And-chan productions ("Where the best in stupidity resides...") presents...
"Ranma �: Oh, Brother!"
Ranma � created by Rumiko Tashashi, � 1993. Used without permission.
<...> indicates thought. {...} indicates Chinese dialogue. [...] indicates 
words on a sign.
Episode One: "Oh, Brother..."
(The scene opens with Ranma, Akane, Nabiki, & Kasumi playing the card game 
"Uno" in the sunshine, on the patio.)
Ranma (looks at Kasumi in shock): Draw Four Wild Card?!?!
Kasumi: Oh Ranma. You don't have to take it really hard. And I want blue. 
(Nabiki & Akane both groan now.) Ichi. (Everyone groans again. Ranma draws 
four more cards to add to his 24 cards.)
Akane: I believe it's my turn. (She draws about 20 cards until she gets a 
Blue Skip card which she has to play against Nabiki.) Oops, sorry Nabiki. 
(Nabiki glares at Akane, as she holding about 18 cards of her own.)
Kasumi (cheerfully): I win! (She throws out a Draw Four Wild Card to finish 
the game, and Ranma groans again. He draws four more cards. Everyone quickly 
figures out the scores.)
Akane: 203.
Ranma: Aack! 209?
Nabiki: And 213, which makes Ranma last at 1,800 points...Akane at 
1,790...I'm at 1,750 and Kasumi still has (she sighs)...1 point. And we've 
only played five games. (Ranma leans towards Kasumi.)
Ranma: How do you do it, Kasumi?
Kasumi (grinning): Oh, my! A gambler never tells her secrets. (Akane looks 
at Nabiki in shock.)
Akane: Did I just hear what I thought I heard? (Nabiki blinks.)
Nabiki: Sis, I never thought you'd be into gambling.
Ranma (looks behind Kasumi into the kitchen): So *that's* why the Gambling 
King is bringing us lunch!

(The Gambling King comes in wearing just a barrel. He's crying, even harder 
than Soun would normally would. He's also holding a huge smorgasbord of 
sandwitches.)
G.King: Here's your lunch, m'ladies, mistress. (cries, sniffs) Enjoy! 
Wahhhh! (Everyone grabs the sandwitches.)
Kasumi: And when you're done with cleaning the kitchen, you can have a 
thirty minute break. Then you'll have to clean Nabiki's room. (Nabiki looks 
at Kasumi, her eyes budge out in a puppy-like state.)
Nabiki: Can I have him when you're done?
Kasumi: As soon as he's finished cleaning your room...well I was planning to 
get him to prepare a bubble bath for us. (Kasumi's ears perk up.) Ah, Mr. 
King, would you please stand outside between our garden and the Koi Pond for 
a moment?
G. King: Oookay, mistress. (He stands outside. There's a sound of an 
airplane crashing. The Gambling King looks up, as a shadow of an airplane 
falls on him, he has this "why me?" look of dispair. He flips out an sign: 
[Ouch!]. He's crushed by a DC-10. The door pops out. Happousai pops out 
holding a jock strap and a pair of Docker's Khakis.) Oof!
Happousai: It's not panties, but it'll work. I wonder what made Akane wear 
guys clothing?
Akane: You pervert! I'm over here! And I don't wear those Khakis!
Nabiki: Hey, Dockers.
Kasumi: Oh, my! What nice pants!
Happousai: You're there? Then that girl I mugged...
Ranma: Happousai, you molested a girl that looked like Akane? Have you no 
shame? Have you no taste? (Akane whacks Ranma with Mallet-sama.)
Familiar sounding voice: Old man, when I get my hands on you, you're gonna 
get it!
(A person that looks a lot of Akane appears out of the airplane, holding a 
mallet. However, the Akane isn't wearing a thing below his waist. Ranma gets 
a nose-bleed.)
Kasumi (blushing): Oh, my! Such indecency for our brother! (Nabiki & Akane 
giggle, until they see who the boy looks like...)
Nabiki & Akane (with that wide-eyed look): Brother?
Ranma: Feh. Just because he looks like an uncute girl --(The Akane-guy 
look-alike mallets Ranma into the ground and turns to Akane. Yep, it's gonna 
be a long day for Ranma.)
Boy: I'm not a girl! (He turns to look at Akane.) Hey, how come you look 
like me?!
Akane: I don't know, but get some pants on!
Boy: That old pervert has it! (Happousai is dancing around with the pants. 
He takes his mallet and whacks Happousai into the ground. It quickly 

disappears.)
Akane: And how are you able to pull out a mallet?
Boy: Like this? (Pulls out a mallet out of nowhere. Ranma finally gets 
himself out of the ground.)

