...uh, Ranma." Sato stammered.
	"Hey, got the latest Street Fighter game, wanna play?"  Ranma tempted
him.  
	Sato's eyes lit up, nervousnes forgotten.  "Beta?" he breathed, not
daring to hope.
	"Even better," Ranma grinned.  "Gamma."
	Needless to say, Sato settled down for some serious game playing.  
	Nabiki, hearing the noises from the living room, rolled her eyes. 
"Looks like Ranma's opened my present."
	"Aw, just ignore them, Auntie Nab-chan.  Now, what were you saying
about Uncle Kuno's bokken?"
	<*snip kitchen conversation*>
	<*snip Street Fighter Gamma*>
	"Good game, man, good game." the tight-as-twins duo congratulated each
other.  Ranma had, ultimately, been declared the winner, but the margin
was small enough to satisfy Sato.
	"Much more fun that listening to whatever they're talking 'bout in
there."  Ranma cast a darkling glance to the kitchen, where the excited
murmur of feminine voices could be heard.
	"Man, I don't even want to *know*"  Sato shuddered.
	"Chicks, man, they're strange."
	<insert sickening male bonding scene, involving the disparaging of the
better half of the species>
	Sato leaned in closer to his new buddy.  "But you just can't beat them
in bed."
	"Nah, man, I'd take my Akane any day to those stupid blow up dolls."
	"Yeah, a real woman is like...I can't even think of anything."
	"What about Aina?" Ranma casually inquired.
	Sato's eyes brightened noticibly.  "Great, man, just great!  She does
this incredible little twisting thing with her tongue, and she's got a
gymnastic ability you wouldn't believe!  I guess she got it from....her
father..."  Sato's voice trailed off.  
	In the kitchen, the conversation had turned even more risque than
before, when they all heard:
	"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Sato
	"You did WHAT WITH MY DAUGHTER?!!!" snarled Ranma.
	The sounds of the living room being destroyed, as well as Sato being
beaten to a pulp, reached the kitchen quite clearly.
	"It would appear someone said something they shouldn't." said Nabiki
mildly, sipping her tea.  
	Akane started to step out to 'handle' (or should I say 'hammer'?) the
situation, but Aina stopped it.  "I'll handle it, Mommy." she said
quietly, but firmly.  
	Akane nodded, wondering what her daughter would do to stop the
rampaging Ranma.
	Aina sighed, then steeled herself for what she had to do.  She took her
empty glass goblet, and let it fall to the floor.  It shattered into a
thousand sparkling pieces.  Sliding off her sandals, she took her bare
left foot...and stepped squarely in the center of the broken glass, even
grinding it in a little.  She did not scream, at least not right away,
and it was in _that_ moment of control that anyone who was watching
could see how all events that followed  were completely contrived and
manipulated.  Akane was horrified, but Nabiki admired her niece.
	"DDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYY!" cried out Aina, doubling over in
pain.
	Ranma instantly dropped Sato, who, thus far, only had a black eye and a
dislocated arm, to rush to his daughter's side, like any loving father
would do.
	"It hurts, Daddy." Aina wimpered.
	"It'll be alright." soothed Ranma.  "We'll take you to Uncle Tofu's,
and you'll feel all better in no time, okay?"  He lifted her up
tenderly, wincing at the bleeding cuts on her foot.
	"Okay, Daddy," she murmured, and promptly passed out...or appeared to
do so.

	<Sato, as it turns out, only had a couple of fractured ribs, as well as
a broken jaw, to add to the dislocated shoulder, but he deemed this
minor compared to the possible total body damage, prevented only by the
timely accident in the kitchen.  He occasionally wondered at that, but
he never realized how lucky he was....>

	Because, you see, I believe that any daughter of Ranma and Akane
Saotome, with all the Neriman influences possible, would be smart enough
to be able to minimize any danger to her boyfriend that a slip of the
tongue may cause.  Salud!

Alandra.

<Side note: The title, "Mistake!", comes from Grendel, an account of
Beowulf told from the monster's P.O.V.>