Akane: No, like this! (Pulls out an identical mallet, and whacks the boy on 
the head. The boy does the same to Akane. They go back and forth on each 
other for a while until...)
Kasumi: Oh, my! Father and Mr. Saotome is suppose to be back within the 
hour. (Akane and the Boy's mallets miss each other and slam down really hard 
on Ranma. He's quickly neck-deep in the ground, seeing stars.)
Nabiki: Yeah, and Dad'll be really surprised when he sees that we've got a 
brother.
Ranma (looking skeptical & upward): How are you convinced that he's your 
brother?
(Kasumi and Nabiki pull out their mallets and whack Ranma clear across town. 
They then turn around and hit Happousai so hard, he lets go of the Khakis. 
Akane and the boy stop fighting to watch Ranma sail out of sight.)
Nabiki (sighs): Sad, really. Hey, boy. Do you wanna go inside and meet your 
real father?
Boy: Sure.
Kasumi: And what is your name?
Boy: It's Andrew.
Kasumi: Oh, my! What a nice name!
Nabiki: You say that about everyone.
Kasumi: But it is a nice English name. Means "warrior." Or is it 
"manly?"...I keep forgetting. (Kasumi leans against her mallet and sigh. 
Nabiki twirls her mallet.)
Nabiki (rolling her eyes): Yeah, whatever.
Akane: So, why are we all still holding these mallets? (They look at their 
mallets and then put them away.)
Andrew: Do you think that guy you threw over wouldn't mind if I borrow a 
pair of his underwear?
Akane: You know, I don't know what kind of undies Ranma wears.
Nabiki: Boxers, I think.
Akane (grinning): You'd know, sis.
Andrew: That guy was Ranma, right?

Akane: And girl. He's cursed. Cold water turns him into a girl.
Andrew: Really? I mean, really?
Nabiki: 'Friad so, 'drew. Do you mind me calling you Drew?
Kasumi: Or Andy?
Akane: How  'bout And-chan?
Andrew: I just prefer Andrew, thank you. And who are you three?
Akane: I'm Akane, bro.
Nabiki: Nabiki's my name. That'll be 1200 yen.
Andrew: You're kidding, right? (She shakes her head.) Just a second. And, 
ma'am (turns to Kasumi as he walks backwards into the airplane.) ...what are 
we having for supper? I'm somewhat hungry.
Kasumi: Oh, dear. I haven't decided. And you need not call me "ma'am." I'm 
just Kasumi. (Andrew runs in the plane and grabs a satchel. Then he comes 
back out. The plane then explodes. G. King is launched into the air, like a 
cruise missle. He then explodes. P-chan pops out with a sign: [Oh, my god! 
They've killed Kenny!] Then he pops back in.) Oh, my! We'll have hotdogs, 
marshmallows and s'mores! (She dances a bit and then rushes back into the 
kitchen. The other three stare at her.)
Andrew (whispering to Nabiki): She's not very bright, isn't she?
Nabiki: Well, Kasumi's a little bit hard to figure out. She never seems to 
be dazed by anything and yet she seems as clueless as you'd think. (Kasumi 
comes out with wooden sticks, sharpened to a point.)
Andrew: Oh. (He pulls out a huge gem from the satchel.) Will this do? (The 
other two girls gasp as he displays a sapphire about the size of a baseball.)
Nabiki (whispering): Where did you get this?
Andrew: It's from the bag. I think its kinda magical. I've got more where 
that came from. (Nabiki's eyes light up as if she was the windows of a 
one-armed bandit.)
Nabiki: Brother, we're gonna make a great team! (Nabiki hugs him profusely.) 
With your cash and my business skills...
Andrew: Then you've obviously think I'm a simpleton. (He pulls out a leather 
portfolio.) Here's a list of stocks, bonds and stuff I've got right now. 
(Nabiki looks at the list and her eyes get bigger and bigger as she reads 
the list. Akane smirks.)
Akane: Already he acts like Nabiki. (A pig pops out of the sack, and looks 
at Andrew and then at Akane. She looks very confused. She also looks very 
much like P-chan, except she has a pink/black bandana.) Ooh! What a cuuute 
piggy! It looks like my P-chan!

Andrew: Ah, this is C-chan. She's my pride and joy, and a dang good 
watch-pig. Show 'em what you can do, C-chan. (C-chan goes and lifts Akane 
with her nose. Akane big-sweats.)
Kasumi (who's bringing out hot-dogs, marshmallows, and P-chan): Oh, my! What 
a strong little piggy! I found P-chan over here sleeping on the counter.

(C-chan flips Akane really high in the air, and jumps up to meet P-chan. The 
two pigs sniff each other out while Akane lands onto Andrew's lap.)
Nabiki: I have to admit, you've got one hell of a stock list, there, kid. 
Especially that Microsoft stock.
Andrew: It's nothing, really.(Turns to Kasumi) Can I help you get some plates?
Kasumi: Oh, no. I'm fine. What's Microsoft? (Nabiki face-fault. Kasumi 
leaves. Akane slides off her brother's lap.)
Akane: So, um, brother, tell me what were you doing crashing into our place 
anyway?
Andrew: I was, um, on my way to the Paris Fall Modeling Show.
Nabiki: So, why were you traveling this way?
Andrew: I live in Hawaii. There's no real good way of getting to Paris. 
(Kasumi has brought out the plates.)
Soun's voice: Kasumi, Nabiki, Akane, Ranma! I'm home...(He enters the 
backyard finding the three girls and the new "son." He looks extremely 
surprised at the boy's twinness with Akane as if he was her clone.)...gaah!
Andrew (as he waves his hands): Hi, otusan! (Soun promptly faints.)
C-chan & P-chan: Bwee!
Kasumi: Oh, my!
Nabiki (giggling while holding her hand in her face): And-chan, you really 
shouldn't have done that.
Akane: Well, never mind that. Let's have supper. (They all grab hot-dogs & 
sticks and have an old-fashioned American camping dinner. The scene fades 
out...)
(...fades in at Dr. Tofu's Clinic. A door opens and the patients open up to 
see Dr. Tofu talking to one of his patients, a young boy. He looks like he 
had the stuffings beaten out of him, and them some.)
Dr. Tofu: I told you that's what happens when your tear up Usagi's "Hanson" 
& "Spice Girls" tapes, Tuxedo Kamen. I'll get you an appointment for 
backbone surgery and get those artificial testicles put on. (The men in the 
waiting room chringe and, ahem, protect themselves.) Now, if everyone will 
please duck, I hear someone screaming from above us. (Everyone ducks as 
Ranma crashes through the ceiling.)
Ranma (as he rubs his head): Ooooh. That's gotta hurt.
Dr. Tofu: Ah, Ranma! Did Akane use her "mallet-sama" on you again? (There's 
a round of snickers from the other patients.)
Ranma: No, not really. Actually, it was kinda weird. Nabiki and Kasumi both 
flung me out here with their mallets. Or was it all four of them? (The 
patients gasp.)
Dr. Tofu (his glasses have started to steam up): K-k-k-k-kasumi? 
S-s-ss-sss-she has a mallet?
Ranma: Yeah. I thought only Akane had the power of pulling out mallets. 
Anyway he look almost like Akane, except he's a guy.
Dr. Tofu: You want me to make sure K-k-k-k-kasumi has a brother? (The 
patients gasp again.)
Ranma: I guess so.
Dr. Tofu (wailing, and dancing with Betty-chan, eyes steamed over): 
Betty-chan, I'm making a house call! (He drags Ranma with him out of the 
clinic. The patients can't move, they've been trampled over by Dr. Tofu.)
(Back at the Tendo residence, Genma has come in and dug around the
refrigator.)
Genma: <Hmm...Kasumi must have something that I can snack on.> (He sniffs 
the air, the smell of hot-dogs filter the air.) <Hmmm...hot dogs.> (Genma 
drools.)
Soun's voice: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Genma: <Soun must be in trouble!> (He rushes outside to see two "Akanes" 
looked at Soun, each "Akane" eating an extra-long length hot-dogs. Genma 
blinks.) Is this some kind of demon-girl?

Andrew: No, I'm not a demon! I'm not a girl either! I'm a boy!
Kasumi: He's our brother!
Genma: How do you know? (Andrew mallets Genma. He's in the ground. He looks 
up.) But, I thought Akane was the only one that could pull out mallets?!
Kasumi: Oh, no, Mr. Saotome. It's a Tendo family secret tradition. (Kasumi 
then pulls out a mallet and pounds Genma out of the ground and into the koi 

pond. Nabiki walks over to the pond.)
Genma-panda (pulling out sign): [Was that really necessary?!]
Nabiki: Yes, it was. (She mallets him back into the pond.)
Soun (wailing): Oh, my deceased wife curse has now come back to haunt me!
Kasumi, Nabiki, Akane & Andrew (obviously shocked): WHAT?!
Dr. Tofu: Kasumi, here I am! (He comes in dragging Ranma and a whole series 
of DNA kits. Unfortunately, he plowed through the Tendo house. It crumbles 
like a house of cards.) Hmm...hot-dogs!
Soun (wailing still!): My house is ruined! Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!
Nabiki: Well, at least Dr. Tofu can pay for it...or Andrew could. (Nabiki 
holds out the gem that Andrew gave her earilier. Genma-panda pops out of the 
pond.)
Genma: [My son-in-law!] (He bear-hugs Ranma, Andrew, and Akane.)
Ranma & Akane: *We are not engaged!* (The two pound the panda into
submission.)
Nabiki: Some people never learn...now father, we need to know about Mother's 
curse?
Soun: I had hope that you would not have learned about your Mother's grave 
condition, but I must explain.
Dr. Tofu: Excuse me! But, I believe some tests are in order! (He dances 
insanely around the room gathering blood samples from Kasumi, Andrew, Akane, 
Nabiki and Soun. Then he grabs a hot-dog and samples it.) Now, for the DNA! 
(He slips back into the kitchen. Everyone big-sweats as Dr. Tofu leaves.)
Kasumi: Oh, my! Dr. Tofu hasn't acted that was in a long time.
Nabiki: That's what's scaring me.
Akane: Anyway, what about my brother?! (We see Ranma eating a hot-dog.)
Soun: Well...your mother couldn't have children.
Everyone else: What?!
Soun: Yes, so --
Akane: You mean we're adopted?! (Soun violently shakes his head no.)

Nabiki: But, our mother wasn't our biological mother.
Soun: Well, yes and no...you were not adopted. We couldn't afford having 
children through an agency. We had her a good friend of ours impregnated so 
that we could have children. (Kasumi freezes on the spot.)
Ranma (with a wide-eyed look): You mean...you willingly slept with another 
woman, so that you'd have children?!
Nabiki: That explains why you were so willing to think that Kurumi and 
Natsume were your actual daughters.
Genma: [My best friend, Master Happousai would do you proud!] (Ranma beats 
him up again. Akane glares at Soun.)
Akane (angrily, as she's finishing her fourth hot-dog): So...who was this 
woman?
Soun: I am sworn not to tell anyone the name of the woman. It would mean 
danger to her! (Akane looks at Andrew as he finishes his fifth hot-dog.)
Akane (shouts): So...you seperated him from me?!
Soun: Well...he does look a lot like you, but just because he looks like you 
--(Dr. Tofu comes in, obvious to what has happened.)
Dr. Tofu: The results are in! There is an 99.9999998% certainity that Andrew 
is your son, Mr. Tendo.
Ranma (while on his third hot-dog with relish): Wait a minute...how come you 
were able to figure this out so quickly? (Dr. Tofu hands him the package. 
Ranma reads...) "One-Minute DNA tests from the people that brought you the 
One-Minute Pregancy Test...courtesy of the Jerry Springer Show." (Everyone 
face-faults.)
Nabiki (turning to Dr. Tofu): Is Andrew my sister's twin brother?
Dr. Tofu: Hmm...I believe so. Let's see...it does say that the two are long 
lost twins with a virtual 100% confidence rate. I couldn't say all those 
nines anyway. Well, Kasumi, you look ravishing today! (His glasses start to 
steam as he walks towards Kasumi. Soun looks terrified. Needless to say, 
Andrew & Akane looked royally ticked-off.)
Akane: Father...
Andrew: Dad...
Andrew & Akane (screams): *...no baka!* (Andrew & Akane each pull out the 
biggest mallet they have and smash their father into the ground. Then they 
run up to Akane's room, wailing and each carrying a hot-dog.)
Nabiki (flustering mad, to Soun): Well, I'd thought I've seen it all. 
(Big-head mode on.) But, you're the biggest pervert in the whole entire 
world! Do you realize what you've done? Geez! And now...(Wailing) I don't 
have a mother...waaaahhh! (Big-head mode off. She hits Genma-panda with her 

mallet, who just got out of the pond. She, then, runs up to her room crying. 
Then Nabiki comes back, grabs a frozen Kasumi and two hot-dogs with relish. 
Finally, she drags Kasumi to her room. We hear three doors slam hard.)
Genma-panda: [What did I do now?] (He turns to Ranma, P-chan, & C-chan, who 
are roasting marshmallows.)
Ranma: You don't want to know, old man...you don't want to know. You know, 
P-chan, these are really good marshmallows. (P-chan & C-chan grins.)
P-chan & C-chan: Bwee!
------
If Mrs. Tendo isn't their biological mother, who is it? Is she still alive? 
Will Kasumi crack and become a pale copy of the "Kasumi the Axe Murder?" 
we've come to know and love? And how long will it be before Ranma puts his 
foot in his mouth, again? All these and many more surprises comes our way in 
Episode 2: "Oh, oh..."
---------------------------------------
Author's Notes> This fan-fic is one I hope to have posted on the RAAC 
newsgroup pretty soon, probably in late May. I'd love to have C&C/MST on 
this little fic. Do you like this twist on the standard 
'Ranma-gets-a-sibling' plot? Where should I go with this? Thanks for reading 
this and for any feed-back you give me.